Through the Blaze
by krnycorn
Summary: A promise made and a life to protect:  Edward saves Bella from the Great Chicago Fire of 1871 and hides her from the men who murdered her parents.  He is a protector, a friend, and a man who will become her everything. AH ExB
1. Chapter 1

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.****No copyright infringement is intended.**

Everything is burning. The heat singes the sweat from my skin before it can pool. Grief lays heavy in my gut, feeling like a vice squeezing the life from my throat... Or maybe that is the smoke.

My mother's words are repeating on a loop in my mind, all jumbled with pain and frantic desperation.

"I love you, but you must go. Hurry! Run away and hide. Dangerous men are coming. Don't ever come back here, don't let them find you. I love you. Be strong, my darling. Always be strong. Promise? Live and be strong. We love you..."

Her goodbye kiss still burns on my cheek, her lips wet from her own tears. I try to remember more but the smoke and fire around me is like a fog causing my mind to haze.

As I run blindly down the street I can hear people calling for help, screaming in pain. Sobs tear through my chest and I start coughing from exertion, the smoke filling my lungs and halting my muscles.

I promised her I'd be strong, but how can I? Those bad men came for my papa in the midst of the fire. From my upstairs perch I could see them wrap something around his neck, but I didn't understand what was happening.

He had struggled in their grip, but maybe it was just a game? Papa has many friends who come at night, but this felt different. Only when I saw my papa stop struggling and thrown to the floor did I start to understand this terrible game.

I opened my mouth to scream, but someone pulled me back and put a hand over my mouth. My mother picked me up in her arms and hurried through our corridor down the servant's stairway, her hand silencing my sobs.

When we reached the servants entrance I saw a young boy by the door. My tears were streaming so constantly I couldn't see his face. Mother was speaking to him in quick whispers. She set me down and took my face in her hands.

"...Promise me to be strong, always. We will always love you, no matter what. Run quickly..."

With one final hug she removed my arms from her body and pushed me toward the boy. He grabbed my hand and pulled me away from my home and started to run down the street. I tried to release my hand from his tight grip, but when I turned around to reach for mother, she was gone.

My struggles only lasted a few moments before fear overcame all else. Fire is nipping at our heels. The wooden sidewalk burning to ash under our feet.

The whole city is ablaze. The air is black with smoke, the streets and buildings a fiery wall surrounding us. Papa is dead and probably mother too. I try to scream, but there is no sound.

Alone. I'm forever alone. I'm going to die here, burned alive.

Before I can sink to the ground and give in to the pain, I feel a squeezing pressure on my hand. Something is preventing my fall to the ground; something is frantically tugging on my hand, urging me forward.

Oh, that boy. The boy talking to mother...

I strain my wet eyes to see him, but only smoke fills my vision. My legs are still moving even though a cold numbness is spreading from my heart to my feet. That fiery heat pushes through the agony, pain overcoming my stupor. Through my unbearable sadness I feel that hand clasping mine, never loosening.

That hand is the anchor to my soul. Never stopping, moving forward through the hell around us.

All at once my feet leave the ground.

For a moment I think I have become an angel, souring up to heaven. Then a terrible sinking in my stomach, a whistling in the wind...

We plunge into icy water, the impact terrifying in its suddenness.

Falling, not flying. He made us jump.

I had never been in water deeper than a hip bath, and don't like the feeling of my body submerged completely in its depths. The pressure against my face and body is immense and the burns on my skin feel like they are pulsating.

The current is pulling my weak body further under, my legs too exhausted to kick. One moment I am burning to death, the next I am drowning. My chest is burning, like the air is dying to escape. Even under water, I feel fire.

Before I can give up the fight, I feel those fingers clench around my own. The water presses harder against my face and then my head is yanked above the surface.

The boy is holding me tight to his shaking chest. We are both breathing hard and I can feel him kicking his legs, swimming away from the smoke and fire near the ledge. The exhaustion and trauma are catching up to me and I am losing control of my own body.

Darkness surrounds me and I don't understand why.

"No! Keep your eyes open. Just a little bit longer. Kick your legs. Don't stop fighting," he pleads desperately.

"I can't. Let me sleep, please."

It takes all my strength to lift my eyelids. I look into his face for the first time. His skin is covered in soot, but something about his face sparks my memories. Maybe if I wasn't so tired, I would remember him...

"I promised to keep you safe," he breathes heavily. "You promised her something too. Remember? It's time to be strong. Your mother told you to be strong now."

"Mother..." I can feel my body start to shut down… the cold seeping through my veins.

"Be strong, Isabella. Be strong..."

**End Notes:**

Please leave a review and let me know what you think! Really...Review, please. I want to know if anyone actually wants me to continue.

Questions? Comments? What do you think will happen?


	2. Chapter 2

A demon with a cloak of fire slowly approaches my parents, their screams of horror ripping through the air as their skin catches aflame.

I call out to them, but they can't hear me over their own cries of agony. The demon slowly floats towards me, its flaming arms reaching to encircle me. My legs are lead, immovable on the floor. A line of fire creeps on the floor toward my feet, suddenly igniting my legs in fire while I scream and struggle.

I startle awake to someone shaking my shoulders.

I open my eyes and see that boy, the one who saved me. A flush of gratitude sweeps over me, immediately followed by a wave of grief as I remember my fiery dream and the circumstances leading up to now.

Tears leak silently from my eyes while the boy holds my hand tightly in his own.

…That wonderful hand. That hand and this boy had been my salvation. He saved me.

"Thank you— I don't even know your name," I rasp. Speaking takes a great effort, I realize. I lift my free hand up to my throat, trying to understand the pain.

"Mine too," he speaks quietly, gesturing to his throat. "All that smoke will make our throats hurt for a while. My name is Edward."

"Edward..." I gaze up at his face, trying to push through the hurt to remember him. "Oh, you're that boy who would...delivery messages for my papa and mother."

My voice cracks when I mention my parents. An image flashes through my mind of papa's face on the floor and my mother's piercing eyes as she said goodbye amidst the flames.

"That's right," he whispers softly, reaching up to wipe the falling tears from my face.

His fingers are so gentle against my tender skin that I barely even feel it. It is like being kissed by a ray of sun on a spring afternoon.

"Isabella, you need to listen to me very carefully. Alright? I know you are scared, and I am too, but we can't ever go back to your house again. We are going to be together now. Do you understand?"

Heaving sobs suddenly wrack my body as his words bring the night's events to the forefront of my mind.

The blazing fire, those dangerous men, my parents, my home...everything. Gone. Shattered into a million pieces.

How will I survive without them? I had so little time with them, barely ten years, and now they are gone, forever.

"My...my parents! They're...they're dead." I sob brokenly.

"Shh. Shh. I got you." Edward cradles me in his lap, swaying slowly. "I'm never going to leave you. We'll survive. We'll be strong. Remember?"

"Yes. I promised her. I promised..." Pain radiates from inside my chest, feeling like it is trying to claw its way out.

My heart is breaking.

There is no way to know how long he holds me, but my tears begin to slow when I become too hoarse to cry any longer. My eyes feel swollen, burning. Other pains on my feet, arms, legs start making themselves known as well.

"Edward?" My voice is so gravelly I can hardly recognize it. "What are we going to do now? Where are your parents?" I scoot off his lap, but still hold onto his hand.

He lets out a deep breath before speaking. "They died. Got the fever. I've been on my own for a long time."

"Where will we go then?" I whisper.

"I'm not sure yet. The fire has destroyed most of the city. We aren't the only ones who are homeless now. But there are very bad men out there and they will search for you when they can."

"Why do they want me? My parents didn't do anything wrong. Why would anyone come after us?"

"I don't know. I just know what your mom told me. She just said to run from them and never go back. And I promised her I would take care of you. And I will."

"Why?" I ask, feeling doubtful. "You don't even know me."

"After my parents died, I was alone. No relatives or friends to take me in. I was literally starving to death when she found me. She brought me some bread and gave me a job. She saved me." He pauses for a moment, looking to the ground before he speaks again. "To be given a second chance at life is something that rarely happens. Protecting you will be honoring your parent's last wish. I can do that for them."

As I listen to him speak, hope slowly blooms in my heart. I so want to believe that I'm not going to be alone, but am hesitant to completely trust him. I don't think I will be able to handle being left by another person.

"You won't ever leave me? You promise? Promise me I'll never have to be alone," I plead, tears gathering in my eyes.

"Isabella, look at me." He waits to speak until our eyes meet. "I know how it feels to be alone, but now we have each other. We never have to be alone again. And I will never leave you. I promise."

I throw my arms around his neck in gratitude, beginning to believe his words.

"Now, I need you to make me a promise," he continues. I pulled away from him and sit by his side. "We are about to spend a lot of time together. I need to know that you will always be honest with me. About everything. I don't care if you think it's not important. I need to know you will always tell me the truth, no matter what. You promise?

"Yes," I promise, squeezing his hand. "You too, right?"

"Yes. I will too." He smiles at me sadly. After a few moments he says, "Maybe we should try to wash some of this stuff off our skin, and see how bad we're hurt."

Right when he mentions our injuries they pulsate to life, immediately calling my attention to the pain radiating all over my body.

He tears a long piece of cloth from the bottom of his stretched shirt, splitting it in half, giving one piece to me. He gets on his knees and dips his cloth into the icy water of the canal and starts to gently wash his face and neck.

I watch him for a few seconds before I follow his example. The portions of skin not covered by clothing are angry and red. The skin on my arms and portions of my lower leg are tender and blistering. Edward's injuries seem more intense, probably because he had been outside in the fire longer than I had.

"I don't know if the cold water feels amazing or terrible," he hisses as he drips the water on an angry welt on his forearm.

We spend some time doing this, then laying the cold cloth on the worst of the burns to soothe the ache.

I wish I could say that we are able to sit in silence to gather our thoughts, but the sounds of disaster still rings out around us. Smoke is billowing up into the sky and embers still glow bright on the ground across the canal. Cries of anguish and pain along with men shouting indecipherable messages fill the air.

Listening to the cries of others, I suddenly feel very small.

"Everything happened so fast. It's hard to remember others in the middle of your own tragedy, but I bet there is someone out there crying because they lost their parents too. How quickly life can end," I ponder softly.

"Your mother was right," he says suddenly. I look up to his face in surprise. "She told me once that you were wise beyond your years. And now I know she was right." After a moment of silence, he continues. "I'm just sorry that I won't be able to give you the kind of rich life you deserve. Why would someone as well connected as your mother leave her daughter in the care of a fifteen year old messenger boy?" His voice becomes very quiet. "I promised you I would keep you safe, and I will, but I can never measure up to them. I know that."

A flush of warmth passes through me. "Edward, my mother was a very special woman. She never would have asked this, unless she had seen some greatness in you. If my mother trusted you, then I know I can too."

Edward looks at me with kindness in his eyes. "There is so much of your mother in you. And I hope that always remains true. Thank you for your trust."

He stands up, and then pulls me to my feet as well. He holds onto my hand while we start walking along the water. I don't know where we were headed, but I know I'd be okay as long as he doesn't let go.

**End Notes:**

Still interested? And questions? Please REVIEW and let me know!


	3. Chapter 3

The fire burned for three days. The autumn rain finally fell, dousing the remaining embers.

We stayed out of the city as much as we could, but were constantly moving in search of food and warm shelter. The days were fine but the nights began to get colder, causing us to huddle together under bridges, or in abandoned buildings and shacks.

Edward explained to me about the buildings and why the fire spread so quickly. He said that most everything had been built with wood, because timber was cheap and in abundance. Houses, apartments, roads, sidewalks, walls; everything made out of wood caught fire, the wind blowing the embers to cover a four mile radius in the city.

18,000 buildings had burned to the ground. 100,000 people were now homeless and hundreds of deaths had already been reported.

As we walk down the destroyed streets, we can see that reconstruction had already begun. Men in uniforms are clearing the debris, with people of all ages assisting. Edward says it is safe to walk around the city for now because there are so many kids, just like us, running free.

But to be careful, he found me a pair of trousers to wear instead of my dress. He also had me twist my long hair on top of my head and hide it in his cap. If someone was looking for me, they definitely wouldn't look twice at two dirty boys wandering the streets.

And we definitely were filthy.

I had never gone so long without washing my face and body and truly missed my hip bath. Although, there was one benefit of the disguise… the trousers.

I had never worn anything but dresses and found them to be very freeing. He told me the disguise was only temporary, however. Eventually we would need to find a safe place to stay that would be more permanent.

"Won't it be safer to keep moving?" I ask. "I can keep dressing like a boy all the time and we'll be just another two kids running on the streets. No one would ever know I was a girl." It is the evening and we just found a hidden alcove behind a building, near a heating furnace.

Edward smiles at me. "That might work if your features weren't so fine," he teases.

"What does that even mean?" I ask spiritedly.

"Well, you know..." He leans toward me slowly and whispers, "It means you look like a girl."

"How dare you!" I gasp in mock outrage.

I bump his shoulder with my own before sitting back against the building and pulling him down with me. "Sit next to me, I'm cold."

He sits with his legs stretched out in front of him while I pull mine to my chest and hug them close to my body. He wraps his arm around my shoulders and scoots me closer to his side. My head rests on his shoulder instinctively.

"I don't understand how you are always so much warmer than me," I comment, snuggling closer to his chest.

"That won't be true for long, I'm afraid," he replies, rubbing my arm. "Winter seems to come earlier every year. And I get cold, just like you. Hopefully we can find a warmer place before the snow comes."

"Where will be go then?" I ask.

"I'll think of something..."

His voice tapers off into silence. We have already become comfortable around each other, but whenever we stop talking or moving I have more time to reflect on the death of my parents.

It has only been a little over a week, but I can still feel the heat, feel the pain of their loss like it was a minute ago. The tears start pooling in my eyes.

"Edward," my voice shaking, "Do you think you could talk some more? Tell me more about you, or anything. Please?"

He squeezes my shoulder tighter for a moment when he hears my voice. He doesn't stop to ask why I am upset before he begins. I am grateful that he knows I need a distraction without having to ask 'what's wrong.'

"When I was little, before we moved to Chicago, my dad would let me travel with him sometimes. He was only a walking salesman, but I thought he had the most incredible job in the world. He would travel from town to town selling this and that."

"Was he gone a lot?" I interrupt.

He smiles sadly. "Yeah, I guess so. We never had much money, but he always made sure we had enough. We were happy when we were all together, really happy. My parents would sometimes dance around the house at night when they thought I was sleeping. I remember waking up because I could hear them laughing. I always knew they were in love, and knew that they loved me too."

"You must miss them so much," I say softly.

"I do. I do miss them, but I mostly miss those good moments when we were happy. Things got bad for us near the end. Dad wasn't making enough as a salesman after a couple years, so he got a construction job in the city. Living in the city was a huge change for us. Everything was so much more expensive and my mom had to start working to make sure we had enough money to eat. I was alone a lot, and then my parents got sick..."

"What did you do? After, I mean." I want to sit up to look at him, but somehow I know I should stay where I am, with my head against his shoulder.

"Our neighbors let me stay with them for a little while."

"I thought you said you didn't have anyone who would take care of you," I say, feeling confused.

"They were just some people in our building. I had been living with them while my parents were sick so I wouldn't get the fever too, but after they died, I just stayed. They were a young married couple with a few kids. I would try to help out with chores and such, but I was never really part of the family. The other kids left me alone too. I think they were a little afraid of the sad, quiet boy. I was there for almost a year, but when she had her next baby, I knew I had to leave. There just wasn't room for me anymore."

"So you just left?" I ask.

"Yes. They never asked me to, but it was just a feeling I had, that they wanted me to go."

"I'm sorry, Edward."

"Well, I was okay eventually. And I have your parents to thank for that." He squeezes my shoulders in comfort again. "One thing I did learn from those neighbors was how wonderful it must be to have siblings. To have friends around you all the time, to talk to and joke with... People who really love you. I've always wanted that."

"You have me," I whisper as I turned my face up to his. "I can be your family."

"Yeah? I'd like that. Really, I would," he exhales.

I lay my head back onto his shoulder, feeling the cold wind bite my cheeks. "But still. To go through that all by yourself...I can't even imagine it." I slip my arm through his. "I know how scared I feel now, but to imagine going through this without you is...terrifying."

After a few quiet minutes he says, "Even through all this sadness, I feel happy that I was able to find you. In you I know I have a true friend... Someone to care if I'm sick or hurt; someone who would notice if I wasn't around."

"You're not actually planning on going somewhere without me though, right?" I joke.

"No. I wouldn't even think of it," he laughs. I can tell he is ready to stop talking when he says, "Let's sleep now..."

Edward moves around until he is in a more comfortable position. I resituate myself as well, our arms wrapped around each other for warmth, his head resting atop mine.

I can feel my eyelids become heavier, but I am still thinking about our conversation and everything he has shared with me.

I don't know everything about him, but I know that he makes me feel safe and has brought a lightness back into my life... something that seemed impossible a week ago.

The road ahead will probably be extremely trying and difficult, but now we have each other.

We are a family.

**End Notes:**

Please REVIEW! These chapters are pretty short, but will definitely get longer as the story moves forward (as they get older). I'd love to know what you think! What will happen to them now? Where will they live and why are people after her? Any theories? Let me know!

By the way...I know very little about Chicago in the 1870s. So if you happen to be an expert on the subject or something, just know that this is fiction. Don't take my word as fact or anything. I will obviously take a few liberties for the sake of the story. Thanks!


	4. Chapter 4

"Let me see if I understand this correctly... It's been three months and you still haven't located the girl?" The man's tone is low and icy.

"No sir. But I've been looking eve-..."

"Did I ask for your excuses?" he interrupts calmly. "I pay you and you bring the girl to me. What can be so difficult about this?" he chuckles, forcing lightness.

The youth feels a shiver go through his spine as the man continues to speak. "Now James, I want results now. Do you understand me?" he smiles darkly.

"I'll keep trying, but I don't know where to look now..." James starts.

"You don't look, you FIND!" the man yells with emphasis, his fist banging on the table.

"I understand, sir. But she hasn't been spotted once..."

"She's just a stupid girl! How difficult can it be?" he grits through his teeth.

After taking a moment to calm himself, he decides to work another angle.

"Are you telling me that a ten year old girl is outsmarting you? Tisk tisk, James. And you pride yourself on being the best...Maybe I should find a more capable boy to do this job for me."

"No! I can do it," James says firmly, feeling threatened.

"Now, there's a good boy. You've been such a great help to me in the past, I knew you'd be able to do this task," he says softly. "But hear me now, you find her and bring her to me now. I don't care what you have to do, find some ruffian friends to help you, lie, steal, I don't care. Just bring her to me," he growls.

James starts walking away from the man with new determination. When he reaches the door the man calls out to him one last time.

The man approaches him slowly, but dangerously. When they are standing face to face, the man leans over to whisper to him. James can smell the sourness of his breath, and he struggles not to back away.

"If you fail to do this for me, she won't be the only one in a body bag."

The man pats the boy's cheek two times in quick succession and then smiles with fake politeness.

"Just a friendly reminder, you understand." He steps away from the shaking boy and waves his hand in dismissal. "You may go."

James knows he had been provoked on purpose. He is shaking in fury and humiliation, but knows his threats aren't idle.

He is not going to get punished because of a brat. He will find that girl and doesn't care who he has to hurt to do it.

~TtB~

I wish I could say that everyday got easier, that I was able to come to terms with my parent's death and move forward with my new life...But honestly, when Edward and I shut the door on one problem, another would follow through the window.

If we found a safe shelter, after a few days it would be taken over by others or blocked off. Edward had saved up some coins from when he was a messenger boy, but buying food for two people caused our stores to dwindle quickly.

He tried to get work from some men who needed their messages delivered, but there was still so much chaos in the city, due to the destruction from the fire. He also tried to get work doing some simple construction work, but there were so many jobless men now and the older ones were always called first.

On top of these problems, the nights continued to get colder. Sometimes we'd wake up three of four times a night because we were shivering so fiercely.

There were definitely moments of happiness during the few months we'd been together though. Everyday my laugh would come easier and it was all because of Edward. We never seemed to run out of things to talk about. He never tired of my endless questions and he was constantly trying to teach me everything he knew about the city. He also asked me about my parents and my life growing up. At first it was painful to speak of them, but something Edward said really put things in perspective for me.

He said, "One day, when you're older, you'll wish you could remember more about your parents. You'll wish you had thought about specific things. If you talk to me about them, not only will it help you remember more, but I'll have a piece of them too. And with two of us knowing them, I doubt we'll forget anything."

My eyes filled up with tears while he spoke and he just smiled and gave me a tight hug when he finished. From that point on I tried to talk about them more. Edward was always so patient with me and clinging to his hand made me feel like his strength was a part of me too. I started asking about his life with his parents too. Now I was holding his memories inside me as well. However, the joy of being together was becoming tainted by the falling snow.

Also, the thought of anyone coming after us was a starting to feel more and more unlikely every day. I still was hiding my hair and wearing trousers, but we had stopped looking over our shoulders.

Maybe we should have been more careful, but we had other, more important problems. The first night after attempting to sleep outside with the snow was possibly the second worst night of my life.

The temperatures dropped so dramatically and the snow fell so heavily we were soaked and freezing within minutes. We sat huddled and shivering all night, praying for warmth.

In the morning, I chatter, "Edward, we won't make it if we have to do this every night." I still feel chilled to the bone, but am slowly thawing with the rising sun.

He sighs loudly, "I know. I've been thinking that maybe we should try and see if there's room in one of those church homes. Lately I've been hearing that money has been donated to churches specifically for funding soup kitchens and warm places for children to sleep."

"Do you think it's safe?" I ask.

"Honestly, I'm not sure. But you're right. It's too cold to sleep out here anymore." His brow is furrowed and I know he is worried, but we have to try.

There are actually a few homes for children around the city, but most have no empty beds for us.

Finally after hours of searching and walking, we came across a church that had opened its doors and nuns are handing out bread to those who will help clean up around the structure. The food is a good incentive for us and we begin carrying supplies to those men rebuilding and cleaning the church.

I become tired after a short time, not accustomed to manual labor. Edward is extremely helpful, however, and the sisters quickly take note of his strength. I end up scrubbing the stone walls, trying to remove the black grime left over from the smoke.

After a few hours of working, I notice Edward talking to one of the sisters. He glances my way and points to me. He waves at me, and I tentatively wave back. They resume their conversation and after another minute he motions for me to come to him.

"Sister, this is my little brother, Masen." He looks at me from the corner of his eye, urging me to play along.

"Hello," I whisper to the nun.

"Hello, dear," she greets kindly. "Thank you for your service today... Anthony, we do have a bed for you two tonight. We have quite a few children here at the moment, but two more won't be a burden. Come inside, children."

I raise my eyebrows and mouth, "Anthony?" He just smirks and shrugs his shoulders.

She leads us into the small building behind the church. We walk through a hall and can see that there are a few rooms packed full of bunk beds. She gives us a small tour before leading us to the place where dinner is being served.

As we get closer to this room I can hear a constant hum of children's voices.

The meal is very simple, but the warm broth and bread is extremely welcome. We eat our share quickly, wishing for more. We haven't spoken much since we came inside and I take this time to look around the room.

The walls are plain and bare, but they seemed clean. There are tables lined up evenly around the room with kids sitting around each one. Many are talking and laughing, but there are others who are sitting quietly, avoiding eye contact.

I notice that some older boys are huddled together. I can't hear what they are saying, but they seem to have the attention of the younger kids...

One boy in particular catches my eye. He is sitting on top of the table and eating the bread of one of the boys next to him. When the bread is all gone, he lightly shoves the little boy away from him and leans back, resting his hands on the table.

He has shaggy blond hair and is talking and laughing with some of the other older boys. As if he can feel me looking at him, he glances at me and doesn't look away. After a moment, he stands up and starts walking toward our table.

"Oh no..." I drop by eyes to the table immediately, hoping that he isn't coming to talk to us.

Edward looks at me in surprise. "What's wrong?" he asks, sounding confused.

"Well, hello there," the blond boy calls out. Edward turns away from me and toward the voice.

"Umm, hello," Edward replies neutrally.

"You two must be new here. I know almost every kid in this city and I've never seen you boys." His tone is darkly curious and I refuse to raise my eyes to meet his.

Edward can sense my discomfort and takes my hand under the table.

"Yeah, we are. Just came to find a warm place to sleep. I'm Anthony, and this is my brother Masen." His voice is kind, but tentative. I can tell he doesn't want to anger the boy or call unnecessary attention to ourselves.

I finally look up from the table. The boy is staring at me and when I meet his eyes for the second time he laughs aloud like I have just said a joke.

While still looking at me, he says, "I'm very glad to meet you, believe me..." After a moment he looks back to Edward. "My name is James."

**End Notes:**

James! Totally expected, right? I don't even know if that is considered a cliffhanger, but I haven't had any so far...so it was bound to happen. :)

REVIEW! Please! I really love to hear from the readers and I always respond to comments and questions! Are you guys still with me?


	5. Chapter 5

Edward is still holding my hand under the table, and every so often he squeezes it tighter in comfort.

James is standing near us chatting with Edward, forcing small talk. After a few moments of watching him I turn away, feeling uncomfortable. I continue to listen to them speak without looking, but I can see James stare at me through my periphery.

"How funny that we shouldn't have met before now," James says, flicking his eyes in my direction.

"Not so funny. I can't imagine you actually know every kid in the city. Surely that was a boast," Edward replies, chuckling lightly.

"I never exaggerate," he states plainly.

"Well then, good for you. There must be an award for that somewhere..." Before James can reply, Edward continues, "I think we're done with dinner. Masen, let's talk to the sisters about a bed."

Edward lets go of my hand and stands up from the table. I can't help but glance at James one last time, but immediately regret it.

His face is a mask of calm, but his eyes seem to flash with something else... something not quite normal. I try to ignore this, but there is something strange about his staring and the way he singled us out.

As Edward walks out of the dining hall, I stay close by his side. He doesn't seem too worried about James and I try to match his calm. It is probably nothing, just my imagination running wild. Maybe he approaches all the new kids like that...

"Edw—I mean, Anthony. Why do you think James started talking to us like that? No one else did," I whisper when we were alone. I can feel the weight of the weeks of running and hiding weigh heavily on me.

"Look at you! Are you worried about him, little brother?" Edward teases while lightly pinching my side.

I squeak involuntarily and can't help but laugh.

"There you are," he whispers gently when he sees my smile. "I've met boys like him before. He's just a bully who wants everyone to know that he's the boss. If you're worried about him then we'll make sure to stay out of his way. Alright?"

"Okay. He just scared me for some reason, is all." I try to forget about him, but I feel trapped in my own thoughts. I have never been around so many kids before in my life, and upon closer inspection realize they are all boys.

Edward is the only boy, besides my father, that I had ever really known. While thinking of this I realized I didn't have any close friends either, boy or otherwise.

I had met a few children at my parent's social events and such, but I can't even remember their names now. Edward is the only person in my life that knows me at all. This makes me feel both lonely and grateful. In my mind it would be better to have one best friend, like Edward, rather than twenty superficial acquaintances.

While I am stuck in my own mind, Edward has asked one of the sisters to please lead us to our bed. She takes us into one of the rooms and points to the narrow bunk near the far wall. I am relieved to see that we won't be in the middle, surrounded by all the others.

I obviously have never slept with so many people in the same room, and the thought of sleeping around strangers is a little terrifying. I especially hope that James won't be sleeping near us. Maybe he'll be in the other room...

I don't have to wonder for long, however.

After saying a quiet goodnight with Edward I climb onto the top bunk and try to calm down, but it is a very short lived effort.

James walks into the room and immediately his eyes zero in over to our bunk. I shut my eyes quickly so he won't catch me watching him again. I pretend to sleep, but due to the amount of noise in the room and the uncomfortable feeling in my stomach, I know it is a long ways off.

After what seems like an eternity the room becomes silent, with only a few hushed voices here and there. My body is beginning to ache after the long duration of tensing my muscles when I heard anyone come near our bed. I feel entirely too exposed, afraid to be vulnerable in that way.

I must have fallen asleep, because all the sudden my eyes open and I feel like I am tied to the bed.

My heart is thumping erratically and I can feel a low pressure in my chest, like a scream is trying to escape. The sheets are wrapped tightly around my legs, restricting any movement.

An image of me running and falling down flashes through my mind. A shadow had stepped over my body and started tying me down...The more I remember the nightmare, the more frightened I become. Consciously knowing it is a dream isn't comforting.

Even now I feel that same fear, like I am running for my life, like someone is watching me, chasing me...

"E—Anthony," I whisper almost inaudibly.

After one tense moment I hear his hushed reply.

"I'm awake."

My heart suddenly feels like it is going to pound out of my chest. I kick the blankets away from my legs and climb down from my bunk as fast as I can. I slip into his bed, pressing as close to his side, hiding my face against his body. Without asking, Edward wraps me tight in his arms, his warm embrace feels like glue, holding me together.

"Shh, shh. I've got you. I'm right here. Just a dream..."

He continues to whisper right into my ear, but my mind is still racing, unable to make sense of anything else.

For months I have been plagued with nightmares, but they are always about the fire, about my parents. In those dreams I would always escape from the fire...usually it was the feeling of plunging into the cold water that awoke me. But this one was different. In this dream, a shadowed figure was chasing me until I stumbled and fell. There was no one there to pull me to safety or save me. In this instance, I was alone while I was tied to the ground, unable to scream.

My chest is burning uncontrollably now, and I start feeling dizzy. I feel a hand on my face and then realize that Edward is trying to get my attention.

"Hey, hey...look at me. Look right here."

Our faces are so close and I am finally able to focus on him. I become aware that I am breathing too quickly, too heavily. My entire body is convulsing, panic consuming me. Edward is speaking to me again and it is a strain to understand.

"...Got to calm your thoughts. Match my breathing. Listen to me, feel my chest, rising and falling..."

He turns me gently on my side so my back is against his chest. He rests his hand on my stomach and breathes slowly in my ear. He continues to whisper comforting words to me, while I try to breathe in time with him.

I can feel his warm breath fluttering my hair with every breath, raising goosebumps on my arms and neck. After a few minutes of feeling the warmth of his body and his comforting arms around me, the ache in my chest lessened.

With my breathing finally back to normal I start to speak. "I'm sorry for waking you... I woke up, but still felt like I was dreaming. Like you are moving slow, but the world around you is speeding by."

He brings his other hand up to gently push my shoulder back so I will flip to my other side.

Once we are facing each other he says, "Don't apologize. I wasn't asleep either. It's weird sleeping with so many people around. I couldn't seem to get comfortable. Are you okay now?"

We are close enough that I know our whispers won't be overheard by anyone else. I still feel a little frightened, but as always, his presence is extremely soothing.

"I think so," I reply.

I can feel the exhaustion slowly eating away at me. We hadn't been able to sleep at all the night before due to the freezing temperatures, and now my restless night here...it was all too much.

"I can stay here, can't I? Please don't make me go back up there..." As I am speaking I can feel the panic start to come back. The thought of having to sleep alone now is terrifying.

"Of course you can stay here," he whispers quickly. "You're safe now, okay? Just close your eyes. Sleep now. Sleep..." he says soothingly while gently rubbing my back.

I let out a deep breath and burrow deeper under the blanket and closer into his side. Finally I feel safe enough to close my eyes and actually let myself rest. We are both exhausted, but only when we are physically by each other's sides do we allow ourselves to truly fall into a deep sleep.

~TtB~

Our morning was relatively normal. It definitely was disconcerting to wake up in an unfamiliar location, but the promise of breakfast was welcome. The sisters were very kind, but they also expected us to help with the cleaning and rebuilding of the chapel. I again spent the day washing the soot from the walls and floors while Edward helped with the bigger projects. He made sure that he was always in a place where he could see me, coming to check on me periodically... But he wasn't the only one keeping an eye on me. James seemed to hover around me, always watching, always close by. I tried to ignore him, but his constant presence made that impossible.

Maybe I was overly paranoid because of the dream I had experienced last night...I still felt on edge and jumpy, afraid that everyone around me would know that I was a girl, or that I didn't belong. And I couldn't get it out of my head that there was something strange about how James was acting towards me. Edward was the only boy I really knew and so it was difficult to judge what normal behavior was.

When the temperature dropped too much to continue working outside, we all go indoors and spend some free time in the dining hall. Edward and I sit down at the same table as yesterday, away from most of the other boys. I am still feeling tired and lay my head on arms on the table. Edward rubs my back gently for a moment before letting his hand drop.

After a few moments I am startled out of my lethargy when I hear a boy start talking to Edward.

"Anthony, one of the sisters needs your help. She said she needs to ask you a question about the project you were working on today."

I raise my head to look at the young boy. It is the same one that James had taken the bread from last night.

Edward glances at me quickly, before replies the boy. "Umm, okay. Where is she?"

"She's outside, over by the back wall," he answers while fidgeting with his hands in front of him. He then turns around and walks back over to his friends.

"I'll be right back. I'm sure it's just a quick question," Edward says to me while standing up from his chair. "You'll be okay?" he asks quietly.

I nod, but still feel a little scared to be by myself with all these people. He must see my face change because he gives me a small closed lip smile before he heads quickly for the door.

I sit at the table alone, feeling awkward. I glance around the room and notice that most of the boys are looking in my direction. I put my head back down onto the table, trying to forget that Edward isn't with me or that others may still be staring at me.

After a few minutes I notice that the room seems uncommonly quiet and I lift my head to see why. To my surprise and horror the room is almost emply, leaving only James and a few of his friends talking in a corner.

Suddenly, everything feels wrong. Something isn't right about this and I know I should leave the room immediately.

As I stand up and started quickly walking to the door, James's voice rings out loudly across the room.

"Hey, Masen! Where are you running off to? I just want to talk to you for a second..."

A flush of fear runs through my belly... I start walking faster, hoping to be anywhere but in this room alone with him and his friends. I hear fast footsteps approach me from behind and before I can reach to door I feel a hard hand on my shoulder.

He spins me around and continues to grip me, not letting go.

"Masen, Masen...Why are you running from me, hmm?" James's voice would have sounded soothing in any other circumstance, but I knew otherwise.

His hand slides down to hold onto my arm, yanking me forward suddenly. He pulls me so I am close to his face and he bends down so he can study me more carefully.

He continues to hold onto my arm tightly, bruising me. I am struggling in his grip, trying to get away, but my efforts are completely useless. His strength is so superior to my own that my struggles don't even register with him.

"You know, you don't really look like a Masen to me," he comments.

"Wha—what do you mean?" I ask, failing to keep my voice from cracking. Oh no, oh no, oh no...

"No, 'Masen' won't do at all. I'd pick something like Ruth, or Hannah..."

Why is he doing this, how does he know? Horror at what might transpire fills my entire body, causing me to pull harder, needing to escape.

"No, no. You're right. Those names aren't right... You need something more delicate."

He pulls me against his chest and raises a cold hand to stroke my cheek. I try to turn my head away, but he holds my chin in his iron grasp. "Oh, I've got it... What about, Isa-bella?"

He pronounces my name extremely slowly, drawing it out for emphasis. The more I try to get away, the tighter he holds me. Everywhere his hands touch, my skin feels icy and crawling.

"I don't know what you're talking about! You've got the wrong person!" I plead.

"But you see, I do know. I have a nice little drawing of you. And pictures cannot lie, now can they?" He teases darkly.

The other boys are bunched around us, laughing along with James.

"There seems to be one problem though. Something is missing..." he continues.

Before I can react, he snatches my cap roughly from my head, my waist long curls tumbling free. He twists his fingers into my hair roughly, tugging painfully. Tears begin streaming down my face, blurring my vision.

"See, boys? Didn't I tell you? Such pretty hair..." He raises the hand intertwined with my hair up to his nose, inhaling deeply

"Why are you doing this? I don't even know you," I cry.

"Oh, sweetheart...this has nothing to do with me. I'm just the paid help. But you've been such a bother to find; I think we'll have a bit of fun before I drop you off. What do you think?"

This is literally my nightmare coming to life. But there will be no waking up this time...

**End Notes:**

I know, I know! So mean of me to end there. But I'm already working on the next chapter, so you won't have to wait long. And don't worry too much, I'm big on HEA.

Please REVIEW. REVIEW, Please? As always, thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

I am numb.

Every coherent thought is overridden by my unbridled terror. The physical pain James is inflicting upon me is nothing compared to the emotional turmoil I am experiencing.

My whole body feels frozen… a statue. James is laughing at something, but I am too panicked to pay attention to his words. He is still gripping my upper arm, but is turned away from me, facing the others.

After a few horrible seconds he turns back to me and some of his friends step forward, their stares making my skin itch.

Unable to cope with what may happen, my legs suddenly buckle, causing me to slump to the floor. James is unprepared for this movement, and his hand slips easily off my arm.

Sweat…I must be sweating.

I land hard on my knees, only to fall further onto my backside. Now I am staring up at James, who still seems surprised that I have somehow managed to get out of his grip.

He towers over me, but as he starts moving forward I suddenly realize I am scooting away from him. Instinct is kicking in, causing me to move rapidly away from him and the others.

"JAMES!" Edward's voice suddenly yelled.

In my panic I hadn't even considered where Edward was or what may have happened to him. Relief quickly washes through me, followed immediately by fear. I am afraid for him.

He is running toward us from the door, but I am the only one who can see his approach easily.

During my hasty retreat the boys had started circling me again, their backs facing the main entrance. Once they heard Edward's voice they all turned away from me and focused on him.

He is sprinting full speed toward James, who has stepped away from the others in preparation. While their focus is elsewhere, I continue moving backwards as quickly as I can.

When Edward gets closer I realize he is holding something in his hands. Before I can understand what is happening, I hear a loud thud and see Edward swinging something at James, hitting him straight in the chest.

James is immediately knocked to the ground, but before I can make sense of anything else, Edward is running toward me and pulling me up from the floor.

James doesn't rise and with the others momentarily distracted, we are off.

I can hear footsteps chasing us, but I know I won't turn around unless I am forced to. I have never run so fast in my whole life, but I know our lives depend on our speed.

Edward must have been more cautious in the last few months than I realized, because he knows exactly which ways to run. There is no hesitation on his part at street corners or alleys. It is like he has mapped an escape route that would be practically impossible to follow.

I am breathing so hard, my chest and throat are burning, but I don't dare slow down.

I wish I have enough breath to thank Edward for saving my life, again; although, those words seemed entirely inadequate.

In that moment, surrounded by those horrible boys, I had felt alone. It hadn't even crossed my mind that I might be saved.

After the fire, Edward promised me that we were a family now; that he would always protect me. I had so wanted to believe him, but when I was faced with danger I didn't think of that promise.

But in this moment now, I can remember his promise and know for a fact that he meant it. His promise is no longer just words. He has proved beyond any shadow of a doubt that he will overcome any obstacle to protect me.

~TtB~

We ran and ran and ran. We had slowed our speed to a more comfortable pace, but were still moving forward. At first I thought we'd just hide somewhere out of sight, but it seemed Edward had other plans.

"Where are we going?" I ask breathlessly after a time.

"Just trust me," Edward replies simply.

I do. I really do trust him. I know he probably just said that so he wouldn't have to answer my questions, but those words mean so much more to me now. He seems to know where we are going, and that is good enough for me.

Had we really only spent one night with the sisters?

I was discovered almost the second I arrived in that shelter. Out of all the places in the city, what are the chances that James would just happen to be there searching for me at that particular one?

Or maybe there was a lookout like that in every shelter. Every public place could have a watchdog like that. People hired by that elusive someone who wanted me.

But, why? Why would the life (or death) of a ten year old girl matter to anyone? None of it made sense. Thinking about all of this was too confusing and right now our priority wasn't figuring out the whys. We just had to find safety.

Edward has been holding my hand while we run so I won't lose sight of him in the dark. Probably about an hour after we ran away, he pulls us to a stop somewhere on the outskirts of the city. We are crouched down on the side of a road, staying hidden behind some shrubs. We are hiding, but no one has been chasing us for some time, and there are no people around this road.

Not only is it the middle of the night, but this seems to be an abandoned part of town as well. Luckily, it isn't snowing tonight, but once we stop running I can feel my sweat slowly starting to freeze.

Edward continues to stay alert, looking down to road each way. I glance at Edward, curious.

"Are we waiting for something?" I whisper, trying to stop my teeth from chattering.

"Yes, we are," Edward replies, just as quietly. "I just don't know how long we'll have to wait before one comes."

"One what?" I ask, my brows furrowing in confusion.

"A ride," he answers. "We've got to get out of Chicago. Obviously that boy, James, knew exactly who you were, and it wasn't because we were acting suspicious or anything. I don't even know what really happened," he exhales. "I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. You told me you were nervous about him and I didn't do anything. I'm so sorry…"

"Edward, don't you dare apologize! You saved me, again. How were we to know he was anything but a stupid bully?"

"How could be have known who you were though?" He asks, almost to himself.

"James told me he had a drawing of me. He must have recognized me from that, and then when he uncovered my hair he knew for sure."

I can still feel his cold hands on my face and and arm, fingers twisted in my hair. I hate that he had come near me, touched me.

After taking a moment to calm down, I continue. "James also said that someone had hired him to find me and bring me back to him…Wait, how did you know I was in trouble anyway?" I ask suddenly, my train of thought jumping from one thing to the next.

"Oh, after I searched for a few minutes for the Sister who needed to ask me a question, I soon realized no one was outside. Anyway, as I was walking back toward the building I overheard a kid say your name, which was strange because we had never met him. I slowed down to understand why he mentioned you and quickly got the gist that James had set up the whole thing and was after you for some reason. Well, I picked up the biggest thing I could carry, still hoping I had heard wrong. And, well, you know the rest."

"Thank you," I say softly, while squeezing his hand tighter. "I feel horrible that you would risk your safety for mine, but if not for you, I'd still be there with them, with him. Thank you for coming back, for saving me."

I can feel the shock creep up on me. The realization of what could have happened is horrifying.

"Isabella, there wasn't even one second where I debated whether or not to come for you. If I ever think you're in trouble, I'll be there. No matter what." He tips my chin up, and wipes the few tears that had fallen while he was speaking. He pulls me into his arms, and hugs me tight while I cry into his chest.

~TtB~

We don't have to wait too long before a man drove by with a team of horses pulling a wagon full of supplies. He is headed out of the city, and that is definitely the direction we want to be heading.

Any direction away from Chicago would be acceptable. The back of his wagon is partially uncovered, so we are able to jump on and huddle together behind some barrels without drawing attention to ourselves.

We must have dozed off, because the next thing we know we are jolted awake when the wagon come to an abrupt stop. It is just after sunrise, and we really hope the driver hasn't started heading back toward the city.

Edward peers out of the side to make sure the coast is clear. We are able to jump out of the back while the driver is occupied with watering the horses. Edward pulls me toward some trees so we can stay out of sight.

"Do you have any idea where we are?" I ask, still feeling sleepy.

"We are a few hours outside of Chicago, I think. Not sure exactly where though."

The man we have been riding with is climbing back up to his perch and starts heading off down the road again. I walk toward the wagon, but am pulled back by Edward.

"Shouldn't we ride with him again?" I ask, feeling panicked seeing our ride head away from us.

"It will be better if we stay hidden as long as possible. We were lucky he didn't catch us and I don't want anyone doing business in Chicago to know about us or see our faces. And honestly, we don't know who else has your picture. It would just take one person to recognize you and we'd be finished. I know I seem paranoid…"

"No…no. I was thinking the same thing last night. We need to get as far as we can without being seen much. Until we know more about the people who want me, we shouldn't underestimate them," I reply.

~TtB~

For the rest of the day we rode with one wagon for as long as we could, then would jump off when we thought it was safe. We would then find a spot where we could hide until we could catch another ride.

We tried to find wagon teams that had single drivers with covered backs. That way it would be easier to hop on undetected, and stay hidden from others on the roads. I wasn't exactly sure where we were anymore, but Edward seemed to know which wagons were headed the wrong direction, so we could stay away from those. He said he was hoping to head east.

When we were dropped off near a market in one town, Edward was able to buy us some plain food with his last coins. He left me hiding in a nearby grove while he walked into town to get the food and I hated every second of it.

It was the second time he had left me alone since we met and I was terrified that something horrible would happen. Luckily he was very fast and no one even walked by where I was hiding. He was able to buy more than I was expecting, but we ate very little knowing we might have to survive on this food for some time. And we did have to a long journey ahead…

We spent over a week traveling in this fashion. We spend days without end hiding in the backs of wagons. It was difficult to fully fall asleep because we were constantly worried we might be discovered. And I know I slept much more than Edward. He was always acting as the lookout, hardly even shutting his eyes. And with each day I could see him become weaker and weaker.

We were exhausted and hungry, but most of all…cold. The snow was falling daily now, but luckily were were protected in most of the covered wagons. The worst nights were when no wagons would come by for us to jump onto. And that seemed to happen more frequently as the blizzards started coming in. We would try to keep moving, walking along the roads, praying for someone to ride by.

On our ninth day of travel because the snow was falling so heavily, there were no wagons coming down the roads. The wind was roaring, a constant hum in our ears. The snow fall was so dense we couldn't see past a few feed ahead of us. I had forgotten what warmth felt like.

Even Edward, the boy who always felt warm to me, was ice cold. It was the middle of the night, and we finally had decided to stray from the road in hopes of finding a warm shelter. If we didn't find something soon, I knew we'd die in this storm.

How can your feet feel like they are burning when you know they are freezing?

My whole body is completely numb, my clothes and hair completely soaked, with ice chucks forming over them. We have been walking for too long, with no hint that a shelter was nearby.

Edward's feet start dragging and I know that this is the end. He had been carrying such a heavy burden on his shoulders, but now it was over. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if we could die together…

"I'm sorry, Isabella. I'm sorry…" He breathes.

The wind seems to carry his words away from me. I can feel his body slumping to the ground, accidently pulling me down too.

I am able to stand back up, but as I look down at his spent body lying in the snow, a wave of protectiveness washes through me. He has done so much for me and now it is my turn to save him.

I'm not very strong or brave…but I know I have to try. His life is worth saving, even if I have to use all my energy to do it.

I crouch down and wrap his arm around my shoulders. I hold his arm in place with one hand and used my other arm to grip his waist. I am barely able to pull him up a few inches, but my efforts cause him to wake out of his stupor.

He is able to partially assist me in pulling him to his feet. His body is leaning heavily on me, but the weight isn't too overwhelming. We aren't moving quickly, but we aren't giving up either. Edward is breathing heavily, struggling to keep moving, but I won't let him fall.

Each step is agony. The snow is numbing our limbs, making our legs feel like lead. We walk and walk, and still, we were surrounded by a thick blanket of snow.

As we are moving forward I slowly started to notice the trees thinning gradually. Then all at once I see an open field up ahead, with a large wooden structure at the corner. It looks old and worn down, but I definitely wasn't picky at this point.

"Edward, look…" I whisper, breathless. "We're going to make it…"

His body is still leaning heavily on mine, and I can tell he can barely understand my words, if at all. With slightly renewed energy I am able to pull us toward that structure…Even knowing we are seconds away from getting out of the wind and snow still seem too long. We walk around the building until I reach the door and slowly pry it open, with Edward slumped over my back. We slip through the door quickly and I shut it as fast as I can.

Inside the building are stalled animals, some sleeping, others watching us move through the room.

Upon feeling the warmth inside this barn, I can quickly begin to feel myself fading away. I am barely able to find a clean spot on the floor before Edward and I slump onto the hay and pass out, huddled together tightly.

The next thing I know a loud voice is waking me from my deep slumber.

A man is standing over our prone bodies with a shotgun pointed at our faces.

"What the hell are you doing in my barn?"

**End Notes:**

Who could that be? More to come soon…Please review and let me know how you are liking the story! I really love to read your reviews and I always answer questions about the story…I might even give some spoilers if you care to hear them.


	7. Chapter 7

The man standing over us has a hard expression on his face. He is holding the gun strongly against his shoulder, perfectly steady…and perfectly aimed right at us.

I feel tongue-tied, unable to answer his question.

If it is possible, he begins to look more angry and impatient when we fail to answer.

"Answer me," he hollers.

If he thinks raising his voice will make me more likely to answer him, he is definitely mistaken. His angry voice only makes me clam up further. But I'm not the only one that should have answered…

Edward hasn't even stirred next to me. I turn to look at him and realize his eyes are still closed. I shake his arm gently, hoping to wake him. His eyelids don't even flutter.

Momentarily forgetting about the man with the gun, I try harder to pull him from his deep slumber.

"Edward," I whisper, shaking his arm with more force. "Edward, come on… wake up."

I can feel myself starting to panic. I know for a fact that Edward is a light sleeper. He would always wake up if he heard someone walk too close, or if someone nearby was talking. I know he hadn't gotten much sleep on the long trip over here, but this is something other than just exhaustion.

I grab his hand, hoping he'll be able to feel it and wake. I gasp in shock and drop his hand in surprise.

His skin is like molten fire, burning from the inside.

I immediately reach for his face, hoping that I am mistaken. The skin on his forehead and cheeks are burning, his face flushed. I cry out in alarm.

With all my shyness and fear forgotten, I look to the man and speak. "Please, help us. Something's wrong."

For the first time, the man actually focuses on my face. Immediately I can see the change in his expression.

He lowers the gun slowly while still staring at me. "You're just a kid. I thought…" he says quietly, almost to himself.

"Please," I cry. "He's very sick."

I look back to Edward, wiping the beads of sweat from his face.

The man stands immobile, continuing to stare at us in shock.

"Edward, come on. Wake up. It's time to open your eyes."

I continue to feel his face and rub his shoulders, still attempting to rouse him. I place my hand on his chest and can feel that his heart is beating furiously.

The man clears his throat suddenly. He no longer seems threatening in his stance. His gun is lowered and he is rubbing the back of his neck with one hand. For some reason, he appears almost tentative…shy…

Not willing to waste a minute, I start speaking... hoping my plan would work.

"Please, don't kick us out. If you help us, then I promise I'll repay you somehow. Just please, let me help him," I implore, my voice cracking.

I make sure to stare him in the eyes while I am speaking, as difficult as it is. But it seems like he has a hard time looking at me too. I have talked to so few men in my life, but I push through my nervousness.

I would do anything for Edward, and now I need to help him.

The man clears his throat again. There is a moment of silence before he speaks. "Uh, yeah. Okay," he croaks. "Do you, uh, want to stay here? Or maybe…go up to the house?"

He is still rubbing his neck and is now shifting back and forth on his legs. He seems more nervous than me.

"He needs to get out of the cold," I reply.

"Well, the house would be warmer than this old barn. Let's head that way." He starts walking toward the door.

The man is gaining confidence now that he has a purpose. As I watch him walk away, a new problem arises.

"Wait," I call out. "He can't walk. And I can't carry him."

He turns around, looking nervous again.

"Oh..." he sighs with his face scrunched up.

"Please, can you? Please, he needs to get warm," I plead.

"Yeah...Uh, I guess I can do that."

He walks toward Edward's prone body and crouches down to the ground. I move away from him to give the man space to maneuver. The man slips one arm under Edward's shoulders and pulls his upper body forward until he can slip the other arm behind his knees.

He lifts Edward from the ground like he weighs nothing.

Up until that moment I hadn't even noticed the man's physical appearance. At first I only noticed his gun, and then I was too focused on Edward. But now, I can't _not_ notice.

The man is probably considered short compared to others, but the size of his arms and shoulders make up for it. His arms are like thick bands of steel. He has dark, balding hair that is graying at the temples. But his age didn't seem to affect his strength in any way. He has sun hardened skin and permanent scowl lines etched on his face.

He isn't anything like the men I have ever encountered in the city. He was too rugged.

He holds Edward close as he strides quickly through the barn. I run ahead of him to open the door, and then follow him as he makes a path in the snow toward the nearby cabin.

I am glad to notice that he is walking swiftly.

Snow is still falling lightly and shows no hint that it will be stopping anytime soon. The cabin was small, and I can see that it was probably beautiful once. I follow the man up the steps and over the porch to the front door.

After we enter the house, the man walks toward a bedroom that is on the left side of the house. There is a narrow bed situated in one corner of the room. He gently sets Edward onto the thin mattress.

Once Edward is out of his arms, he seems a little lost. He starts looking around the room, shifting on his feet again.

I look around the room for a second before I ask, "Do you have a blanket he could use?"

The man doesn't reply, but immediately walks out of the room. While he is gone I approach the bed and push the hair off Edward's forehead. A few moments later the man comes back holding an old quilt in his arms. He brings it to me, and then backs away toward the door.

I gently placed the quilt over Edward's sweating body and make sure he is tucked in tight. There is a wooden chair in the corner, and I bring it over and place it next to the bed.

Honestly, I am at a loss. I have never had a fever like this and I don't know what to do to help him. I continue to stroke his face, trying to soak up some of the heat into my own skin.

A few minuets later the man comes back holding a small pail and a rag. I hadn't even realized he left the room. He hands it to me then moves back toward the wall again. Inside the pail is a few scoops of melting snow.

He must have seen my confused face because then he tells me what to do. "You need to try to lower his temperature. Keep his body warm, but lay that rag on his face." His voice is soft, hesitant. Kind.

I quickly submerge it in the bucket, drenching the cloth in water before wringing out the excess. I place the folded cloth over his forehead, praying it will help.

We are quiet for some time. I dip my hand into the bucket and then run my wet fingers over his hair. The man is still hovering nearby, looking a little uncertain.

All the sudden I realize I haven't even thanked the man for his charity. The gratitude I feel for him sweeps over me. To have someone help us just because I asked was something I hadn't encountered in a long time.

"Sir? Thank you," I whisper, feeling tears gather in my eyes.

"Hmm?" he hums.

"Thank you for helping us. Thank you for allowing us into your home. I will never forget your kindness."

The man looks away from me, clearly uncomfortable by my tears.

"Mister, umm— Sorry, what's your name?" I ask shyly.

"Oh, Mr. Scott. Or Jenks…. Jay. Jason, I guess. I go by Jay though." His answer is all jumbled, awkward. He starts massaging his neck again, unsure what to do with his hands. He takes a deep breath and says, "My name is Jay."

"It's nice to meet you, Jay. My name is…" I stop myself, not sure whether it would be safe to reveal it. "Excuse me, where are we? What state, I mean."

"Ohio," he replies, looking at me strangely.

"Ohio…" I try to recall some of my geography lessons, hoping Ohio is far away from Chicago.

While I am thinking I soak the cloth from Edward's face in the cold water again. I finally decide that nobody will find us here on this small farm. At least, not for a long time.

I know I needed to give him some name, but Isabella seems too risky, too formal. I decide to shorten it, giving myself a nickname.

"Bella."

"Sorry?" Jay says.

"My name is Bella."

~TtB~

The next few hours were the same. Jay had left us alone in the room while he went out to tend to the animals. But I quickly learned he was always nearby, willing to help. He had even given me some jerky after hearing my stomach rumbling. His quiet generosity was so welcome after the weeks and months of just barely surviving.

As the day moved on Edward's condition only seemed to worsen. He was semi-conscious, opening his eyes every once in a while, but not able to focus on anything. And every now and again he would thrash around the bed, moaning in pain. I tried to speak to him, to calm him down, but nothing seemed to be working.

His fever was burning hotter than ever, but now he was sweating and shivering at the same time. How could someone so hot be so cold?

I laid my head down on the corner of his bed, crying silently into the mattress. There was nothing I could do to help him. I tried to cool his fever, but it was difficult to do without completely freezing his body and making him more sick.

I feel a hand touch my back and I jolt in surprise. When I turn around I see Jay standing next to the bed, holding a tin cup in his hands. He holds the cup out for me to take.

"What is it?" I ask, reaching for it.

"It's tea. My wife was good with medicinal herbs, and this should help him." There is confidence in his voice, and I know I have to try.

"Thank you. Thank your wife for me too. Is she here?"

A strange look crosses his face and I know I have said something wrong.

"She died…some time ago," he answers quietly.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't realize—"

"It's alright. You didn't know," he cuts me off sweetly. "Now try to get him to drink this. You work at it until it's all gone."

"I will. Thank you, Jay." I smile sadly at him and watch him walk out.

Trying to get Edward to swallow the tea is more difficult than I would have imagined. He keeps turning his head away from me so it is hard to get the liquid into his mouth without spilling.

I finally work out a system where I sit on his arm to stop him from rolling away, hold his mouth open with one hand and dribble tea from a spoon into his mouth with the other. I try to get it deep into his throat, and then I would rub his neck until he swallowed.

It probably took around an hour to get him to drink all of it and I was utterly exhausted by the end. I pull the blanket up to his chin and tuck the sides into his body. I dip the cloth into the cold water and started rubbing his face and scalp.

I can already see his body relaxing. Now all I can do was to wait and pray that his fever will break.

~TtB~

By late evening I can noticeably see that Edward is getting better. He had been incoherent for almost all day, so seeing him breathe easier and feel cooler is a huge relief. He had even opened his eyes a few times, and I could tell he was able to comprehend what was happening.

I had thanked Jay numerous times for letting Edward use his wife's tea leaves. I knew that they were the reason he was slowly getting better.

Jay brought me another cup of the tea earlier in the evening, and getting Edward to swallow it was much easier this time. Although he was still too tired to interact with us, I could tell he understood what I was saying.

I ate more of the jerky for dinner, thankful to have something to eat. Once I was full, I could feel the fatigue start to overpower me. I made sure the cloth was still cold and that his blankets were tight and then I rested my head against the mattress, just to close my eyes for a second…

I wake when I feel someone squeezing my hand. I raise my head and see that Edward is looking at me smiling tiredly.

"Wake up, sleepy head. What, are you going to sleep all day?" he jokes, breathing heavily. Judging by how dark it is out the window, it is probably the middle of the night.

"Edward!" I squeal. "You're teasing me, so that must mean you feel better." I sit further forward and press my cheek against his, squeezing his shoulders.

"I feel tired, but definitely better." He smiles warmly at me, brushing the loose hair away from my face. "I hope you weren't too worried about me."

I sit back down in my chair, but hold onto his hand.

"Edward, you are not allowed to get sick. Ever again," I sigh. "I was so scared for you…"

"Everything will be okay now. You'll see," He says gently. "Now, what have I missed, and how did we get here? I'm a bit fuzzy on the details," he laughs lightly.

I explain about how we had found the barn and slept there… How Jay had woken me up and then carried him into the house. Then I tell him that we are in Ohio and how wonderful and helpful Jay has been. I also explain about Jay's wife and her healing tea.

"Edward, I think we were meant to find this place. We could have ended up anywhere, but instead we wandered into the house on an angel. But don't tell him I called him that," I whisper.

"No, definitely not," Edward laughs.

Jay doesn't talk much and doesn't hover around, but he has been there for Edward and me in the time of our greatest need.

"For the first time since my parents died, I really feel like we can stop running," I confess.

"I feel that too. Only problem is…will Jay let us stay?"

**End Notes:**

Do you think he will? Were you surprised to find out who it was? I'd love to hear your thoughts or predictions!

REVIEW! Thanks for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

Edward and I eventually fall asleep after talking a bit more. The next morning Edward is feeling so much better, but that really isn't saying much when you consider how sick he was before.

His body is extremely weak, and I knew it will be a few days before he'll be back to normal.

Jay teaches me how to light the stove and helps me boil water for broth for Edward. Edward is too tired to chew the tough jerky, but I can tell he wanted some anyway.

Jay came in early that morning to talk to Edward for a few minutes, but it was a pretty short conversation. Jay was just checking on him, asking how he was feeling. I know we will have to approach Jay about our idea of staying with him, but we are waiting until Edward is up on his feet.

He sleeps much of the afternoon and I couldn't be happier to see him sleeping soundly. Not only does he need to recover from the high fever, but he has weeks, months actually, of rest to catch up on.

While he rests, I do my best to clean up the room a little bit. I dust off some of the furniture and shake out the rugs.

I also wander around the main room for a while. Jay doesn't have many possessions, but the ones he does have have character.

The loveseat appears more fine than some of the other wooden chairs around it. The cushion is worn down, used…but it is still beautiful. It is in the middle of the room, and it immediately draws focus.

The other main focal point is a big fireplace on the other end of the room. There has been a constant fire burning since we arrived, and I am extremely grateful for that.

I can still hear the wind howling against the window and door. But luckily there is only one small window in the main sitting room. At night Jay stuffed cloth against the seams at the bottom of the door to stop the frigid breeze from entering the cabin.

Unlike my parent's home in Chicago where there were very frivolous, materialistic items placed around, Jay's place is extremely bare in comparison. I never really realized how wealthy my parents were until I had started seeing more of the poorer areas and homes in Chicago. But when you're young you don't realize that there are other ways to live. My life had been extremely sheltered, but now my eyes are open to a new world of beauty that was different from what I had grown up with.

Even though this wooden cabin is simple and plain, there is beauty in it. Not only is the room warm from the fire, but there is a feeling of warmth in its walls as well. There is history here, and I find that more valuable than having a lot of expensive possessions.

As I explore each small knickknack, I begin noticing the layer of dust covering everything. Without further thought I gently dust the tables and chairs with an old rag. I pat down the cushions and am surprised to see a puff of dust rise into the air. These chairs obviously aren't used very often.

For the few days I have been here, Jay had spent most of his time outdoors. Most of his work was done in the barn with the animals. A few times I saw him working in the snow covered fields. I couldn't understand what could be growing out there with all that snow. I'd have to remember to ask him about that later.

I must have gotten lost in my thoughts, because it felt like I'd been cleaning for a few minutes, but suddenly I heard Jay walk up the steps. He came through the door, shutting it quickly behind him. I glance out the window and see that the sun is already setting.

He has a layer of snow covering his jacket and cap.

"I don't know how you can stand to be out there when it's so cold," I comment.

Jay glances at me for a moment before he removes his winter wear.

"Oh, it's not so bad once you get moving. And anyway, I've been through worse," he replies.

"It gets worse than this?" I ask in alarm.

He laughs lightly when he sees the surprised expression on my face. I honestly can't imagine it being colder than it is. The snow has hardly stopped falling at all since we arrived.

He takes off his snow boots and puts on a normal pair of house shoes. All his clothes are extremely worn, but I can't imagine something like that bothering him. Like his house, his clothes are meant to be useful, not flashy.

I am still standing there staring at him, and once he has hung up his coat, he carries his boots over to the fire so they can dry.

He places them on the side of the fireplace, and then adds a few more logs to the fire from the pile that is stacked against the wall. The wood catches fire quickly and I can immediately feel the room warm even more. He stands in front of the warmth with his hands extended, feeling the waves of heat. The quiet cackling of the flames is soothing and it helps me relax.

Jay never seems to start any conversations, but he is always willing to answer my questions. And I am bursting with so many things to ask.

"Jay, how long have you lived here?" After spending so much time looking around the house, I feel like there are so many stories just waiting to be told.

"My parents owned this land, and my dad built this cabin later in his life. They had a temporary house built in the same spot many years ago. It took him some time to get enough money from the crops to fund building a bigger house."

"You have any siblings?" I ask, wondering what his life had been like growing up.

"I did. I had one younger brother," he says quietly.

I notice that he said 'had' and instead of asking about what had happened, I decide to focus on something positive.

"What was it like to have a brother? I always wondered what it would be like to have a brother or sister."

"Why would you need to wonder?" he asks incredulously, chuckling. "You've got a brother."

"What do you mean?" After another moment, I understand. "Oh, you mean Edward? He's not actually my brother."

"I'm sorry. I guess I just assumed," he replies awkwardly.

"It's okay. But I've learned you don't really need to have the same parents to feel like a family."

He rubs his hands together, then goes to sit down on a chair facing the fire.

Our conversation is put on pause temporarily and I continued cleaning. I can feel his eyes on me for a moment before he speaks again.

"Bella," he sounds almost embarrassed. "You don't have to do that," he says, gesturing to my actions.

"I don't mind at all. I hardly even noticed I was doing it. And I'd like to help out, repay you for your kindness."

"You don't need to repay me for anything. Anyone would have done the same," he replies shyly.

"No, they wouldn't. And anyway, all I was doing before was sitting in the bedroom watching Edward sleep. I like to be useful."

"How is he doing anyway?" he inquires. He appears glad for the change in topic.

"He's doing so much better. I bet he'll be up on his feet by tomorrow."

"That's good to hear. Well, I'm ready for some food. You hungry?" He stands up from the chair and moves toward the small kitchen area.

I follow quietly behind and gratefully accepted the jerky he hands me. We eat in silence, but it isn't uncomfortable.

One thing I really like about Jay is the way he speaks to me. He never seems impatient when he is answering my questions or helping me. He doesn't talk to me like a child, like so many of the people in the city had.

I knew I am young, but I'm not a baby. I am capable of understanding what iss occurring around me. And I know that bad things happen in the world. I had experienced so much of that already. I still ache for my parents, missing them everyday.

I miss them so much, but I can't deny that I feel grateful for Jay. He is a good person and with every conversation and interaction, he impresses me more and more.

Maybe if he let us stay, Jay could one day be part of our 'family' too. And hopefully tomorrow we would know if we'd be allowed to stay.

~TtB~

The next morning, Edward awoke with refreshed energy. I could tell he was feeling a little restless and was definitely ready to get out of the bed for a while.

With my assistance he was able to walk to the small kitchen table and join Jay and I while we ate. I forced him to have more broth even though he was sick of eating it. He ate a little bread as well, clearly grateful to finally have something to chew.

But eating together wasn't the only reason we all wanted to eat together. We had decided to talk to Jay this morning and present our proposition to him.

We had been eating in silence up to this point, too nervous to make idle chitchat.

"Jay," Edward said, clearing his throat. "Bella and I have something we'd like to discuss with you…"

Jay looked up at Edward and then glanced at me quickly, before focusing back at him.

"Alright. Go ahead." He looked a little wary, probably wondering what we could possibly want to discuss.

"First, I hope you know how grateful we are for all your help. Not only did you not kick us out of your barn, but you welcomed us, strangers, into your home. You really did save our lives."

Edward was looking at Jay steadily while he spoke, but Jay kept looking away, obviously uncomfortable with the heartfelt thanks.

"I'm sure you have been wondering about us," Edward continued. "You must have questions for us, but you have respected our privacy, for which we are also grateful."

"It's not any of my business," Jay said, looking at the table.

"Well, we have secrets we want to keep, but are willing to answer any questions or concerns you have…"

Jay was still looking down at the table, and he seemed to be struggling with something he wanted to ask.

"Are you kids in any kind of trouble or something?" Jay finally asked.

"Not in the way you mean, I don't think. We didn't do anything illegal, if that's what you mean," Edward replied quickly.

Jay just nodded a few times, thinking over our answer.

Edward looked at me, and found my hand under the table to hold. He continued, "We didn't break the law, but we did have a reason for running away."

"Where did you two run from?"

Before I could answer, Edward squeezed my hand and replied. "I think it's better if you don't know. We want to start a new life here, and we are hoping the past can stay where it is. The less you know, the safer it will be for all of us."

I think Edward's words were sparking more curiosity in Jay, but he wasn't the type of person to pry. He was sitting quietly, listening, but not interrogating.

"Is that all you wanted to talk to me about?" Jay asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Not exactly," I said shyly, looking to Edward.

We weren't really sure how to begin a conversation like this, but we had to start somewhere.

"Well, we were kinda hoping we could stay here," I spoke, looking into his eyes.

Before Jay could say anything, Edward jumped in. "We would work for you, of course. You wouldn't have to pay us or anything. We just need a safe, warm place to stay."

"We'd work hard too, you wouldn't have to worry about us slacking off or complaining," I added.

"We'd know you'd be taking a huge risk, but we have no where else to go," Edward whispered.

Jay still wasn't saying anything. He was rubbing the back of his neck with one hand, obviously thinking about our request.

"Please, Jay," I pleaded. "Give us a chance. If it doesn't work out, we can leave whenever you want."

"I've never done any farm work, but I'm a quick learner. And I'm strong. Bella is young, but she is smart and she can be taught to do anything," Edward commented.

Edward and I probably would have kept talking, but Jay finally cleared his throat and sat back in his chair. I gripped Edward's hand harder, my nervousness making me freeze in place.

"Yeah, okay," he replied simply.

"Yes? We can stay?" I asked in excitement.

"Yeah. It'd be nice to have a little help," he replied.

I laughed in surprised joy, bursting out of my seat and impulsively hugging Jay around his neck. He patted by back awkwardly after a moment and I pulled away smiling hugely.

Edward stood up and reached his hand out to shake Jay's.

"Thank you. You won't regret it," Edward promised, shaking his hand firmly.

I was bouncing in excitement, but Edward was exuding calm confidence. Only when Jay stood up and turned away from us did he break out into a huge smile.

Edward wanted to start working right away, but Jay told him to rest one more day and said he'd give us the full tour tomorrow.

Once Jay had gone out to do his chores, Edward and I spent a few minutes celebrating. We embraced each other tightly, laughing in joy.

When we had wandered into that barn, just praying to survive the night, we never would have guessed how lucky were. Like I said to Edward the night before, I really do feel like we were meant to find this place.

We started looking around the cabin with new eyes, really seeing it for what is was now: it was our home.

**End Notes:**

Good news, right? I will be working on the next chapters as soon as possible, but I'm on vacation in Farmville, USA (That's not really its name. lol). There is no wireless internet where I'm going, so I may no be able to post the new chapters for a couple weeks.

Just know that I am writing them, and possibly getting ahead. We are almost at the point in the story where I'll jump ahead a few years.

I hope you are enjoying the story! Please leave a REVIEW and let me know! I love love love to hear from readers.

What are you doing for your summer? Any fun vacation plans?


	9. Chapter 9

Our tour of the property started very early the next day. Edward and I are light sleepers and we heard him get up around dawn. We knew we shouldn't sleep late because we promised Jay we would work hard. Slacking off on our first 'official' day would not leave the best impression.

But I can't pretend that forcing myself to get out of the warm bed was easy. Emerging from my burrow under the covers and stepping my toasty feet on the cold floor sent a shock through my whole body. But on the other hand, at least I had a warm bed to get out of in the first place.

After much convincing, Edward finally forced me to take his place on the bed last night. He made a pallet of blankets across the room for himself. I thought he should continue to sleep on the bed because I knew he was still recovering and he'd probably be doing the most manual labor in the days to come. After much discussion, I relented, but he promised me he would talk to Jay about getting a bed for himself as soon as he felt comfortable doing so.

I hated that he had to sleep on the floor, but he reminded me that he had slept on much worse. Plus, being safe and warm was more important than having a nice bed. That pile of blankets was heaven compared to sleeping out in the snow.

While we were eating breakfast Jay told us he probably wouldn't have us do any work today. He just wanted us to watch his normal routine and become familiar with the property.

As we prepared to go outside, Edward and I bundled up as much as we could with our limited wardrobe. Luckily, Jay had some extra coats that no longer fit him. They weren't in great shape, but anything was better than the rags we were wearing.

The coat Jay gave me was huge on me, but definitely warm. Edward helped roll the sleeves to uncover my hands. The jacket reached almost past my knees when I stood up straight. I'm sure I looked ridiculous, but there was no way I would complain about something like this. I didn't even care.

"Sorry about the size. I'm sure we can get you something that fits next time we are in town," Jay said, shifting back and forth on his feet.

"No, this is fine. Really. It will keep me warm and that is all that matters," I replied, sincerely meaning my words.

Jay actually seemed a little embarrassed that the only thing he could offer us were his old, too big coats. It's not like he could have prepared for our arrival or something. He didn't know we were coming. Not having a coat that would fit a ten year old girl is not surprising. I'd be shocked if he did have one.

The coat Edward was wearing was quite large as well, but he'd probably grow into it fairly quickly. I feel like he had gotten slightly taller since we met a few months ago. I could only imagine what regular meals and good rest would do for him.

"Alright then," Jay clapped when he saw we were ready. "Let's get started."

As Jay took us outside headed away from the house, I could see eager concentration on Edward's face. There was no way Jay wouldn't be impressed by Edward's hard work.

I grabbed his hand as we walked through the snow. He looked my direction for a moment, and smiled back at me when he saw my excited expression. He bumped my shoulder sportingly and I chuckled softly in response.

Jay led us first into the barn. It seemed so much larger to me compared to the last time we were in here. Of course I hadn't really been in the best shape to notice much anyway.

The smell of the animals was quite strong, but it wasn't completely repulsing. There were two large horses pinned inside stalls side by side and a few black and white cows on the other end of the building.

There was also a hay loft with stacks of fresh hay above our heads with a ladder to reach it.

As we walked closer, the cows started mooing louder, sounding impatient. It was kind of amazing that these cows would react to our approach.

Jay picked up a small stool that was near the wall and removed the metal pail hanging from a nearby hook. There were quite a few pails hanging there actually.

"Okay, you two. Stand behind me and watch," Jay said.

We moved closer and kept our eyes on him while he set the stool on the side of one of the three cows. Each of the cows were tied up with their backsides facing the center of the barn.

"These here are dairy cows and if you don't milk them, you'll have an angry, hurting cow."

He quietly placed the pail under the cow's udder then leaned forward until his cheek was almost resting on the animal's side. He started gently pulling on the udder and after a moment I could hear the sound of short streams hitting the metal.

I had never seen anything like this and never really even thought about how cows got milked. My jaw was dropped in amazement…and shock. I was staring steadily, not wanting to miss one second. The cow seemed to be standing calmly now, most likely used to this task.

"You'll both need to learn how to do this, but I imagine Bella will be doing most of the milking. Especially during the planting and harvest seasons," Jay spoke quietly.

"Me?" I cried. I was both terrified and excited. I crouched down, studying his hand movements more carefully.

He chuckled and replied, "You'll do fine. Once you learn you'll realize how easy it is."

As he continued to milk he began quietly explaining what he was doing. He told us to watch the movements of his hands and told us that we had to be gentle.

"Cows are gentle creatures, so there is no need to be rough with them," he taught. "The milk they provide can be used for many things. And it's great for trading and selling in the market."

"Have you been selling it in town recently?" I questioned. "I haven't seen you leave at all."

"No, I haven't left. I don't dare travel in the snow. Town is quite a few miles from here... I've been saving the cream to churn into butter. Maybe you could help me with that."

I nodded without replying, imagining doing these things in my mind.

Jay would sporadically make comments while he continued to milk all three cows. It was long work because it wasn't a task that you could rush.

He carried the full buckets over to a small closet like area. He then took some cloth and placed it over the top, covering it fully.

"This will help the cream rise to the top. And keep it clean too," Jay commented.

"When do you come back for the cream?" Edward asked.

"Usually you let them set for a day. If all goes well, and the milk doesn't freeze, we can start churning the cream into butter tomorrow," he responded.

His movements were sure and calm. It was clear that these tasks were extremely familiar to him.

Next, he showed us how to muck out the horses stalls. Both towered over me and were a little scary. One kick and I'd be down. One was a closer to black while the other had white socks and a lighter coat.

"They're beautiful. What're their names?" I asked, marveling at their large size.

Edward and I were standing outside of the pin while Jay was inside, shoveling the manure into a barrel.

"These fellows are named River and Rainy. I've had them a very long time." He patted the darker one affectionately. The horse lowered his head towards the man's pockets.

"No boy, no treats today," he laughed.

The horses seemed comfortable with his presence. I wondered if they could be like that with me someday. But it seemed a little unlikely. These majestic creatures seemed even more intimidating than the cows.

"Did you name them?" I asked, curious.

"Yeah, I did. River is this darker one here," he said while rubbing its head. "He's sleek and powerful like a flowing river. He's a smooth ride too. Rainy is the other. He dances like the drops of rain. He can be heavy and fast like a rainstorm or light and bouncy like a spring dribble…"

Edward and I stood quietly, totally enraptured by his words. It was obvious he felt great pride for these horses. It was the most passionate speech I'd even heard him make.

"They seem like great animals," I almost whispered, afraid to disrupt the moment.

"The best. They are even better than any ranch hands I've ever hired. I swear they know more than me sometimes. Just plain intelligent. They were so scrawny at colts, awkward. My wife begged me to buy them anyway, swearing there was something extra special about them. She promised me I would never regret it…"

"She sounds real special too," I said after a moment, finally understanding his pride.

Jay didn't respond, but he looked away from me quickly. Nobody talked for quite a few minutes and I could see him struggling to gain his composure.

He cleared his throat suddenly, breaking the spell. "Well, let's continue on…"

Jay showed us where he kept the feed, how much to feed them, and showed us the proper way to brush them.

"They love to be brushed, and they are almost always dirty. But don't get too discouraged when they roll around in the dirt after you clean them. It's just in their nature," he said, shaking his head, probably remembering past experiences.

~TtB~

That night as we prepared for bed, thousands of things were running through my mind. I was trying to commit every little thing Jay had taught us to memory.

He was patient with our questions and was a thorough teacher. I will probably have to ask some of the same questions again, but I tried my best to pay close attention and to remember everything.

I finally was able to ask him about the work he was doing in the snow covered field. He explained to me that in the fall he had planted something called 'winter wheat.'

You plant it during autumn and then when the snow comes it creates a blanket of protection during the harsh cold months. Then in the spring, the snow will melt, watering the seeds and the wheat will shoot up. Then you have a crop to harvest soon after the long winter, when the stores of wheat are low.

Jay taught Edward more about all of that because they'd be the primary workers in the field.

~TtB~

The next few weeks moved by so quickly that each day seemed to blur into the next. I was now skilled at chores I never even imagined doing. I could milk cows, churn butter, cook bread, gather eggs, care for horses and keep a clean house. Who knew?

Milking the cows was definitely the most difficult task to become comfortable with. Being in such close contact with them, practically sitting underneath them was a little terrifying at first.

I wish I could report that no catastrophes occurred, but that is not the case.

During one of the first times Jay left me alone to do the milking I got spooked when one cow shifted suddenly while I was pulling its udder. Startled, I lost my balance and tipped backwards off the stool, kicking the bucket full of milk over in the process. Of course most of it poured onto me while I lay on the ground. Definitely not my finest moment.

As expected, Jay was exceedingly kind and understanding when I told him my tale, as if my appearance wasn't enough of a giveaway. Edward laughed at me, of course. Whenever he looked at me he would start up again.

I can't deny the humor of the situation though. Having to walk in the house, drenched in milk with hay sticking to your clothes is never ideal.

Edward came out to the barn with me to help clean the milk, chuckling the whole way there. When we arrived there was one small, furry kitten licking at the milk puddle.

It was love at first sight.

It was the smallest and cutest thing I had ever seen. It was a mix of colors—brown, with small black, white, and gray splotches. It also had the cutest white socks, just like Rainy.

I knew I had to have it.

When we approached, the kitten looked up at us, alert. Its whole face was drenched with the white liquid. Its fur was all matted down and dripping.

Edward looked at the kitten, and then looked back at me. He immediately started laughing hysterically. He leaned over with his hands resting on his knees, supporting himself. He was laughing so hard, tears started streaming down his face.

I just stood there staring at him in confusion. Finally after a few minutes of constant laughter he finally was able to get a few words out.

"Your hair… its fur… the milk. All wet…" he laughed, trying to catch his breath.

"What on earth are you trying to say?" I giggled, staring at him in amazement. I had never seen him laugh so hard. Ever.

After another moment to breathe he replied. "You're twins!" This made him start laughing all over again.

I looked to the wet kitten and then realized my hair and clothes were still wet from my spill off the stool. I totally did look like a drowned kitten!

This realization caused me to join in on the laughter. By the time we calmed down, our stomachs ached and we were wiping away tears.

I slowly approached the kitten and gently scooped it up into my arms and hugged it close.

"Do you think it's a girl or a boy?" I asked Edward. It was so small its weight barely registered to me.

"I think it's a girl… You gonna keep her?"

I just looked at him with an expression on my face that probably said, 'What do you think?'

"Well, that answers that question. Looks like you've got your own twin kitty," Edward teased.

"That's what I'm going to name her," I replied, stroking her head. She purred in response.

"What, twin kitty?" he questioned, laughing a bit.

"Yeah, but I'll call her Twin-ky for short."

"Twinky…hmm. You know, I kinda like it," he said while coming over to pet her. "Well, how about we let her work for her keep too. I'm sure she'd be happy to help us clean up this spill."

~TtB~

Life on the farm was very different compared to living in the city. It was quiet and required lots of hard work… More than I could have ever imagined. And there was no such thing as a day off. The animals needed to be cared for every day, no matter how tired you might be feeling. We always needed to have food to eat, and keeping the house in order felt like a never ending task.

I don't know how Jay managed the farm all alone out here before we came. The work was never finished. You will finally get one project done and another would crop up somewhere else.

Jay let me have domain over the housekeeping and cooking. Learning to cook was difficult at first, but I picked it up quickly and found out I was good at it too.

Sometimes Jay and Edward would go out at dawn and I wouldn't see them again until supper.

It was lonely sometimes, but I had more than enough work to keep me busy. And I had Twinky and the other animals to keep me company. I especially loved how Twinky would curl up with me against my pillow at night. She really was the sweetest little thing.

The winter months dragged on in this manner. I missed the sun and the freedom it brought. I longed to spend all day outside, lying in the grass staring up at the sky. I wanted to learn to ride River or Rainy and be able to explore the area. I couldn't wait to eat fresh raspberries from the wild bushes, or swim in the nearby stream.

But… I couldn't deny the beauty of an Ohio sunset with the snowy landscape. Every night I'd bundle up and slip out of the house to sit on a chair on the porch to watch the sun descend into darkness. It was my favorite time of the day because the sky was always painted with bright oranges and yellows, the sun a magnificent, glowing orb on the horizon. It took my breath away every night. I had never seen anything so beautiful, and knew I'd miss the winter sunsets when the spring came.

This was the time of day when my work was all done and I could take some time to mourn my parents. Watching the beautiful sky always made me feel closer to them somehow. I could imagine them sitting with me, imagine what they'd say if I could talk to them.

I thought of my mom and dad everyday, missing them, wishing I could see them. But at the same time I couldn't imagine not having Edward in my life. He was such a constant for me now. He was my best friend. We knew everything about the other's life and never kept any secrets from each other.

Sometimes we'd spend hours just talking and laughing. We would say everything that was on our minds, telling jokes, or just teasing. The way we were pushed together was tragic, but our relationship was beyond that of a normal friend. It was unique and truly special.

The mystery about my parent's murder was still unknown to me and probably would remain that way for a long time. But, we were safe and that was enough for now.

It wasn't the easiest life, but I knew I'd be happy to stay here for many years to come.

**End Notes:**

I was able to find some a wireless connection here! More soon... I put a picture for this chapter on PicTease, so check it out if you want! Let me know if you want me to continue to do that...?

REVIEW! I love them!


	10. Chapter 10

Life in the country was a huge adjustment for both Edward and I. We were not accustomed to manual labor and we both had the blisters and calluses to prove it. Not only was it such a huge transition in regards to the work we were doing, but we still felt fearful that someone might be coming for us.

I didn't go into town at all that year, although Edward made a few trips with Jay. He made sure to look around while he was there, listening to gossip to see if there was talk of any strangers coming around looking for a young girl.

Luckily, there was not. No one had come and as time went on, we became more certain that no one would be able to find us here.

We hadn't left a trace when we traveled out here and even if we had, the snow of winter washed everything away.

The first time I went to town was during the middle of June after my eleventh birthday. Jay said he needed extra help selling the wheat crop to the mill in Greenville, but I really think he just wanted me to get off the property.

I hadn't been out in public for more than a year. Actually, other than exploring the forest around the farm, I hadn't really left Jay's property at all either.

After only being around Jay and Edward for the last year and a half it was a little shocking to see the number of people in the market square. Shocking and frightening.

Jay led me over to a booth in the market square so I could buy some new clothes. I had been wearing trousers for the last year and knew it was time to wear dresses and skirts again.

There were two people working at the shop. One was an older woman with dark hair pulled tight in a severe bun and the other was a young girl, probably around my age.

"Mrs. Brandon, so nice to see you," Jay said, while gently shaking the woman's hand.

"Mr. Jenks, hello," Mrs. Brandon replied. She stood staring at him for a moment before looking down at me. She had a surprised expression on her face.

I turned to face Jay and saw that he was raising his eyebrows at her, a small smile growing on his lips.

"Excuse me, I don't mean to be rude. I am just surprised to see you here, Mr. Jenks. You haven't come to my shop since…" There was a moment of heavy silence of her own making before she pushed forward. "Well, it's been a long time. What can I do for you?"

"Well, Bella here is in great need of some new clothes," Jay said, ignoring the awkwardness. "Will you be so kind as to help her find what she needs? I have some business I need to tend to, but I'll be back shortly."

Jay gave a nod in their direction and started heading away from us towards the market square. I stood still for a moment before I ran to catch up to him.

"You're leaving me alone?" I asked, alarmed.

"Everything will be fine. You'll see," he said softly. "I'll be right back. Okay?"

I nodded back hesitantly before turning back to approach Mrs. Brandon and the younger girl.

Now I was alone in front of two strangers, feeling pretty terrified.

"Mary Alice, will you help this young woman find what she needs," Mrs. Brandon instructed. "Just holler if you need anything, sweetie," she said to me.

Mary Alice grabbed my hand and led me toward some pre-made dresses.

"My name is Mary Alice, by the way. And Mr. Jenks called you Bella, so now I know too. It's a pleasure to meet you," she said easily.

She started pointing out the clothes that would fit me. They all looked way too expensive and nice for the type of work I did on a daily basis.

I couldn't help but reach out and touch some of the soft, vibrant fabrics though. There were some beautiful dresses. Maybe one day I could buy one…but definitely not today.

"Excuse me," I stuttered. "Some fabric will be just fine."

"You don't like these ones?" she asked with a furrowed brow.

"No," I exclaimed loudly. "It's not that at all. These are all _too_ nice. I just need something a little sturdier."

Without further comment, she brought me over to a table of thicker, plainer fabrics. They were mostly browns and beiges… definitely not as beautiful as the premade dresses. Not even close.

"Do you know how to sew?" she asked.

"I don't, actually," I replied shyly. "But I can learn. And it would be a useful skill to have. Being able to mend shirts and such would really help Jay… Excuse me, Mr. Jenks and Edward."

"Edward?" she questioned. "Oh, that boy that comes to town with Mr. Jenks sometimes. Is he your brother?"

"No. Well…yes. Kind of. But, not really," I blushed, feeling stupid. "Sorry, it's very confusing."

How on earth could I describe who Edward was without explaining everything? I had no idea what to say.

"I am confused, but maybe one day I'll understand," she replied kindly. After a moment she continued, changing the subject. Thankfully. "Well, I know how to sew. Maybe I could teach you."

"No. No, I can't ask you to do that. And I couldn't pay you or anything," I responded, shaking my head.

"I wouldn't mind teaching you. I think it would actually be fun…" She paused for a moment and then started speaking quickly. "How about this…I teach you how to sew, and you promise never to buy fabric from any other vendor in town. That way it's almost like a business deal."

She was smiling brightly and I couldn't help but smile too.

"Alright, you have a deal." I stuck out my hand for her to shake and she took it swiftly. We were both smiling as we looked into each other's faces.

As we stood there shaking hands I knew that I had made more than a 'business deal.' I had made a friend.

~TtB~

Mary Alice did become a good friend to me over the next few years. We weren't able to see each other all that often, but we both held up our part of our bargain.

Whenever Jay made a trip into town I would do my best to go along with him. Mary Alice was a good teacher. Patient…very patient. Thank goodness. She taught me the basics, and then moved to more complicated designs and techniques.

Sewing can be boring work, but we never ran out of things to talk about. And in her company I found some joy in it…A very little, though. I pricked my fingers more times than I could count.

It seemed impossible at first, but she promised I would get better with practice.

"Lots and lots and lots of practice," she had said with laughter at seeing my first creation.

The first shirt I ever made was atrocious. But she was right. I did get better…eventually.

I knew I'd never sew anything as gorgeous as some of the dresses and embroidery she made, but I was decent. And Edward and Jay were just glad to have someone to patch the holes in their pants and mend their ripped shirts.

With all the work I had to do on the farm it was hard to make a trip into town just to say hi to a friend. Our friendship was easy and fun, but it wasn't a high demanding relationship. We enjoyed the company, but we didn't need to see each other every week. Sometimes we'd go months before we could spend time together. And that was okay.

~TtB~

The years slowly crept by, each day following the same routine.

My day usually began right with the sun. I'd wake up early to start the fire for breakfast and to heat some water for bathing and washing the dishes. Also, Jay enjoyed a hot cup of coffee and was always grateful when one was ready for him.

Usually I made something over the fire for the first meal of the day. We ate hotcakes or oats and milk with a touch of molasses for flavor. Other times we had scrambled eggs. And on lazy days we'd just eat bread with homemade butter.

I spent hours in the kitchen every day, sweating in midst of the sweltering heat of the fire.

Every week I'd bake fresh bread as well…which would usually last us a few days. I learned how to use the bustle oven in the kitchen, and became quite proficient at baking bread, cakes and pies. I usually was just making bread, but sometimes after picking wild berries, I would be inspired to bake some mixed berry pies or crisps.

Preparing the bustle oven for baking is extremely time-consuming, but there is always something else to do around the house while you are waiting. I would start a fire inside the brick oven and wait until the fire has diminished and sufficiently heated the stones. Then I would sweep out the ash and place the food I had prepared inside.

It's a slow cooking oven, but the finished products are delicious and almost never overcooked, if I was paying attention. I just had to deal with the constant heat in the small kitchen area.

I got paid never ending compliments about my cooking though. So that was something. I'd never be a professional seamstress, but I was becoming an excellent cook.

Jay taught me how to make a few things, but mostly I learned on my own. I would experiment with different recipes and realized that was the best way to learn.

I could cook amazing meat stews over the fire and all other types of meals.

Aside from all the cooking, I would also help care for the animals. I would clean the animal's stalls and feed them. I would also milk the cows and gather the eggs. I groomed the horses and lead them out to pasture every day.

I swear these animals know me better than anyone else, besides Edward of course. I talked to them all the time and sometimes I'd pretend they were answering me back. They told the best jokes.

Almost two years after we arrived, Jay sold two of the dairy cows. The expense of keeping them was costing much more than we were getting back from selling the milk, cream and butter.

Jay kept one for us we would have our own source of dairy products.

He was able to get a fair price for them…25 dollars each. I knew I would miss their unique personalities, but I can't deny that I was pleased to be milking only one cow twice a day instead of three.

In the spring I'd help out Jay and Edward with bringing in the wheat harvest.

Bear's Mill, which was a stone grinding flour mill in town, was flourishing, and we had been having very successful wheat crops during the last few years. Each bushel of wheat was going for $1.05 and we were extremely grateful to have a steady source of income.

Jay and Edward spent hours without end working in the fields. They had to plow, plant, weed and harvest. All of this was long, back-breaking work. They spent most of their time out in the field while I worked in the house, barn or garden.

Sometimes they worked straight through dinner and supper. There were times where I would only spend a few minutes with them during a whole week.

Edward and I shared a room, and hearing his breathing at night would be the only interaction we had sometimes. We would try to stay up and talk, but usually we were too tired.

It was lonely work for me at times, being alone for most of the day... but the farm was bountiful and we were all happy. I was happy. Or perhaps, there was no free time to feel unhappy.

Edward and Jay worked tirelessly, and the success of the efforts was obvious.

Harvesting season during the early summer months were our most busy. This was the time of year where some of our other work was neglected. When the crop was ready it had to be taken quickly. Together we would all work to cut, rake, and bundle the wheat stocks to take to the flour mill.

Working together brought its own type of joy. It was long, sweaty work, but we would joke and tease, or just talk to make the time go faster.

I never slept as well as I did during harvest season. Jay and Edward were used to it, but that type of work completely tired me out. I'd always wake up with sore muscles, but we had to push through it.

All of us had come to really know and understand each other. Edward and I were extremely close, but Jay slowly began sharing more about his life as time went on. He had experienced some true tragedy in his life and knowing about his past made it easier to understand his strengths and fears.

Almost the first day we arrived, Jay told me that his wife had died many years ago. He rarely spoke of her, but sometimes his stories alluded to a happier time in his life when he was married.

Over many months of listening and asking questions here and there I was able to create a picture in my head of what she had been like. And the more I asked him about her, the more information he would volunteer on his own.

Her name was Emma and they had gotten married very young. She was a kind, generous woman who always made Jay laugh. She grew an herbal garden by the house and she had the gift of healing. She knew all the best remedies for both people and animals.

In my mind I could imagine her walking around the house with Jay, working along side him.

After living with Jay for a time and learning more about Emma, I longed to know what had happened to her. That was one thing Jay never volunteered to answer. I had never met her, but I truly felt like I knew her. I worked in the same kitchen she cooked in, even used some of the same recipes. I got my hands dirty in the same garden she planted in. I slept under the same roof.

One Saturday evening when we were all lounging in the living room I finally gathered the courage to broach the subject. I had been letting out the hem in one of Edward's too short pants, but I was unable to focus on them.

"Jay," I started tentatively, putting down my sewing. "What happened to Emma? How did she die?"

The question seemed a little abrupt and harsh, but after the hundreds of conversations we had about her, Jay couldn't have been too surprised that I wanted to know.

Jay sat forward and folded up the newspaper he had been reading. He rested his elbows on his bent knees and rubbed his face. Edward lay his book down on the table, wanting to know too.

"You know, I'm surprised you waited this long to ask that. You're quite inquisitive," he smiled sadly.

"I know you probably don't want to talk about it, but I feel like I'm missing out on a huge part of the story. Your marriage to her was such a defining portion in your life. I feel like it hangs over us."

He agreed and nodded at me before he began. "Well, being the detective you are, you already know some things about her. She had a strong sense of how to help people and was very gracious. She was also very sensitive to the world around her and wanted everyone to be as happy as she was."

He paused.

"One thing you may not know is that she loved children. When we were newly married she told me she wanted to have a house full of babies. Dozens, she said." He laughed, remembering. "But sometimes life doesn't go the way you plan. We had been married almost ten years and still no baby. I've told you she was gifted with medicinal herbs, but nothing she tried seemed to be helping."

Edward and I were listening intently, fully engrossed in his story.

Jay continued. "Well finally, a miracle. She became pregnant. I wish you could have seen how happy she was. She would sing around the house all day. She walked around here like she was floating on a cloud, her whole body exuding joy. Just so happy. The happiest she'd probably ever been…and that's saying something."

Jay leaned back in his seat, wiping the phantom tears from his eyes. I could see by his posture and expression that the story was about to go down a darker path.

"She was a petite woman and so it wasn't long before the baby started showing," he chocked. "She was so beautiful," he said, silent tears streaking his cheeks. "She really glowed. And she loved that baby already.

"She started getting really tired a few months into the pregnancy though. I told her to slow down, rest more…but she wouldn't. She told me time and time again that she was fine. She _was_ fine, until she wasn't. The baby was putting too much stress on her small body. She should have been on bed rest or something, but by then it was too late."

I had tears running down my face, finally understanding how the story would end.

"Well, the baby miscarried and the doctor couldn't get the bleeding to stop," he cried, covering his eyes.

Edward got up from his chair and came to sit by me, wrapping his arm tight around my shaking shoulders. My eyes were blurry from tears, but I could see how moved Jay was by sharing this. I reached my hand out and held the one that was clenching his leg.

"I'm sorry," he said, wiping away his tears with the back of his fingers. "That is the first time I've actually had to tell the story to anyone. Everyone in town knew what happened without my having to say anything."

"I'm truly sorry for you loss, Jay," I whispered, squeezing his hand.

"Me too," he breathed. "It happened so long ago, but sometimes it feels like I'm right back there, living in those moments again."

"Did you ever find out if you were having a girl or a boy?" Edward asked quietly.

"No," he shook his head. "The doctor told me he could remove the baby to have it buried separately, but I didn't want to see him or her like that. And I wanted to remember Emma the way I had seen her last…happy and pregnant. I would never have taken her baby away from her. It would have been too cruel."

"Do you ever wonder what it would have been?" I asked.

"Every single day." He said each word with emphasis. "He or she would be in their twenties by now. It's strange, when you think about it like that. I could have been a grandpa by now, maybe."

"Did you ever think of remarrying?" I questioned, releasing his hand and sitting back next to Edward.

"Never," he replied simply. "I was married to the woman of my dreams… my soul mate. No other woman would have been able to measure up."

No one spoke for several minutes. Jay's seemed distracted, the memories running through his mind, fresh.

Edward cleared his throat and spoke. "I was just wondering if there was a grave that you visit. I've noticed you take walks, and usually you take the same route."

"Wow, you both are detectives," he smiled gruffly, wiping away the rest of his tears. "There is a grave site a ways off the property. It's where my parents are buried too. It's a place I like to go to to think."

"I'd love to see it," I said with a wavering voice.

"I would too," Edward agreed.

"Alright, we can do that. Let's go after breakfast tomorrow."

The next morning we all headed out together, walking into the forest behind the cabin. Jay led us through the tall trees with ease, obviously very comfortable with the route.

After some time we stepped into a very small meadow. The defining feature of the area was a beautiful oak at the far end of the enclosure. The tall tree provided the area with a cool shade and the sound of the wind whistling through the leaves was soothing.

Next to the large oak were three graves, each marked with a simple wooden cross. Two crosses were further back, closer to the tree, while the third was obviously more recent.

The grass was long alongside the graves, but this meadow did not seem wild. It was obvious that Jay didn't let this hidden place disappear into the forest. It was hidden, but not neglected.

"It's a beautiful space. Natural, calm," I said.

"I love it here. I could cut the grass more often, but I kind of like how the long blades sway in the wind. And this is how Emma would have liked it, I think," he smiled. "She hated when people would destroy the natural beauty of anything, 'trying to make it better.' This place has a quiet beauty. It isn't flashy or obvious, but sometimes beauty can come from a feeling rather than the look of a place. And it does feel peaceful here."

I walked toward the graves and saw that each of the crosses had a name carved at the top. Edward walked up next to me and held my hand while we looked at Jay's past.

We both turned to Jay when he approached, waiting for him to speak.

"I'm glad you two know about Emma now. Standing here in front of this spot with you both, I don't feel as sad as once was. When Emma died, a part of my life and future died with her. I lost something that can never be returned. But when I found you in the barn that winter, my first thought was that somehow Emma had led you to me. I never knew if my baby was a boy or girl, but my angel brought me a boy and a girl to care for. You have brought hope back into my life and I have to thank you for that."

"You have given us hope too," Edward responded, squeezing my hand more firmly.

"Thank you for bringing us here. For sharing this with us," I added.

On an impulse I stepped closer to Jay and embraced him. I wrapped my arms around his waist, my cheek resting against his chest. I could tell I took him by surprise, but after a moment he hugged me back.

"Thank you for saving us," I mumbled into his shirt.

After spending some more time in the meadow we all walked back to the cabin in silence, our minds full of our own thoughts.

So often I had wondered why Jay would take two penniless children into his home and let them stay without a second thought. Once I had referred to him as our angel, and now I understood that he had his own angel watching over him.

Emma and his lost baby were the guiding light of his life. He made his decisions with them still in the forefront of his thoughts. He wanted to live his life in a way that made them both proud. And he truly did.

**End Notes:**

They are finally getting older! This chapter was really hard to write because I kept getting distracted by other scenes with E/B when they are older.

I will be moving very quickly through the next few years of their life, so if you have questions, please ask.

Is there anything you're hoping will happen?

I did another PicTease for this chapter on 7/18. Please let me know if you enjoy that and want me to continue. (Need the link?)

REVIEW!


	11. Chapter 11

When one is working on a farm, repetition and routine become your life. Each day follows the same pattern, from dawn to dusk we move from task to task with almost every single second occupied.

All three of us know we have to work from sunup to sundown, but we also know we have to give ourselves time to rest and recuperate.

Jay reserved Sunday as our day of rest. None of us are particularly religious, but having one day out of seven really does help keep us strong and happy.

Being able to play, read, explore the area, or just take a nap is wonderful.

Sunday was our day; Edward's and mine. Unlike the other days of the week where we worked apart, we spend almost every second together on these 'rest days.' And usually… we aren't resting at all.

During the warm months we spend almost every Sunday outdoors, exploring the forest around Jay's property. We'd leave in the morning with some food and wouldn't come home until after dark.

We'd climb trees, hunt for wild berries, play games, or just lie in the tall grass and talk. And laugh… we were always laughing.

One hot afternoon, our first summer with Jay, we happened across a clear creek that had wildflowers growing all along the bank. The water was cool and refreshing and the sun was shining, sparkling against the stream. There wasn't a strong current and it was deep enough for swimming.

I know this because it only took a few minutes for us to jump in. At first we had just taken off our shoes and put our feet in, but it soon became too tempting.

We didn't have swim clothes, but that didn't stop us. We jumped into the stream in our dirty work clothes. We justified this by saying they could probably use a good rinse anyway.

The water felt amazing and it was so fun to swim and float. The creek wasn't very wide or deep, but it was big enough to stretch out in. If we were standing in the very center, the water came up to my chest and to his waist.

We spent a few minutes calmly swimming before I looked over and saw Edward floating on his back with his eyes shut. I slowly swam over until I was right next to him. I grabbed his shoulders and pushed down with all my strength.

But of course, he was too fast for me. He dropped his foot to the ground and spun me around until I was in front of him. He quickly dunked me, pushing my whole body on the water. My arms were still around his shoulders, trying to pull him down too.

"I knew you'd try to dunk me," he laughed while gently wrestling with me in the water.

"It's not fair," I squealed, spitting water out of my mouth. "You're so much taller than me," I said while trying to squirm out of his grip.

The next few minutes consisted of splashes and attempted dunks…well, attempts on my part. He was successful. I was not.

"I'm going to dunk you one day," I threatened. "You'll see…" I pushed my loose hair out of my face.

"Yeah, okay," he taunted, laughing. "I'll believe it when I see it. I'm too fast for you."

I made one last attempt, lunging at him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and tried to pull him under. I was close, but he was able to loosen my grip so I just fell out of his arms and into the water.

"You're fast, I'll give you that. But one day, I'll surprise you." I wiggled my finger at him. "So just be prepared."

"I can't wait. It will be nice to be challenged. Finally," he smirked, swimming away from me on his back.

I splashed water in his direction, shaking my head at him. "Pride cometh before the fall… or the dunk, in this case."

He laughed and I just rolled my eyes at him, smiling.

We got out of the stream eventually and lay on the bank to dry off. Our clothes were sopping and plastered to our skin, but we didn't care. The sun felt amazing on our cool skin and we both shut our eyes, soaking in the warmth.

We had a little picnic and ended up staying by the stream all day.

We love this spot and if the weather was good we came back almost every week that summer.

It was a place where we had some of our happiest moments together. We love to swim and also love the privacy and beauty of the area. It is entirely untouched by the world and that makes it special.

We didn't always swim, but when we did we'd usually end up having a dunking match. I was still unsuccessful, but I got better every year. Of course, he got taller and stronger every year too. It was a never ending cycle of… almost.

We'd always bring a lunch and just lay in the grass, talking or napping. Sometimes I'd lay with my head pillowed on his stomach, my wet hair fanned out over his torso to dry. Other times we'd lay with our heads together, making shapes out of the clouds in the sky.

We laughed and joked, but we also shared secrets, dreams, fears…Everything.

~TtB~

"What do you want to do when you grow up?" I ask one winter.

We are sitting in the living together reading in front of the fire. We sit like this quite often during the long winter months. Both of us love to read and it is a great way for us to be together and be independent at the same time. We can be in our own separate worlds, sucked into our books, but we only have to look up to see that we aren't alone.

My back is resting against the arm rest and I have my legs stretched out over Edward's. Jay has already gone to bed, but we have decided to stay up a little longer.

I keep trying to focus on my book, but every time he moves it causes me to look up.

The more time we spend here, the more comfortable we become. Usually I focus all my attention on the present, but every so often I try to picture what our lives will be like five, ten years down the road. Edward never really talks about the future. He never complains about the work either, but I want to know what he is thinking.

I ask my question.

"When I grow up? Am I not grown up now? I'm almost twenty, you know." A teasing smile is curling on his lips.

I laugh. "That's not what I meant. When you were a kid, what did you want to do when you got older? Did you want to be a salesman, like your dad?"

"No," he replies. He marks his place in his book and sets it down. "I loved my dad and respected what he did, but I wouldn't like having to travel so much. He was rarely home."

"You are kind of a home-body," I agree, smiling.

"Yeah," he chuckles. "I guess I am."

"What _did_ you want to do then?"

"Actually, I'm not really sure. When you're a kid you really don't understand how it will be when you're an adult. You just think you do… And after my parents died, just finding a way to survive each day was all I thought about. I don't remember ever thinking about a future job or career."

"Well, what about now?" I ask.

He hesitates, thinking. He rests his crossed arms on my stretched-out legs. "Honestly, I don't know. I definitely never imagined I'd end up being a farmer. It is way more difficult than I ever thought it would be too. I'm sure you understand that."

"Yeah," I whisper. Sometimes I miss the easy life I had lived with my parents in the city. That seems like a completely different lifetime now.

"I don't hate farming. That's not what I mean. We have a safe, steady life. I love this land and I am happy here. We have tons to be grateful for, but it would be nice to have more free time… be able to spend a whole week without doing work... I probably just sound lazy," he breathes, laughing a bit.

"You are the complete opposite of lazy," I tell him, shaking my head. "I don't know how Jay survived without you. I really don't."

He scoffs a bit, but he probably knows that it is true.

I continue, "We were blessed when we found this place, but it is okay to feel tired sometimes." I reach over to squeeze his shoulder. "I'm just surprised you're saying anything about it. You always seem so content, no matter where you are or what you're doing. That's one thing I really admire about you. You always give the best you have to give, no matter what. You push through the aches and tiredness and just do what needs to be done. Most people aren't like that. "

"You're going to make me blush," he says in a high falsetto voice, fanning his face with his hand. I think he feels uncomfortable getting compliments sometimes, so then he'll make jokes to cover up his awkwardness.

I shove his shoulder teasingly. He gasps and pretends that it hurts, rubbing his 'sore' arm with one hand.

"Oh, stop that," I scold, chuckling. I grab his hand and pull it over to hold in my lap. We aren't looking at each other, but we are both smiling.

After a few minutes of companionable silence, Edward speaks. "That's something I've always admired about you too, you know."

"What do you mean?"

"You took to this life so fast. You never could have anticipated this life for yourself, but you were willing to learn to do things that were so foreign to you. What's more is that you're amazing here. You are talented in so many things. I don't know what Jay and I would do without _you_. Honest."

"You're actually going to make me blush," I respond. His words are so kind and unexpected and I can feel my skin flushing in pleasure.

"Well, it's true," he says softly, squeezing my hand tighter.

"Thank you," I whisper. "I like feeling useful. I like knowing that I'm helping, taking care of you when you need it."

I hesitate. "I always felt so useless in my parent's home. Someone had to be there to help me dress, someone had to make me food or I wouldn't be able to eat. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere by myself… There were lots of things that we nice, but a lot of times I felt a little powerless."

"You must have hated that."

"There definitely were unpleasant moments," I say. Suddenly I remember something from many years ago. "There was one time when our cook got sick. I was pretty young, but I remember my mom telling me that we wouldn't have any hot meals that day. We went into the kitchen, a room I had never entered by the way, and tried to find something to eat. My mom couldn't cook and as we were looking through the cupboards, not finding anything, I was sure we were going to starve to death," I tell him, shaking my head at the absurdity. "I had never gone more than a few hours without eating. I just _knew_ we wouldn't survive the day."

We both laugh, knowing, with experience, how long you can go without food. "It's funny now, but at the time I truly felt helpless. I hated that."

"And look at you now. You make the best food I've ever eaten," he compliments.

I smile in thanks. "I guess it is a bit ironic…but now that I think of that day, it makes sense that I took the time to learn certain things so I don't ever have to feel that way again."

"It's funny that you've never told me that story before. It makes perfect sense, knowing you now."

"What's funny is that I never remembered it until just now. There were a lot of things that I didn't like there, but there were just as many things that I loved. My parents were truly lovely people and they created a lovely home for us."

"They were good people," Edward agrees. "You were very lucky to have them. You were only able to spend ten years with them, but they helped shaped you into who you are today. They would be proud of you."

I lean forward and rest my head against his shoulder for a moment. For someone who hates receiving compliments, he was an expert on giving them.

"Thank you. I hope they are," I say into his shirt.

After taking a moment to reign in my emotions, I sit back against the arm rest.

"This is kind of changing the subject, but I want to go back to our first topic…" He pauses. "What did _you_ want to be when you grew up?"

"Like you, I don't think I ever imagined something specific for my future. But I think it would have been something like the life we already have here. I obviously never imagined living on a farm, but I like being self-sufficient. And I like being able to take care of others. I don't know," I shrug.

"Would you be happy if we stayed here?"

"What…forever?" I ask to clarify.

He nods.

"Maybe one day I'll want to venture out, but right now I can't imagine leaving. I love it here. I really do." I think for a moment, and then amend my statement. "Or rather, I love it here when it's not cold. Snow really is very annoying," I complain.

"I agree. I can't wait for spring to come." He leans back, stretching his arms into the air. "I always get so restless during the winter. We are so limited on the things we can do. I miss the heat."

"Me too. But at least it is warm inside. I hate being cold."

He laughs quietly. "I know you do. I swear your feet and hands are like little ice boxes sometimes… Even when it's hot. It's ridiculous."

"Well, it's a good thing I have you to keep me warm then," I say with a glint in my eye.

The hand holding Edward's is toasty warm, but the other has been resting on the chair and it is freezing.

I sit forward quickly and stick my hand in the collar of his shirt behind his neck.

He jolts at the contact and tries to pull away, but with my legs resting over his, he won't be able to get up without throwing me to the ground…which he is too nice to do, luckily.

My icy hand is soaking in the warmth from his skin. I sigh exaggeratedly to irk him.

"Mm, that's nice," I breathe, egging him on. I wiggle my fingers inside his shirt.

"Oh, now you're in for it," he threatens.

He leans back so my hand is stuck in his shirt against the couch. He grips my other hand tightly in one of his own so I can't pull away. With his other hand he starts tickling me… relentlessly.

He squeezes the tops of my thighs because he knows that is one of my most ticklish spots.

"No," I squeak, giggling loudly. My whole body is flailing around, trying to escape the torture.

He moves to my stomach, poking me in the sensitive spots he knows are there from years of experience. Every time he touches me I squeal and squirm.

"You surrender?" he questions, drilling his knuckles into my side.

"Yes," I yell, twisting away from his hand. "Please, mercy, mercy," I cry, laughing.

He finally stops and sits forward so I can pull my hand out from his shirt.

I lean back with a huff, trying to catch my breath.

"So not fair that you aren't ticklish," I say breathlessly, wiping the crocodile tears from my eyes.

"Maybe I am and you just haven't found the spot." He raises an eyebrow, tilting his head in my direction.

"Why does it sound like you're challenging me?" I ask, raising an eyebrow right back at him.

"I don't know, does it sound like I am?" he taunts.

I look at him with suspicion.

"Oh, no you don't," I say abruptly, understanding. "You just want me to try so you'll have an excuse to torture me more," I exclaim. "I'm not falling for that one…again."

He laughs happily. "You know me too well," he grins. "I was just teasing, anyway. We should probably get ready for bed."

"Yeah, lots of things to do tomorrow. It's busy work, watching the snow fall." I roll my eyes.

"Yeah, I wish that's all we had to do tomorrow," he adds. We stand up from the couch and start walking toward our shared bedroom.

"Oh wait," I say excitedly. I turn around to face him, walking backwards in front of him. "It's your week to muck out the barn. I can sleep a little bit better knowing I don't have to wake up and do that," I joke.

"Sleep a bit better? Are you having nightmares about falling into the manure pile again?" He gently tugs a lock of my hair that is curled against my shoulder. "I know how much that terrifies you…" He smirks at me.

I reach up and flick his ear lightly. "That was one time," I whine. "I never should have told you that…"

He pulls me close, hugging my shoulders. "I know, I know," he replies. "I just like giving you a hard time about it. At least it hasn't happened in real life."

"Yes, there is that."

We get ready for bed and then jump under the covers in our own beds. There are two single beds in the small room, each across the room from the other.

Our room is tidy, but plain. We don't need fancy things to be happy, because we only come in here to sleep.

Twinky is curled up against my pillow and I have to shove her over to get under the covers. She normally prowls around outside during the night, but not during the winter. She likes to sleep inside where it is warm…and I can't blame her.

"Ugh," I moan when I feel the cool sheets. "I hate getting into cold blankets. That's the worst." I kick my legs around, trying to warm them up. Twinky cuddles up against my neck above the quilt, helping to warm me.

"I thought the worst was putting your warm feet on the cold floor in the morning," he mumbles into his pillow.

'It's all the worst," I reply sleepily. I can feel my eyelids drooping fast. "Night…"

"G'night," he exhales.

Edward has the insane talent of falling asleep almost instantly. Every night I drift off to the sound of his deep, rhythmic breathing. After all these years, I don't think I'd would be able to relax and fall asleep if I didn't hear it. When he is close by, I know I have nothing to fear.

Not even the manure.

**End Notes:**

Kind of a fluffy chapter, but I wanted show how comfortable their relationship is.

I was going to wait to post this later in the week until I could make it longer, but decided to split this chapter in two.

I'm still traveling, so I can't say when the next chapter will be done. I've already got a few pages written though. Thanks to everyone who has stuck with the story and reviewed. You are awesome.

You can ask questions or leave comments… Whatever you want. Just REVIEW!


	12. Chapter 12

Like always, winter eventually does end. The sun melts away the snow and new life rises from the slush. And with the sun comes the freedom to get out and explore again.

Now that all the snow has melted I know it is time to make a trip into town to restock our food stores. We are running low on many of our perishable supplies and I also need some new tools for my garden.

I make some warm biscuits with the last of our ground flour for breakfast.

While we are eating I speak to Jay. "We are in need of some things from Greenville, do you think you'll be able to make a trip today?"

"Hmm. I was actually planning on working on rebuilding a part of the barn that has rotted out. With everything else to do I don't think I'll have the time."

"Oh, well…okay. I guess I can portion our supplies to make them last a bit longer." In my mind I am already trying to figure out what meals I can make with such limited options.

"If you say we are running low, then we probably are. You aren't one to exaggerate," he says thoughtfully. "Edward, would you mind going into town with her? Bella, I know you could probably drive yourself, but I'd prefer you to go with someone."

"Of course I don't mind," Edward responds. "As long as you're sure you won't need me here for a few hours," he says to Jay.

"I'll be fine. The rebuilding is really a one man job, anyway. I'll see you back sometime later this evening."

He takes another biscuit and heads out toward the barn.

"Let me just go get my list, then we can head out," I say to Edward, already starting to tidy up the kitchen.

"Take your time. I'll go get the team hitched. Just come out when you're ready."

Only a few short minutes later we are perched on the front bench of the wagon, heading toward town.

River and Rainy have set a quick pace, obviously full of energy. It will probably only take a little over an hour to get there.

The dirt road is relatively dry for this time of year. I can tell that we wouldn't get stuck in any mud holes this trip. The trees are starting to grow back their vivid green leaves. It is a beautiful drive.

"They are excited it's spring," I comment, jutting my chin toward the horses. "If you gave them slack, I bet they'd take off running." I am gripping the front of the seat with both hands to keep myself in place as we drove over a dip in the trail.

"You should have seen me trying to hitch them. They could hardly stand still long enough to get hooked up. I almost got stepped on a few times."

"See," I nudge Edward with my shoulder. "You aren't the only person to get restless during winter."

"Did you just compare me to a horse?" he says, jokingly aghast. "And did you call them people?"

I gently pinch his arm. "Oh, don't get all literal. I was getting restless too. It seems like every year the winter goes on longer than the last. I can't wait until it is warm enough to swim again," I sigh wistfully.

"We'll probably have to wait a few more weeks, unless we want to freeze…but it does sound tempting…cold or not."

When we are a couple miles out of town, a random thought jumps in my head. It is the type of thought that arrests all else. It drills through my body with such intensity that it turns me cold. I can't believe that this is the first time I have ever thought of it. We have been to town dozens of times, together and apart, but this has never occurred to me.

"Edward," I exclaim suddenly, grabbing his arm.

He jolts in surprise and turns to me quickly. He glances around surveying the area, probably looking for danger.

"What do people think of us?" I cry, clutching his forearm tightly.

"Bella, you scared the hell out of me," he gasps. "What do you even mean?" he says breathing deeply.

"I never even asked what Jay said to people about us. About who we are and why we came. People must have asked. What if I have said things to contradict his story?" I worry my bottom lip.

"Bella, these questions are about five years too late," he says while wiping the sweat from his forehead.

"I know. I can't even believe I never thought to ask. It's such an important thing and I it never occurred to me."

Edward is shaking his head at me, a small smile on his face. "Bella, you really don't have to worry about that. Okay?" He rests his hand over mine on his forearm.

"Why shouldn't I worry?"

"I don't think Jay ever actually said anything about us to anybody. Jay is so quiet; people usually just let him be. He would never volunteer any personal information about us on his own, and people never asked."

"No one cared where we came from?"

"No, I didn't say that," he replies. "People love to gossip and they have made up tons of stories about us. None true, of course."

"Oh," I breathe, finally calming down.

"I mean, can you imagine someone approaching Jay demanding to know who are," Edward chuckles. "I can just picture that look he'd have on his face. The one that says, 'Excuse me, who do you think you are and what makes you privy to my business?'"

I laugh in relief, totally able to imagine the face he would make it someone did demand to know his personal life.

"Jay would never say anything about us that would cause suspicion. He's expects people to mind their business and ignores them when they don't. I think by now people have made their own assumptions about us and who cares what they think. We have nothing to worry about from them."

He transfers the reins into one hand and wraps one arm around my waist for a moment.

"And anyway," he continues, "We've been here for so long that most people have forgotten or just don't care about our strange arrival. We are just another two people that came to Ohio and started farming."

"You're right. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to panic like that. It was just all the sudden, it hit me..."

"Don't be sorry. It never crossed my mind to tell you because I knew we had nothing to worry about. It never came up, so I didn't think to say anything."

He squeezes my waist another time before releasing me and taking up the reins with both hands again.

"What is the gossip? I know it doesn't matter, but I am curious. What do people say?" I ask, trying to imagine what the gossip would be.

He looks up, thinking. "Most of it is pretty tame. We are relatives of Jay's... Or we are relatives of Emma's. We are orphans he adopted…"

"Well, that is kind of true," I interrupt.

"Yes and no. I like to think that we all adopted each other in a way. And he didn't ask us to stay…we had to convince him to let us."

I laugh, shaking my head. "You're right. I was _so_ nervous that day. The thought of him kicking us out was horrible."

"I probably would have been more nervous if I hadn't felt so sick. That was a difficult winter for us, and that part of our past is very private. Not even Jay knows how or why we ended up here. I've thought of telling him, but I always talk myself out of it. It never feels right."

"I've thought of telling him too. At first I thought I would never want to talk about our past to anyone, but lately I've wanted to share our story with him. Sometimes Alice too."

"Does she ask about that when you're together?"

"Uh, yeah." I say the word with emphasis. "She always wants to know about how we came to be here. And she's very hard to say no to. I've definitely had a difficult time in the past trying to evade her questions. I'm never directly lying to her, but sometimes it feels like I am."

"That must be hard. Having to do that with her," he says, glancing at me.

"It really is. She's my only real female friend and I love talking to her. But like you said, it just never feels right."

"Wait, I'm confused," he says, looking puzzled. "She's not your only friend in town. Whenever we go there you are always surrounded by all those girls…"

"I said she was my only _real_ friend. All those other girls are just pretending to like me."

"What? That's ridiculous," he exclaims. "Of course they like you. Why would you think otherwise?"

"It's just little comments here and there. I don't like them either though. I can hardly keep my manners when they speak to me. They are always gossiping and speaking ill of someone. I hate that. I can only imagine what they say about me when I'm not there. I think it would be quite funny to know, actually. I'm sure it's not very clever."

"I never knew you didn't get along with them. You always look like you are enjoying yourself. Why do they always approach you then, if you think they don't really like you?"

"I imagine it's because they want me to join in on the gossip, in case I have information they don't."

"But you hardly come into town…how would you know more than they?" he asks smartly.

"That is an excellent question. And it is obviously a point that has never occurred to them. I don't think that is the only reason they want to include me. One of their favorite topics is boys and I think they want to know if I'm going to go after the ones they like."

"Do they think you are going to steal their men or something?" he laughs abruptly. "In all the years we've been together I've never known you to be interested in one of those boys in town. Am I right? Or maybe that just isn't something you'd mention to me…"

"Are you kidding me right now?" I respond to his absurd question with a dropped jaw. "Of course I don't like any one of them. There are some very nice people there, but none I like in a romantic way. I don't even know what that would feel like."

"What, so you don't even have feelings for your devoted Mr. Newton?" he teases, tugging on one of my curls...something he does frequently.

Michael Newton works in his family's store. They sold food, tools, feed, and other miscellaneous items. Whenever I come into the store he is glued to my side, being way too obliging. He is helpful sometimes, but mostly he is just annoying.

I slug him on his shoulder. "You think you're _so _funny," I drawl out. "I think he's like that with all the girls. As annoying as it is, I'm sure he just thinks he's being a good salesman."

"Bella, Bella…" he says slowly, shaking his head.

"What? Why are you saying my name like that?" I ask tightly.

"You just never want to believe how some of those boys see you. You imagine them to be just overly friendly, but really they truly like you."

"You can't know that. And besides it's not like I'm encouraging them or anything. I've never done anything to make them feel that way."

"Men need very little encouragement before they get carried away. And I do know it's true because I've heard them talk about you before."

"You have not," I say loudly, hoping he isn't serious.

"Men gossip too, you know. We just don't call it that. Gossip sounds much to feminine."

"But why would they talk about me in front of you? That doesn't seem very neighborly."

"Ha, neighborly," he snorts. "Being neighborly is definitely not the thing on their minds. I try to stay out of it, but they think I have inside information about you. They know how close we are and so they think I'd be willing to spill your secrets."

"You wouldn't do that, right?" I whisper. Why would anyone care a lick about me and my secrets?

"Bella, of course I wouldn't. You shouldn't even have to ask." He glances at me, his gaze holding my eyes.

"I know. I trust you more than anyone." After another moment we look away from each other, but the buzz of connection is still strong between us.

"Well, what do they say about me then? You have to tell me now."

He purses his lips, obviously debating whether to tell me or not.

"Come on," I continue, squeezing his forearm. "You know you're dying to tell me…" I say persuasively.

"Alright, alright. But I know you aren't going to like it."

"Wait, is it bad? Are they saying mean things?" Maybe I don't want to know. Knowledge can be power, or it can just make you feel awkward.

"No, definitely not. I just think you aren't going to like it because then you'll know how adored you are."

'You're being absurd. Just tell me. Now I'm dying to know." And I was.

"Okay…Well, because you don't come into Greenville very often, when you do, they are dying to get a glimpse of you. You are considered one of the prettiest girls in the area. They always notice how much you change, how you keep maturing in ah, well…. Nevermind about that… Sometimes they mention your hair…" he deflects.

"My hair?" I ask, confused…I deliberately ignore the part where he mentioned people thinking I'm pretty. There are many beautiful women in town and I am shocked to hear that I am considered a 'looker.' This whole conversation is not going in the direction I thought it would at all. I can ask about the hair part…that seems safer.

"Yeah. You wear it down with loose pins pulling it together in the back. Most other girls wear theirs twisted up in a bun with a bonnet."

"Oh. I never really noticed. Should I cut it?" I ask, not really meaning it. I just want to hear his response.

"What? No," he says loudly, looking aghast. "Absolutely not. It's just different and it draws attention. It's beautiful. It's hard not to stare." He gently sweeps some of my curls over my shoulder.

My hair has grown steadily during the last few years. It reaches all the way down to the middle of my back and even longer if I pull my curls straight. I am surprised that as I got older my hair didn't straighten out like my mother's. I have thick, natural curls…and I quite like them. I never have to fuss over hair styles because the curls are perfectly formed and they don't require any special upkeep.

"I really don't like bonnets," I comment. "There are so restricting…But I didn't realize I was drawing attention to myself by leaving my hair down and head uncovered. I should probably follow the accepted customs when we go to town."

"I didn't mention it because I was trying to make you change anything…" He sounds worried.

"Oh, I know…but I don't want to stick out for something as trivial as a hair style. It won't kill me to pull my hair up and wear a bonnet for an hour every few months. We hardly come into town enough to make a big to do about it."

I start gathering my hair up with my hands, twisting it up loosely into a low bun.

"No," Edward stops me with his voice and his hands. He reaches up and pulls my hands down, causing the bun to twist back down my shoulders. "Leave it down for today…"

He runs his fingers lightly through my hair to separate it back to normal.

He continues, "One more time with it down won't hurt anybody. I'm quite fond of your hair too, and I'm the only one who knows how soft it is…for now at least," he adds quietly.

He is still stroking my hair, twirling my locks around his fingers. His hand is running down the length of my hair, lightly brushing against by back.

I glance at him, surprised at his tender, prolonged touch. We have an affectionate relationship, but this is different. This is more, somehow. He isn't even looking at me…it seems like he doesn't even realize that he is still touching me.

"Edward," I whisper, a question clear in my voice.

Once he hears my voice, he turns and focuses on me. After a moment he realizes that his hand is still in my hair because he pulls it back immediately.

"Sorry," he apologizes quickly. "I didn't mean to…"

"No," I interrupt. "It's fine…don't be sorry. It felt nice," I add shyly.

Edward's hands grip the reins tighter until his fingers turn pale.

"We're almost there," he says quickly before falling silent.

The trip has gone by faster than I originally thought it would. The trees along the road start thinning out, and some town homes come into view. Now that we are only minutes away, I want to lighten the mood before we reach the store.

"Edward, you can't leave me alone with any of those boys," I joke, but keep a serious, concerned face.

"What?" he asks, taken aback. "Of course I won't." He is looking at me funny, probably wondering why I would say such a thing. I enlighten him.

"I don't think I'd be able to control my womanly passions if I spent any alone time with any one of them." I raise my hand to my chest dramatically as I say, "The thought of being in their presence is already causing my heart to flutter…" I sigh with fake longing, barely keeping a straight face.

Edward just stares at me with a slack jaw. His brow is furrowed and I can see one of his hands fisting the reins in a death grip.

When I can't stand it any longer I burst into laughter, cackling helplessly as I picture his reaction in my mind over and over.

"You were kidding," he breathes.

"Of course," I giggle.

He looks so relieved I can't help but start laughing all over again.

"It's not funny," he says as he struggles to keep his frown.

"Don't pretend you don't want to laugh…" I start poking his cheek with my pointer finger, trying to break his composure.

He purses is lips in response, holding back his smile. After a few moments he finally gives in and chuckles along with me.

"I thought you serious for a second there. What you were saying was so contrary to what I know about you, but still…" he shakes his head, running a hand through his hair. "I was already imagining punching some of those buffoons. Just the thought of them getting fresh with you almost put me in a rage."

"I didn't mean for you to get all violent," I snark. "But anyhow…I was kidding about getting all aflutter, but I really don't want you to leave me alone with them."

"You were kidding, but I was serious. I'll be there with you."

"Good. I don't want to have to talk to any of them alone. I wouldn't want to somehow encourage their sensitive feelings by inadvertently showing affection," I tease once again.

"You think I'm kidding, but one friendly smile can mean quite a lot in the mind of any infatuated individual… be it male or female. Once you really like someone, you'll understand."

"You sound like you're talking from experience," I hedge, probing for information.

He shrugs.

"What? You're not going to tell me who is accidently encouraging you?"

He shrugs again.

"Ugh," I moan. "This is your retaliation for my teasing you about liking those town boys, isn't it? You're really not going to tell me?"

He simply smiles broadly at me. "Nope."

"Do you really like someone? Or are you just joshing me?" I ask, surprised.

"I never said I did or didn't. You just assumed."

"That still isn't an answer...Well, I'll find out eventually. I don't think we are very good at keeping secrets from each other."

For some reason, he looks a little smug. "Bella, I'm just trying to make you crazy. You know I'd tell you if I really thought it was important."

"Well, sometimes even when things aren't important, I still want to know."

"I know you do," he says calmly.

As our conversation naturally tapers off, I can see we were seconds away from arriving at the Newton's store. I can see Michael outside the shop loading up someone's wagon and I groan inwardly. This is definitely going to be an interesting afternoon.

**End Notes:**

Sorry for taking a little longer on getting this chapter updated. I'm still traveling. Thank you to everyone that reads and reviews, especially to those who have reviewed every chapter. It means so much.

I did a PicTease for this chapter as well this past Monday. It is a picture of what I imagine Bella's curly hair to look like. It's super pretty, in my opinion. I can either post the link for the pictease or just add the link to my profile if there is any interest. Let me know!

REVIEW!


	13. Chapter 13

Edward pulls the reins and the horses slow their pace, coming to a stop near the hitching post. He jumps from the bench and ties the reins to the wooden rail. I sit on the bench waiting quietly while Edward works to maneuver the wagon and tie the horses. Normally I would have no problem jumping down from the high bench on my own, but it is just one of those things you don't see women do in town. So I must sit and wait until Edward can assist me.

Michael is still loading up a nearby wagon with bags of feed, but I can see his eyes glance my way every few seconds. I feel exceedingly uncomfortable sitting atop the wagon alone. I fidget with my hands in my lap, looking down at my skirt.

Finally after a few minutes I see Edward move toward the side of the wagon in my periphery. He stands at the edge of the seat and raises his arms straight out in invitation. I scoot to the corner of the seat and lean down until my hands are resting on his shoulders. His hands find their way to my waist and he pulls me to the ground easily.

"Thank you, sir," I say quietly, only for his ears. He squeezes my sides gently before stepping back.

I look away from him only to turn to find Michael staring straight at me. He looks away quickly when our eyes meet, but it only takes a few seconds before his eyes peek back in my direction.

I can see that Michael has grown taller since I last saw him. His features have become slightly more defined and his clothes don't seem to hang off of his as much anymore either.

Edward steps up closely to my side, offering his arm for me to take. I slip my hand through the crook of his elbow and rest it on his forearm. As we start walking toward the entrance of the shop, Edward leans down and whispers in my ear.

"He can't keep his eyes off you," he says in a sing song voice.

"I can't imagine who you are talking about," I say dramatically.

Edward laughs through his nose. "You wouldn't be all defensive if you didn't know who I was talking about."

"I know, I know. I just wish he wouldn't stare so," I whisper back. "It is so embarrassing."

"For you or for him?" he asks, already smiling.

"Him, of course." I look up to Edward's face and purse my lips and try not to snicker. Edward is chuckling silently, his shoulders shaking in amusement.

I turn away from Edward, hoping that will help me gain my composure, only to find Michael walking swiftly in our direction. Nothing will bring you down faster than an unwanted suitor.

"Miss Snow, how wonderful to see you in town," he says enthusiastically. He reaches out his hand and I reluctantly place mine in his own. He squeezes it gently for a moment before releasing it back into my custody.

Miss Snow is the alias last name that Edward and I created together for occasions such as this. It is improper to call people by their first names in formal situations and we knew we couldn't use my real last name in case someone was looking for me through that medium.

We chose something that starts with an 'S' and is quite close to my real last name, Swan, without being too similar. The name is also kind of a joke because of how much I really dislike the cold weather and the constant snow fall in the winter. Edward thought it was hilarious.

"Thank you, Mr. Newton. I hope you have had a pleasant winter," I reply politely. Michael completely ignored Edward's presence, only saying hello to me.

"Yes, as pleasant as possible, I suppose. And yours?"

"Let's just say I am glad it is spring. It has been a long winter, which is why we are here. Mr. Masen and I need to buy some supplies." I purposefully draw attention to Edward so he can be included in the conversation. I squeeze Edward's arm tighter, pulling myself closer to his side.

"Mr. Masen, nice to see you as well," Michael says roughly.

Edward tips his cap in Michael's direction, neither one offering to shake hands. An awkward silence surrounds us before Edward speaks.

"If you would excuse us, we should begin our shopping," Edward says to Michael. He starts walking forward, leading me through the door of Newton's store.

"Good day," I say, hoping to end our conversation.

"Oh..." Michael breathes "Please, let me assist you." He steps forward next to us again.

"No, I wouldn't want to trouble you," I say firmly, but kindly. Is there a polite way to say, 'We don't need you?'

"It would be no trouble. I promise," Michael says emphatically, edging closer to me.

Edward looks down, raising his eyebrows at me. I can tell he is trying to tell me something.

"I have Mr. Masen to help me today… But thank you for the offer," I smile at him, and turn away.

As we walk into the store and away from Michael, I finally let out a deep breath.

"I hate when he ignores you like that. Like treating you badly will make me think better of him or something. So ridiculous."

"Don't feel bad on my behalf. I consider myself lucky when he chooses to ignore me."

"Well, it bothers me. Why does he even do that anyway?" I ask.

"Let's not talk about this here…there are hungry ears nearby." He tilts his head to the right. "Don't look now, but I think you are being stalked," he whispers conspiratorially.

I turn my eyes to the right without moving my head and see Michael standing behind a stack of bagged goods looking our direction.

"He's not even pretending to work," I huff. "Let's just get what we need and get out of here."

The store is quite large in comparison to some of the other shops along the street. It has a long counter that runs along both sides of the store. On one side there are shelves stacked with all types of cooking supplies: flour, sugar, eggs, fresh produce, and some fresh baked goods. There is also an ice box that holds cold drinks and some fresh milk and cream. On the other side of the store there are farming tools, rope, seeds, and all other types of knick knacks. Along the back wall there are barrels and bags of animal feed stacked on top of each other. Newton's store has just about everything you could possibly need.

They even sell clothing and shoes, but of course I will never buy those things from Newton's. Mary Alice would never forgive me.

We approach Mrs. Newton with our list and she brings us the supplies we need that are behind the counter or stored in the back. She is a short woman and always wears the same blue-grey dress with a stained white apron. She has always been kind to us and I am grateful that she is the type of person who doesn't insist on prying into people's personal lives. She doesn't waste time with small talk, which is wonderful for people who don't want to be in the store all day. Like us.

After a few minutes we have a large stack of goods and supplies ready to be carried out to our wagon. I start gathering up the smaller things I know I can carry and head out toward our rig.

"Thank you, Mrs. Newton. You have been extremely helpful, as always."

"You're welcome, dear. Please send my regards to Mr. Jenks."

"I will. Thank you again."

Mrs. Newton smiles at us politely before calling out to Michael. "Michael, please help Miss Snow and Mr. Masen, please." She then turns away to help a waiting customer.

Edward and Michael start lifting the fifty pound bags, heaving them up to rest of their shoulders until they can throw them into the bed of the wagon. I carry my gardening tools and some of the smaller items as well.

I stand off to the side when everything I can lift is loaded. When Edward goes back inside to pay for the supplies, Michael comes and stands by me while I wait. Hurry, Edward…

"When do you think you'll be in town next?" he asks shyly.

"Not for some time, I imagine. This is a busy time of year for us with the crop. It could be some months." I slowly start edging away from him. He is standing awfully close…

Every time I take a small step, he would move as well. It is like his feet are tied to mine; if I move, so does he.

I complain about Michael quite a bit, but he really is a nice boy. It is hard to remember that when he is being very forward in his attentions though. There is nothing at all the matter with him other than the fact that he makes me feel uncomfortable at times. I don't like him the way he likes me, so that can create awkward situations.

"Are you not coming to the harvest celebration in a few months?"

"I've never been to one. Mr. Jenks isn't too fond of those types of celebrations." I had never really been interested in them either, but I was willing to hear more about it. "What types of things are there to do?"

"There are tons of things to do," he says with growing enthusiasm. "There are contests with prizes. There are all types of games to play and tons of food too. There is even a dance at the end of the night."

"That sounds quite eventful. Do lots of people attend?"

"Almost everyone. It's one of the best events of the year, besides the county fair in the fall. It is a great way to meet new folks and socialize with everyone. You should come," he invites.

Edward walks out of the store and comes to my side immediately. I can see a question in his face, wondering if I was alright talking to Michael alone. I give a closed lipped smile in response. I wrap my arm through his once again, feeling glad he is back.

"Edward, Mr. Newton was just telling me about the harvest celebration this summer. It sounds like it'd be quite fun." I tell him.

"Does it? If you want to go, then we'll definitely make time for it. Mr. Newton, thank you for your help loading our supplies. We'll probably see you in a few months then." Edward tips his hat again, and I give him a small wave.

"Thank you. Good-bye," I add.

"Is there anything else you need here before we head back?" Edward asks me as we move toward our wagon.

"I could pretend I desperately need something from Mrs. Brandon's shop, but I really just want to speak to Mary Alice. Do you mind?"

"Not at all. I'm not in any hurry. I'm sure she'll be glad to see you. Should we drive over or just walk?"

"I'd much rather walk. It isn't far at all. Do you think our supplies will be okay for a few minutes?"

"I think so, but just in case…Mr. Newton," he calls out suddenly.

Michael turns around and looks expectantly at me before turning to Edward.

"Would you mind watching our things for a few a little while?" Edward asks. "We just need to make another stop down the street. Would that be too much of a bother?"

"No, I can do that," Michael replies, smiling at me.

"Thank you so much, Mr. Newton. We are much obliged." I say. See, he can be kind. Just don't stand too close, and you'll be alright.

As we start walking arm in arm down the street I can hear Michael's mumbled, "You're welcome…"

We walk along the wooden walkway that was built in front of the shops down the main street. Market square is always buzzing with activity and there are many men and women making stops in the different stores. All of the buildings are wooden, but each is painted a little differently.

Greenville isn't a fancy town, by any means…but it is a nice place.

After a short walk, passing many familiar faces, we come to the Brandon's shop. The front door is open to let a cool breeze inside. Mary Alice is sitting behind the counter, mending the hem of a dress.

When we walk through the door, she looks up and immediately jumps out of her seat.

"Bella," she calls out happily. "What a surprise. I knew you'd be coming around here one of these days."

She approaches us and I let go of Edward's arm to greet her. We kiss each other of the cheek, and I say, "I knew I couldn't leave without coming to say hello. Is your mother working today as well?"

"Yes, but she is off on an errand. Thank goodness…we'll have a few minutes to talk before she gets back."

Edward clears his throat suddenly, drawing our attention to him. "Well, Miss Brandon, aren't you glad to see me as well?" he teases.

Mary Alice giggles jovially before reaching out her hand in his direction. Edward takes her hand, squeezing gently while she gives him a pretty little curtsy.

"Of course I am happy to see you as well, Mr. Masen. I hope everything is going with your crop this year."

"Thank you. It is," he smiles politely.

"Oh, Bella," she turns to me suddenly. "I have so much to tell you. You will never believe what just…" she glances at Edward before continuing a little less enthusiastically. "New fabric just arrived. It's quite exciting," she says while fidgeting.

Edward steps close to my side and places a warm hand on my shoulder. He leans down and quietly tells me that he'll give us a moment to chat. Clearly he understands that Alice has something more interesting to tell me than the arrival of new fabric.

"I'll just be across the street," he tells me sweetly. "Good day, Miss Brandon."

Once he was safely out of earshot I ask, "Now what am I never going to believe?"

"Your Edward is quite wonderful. He knew I had something to tell you privately and left without our having to say anything or making a fuss. He is so kind."

"I hope that isn't the thing you think I won't believe. I am well aware of how kind and wonderful he is," I reply, smiling. No one knows more than me the type of person he really is.

She smiles back at me before looking up and down at my outfit. I am wearing a long skirt made of plain green material with a long sleeved blouse tucked in at the waist.

"You've done a wonderful job on sewing these clothes, but your top seems to be shrinking," she says, obviously distracted from our original topic.

"Shrinking? How can that be?" I ask with a confused frown.

"Wait, lift up your arms, please." She steps close to me and bends down to look at it. After a moment she says, "Here, come into the back room with me. I want to check something."

She pulls me by the hand to a separate room that is protected from outside onlookers with a dark, heavy curtain. She helps me undo the few buttons behind my neck and pulls my blouse over my head. I am standing there in my skirt with my my top undergarments exposed. The once white under top is now worn and ragged from repeated use and washings.

Mary Alice is holding my blouse in her hands, looking at the inside and outside stitches. She still hasn't looked up to see my ragged undergarments, for which I am grateful.

"See, look," she says, holding the blouse up for me to see. "The seams are almost splitting apart. That seems so strange." Finally she looks up and sees me. "Bella!" she exclaims loudly, staring at my chest.

"I know," I say, embarrassed. "My undergarments are terribly old and run down."

"No. That's not it. I know why the seams in your shirt are splitting," she says, giggling with her hands over her mouth.

"What are you talking about?" I ask, grinning at her reaction.

"You chest," she laughs. 'It's big!"

I look down at my chest and for the first time really notice how large my breasts have grown.

"My goodness," I breathe, touching the overflowing cleavage with the tip of my finger. "When did that happen?"

"You didn't even know they were getting bigger?" She is still laughing.

"Mary Alice, stop laughing," I say, trying to stay serious. "This isn't funny. When would I have seen myself? I have been bundled up all winter, and there is never enough hot water to take a hip bath. And it's not something people talk about..."

All my explanations make her laugh louder. She is now laughing so hard, she is bent over, holding her arms around her waist. After watching her genuine enjoyment for a few more seconds, I can't help but chuckle too.

"You can say it…I know I'm oblivious…" I sigh.

"Well, at least you have a figure," she says, finally calming down. "I'm as flat as a bean pole. And look," she says pointing to my torso. "Your waist is still so small. You've got a perfect figure."

How strange that a body can change so much during one season. I love living with Jay and Edward, but sometimes it is hard not having a woman around. There are certain things you just can't speak about to men, and this is definitely one of them.

"I didn't mean to embarrass you," she continues. "I was just caught off guard at how surprised you were to realize you body had changed."

"It's not everyday that you realize you've got mountains growing on your chest," I say self deprecatingly. "How embarrassing…walking around in shirts with splitting seams. Now I'll need some more fabric to make new shirts."

"And you'll need some new undergarments too. Now will be the perfect time because we just made some new ones. And these are fantastic. Wait, here…" She leaves the back room for a moment and comes back inside with a bunch of pretty white clothing in her hands.

"This is the newest thing for women these days. It's called combination undergarments. Instead of having two separate pieces, this has the bloomers connected to the chemise top."

The top has a scooped neck with capped sleeves. There is a ribbon running through the top as well, with tiny white buttons down the front. The waist has an elastic band connecting the bloomers to the top without the material bunching too tightly. The bottoms have some pretty ruffles at the edges as well.

"These are wonderful, because the cloth doesn't bulge underneath your clothing. You never have to fiddle with keeping the top down or the bottoms up. It lies smooth underneath your dresses and skirts and it is so lightweight. And the ribbon along the top is for tightening and loosening, according to your chest size. You know…in case and more growing happens," she winks

I roll by eyes at her before holding the garment in my hand. "It's beautiful. This undergarment would be prettier than the things I put over it. It must be so expensive though. I'd never be able to afford it."

"Well, I could give you this one for half price."

"You can't do that. Your mother would kill you."

"Well, this is one of my practice ones. The fabric itself is cheaper too. My mother would never sell this one anyway. The lines on the bodice are not completely straight."

"What are you talking about? This is perfect," I compliment, looking at her straight stitches.

"I'll sell this to your for half price, and my mother won't even know this one is missing. It's a perfect trade."

"Well, I better agree before you change your mind. I also need some fabric for new shirts, and a bonnet. I don't even own one, and apparently I'm the only woman who doesn't wear them," I say, shaking my head.

After redressing, she brings me to an area where there are a few decorated bonnets on a rack. I pick out the least expensive one, knowing I wouldn't be wearing it very often. Next I pick out a simple floral print for my new shirts. She cuts and measures the cloth and then folds everything and wraps them up. After I pay her for my things I realize we never got back to our first conversation.

"Mary Alice, I got distracted. There was something you wanted to tell me?" I ask suddenly.

"Oh," she exclaims in excitement. "Someone has expressed interest in courting me! He is so handsome too."

"What?" I ask. "Who is he? Do I know him?"

"His name is Jasper Whitlock. He and his family came all the way up from Texas a couple years ago." She looks out the door and says, "Oh, there he is." She points discretely from behind the counter.

I turn to look in the direction she is pointing and see Edward standing across the street talking to a man who looks to be about his same age. He is probably about an inch taller than Edward, which is quite surprising because Edward usually towers over most other men. Their height is the only thing that was similar, however. Edward has dark, sun-touched skin with darker hair while Mr. Whitlock has light hair and fair skin.

"Do you mean the man talking to Edward?" I ask, still looking in their direction.

"Yes, but don't stare," she says all flustered.

When I turn around to face her again, I notice that her cheeks are flushed pink.

"You must like him," I guess, looking at her blush.

"I do. So much. He has always been so kind to me. We hardly see each other, because he doesn't need fabric everyday… but I really do like him."

"I'm so happy for you. How did you become acquainted?"

"Well, we met through some mutual friends a year or two ago, but his interest in me is fairly recent."

"Have you been able to speak alone about your feelings?" I ask, confused on how relationships began.

"We are never alone. And we can only converse about certain topics. Talking about our feelings wouldn't be proper, according to my mother. Whenever he comes to call we must have a chaperone. And we are never allowed to touch, but sometimes when she isn't looking he will hold my hand." She drops her head, flushing again. For a moment she seems lost in her sweet memories.

Hearing about these rules of courtship was making me feel a little uneasy. Is holding hands with a man really considered improper? That is almost laughable to me. Edward and I held hands almost every day. I can picture countless moments of us lounging on the couch with my hand in his, or with legs in his lap. Sometimes I even lay with my head cushioned on his leg. I wonder what Mrs. Brandon would think about that...

"I can't wait for the next dance. Surely it will be alright with mother if we were to dance together. That would be wonderful. To have his arms around me…" her words taper off.

"Mr. Newton was just telling me about the harvest celebration coming in a few months. He said there would be a dance at the end of the night. Maybe you can dance with him then."

'You're right. You have to come too though," she says with excitement at the prospect of a dance.

"I already told Edward I wanted to go and he agreed to take me." I smile happily, feeling excited as well.

"Oh, we'll have the greatest time. Now I'm looking forward to it even more." She gazes out the door again, staring at her Mr. Whitlock. "Every time I see him, he looks more handsome to me. I love standing next to him, being around hm. I always feel so small and feminine… Like he could lift me up into his arms with no effort at all," she says, speaking her private thoughts aloud.

Almost as if they can feel our eyes on them, Edward and Jasper look into the shop right at us. Alice gasps in surprise, looking away immediately, but I continue to stare at Edward. I wink at him and his lips begin turning up at the edges in response. He finally smirks at me and begins heading in our direction.

I gather up my new purchases and walk toward the door, with Mary Alice following close behind. Edward steps up onto the covered boardwalk and approaches me with a teasing smile still on his face.

"Hello again," he says to Mary Alice. "Are you ready?" he asks me, taking my parcels and holding them under one of his arms.

"Thank you, I am." I lean over and kiss Mary Alice on the cheek in farewell. "I'll see you at the festival at the very latest, alright? Thank you for everything and I'll see you soon."

"Good bye Bella, Mr. Masen," she nods and waves.

Before we have walked too far away, I turn around and saw Mary Alice standing in the doorway speaking to Jasper, who was still standing in the street. They both have their hands behind their back, but they are both leaning forward slightly. It is obvious now that I know of her feelings that she longs to stand next to him, to touch him. But propriety…and her mother… demand them to stand apart. They aren't even allowed to tell each other how the really feel.

I turn around, looking at my feet as we walk away.

"What is it?" Edward asks, turning around to look back for a moment as well.

"It's nothing. I was just thinking of something." I step up closer to his side and wrap both of my arms around one of his. This brings him even closer, and I am practically hugging his arm to my chest.

How terrible would it be to have to keep your distance from someone you liked when all you wanted to do was be close to them? I would hate it if I was never allowed to touch Edward, hold his hand, his arm.

"I like you," I exhale, resting my head on his arm for a second, still hugging it to me.

He chuckles in surprise. "You like me, eh? Well alright then." He looks down at me with confusion. "I like you too…" He says it like a question, clearly asking me to explain.

"It's silly. I'm just glad we can be ourselves when we are together…I'll explain later."

It was strange how my perspective of men and myself had changed during this one afternoon. I will have to come to terms with the fact that I am changing, that I'm not a little girl anymore. Mary Alice isn't a little girl anymore either. The decisions we make now will affect our whole lives. We are becoming women, and that is a little scary.

We arrive back at the wagon, and I start untying River and Rainy while Edward puts my new things in the back with the other supplies. I wave my thanks to Michael, who is standing nearby. I step one foot onto a spoke of the wheel and Edward helps lift me back up onto the seat from behind.

Once we are both situated, Edward haws to the horses and we are off. Edward can tell I am a little lost in my thoughts and he lets me be.

I grab one of his hands and hold it in both of mine on my lap. I am grateful to have someone that I can always be myself with. With him I don't have to act formal or follow the silly rules that keep men and women apart, like Mary Alice and Jasper.

We could act relaxed with each other because people in town think we are related in some way. We are able to be affectionate without being worried about being scorned by those 'proper' gossip mongers. I consider Edward to be a part of my family, but he has never seemed like my brother…at least, not in the way a brother acts around a sister.

Our relationship is more than that. Much more. And I am only just beginning to realize that.

**END NOTES:**

Things are moving in the right direction! She's finally thinking about things…which is a good.

I have added some pictures to my profile for this story. And I created a simple banner. There is a picture from this chapter of what a combination undergarment looks like. How would you like to wear that under your clothes? (That is something they really wore.)

Please REVIEW… Even if it's only one line. Please?


	14. Chapter 14

During the next few weeks, the things Mary Alice and I had discussed about courtship and men were constantly on my mind. More than ever before, I was aware of how Edward and I acted around each other.

Even though I was entirely happy and comfortable with our relationship, some of her words kept replaying in my mind. _"We are never alone. And we can only converse about certain topics. Talking about our feelings wouldn't be proper, according to my mother. Whenever he comes to call we must have a chaperone. And we are never allowed to touch..."_

With her words fresh in my mind, sometimes I would catch myself reaching for Edward's hand instinctively, only to hesitate. Was this bad... or improper? I felt as if Mrs. Brandon was standing over me, frowning upon my 'forward' actions. But then I would remind myself that this wasn't just some random boy. This was Edward...His life was so intertwined with my own that acting aloof would feel wrong. So I would push through that twinge of uncertainty and do what felt natural and right. And the way we acted with each other did feel right.

Another part of our conversation that had been puzzling me was their constant need of chaperones. Mary Alice told me that she was never allowed to be alone with Jasper. Mrs. Brandon and other adults wouldn't allow men and women to be alone while they were courting. But why? What harm can a few minutes of privacy cause? It was all so strange.

I was standing in the small kitchen scrubbing some of our dirty breakfast dishes in a big metal tub. I was completely lost in my thoughts, staring intently at my hands in the sudsy water.

"What are you thinking so hard about?" Edward asks.

I jolt so big when he speaks that I accidently splash some water onto the front of my apron. My heart feels like it is going to beat out of my chest, it is flying so fast. After taking a huge breath, I turn around to see him leaning against the table.

"Woah, I didn't mean to scare you," he says, surprised. He grabs a dry cloth nearby and leans forward, offering it to me so I can dry myself.

"I didn't even hear you come in... And how do you know I'm thinking hard about something?" I start dabbing some of the water from my hands and then wipe the wetness from my cotton apron over my stomach.

"You've got that wrinkle right between your eyebrows," he says, pointing to my face. I raise my hand to feel my skin, as if I could feel the crease on my face with my fingers. He continues, "That's the one that tells me you've got something on your mind."

"I _was_a little lost in my thoughts. That's why you startled me so much."

"You've been so quiet lately. I feel like we haven't really talked in a while. This is always a busy time of year for us, but that isn't the only reason we haven't talked, I don't think."

"I feel the same way. And there have been some things I'm trying to sort through in my own head. That's why I've been so quiet. I didn't mean for us to stop talking." I realized I was wringing the now damp cloth in my hands...I set it down away from me so I would stop fiddling with it.

"Do you think you'd be willing to talk to me about those things?" I nod slowly. "Let's go on a walk," he invites.

"What, now?" I had tons of chores to finish, but taking a break sounds extremely tempting…

"Yes, now."

Before I can respond he steps closer and gently turns me around. He unties my apron strings and pulls it away from my body. He drapes it over a chair and grabs my hand, pulling me toward the door with him. Clearly, he isn't giving me the chance to say no. Not that I would have refused, anyway.

He set a fast pace, but it feels wonderful to stretch out my legs after the long morning in the kitchen. Our fingers are still intertwined so when I decide to start jogging, he stays right by my side. Without exchanging any words, we both suddenly break out in a sprint together. Our hands pull apart, but we continue to stay close to one another.

The soft thuds from our feet pounding on the dewy grass are soothing. Running like this causes a feeling of freedom and warmth to spread through my entire body. Laughter suddenly burst out of my chest like a large exhale. I needed this.

After another moment of running, Edward places a hand on my forearm and slowly slides it down until it has engulfed my own. We slow our pace and he spins in front of me walking backwards so we are face to face. A bright smile is spread across his face, and I can feel my smile matching his.

He grabs my other hand and pulls me forward as he starts moving to the ground. We end up laying flat on our backs, staring through the shimmering leaves up to the clear blue sky. I place both my hands on my stomach and try to catch my breath.

"Thank you," I breathe, turning my face to the side so I can see Edward.

"For what?" he replies, propping his head up on his hand.

"Just for being you, I guess. For knowing what I needed just now…For helping me get out of my own head. All of that." I hadn't even realized how bogged down I felt until I was out in the open, running freely. All my worries seemed to melt away when I felt the sun's rays kiss my cheeks.

He continues to look in my eyes as he sits up further and lifts a hand to my face. He lightly brushes his fingers across the skin of my forehead, pushing some stray hairs away from my eyes and hooking them behind my ear.

His touch is so sweet, and the expression on his face is totally open, welcoming. He lies back down on his back looking back up at the clouds, but leaves an arm open, a clear invitation for me to move closer.

I realize that some people tell you they care about you, and others just show it... no words necessary. Edward doesn't need to tell me he is worried about me or that he truly cares for me. Without prompting, he shows with his actions what is important to him. Me. I am important to him, and even though this knowledge isn't knew to me, it still causes my heart to stutter.

My heart is beating faster once more, but this time it has nothing to do with the exercise. I sit up and scoot toward him, lying down with my head on his chest. I glance up at his face and see that he is smiling to the sky

We lie this way for some time, feeling the cool breeze on our faces. I shut my eyes and just let the rhythm of Edward's breathing lull me. There is a steady breeze today and it feels heavenly against my hot skin. The fabric of my long skirt keeps billowing over onto one of Edward's legs.

This connection between us is stronger than I have ever felt it. Or maybe it was always like this and I was finally paying attention to it. I am a woman and he is a man and it is alright for us to be alone together. There truly was no harm in it, no matter what Mrs. Brandon thought.

"Edward," I break the silence. "Why can't men and women be alone together?"

"What?" he asks, his chest rumbling against my face. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you remember those things I told you about Mary Alice? About how Mr. Whitlock… Jasper, is courting her now?"

"Yes, of course," he confirms. "What about it?"

I lift my head away from his chest, and lay at his side, turning to face him with my own head propped up on my hand.

"She told me about the rules they must follow during their courtship. Do you know anything about that?"

"I do, yeah. What about them?"

"They seem strange to me, is all. Unnecessary," I say.

"I wouldn't say they are unnecessary. They are definitely very restrictive, but I can see why parents would worry if their courting sons and daughters were left alone."

"Why should parents worry about it? I think it is ridiculous that Mary Alice and Jasper can't even tell each other how they really feel. To have every conversation listened to by a chaperone sounds horrible. Why is it necessary?" I ask him, my voice louder.

"Bella…?" he asks quietly. He tilts his head, his eyes boring into my own, searching.

"What? Why can't men and women be alone together while they are courting?"

His sits up suddenly and pulls his legs up, crossing his arms over his bent knees. I sit up as well, not understanding the look on his face. I sit with my legs crossed staring right at him. Waiting.

He runs a hand through his hair suddenly, taking a deep breath.

"Bella," he starts tentatively. "Do you know what it is that married men and women do together?" He looks almost afraid of what my answer will be.

"What? What does this have to do with chaperones and courting?" That was a very random question for him to ask.

"Oh," he laughs without humor. "It has everything to do with it," he sighs heavily. "I honestly never imagined us having _this_ conversation…"

"What conversation? Edward, what are you talking about," I ask, getting more impatient.

After a few moments of silence he asks, "Bella, do you know how a man and a woman make a child together?" He looks extremely uncomfortable, his ears turning a little red.

Oh…Honestly, I had never even thought about it before. I told him so.

"Bella, men and women can't be alone together because their parents are afraid they would want to make a baby together...before they were married." He still looks extremely uncomfortable, his eyes looking everywhere but at me.

But his answer leave me more confused than before…now I have more questions. "But Mary Alice is only sixteen, she doesn't want children yet. Why would she want to have a baby now?"

Edward drops his head against his arms, laughing dryly. "Sweet Bella," he sighs again, looking up at me finally. "I am totally unprepared for this," he says quietly.

"Edward," I pleade. "Please tell me. Surely this is something that I should know about. You know I have no mother to talk with about such things. I guess I could ask Jay…"

Edward bursts into laughter. "Asking him is definitely out of the question. That would be too awkward. More awkward than this, even… And that is absurd considering how uncomfortable I feel right now."

"Okay then…So what?"

"Bella, you're right. Mary Alice and Jasper probably don't want a baby right now, but there are other reasons why people get… together. And that is why Mrs. Brandon and the others would worry."

"What do you mean, get together?" I ask, trying to get him to talk about what he is avoiding.

"Bella, I'm afraid it is going to be a little shocking to you. I wish you could know without me having to tell you about it."

"Is it something bad, then?"

"No, it isn't bad. It's just…very private. Intimate. The most intimate two people can be together." His ears and neck are flushing red again. If this type of intimacy can make Edward blush, then it must be serious.

"Edward, please. Just tell me," I beg.

"You know that men and women are different, obviously. That our bodies are built differently….that we have… different parts."

"Yes, of course," I agree, urging him to continue.

"Well, those parts are meant to match up," he finishes lamely.

I felt a little let down. That was all he had been blushing about? That didn't seem so intimate.

He turns to look at me. "Oh Bella, I can see you thinking already." He takes another huge, steadying breath. "But they don't just match up, you see. The man is meant to… enter inside the woman… until they are one."

I can feel my eyes grow wide, my lips parting in surprise.

He continues, "When two people like each other, love each other…they want to express their feelings in a physical way… Many adults feel a chaperone is necessary so that the courting men and women won't have the opportunity to become intimate. Waiting until marriage is proper so that if their joining created a child, then that child would have the protection of the law. And waiting until you are married makes it more special, I think."

So many thoughts are running through my mind. A whole new part of life is now open to me. To say I am surprised…and shocked, would be a vast understatement. A man can put his…he can be… inside a woman's body? Why would anyone want someone to do that to them?

"Edward, if waiting can make it more special, then why doesn't everyone wait? I can't imagine Alice would become…intimate… with him unless they were married."

"No, you're right. I just meant that sometimes people plan to wait to be together in that way until they are married, but even then… accidents can happen."

"Accidents?" I scoff. "This doesn't seem like something that can accidently just happen." Oh, I'm sorry Miss, I slipped and landed inside of you…? I shudder at the thought.

He shakes his head, smiling with closed lips. "I guess 'accident' isn't the right word. It's hard to explain... A man and woman in love can easily be overcome by their passion for each other. That is what I meant. The ways in which our bodies are built are meant to excite the opposite gender. It is easy to be tempted to…go further. Sometimes waiting can seem too difficult. Especially when you know you will be married and you must wait months while a wedding is planned. What starts out as a small kiss can lead to a longer kiss…and so on…"

…And so on. Didn't that just sum it up, I think to myself. This "and so on" is something I never had even considered, and now this knowledge is overpowering. It is consuming all other thoughts.

"Edward, I feel so stupid," I say, putting both hands over my forehead.

"What, why?" he asks, concerned.

"I just feel so ignorant. Like I should have known what goes on between a married man and woman… and some unmarried men and women, apparently."

"You shouldn't feel ignorant. Not at all. How would you have known? Like you said earlier, you have no mother in your life to explain the ways of men to you. And even then, she might not have told you about it. It is a very taboo topic in society. It's not something people talk about openly."

"If it is so taboo, how did you come to know about it then?"

Once he hears my question, he begins fidgeting and looking pretty uncomfortable. More than he had a few minutes ago.

An unbidden thought springs into my mind. A feeling of dread washes over me for some reason as well. I ask my question before I have time to convince myself not to.

"Have you…have you been intimate with someone?" I ask in a small voice.

He jerks his head in my direction, shock apparent in his face. "No," he almost shouts. "Of course not."

"Oh…" I whisper, relieved for some reason.

"No, I've never been with a woman," he says, his voice more calm.

"Do you want to?" I ask before my mind catches up with my words. What is wrong with me today?

He chuckles abruptly, the toe of his shoe scuffing the grass, flattening the long blades. "I don't think there is a man alive that doesn't want to," he replies evasively.

I bend my knees up and hug them to my chest. Would he end up being with one of those silly girls from town? I can't imagine him liking any of them, but honestly, I really don't know if he is attracted to someone. The thought of him being with anyone makes my chest ache.

"I would never be with someone unless I truly loved them though," he continues, glancing in my direction. "I would prefer to be married as well. To have a lawful commitment together before we share…that. Most men don't feel that way…but I do," he shrugs.

"If you know that some of those men feel differently than you, you must have had conversations about this. Is that how you know about all this then?"

"You are very quick, you know. And yes, that is how I've become _aware, _if want to call it that. And anyway, I think it is slightly more acceptable for men to talk about it for some reason. Actually, they talk about it quite often… they probably think about it even more than that too. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be saying this to you." He says, running a hand through hair again.

"No, don't apologize. I'm glad you were the one to tell me. You're someone I trust to tell me the truth. I would have hated to learn about it from someone else…or never learned at all. I don't want to be naïve."

"Well, even so…Now that you're aware of it, you can never become unaware. And knowing is a burden in itself. You might even start to see people a little differently. Well, I did at least." He stands up and offers a hand to assist me. "We should probably head back. I didn't mean for us to be gone so long."

"Yeah, but changing someone's whole perspective on life takes more than a few minutes," I say sarcastically, bumping his shoulder when I am up on my feet.

He chuckles lowly, dropping his head in fake defeat. We start walking back through the familiar forest to the cabin. Well, now I understand why unmarried men and women are watched so carefully. I got way more than I bargained for out of this conversation though. I thought it would have been some simple answer… but that was _definitely_ not the case.

I wonder if Alice knows about this type of intimacy. She told me she got excited when Jasper held her hand when her mother wasn't watching. How would she feel if he kissed her…or held her tight in his arms? What about the rest…?

And Mrs. Brandon! She knows about this intimacy and tries to keep her daughter away from it. She has a child…she has been intimate with a man!

"Edward, every woman who has had a child has been with a man like that," I say suddenly, feeling shocked. This was like a revelation to me. "And every man and woman who is married does that!"

"They sure do," he chuckles. "Some might even say it's the best part of being married."

"I don't even know what to say." I can feel my face getting hot. I was too shocked to blush when he first explained it to me, but now it is all starting to dawn on me.

"My parents…_your _parents. Even Jay," I exclaim. "Oh, when he told us that story about him and Emma trying all those years to have a baby… _THAT _is what they were doing?"

He squeezes my hand reassuringly. He is letting me vent without interruption.

"What if a married couple didn't want children? Would they not be…_together_ then?" I ask.

"No, they'd still be intimate," he answers plainly.

"Why? If they didn't want children, there is no other point for…that." This argument made perfect sense to me.

"Bella, being intimate is about more than just creating children. It is the way for a man and a woman to consummate their love. They are taking their bodies and literally making love with them. It is meant to be beautiful and pleasurable. It is about connecting both emotionally and physically. Some men in town have made it sound crass and common, but it is supposed to be special, sacred almost. And that is why I would want to wait until marriage. It wouldn't be special or sacred if you are doing it with everyone who is interested."

"I think I'm starting to understand… I'm sorry for all my questions. I'm being very blunt, I know. I just wasn't expecting our conversation to lead in this direction and so it has taken me by surprise. But thank you for answering my questions just as bluntly. This is not the kind of conversation where you can beat around the bush."

"Of course you weren't expecting our conversation to lead here. You can't expect something you have no knowledge of. I am sorry too. When you asked me why men and women aren't allowed to be together, maybe I should have gone with a simple answer. How about this…it's because parents want to control our lives," he teases, his heavy tone brightening.

I laugh. It is definitely too late to pretend that that is the real reason, but it is still fun to joke. "How about this…they chaperone them because they want to hear some new gossip," I add, playing along.

"No, their own conversations are so boring… they have to listen to other's to survive."

"Or maybe they are jealous and find the younger men attractive. Privately hoping to get alone time with them."

"Gross, Isabella…But I wouldn't be surprised if that was partly true." After a second he says, "That makes me think of that lady from the mill..."

"Who, Mrs. Cope?" I giggle out.

"Ugh, I hate that you know exactly who I meant. Yes, her." His disgust is mixed with his joking laughter.

"It's not like she's very discreet when she winks at you." Her behavior had been extremely forward to him in the past. After another second thinking about some of our previous encounters with her, something pops into my head.

"She doesn't want to do _that _with you, does she?" I practically yell. The filter that connects my thoughts to my mouth is obviously missing today.

"Bella," he cries loudly. "Now I need to scrub out my brain! I desperately hope she doesn't ever think of that. Just…ew," he say, exasperated.

"What, she is a widow, you know." I mention casually, trying to make him laugh…and squirm.

"Now, you're torturing me on purpose," he says, shaking his head. He lets out an exaggerated shudder. "She's probably about fifty years older than me." Once he sees my smug look he speaks again. "You shouldn't try to torture me, because I can torture you right back… Hmm…What about Mr. Newton? Do you think he has thought about—"

I immediately cut him off. "Don't even say it," I warn. "You win this round. Please, let's change the subject before that thought is forever imbedded in my mind."

After a moment I find a safe topic. "Lovely weather we're having, don't you think?"

Edward obviously realizes I have had enough of the blunt conversation. So the rest of the walk home is filled with talk of the weather and of the farm. But in the back of my mind, I am still thinking about…_that._

**END NOTES:**

So… what do you think? Is there anything you think Edward left out that Bella should know?

Poor Bella…she was not expecting that at all. But then again, how could she have known? You have to remember that this is the 1870s…

Please REVIEW!


	15. Chapter 15

The day of the harvest celebration drew closer, but this also meant that the actual harvest was upon us too. During the summer months it is necessary for me to help Jay and Edward in the fields. They work so much faster than I do, but every bit of help truly matters. When the crop is ready, it is ready. Waiting isn't really an option.

I can feel the sweat dripping down the skin of my back. I'm glad I bought that bonnet from Brandon's shop because I can't even imagine how miserable I would feel if the sun was shining directly in my face. Even with it…I still feel pretty miserable.

I have been hunched over, gathering and tying the stocks of wheat for the last few days. By back aches, my feet are throbbing, my legs are shaking…it has been a long week. My body is not used to this type of work.

Even Edward and Jay look tired. That makes me feel a little better about my stamina. They are both so strong, and they are used to this type of work. If they are at least a little tired, then I don't feel too bad.

Jay and Edward have been busy threshing the wheat crop. They swipe the long scythe at the bottom of the stocks in one smooth motion. It is a heavy tool, and the repeated action can become extremely tiring. Each morning they sharpen the blade of the scythe so the wheat will cut as efficiently and easily as possible.

It is my job to gather these cut stocks and bundle them with twine. My arms are itchy and red with irritation from working with the wheat. I have to pick each individual stock up and stack them together. I can feel the wheat dust clinging to my clothes and skin.

I tie off the bundle in my arms and drop it to the ground. I place my hands on my lower back and stretch out my sore muscles. I tip my head up to the sun, taking a moment to catch my breath.

The last few months have been very busy for us. Preparing for the harvest is almost as difficult as the harvest itself. I've hardly had any free time to do anything leisurely, but somehow I have found some time to think about the conversation Edward and I had together in the forest. Although the more I thought about it, the more questions I had.

Randomly I would ask him about some of the things that had presented themselves during my quiet reflection on the subject. A few days after 'the big reveal' I remember asking him, "Does a woman get pregnant every time she is intimate with a man?"

Another time I asked him if it would hurt. He answered my questions, of course.

I still can't believe how much this topic consumed my thoughts for the first few weeks. Obviously I still think about it, but it isn't in the forefront of my mind anymore.

Edward was always completely honest and open when answering my questions. For which I was grateful.

I'm sure he was shocked on more than one occasion when out of nowhere I would ask him absurd things about intimacy…especially when they came out of the blue, but he always seemed calm and put together in his answers.

I don't know how he could remain so unruffled about it. It was still more than mildly terrifying to me. Perhaps he was able to keep his composure because he had already decided that he wouldn't be with anyone until he was in love and married. I really admired him for making the decision to wait. Now I just had to make sure he never married anyone. I didn't like the thought of him being close to a woman like that. I don't know why.

I had recently come to the conclusion that if the men in town were my only options…I would never marry. The thought of any one of them getting close to me, even if it was just for a kiss…that still disgusts me. Anything more was obviously of the question.

"Bella," a voice calls out.

I open my eyes in surprise, not realizing they had been shut. Edward is standing down the field and looks sweaty and hot as well.

"We need a little break," he yells to me. "Let's go inside for some food."

I am more than happy to have a break. My energy renews with the thought of sitting down. I follow Jay and Edward as they walk down the field toward the house. I am quite a ways from them, so by the time I arrive to the deck Jay has already gone inside and Edward has almost finished washing himself in the barrel of fresh water.

I untie the laces of my bonnet below my chin and remove it gently, not wanting it to snag on my wind tossed bun. I step up to the barrel on the opposite side where Edward is washing and lean forward, submerging my arms into the refreshing water. I start rubbing the bits of wheat from my clothes and body, loving the way the coolness soothes the itch from my skin. I can hear myself making little sounds of pleasure, sighing as my hot skin finds relief.

I cup my hands and tilt my face forward, splashing it over my sunburned skin. I stand up straight once again, feeling the water drip down my neck into my blouse. Those droplets feel amazing on my flushed, private skin. I wipe away the drips before opening my eyes. Once I do, I notice that Edward is gazing at me with his lips parted slightly. His eyes flick down momentarily, before looking away past my head.

He leans forward cleaning the dirt from his face suddenly, almost like he is in a hurry. The sleeves of his shirt are rolled up past his elbows, and the once white fabric is now worn and thin. He has left the top few buttons undone, and I can see some of the sun darkened skin on his chest. I stand transfixed, watching as some of the drops of water stream down from his face, soaking into the collar of his shirt.

I am totally staring, but I can't seem to stop. He runs his wet hands through his hair, then turns and heads straight into the house, never looking back at me. I am finally able to blink, coming back to awareness when I see him walk away.

His quick departure leaves me feeling a little confused. I almost wish that he hadn't gone inside so soon…

I finish up my cleaning ritual, and start up the steps on the porch. Jay is already sitting at the table, hunched over a plate of food. He has one arm propping up his head and the other is holding a fork, slowly scooping up the cold meat and potatoes into his mouth.

His skin looks extremely red and flushed; his eyes looking droopy and tired as well.

Immediately concerned, I approach him and rest a hand on his shoulder. "Jay, is everything alright?"

"Mm-hmm," he nods, mumbling around his food, waving away my concern with a slow flick of his fork.

He definitely doesn't seem like himself, but I don't want to push. "Okay, then," I reply. I lean over and rest my cheek against the side of his face, giving him a small hug.

The moment I feel the searing heat of his skin against my own face, I know that everything is not alright. I back away immediately in surprise, not sure what to do. His skin is feverishly hot. More so than just the normal hot it would be from the exposure to the noonday sun.

Edward is facing the counter, making up a plate of food for himself when I approach him. I think I surprise him a bit when I press my body close to his side.

I place a hand on his shoulder and pull him down a bit so I can whisper in his ear more easily.

"I think something is wrong with Jay," I say almost silently. Jay hates being fussed over, so I know this secrecy is necessary. He is an extremely independent individual and he hates it when I worry about him.

Edward looks at me with confusion for a moment before slowly looking over his shoulder at Jay. I turn to look too and see that Jay has placed a hand over his forehead. It almost looks like that hand is the only thing keeping his head from resting itself on the table.

"Did he seem sick while you were working?" I ask quietly.

"Maybe a little. He seemed a little more tired than normal, but that isn't too surprising…he's been working hard. Maybe too hard," he whispers back, shaking his head.

"I think he is really sick. Do you think I should say something? He needs to rest."

"You can try. But, I don't think it will do much good. He's very stubborn."

"I know…" I trail off. I take a deep breath, gathering some courage and walk over and sit down next to Jay.

"Jay," I start. "Are you sure you're feeling alright, because you look a little flushed. Maybe you should let Edward and I finish up the threshing today."

He looks at me with a small smile, his tired eyes level with mine. "Bella, don't worry so much. I have felt a little under the weather today, but I'll be fine in no time. Work is the best medicine. You just get some food for yourself and we'll all go back to the field."

I fix him with a concerned stare, and he stares right back at me…with unwavering eyes. I finally nod reluctantly.

Clearly, I have been dismissed. I am still concerned, but there is no way I can force him to lay down right now. Maybe I can convince him to go to bed early, and after a good night's rest his fever will go down.

~TtB~

We end up working until way after sunset. It haw been a tiring day, and on top of the aches in my body, I feel absolutely sick with worry about Jay. He worked just as diligently as both of us, but now that I know he is feeling sick I started focusing on him more.

I noticed that while he walked, he was limping slightly. He seemed weary and tired, but I never heard one word of complaint. That was just him though.

I'd always admired him for his ability to do his duty without whining about the task's difficulty. Complaining doesn't make the work go away… It just makes you have a bad attitude, which actually makes the work seem longer. Jay had figured that out and we had learned from his example the importance of doing your work without making a fuss.

That night the second my head hits my pillow I am gone. It feels like moments later when Edward is shaking my shoulders to wake me up to head back to the fields.

I'm lying under my covers and I honestly don't think I can get up. My legs feel like steel chords connected to the mattress. And every time I try opening my eyes, I can only manage to pry them open a sliver.

"Edward," I say in a gravelly voice. "Please tell me this is a joke. That you are waking me up in the middle of the night, and we can laugh and then go back to sleep," I finish with my eyes closed.

I feel the mattress dip and realize that he is sitting down on the edge my small bed. I attempt to open my eyes to look at him, but I can't.

Mmm…sleep.

"Sadly, this isn't a joke. We need to get started. Come on, up up up," he replies much too loudly.

I cringe away from his voice, pulling the quilt over my head and turning away from him. He tugs the quilt back down.

"Please…just go get breakfast. I'll be right behind you," I plead.

"Ha, yeah right," he laughs once. "If I leave now, I won't see you until lunch. Come on…" he says while pulling on my arm.

"No, please…" I say back, scooting away from him.

"You know what will wake you up? …A quick plunge into the water barrel. That would be nice, huh?"

He reaches under my blanket and grabs me around the waist. The next second I'm cradled in his arms and he is already walking out of the room toward the front door.

Suddenly, his words register in my mind and I start trashing around, attempting to get out of his arms.

"Edward, no," I squeal. "No, I'm awake, I'm awake!"

He continues to walk and after a second we are outside and he's stepping across the porch, down the steps.

He's not really going to do this, is he?

I'm still trying to get out of his arms, but my efforts aren't even causing him to break a sweat. I manage to spin around so my chest is tight against his, my arms around his neck and my legs wrapped around his waist, squeezing tightly.

By this time he has reached the barrel and he steps right up next to it so I am suspended over the water. He drops his arms from around my back and I'm literally holding myself against his body, not even close to letting go.

My face is pressed against his neck, and I'm trying to catch my breath while still holding tight to him.

His finally cracks, laughing against me, making my body shake as well.

He wraps his arms back around me and steps away from the barrel. I finally relax my hold a bit, and rest my head against his shoulder.

"I hate you," I whisper into his shirt.

"Only in the mornings…" he chuckles.

"That was so mean," I sigh.

"I wouldn't really have done it. And now you are awake. So it worked," he smirks. He's so smirky this morning.

He finally loosens his hold a bit, and I am able to unwrap myself from him and drop to the ground. I push his chest quickly, shoving him…my one lame attempt to retaliate.

"How are you so awake right now anyway? It's unnatural."

"What? Five hours isn't enough for you?" he says dryly.

I just roll my eyes back at him.

"We need to get started…" His eyes flick down my body a second, then his cheeks suddenly flush pink. "And you should probably put on some clothes. Let's go," he says awkwardly. He grabs my hand and pulls me up the stairs quickly.

I go into the room and look down at my sleep clothes. I'm wearing my old cotton chemise, the shift I used to wear under my summer dresses. It is extremely comfortable and perfect for a nightgown, especially during the hot months. But I can see how it might not be entirely appropriate around others, especially men.

It hangs loose; the collar is a scooped neck, causing the sleeves to rest off my shoulders, exposing lots of skin above my bust. The garment isn't very long either, only reaching right above my knees. My body is practically on full display. I can feel some embarrassment creep in, even though the damage is already done. Edward already saw me.

It's only Edward though….It's not like he cares.

I dress quickly, trying to push my embarrassment away. We've got a busy day ahead of us and so I need to mentally prepare for it.

While eating breakfast together, I notice that Jay doesn't look any better. If anything, he looks worse.

"Jay, are you feeling any better this morning?" It almost isn't worth asking, because I know what he'll say.

"I'm just about the same. Nothing to worry about," he replies, slowly patting my hand on the table.

Even the palm of his hand feels hot. It is obvious to me that he is more sick. He really needs to rest. He's putting too much strain on his body.

"Do you promise to rest if you start feeling worse?"

"Bella, really…everything is fine. The harvest is more important than a headache."

"You have a headache too?" I ask with increasing worry. It didn't escaping my notice that he didn't promise me to stop if he should become worse.

He just sighs loudly and continues to eat, ignoring my question.

We finish up our breakfast in silence and then begin working in the field, back to threshing and gathering.

We work quickly and efficiently, the product of hours and hours of repetition. My already sore muscles start aching even more.

As the hours go by, the sun starts rising higher in the sky, scorching the earth and our bodies. It feels even hotter than the day before, if that is even possible. I start to feel a little dizzy, my head throbbing.

This heat cannot be helping Jay's fever and headache. If I feel sick, what must he be feeling?

I look up and see that the sun is at the top of the sky…definitely time for a break.

I finish tying of the bundle I was just working on and start walking toward where Jay and Edward are working.

I walk closer, not wanting to yell out and startle them. Making someone jump while they are holding a scythe would not be a good idea. I walk to them at an angle so they will be able to see me coming from the corner of their eyes. Edward and Jay are working on different rows, but Jay is closer to I approach him first.

"Lunch?" I ask when I am only a few feet away.

Jay looks at me, and I see that he is having a hard time focusing on me. He starts lowering his scythe and once its heavy weight is resting on the ground, his knees buckle, causing him to stumble a bit.

I gasp in shock, running up to him to grab onto him to keep him upright. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and call out to Edward.

Edward turns and once he sees Jay slightly slumped form in my arms he immediately drops his tool and sprints to us. I'm struggling to stay standing; Jay is so much larger than me, and he is so weak he is putting all his weight on me.

"Jay, why didn't you stop?" I shout as I attempt to keep my tears at bay. Jay is too far gone to respond.

Edward reaches us finally and wraps a strong arm under Jay's armpits and around his back, completely shouldering his weight.

"What happened?" Edward looks at me in shock, trying to understand.

"I don't know! He just sort of started collapsing. Why did he keep going? If he felt so sick, why wouldn't he stop?" I cry.

He just shakes his head quickly in confusion and panic. "Let's get him inside. Help me…"

I wrap my arms around his waist, and we slowly make our way down the field and into the house. It is a long walk, and by the time we reach the house my arms feel like jelly.

I've never seen Jay sick like this. He's had a few mild colds over the years, but nothing this severe. And he has never been so delirious that he would faint or pass out.

My thoughts are running at a rapid pace. I keep vacillating from being angry that he wouldn't stop working, worried that he is sicker than I thought, feeling guilt that I didn't try harder to make him rest… and just feeling pure panic and fear for his health.

We make it to his bedroom and lay him on his worn mattress. Once we have situated him comfortably I start unlacing his boots, removing them completely. We need to cool him down immediately. His skin is like fire against my hands.

"Edward, grab some fresh water and fresh cloths. We need to lower his temperature," I instruct.

I start rolling up his pants, making a few cuffs so that they don't hang over his feet. Jay seems to be awake, but he can barely keep his eyes open, and he isn't responding when I ask his permission to unbutton the top of his collar.

Edward comes back into the room with the water and cloth, and I take it from him and start working to cool his skin. Having a job to do helps focus me, and allows my brain to slow its racing thoughts.

Edward is standing next to me, looking as retched as I feel.

"What should I do?" he asks in a small voice.

I know that he'll want to stay and help me, but I know that getting that wheat out of the ground is so important. It is important enough that even Jay disregarded his body's warnings to try and finish.

"You should continue working. There is so much to do. All three of us can't stop. We'd lose part of the crop. Our livelihoods depend on this. As soon as I can, I'll come out and help."

"Okay, but come get me if you need anything or if anything changes…" he says while squeezing my shoulder.

I continue to nurse Jay, rubbing the cool water through his hair and over his face. I rub down his feet and arms, and although he isn't as blazing hot as he was, he still looks very ill. I am able to pry open his mouth enough to get a few swallows of water down his unresponsive throat.

After some time he finally slips off into a deep sleep, his chest rising and falling in a steady, deep rhythm…which seems more labored than it should be.

I rest the cloth over his face, and leave him to rest. There is nothing else I can do. Is it just heat exhaustion…or is it something else? Something worse? I just don't know.

I head back out into the field, feeling both emotionally drained and physically tired. But this work won't wait. It needs to be completed. Soon.

I had grabbed some bread for lunch, eating the large slice as I walk. I approach Edward and tell him about how Jay is doing and give him some food, remembering that he didn't eat either.

We spend the next few hours working out in the field. Every half hour to hour I would run inside to check on Jay and refresh the cool cloth and rub down his searing skin again.

He was still the same, his temperature not lowering at all. He was in and out of a restless sleep, still not able to talk or get up.

By nightfall, I can feel my own body start to shut down. The worry and stress are an oppressive weight that I cannot carry any longer today without some rest.

Edward and I eat some cold meat and bread, and then get ready for bed.

Before I allow myself to lie down, I make some herbal tea for Jay. It is another one of Emma's special tea leaves that help with sickness. This one can help a fever to go down, but mostly it is a sort of sleeping potion. I hope it will help Jay to get a full night's rest. And God willing…he will be looking better tomorrow.

It takes some time for him to drink it all, but I manage to sit him up a bit to make the task easier.

I make sure he has everything he needs, and then shuffle my tired feet into my bedroom. I change quickly and then plop down, feeling heavy and listless.

Edward is already in bed, but I can see he hasn't fallen asleep yet. He is lying on his side facing me.

"Do you think he'll be alright?" he whispers with concern.

"I honestly don't know. Nothing has changed since this afternoon. I can hope though," I say with a shaking voice, my emotions starting to bubble to the surface. This horrible day is finally catching up and threatening to swallow me in sadness.

Again my thoughts are transported back to feeling guilt. _Why wouldn't he stop if he was feeling so sick? I should have tried harder to make him stop…this is my fault. _Tears are streaming down my face, my breathing ragged.

Edward jumps out of his bed quickly and sits on mine, pulling me up into a hug. He is shushing me and telling me it isn't my fault… That we couldn't have known how sick he was.

I suddenly realize that I had been speaking my thoughts out loud. I hold him tight around his chest, resting my head against his shoulder. He rubs my back in comfort until my breathing has calmed down and my tears have dried.

I unwrap my arms from around his chest and start lying back down. But before Edward can get up and go to his bed, I grab his arm and force him to stay. We lie down together on my narrow mattress, and I snuggle up to him, my head cushioned on his chest.

Edward always seems so calm and collected, even throughout this hectic day. I don't know what I'd do without his soothing presence. He is the only thing keeping me sane. He always knows what to say to help stop my tears and just being around him makes me feel better. I wonder if I make him feel happy too.

We hardly ever talk about our past or future, but with Jay being so sick…I start to worry. Life is changeable and no matter how good things are or how happy we feel, everything can change in an instant.

"Edward, what are you afraid of?" I ask.

If he was surprised by my question, he doesn't show it. He tilts his head up toward the ceiling, shutting his eyes. I can see he is really thinking about his answer.

That is one thing I really love about him.

When he speaks, he always takes the time to gather his thoughts. He never fumbles around with his words like I do sometimes. Once he knows what he wants to say, he is able to speak calmly, gracefully.

"I'm afraid of lots of different things, I guess. I'm afraid that I won't be the man I want to be; that I'll let myself down. Or rather, not be the man my parents wanted me to be. I'm afraid of being alone. I'm afraid for us if something were to happen to Jay…of what we'd do without him. I'm afraid of losing you. But mostly I'm afraid for you, for your future. I want you to have everything you want, and I never want you to be alone, feel alone."

He was still staring up and the ceiling. I was almost glad we weren't facing each other. I can already feel my eyes fill up. How many times will I cry today?

"I thought you'd just say snakes or something," I tease, trying to hold my tears back. My joke is a lame attempt to keep myself in check. I'm too tired to cry anymore.

He turns his head to me and rolls his eyes, not able to keep a straight face. Once he sees my swimming eyes, he looks away and breathes deeply.

"I'm afraid that you aren't happy," I whisper. He looks at me suddenly, listening.

I continue, "I'm afraid of being alone too, but more than that…I'm afraid that you aren't happy here and that one day you'll want to leave and I'll have to let you go. I want you to have the life you want to have, and sometimes I'm afraid I'm holding you back. But I'm also afraid of what will happen to me when you go. Not because I'm afraid for my life, but because I can't imagine my life without you in it."

Jay being sick is bringing all these fears to the surface. I feel like they are drowning me.

"Bella…" he begins gently. "You shouldn't spend one second worrying about that. I'm never going to leave you. I promised you that I wouldn't years ago."

"I know you did. But I can't hold you back for your entire life. That's crazy. One day you'll want to get married, get your own place…start your own life…start a family." Even the thought of him leaving at some hypothetical future day was causing my eyes to burn even more.

"Well, what about you?" he asked incredulously. "You could leave me just as easily. And you're definitely more likely to marry. All those boys in town are crazy about you."

"Marry one of those little guppies?" I balk. "I would never settle with one of them. That would make me so unhappy. You want me to end up with one of them?"

"No, of course not. You're way too good for them. But I can't tell the future. Maybe one day you'll find someone you do want, someone you love."

"Well, I love you. And that's good enough for me," I reply firmly.

"That's not what I meant…" he sighs.

"I know, but we don't need to talk about this anymore. I can never see myself being with a man. I don't think I'll ever marry. My life is here. And we aren't supposed to be talking about me," I exclaim suddenly.

"Look, I have my reasons for knowing that I will keep my promise to stay. Please, believe me. It would be too painful to be away from here. From you."

After a moment of delicious silence I reply.

"Okay then," I say, reaching across his torso and picking up his callused hand and holding in my own. "Then we have nothing to be afraid of now. No matter what happens…we'll always be together."

Saying you have nothing to fear is one thing, but actually believing it is another. And I feel more afraid than ever.

What would we do if something were to happen to Jay? How would we survive another loss?

…But no. He'll be fine. He'll be better in the morning…

**END NOTES:**

Have you ever had something so important to do that you worked through your sickness? Do you think Jay should have stopped earlier?

What are you afraid of? I'm terrified of frogs and toads (stupid, I know) And I'm afraid of being chased. I hate the feeling when I am running away from something that it (or they) is a second away from catching me.

You readers are so awesome. Thank you so much for your support. I love reading the reviews and I always reply. I even give teasers sometimes. Ask whatever and I will always answer honestly. More soon!

I added a picture of Bella's nightgown (chemise/ shift) on my profile. Check it out.


	16. Chapter 16

I wake up slowly and feel something move in my small, narrow bed. My senses are immediately on alert and I come to realize that my bare legs are intertwined with another pair of legs under the sheet. There is a warm, heavy pressure against my back. I peek out of one eye and see that I am lying on my side, facing the wall.

My hands are tucked close to my chin... but mine aren't the only ones there.

One of Edward's large lands is wrapped around both of mine; his fingers woven through my own. I am pressed tightly against his chest, one of his arms resting over my torso.

I can feel his steady breath against the back of my neck and my skin breaks out in chills.

It is obvious that Edward is still sleeping and right now I have no desire to wake him.

The room is still under a blanket of darkness and I am thankful to realize that it isn't morning yet.

I lay with my eyes open staring at his fingers in mine; loving the feel of him against me…loving how every part of his body is intertwined with mine.

I feel like something is welling up inside of me. Something so big and powerful it practically fills me up until I could burst.

Something I cannot even name.

I just know I feel content. No, it's beyond content. I feel protected…and just…warm. Not only physically though. And if I'm being honest it is way more than just _warm._

…It's like a searing heat is bubbling under my skin. My whole body feels flushed, but my skin still has goosebumps. It is a perfect paradox.

My breathing starts to speed up and I don't even know what to think.

The way he is wrapped around me is not normal. I don't mean it is unnatural…I mean it's new…It's… exciting.

It feels…intimate.

Once I acknowledge this to myself, my breathing speeds up and my skin flushes hotter, all my skin puckering and breaking out into a wave of new chills.

My face blushes in the darkness when I imagine what we would look like to an outside viewer. If I was facing the other way, my chest pressed against his, we would be lined up…everywhere.

That intimacy between a man and woman suddenly seems different as I feel his body cuddled up against me.

The way it is pressed against me doesn't seem scary or inappropriate. Being close to him is not disgusting like it would be with any one of those men in town.

I can't get myself to think about the act itself, but I just know I like the way he feels against my body…against my skin.

I try to calm my breathing, not wanting to wake him. With the way I feel in this moment, I don't want Edward to wake up and catch me. He always seems to know exactly how I am feeling and if he knew where my thoughts had run, he would be embarrassed.

He probably doesn't even know that he is wrapped up around me like this, and waking him up would only make him feel uncomfortable.

I slowly start to relax, feeling my drowsiness start to weigh me down.

I will keep these private thoughts to myself, not wanting to reveal these feelings...whatever they are. Honestly, I don't think I could talk about them even if I had wanted to. I don't even know is happening to me…I don't know what it means.

I just know that I'm happy. In his arms, in the night…I feel good.

~TtB~

The second time I wake up I know that I am alone on the bed. I immediately miss the feeling of him pressed against me, but I push those thoughts away and bottle them up. I have no time to dwell on such things. We have so much to do, and my worry for Jay is quickly renewed.

I hear someone moving around the kitchen, and sit up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I dress quickly and walk through the cabin, going to Jay's room to check on him.

He still feels burning hot to the touch, his skin red and blotchy. He appears to be sleeping, but it is not very restful. His hands are clutched over his stomach…possibly in pain.

I nurse him for a moment, before running to the kitchen to make him more herbal tea.

Edward is eating some bread standing up. He is dressed in his work clothes, and his boots are already on and laced.

It is hard to look at him now and not remember the feel of him against my back. When I look at him, I can't help but feel like something has changed… even if I'm the only one who knows.

I wonder how we were positioned when Edward woke up this morning. I don't know whether I want him to know how we slept or not. Did he feel embarrassed to be close to me like that, even if he thought I didn't know?

Maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing. And now is not the time to be thinking of this. My new feelings aren't important right now. The harvest and Jay's health are the only things that truly matter.

I start hurrying around the kitchen, heating up water for the tea, and preparing the leaves.

"How is he doing this morning?" Edward asks gently.

I answer without looking at him . "No improvement since yesterday. I don't know if he has a fever…or if it is something worse. I'm still optimistic, but if he isn't showing improvement by the end of the week I think we'll need to call the doctor."

My worry and fear for Jay is gaining strength as I start thinking about the future… I wish more than anything that we won't need to send for the doctor.

"Oh, okay," he replies simply. "I'm going to head out to the fields. There is still so much left to do." He seems to have sprouted wrinkles overnight. The lines once etched in his face from laughter are now prominent for a completely different reason.

It is obvious that he is worried as well. His face looks pale and tired. The long days of work are taking a toll on him. And today will only be worse.

"I know. I'll be out as soon as possible. I'll take care of all the animals too." He nods in response. I watch him walk out the door, his steps heavy.

The day drags along slowly, but Edward is working at an insane pace. Not only do I have to run in and check on Jay a few times every hour, but now I'm starting to worry about Edward as well. I have to constantly remind him to drink and eat. And to take breaks.

By nightfall, my feet and muscles are aching and Jay has still shown no improvement. I am having him drink that healing tea three times a day, and it is doing nothing more than helping him sleep.

I suppose sleep is necessary for helping someone heal, but that is the only thing that has changed…everything else seems to be getting worse.

He almost feels hotter than he did this morning. Despair and hopelessness hang over me like a threatening storm cloud. I try to keep my spirits high, but the tiredness, aches and crippling fear constantly bring me back down.

Jay's health is steadily declining…and I don't know why. And nothing I do appears to be making a difference.

The week continues on in this fashion.

Edward and I work from sunup to sundown in the fields, threshing the wheat stocks and then bunching them together with twine. I soon realized my untried muscles aren't strong enough to bear the weight of the large scythe, so it falls on Edward to finish the task alone. I assist in other ways, but it never feels like enough.

Even Edward's callused hands are blistering, his muscles cramping in the middle of the night. He tries to stay silent through the soreness, but I always hear. I want to ease his pains, but we have no time.

Physically…and emotionally we need each other more than ever, but we are both too busy to give or receive any comfort.

By Saturday, Jay's health is worse than ever. His constant fever has taken a toll on his body. It is obvious that he has lost much weight. He has worsened to the point where he cannot keep any broth or tea in his stomach. I keep trying to get him to eat, but he throws it up almost immediately.

That morning I send out for the doctor, feeling foolish for waiting so long. I kept hoping and praying that it was only a fever, and so I kept putting it off, not wanting to send Edward off on the long trip to town to fetch help for nothing… Especially when he is needed so desperately here.

It has become increasingly evident that nothing I am doing is helping Jay in any way. Some illness had taken hold of him in an instant, and its deadly arms were threatening to swallow him whole.

He has been lucid for a few moments during the last few days, but I believe the effects of the illness and the sleep tea have been keeping him under a deep fog.

In one moment of lucidity he mentioned aches in his joints, and a heaviness in his body…like he physically couldn't move. These things definitely caused me to panic, his pains entirely more severe than I had ever imagined. And the suffering in his voice…It was like I could hear the pain vibrating through his vocal chords.

Hearing him speak and tell me what was hurting was the last straw, and that is why Edward left early this morning. This is more serious than we had ever imagined.

Waiting for Edward to return is causing me to lose focus on everything else. Every second seems to last forever… I need to get out of the cabin before I go mad.

After spending the first part of my morning tending Jay, I go outside to take care of the animals. Being with them has always soothed me in the past, and maybe I can find a moment of solace in their presence.

The poor creatures have been sorely neglected during the past week. When I enter through the barn door, Twinky immediately runs up to me and starts rubbing against my legs.

I bend over and pick her up, loving the smell of outdoors emanating from her fur. She smells like grass…and sunshine.

"Hello, wild one," I coo into her neck as I cuddle her close to my chest for a few minutes before letting her down.

Early this morning I milked the cow so she is being quiet and content in the corner. I head over to Rainy, who is dancing around his stall, obviously ready to be taken out to pasture. Also, he is probably wondering where his companion is.

Edward took River this morning, knowing his speed would make the trip shorter. I set Twinky on the ground so I can groom Rainy for a moment. Once finished, I tie a rope around his neck and taking him to graze. After letting him free I check on our store of wheat.

Jay and Edward built a type of silo to store some of the crops for our own use, and to protect the extra we plan to sell while we continue the harvest. There are hundreds of stacks of the wheat bundles piled up inside. The structure is finally starting to look fuller…which means we are closer to being done.

But once the entire crop is cut, the work isn't finished. Many trips are necessary to transport all the wheat to the mill in town. And then you have to clear all the land and prepare it for the winter harvest…which means a new round of plowing and planting.

There are so many things that need to get done, but I try to finish all my chores quickly so I can go back to help Jay.

As I start heading back toward the house, I look around at the familiar surroundings. Every inch of this farm and property holds some memory for me now. I pass the horse pasture remembering the day Jay taught me how to ride, but I ended up face down in a puddle of mud. I was more skittish than the horse, and that made me an impossible student. Jay was a patient and kind teacher, but it took a long time for me to trust myself and the horse. He was persistent though, and now I can ride as good as him, almost.

The garden next to the cabin is bursting with life and I can recall hours and hours of memories working in the dirt. Jay was kind enough to give me his wife's seeds so I could grow some herbs like she had done. In my mind I can still see the pride shining in his eyes as I rejuvenated the garden…a place that had meant so much to the woman he loved.

As I approach the porch I notice the full water barrel and can call to mind countless water fights with Edward…remembering how Jay would stand by and laugh. He never joined in, but I could see how happy our own happiness had made him.

…And we have been so happy here. We went from one extreme to the other. From great misery and sorrow to comfort and happiness. All because of him. Because of Jay.

Edward and I used to joke that he was our guardian angel…and I still believe that to be true. There has never been one moment where I felt like I was missing out on something. Of course I still mourned the loss of my parents, but I had come to accept their passing…only feeling injustice for the way they were taken. That is one mystery which still haunts my nightmares.

Those fears have dimmed over time and that is because my life has been too busy and full of life to dwell on any unhappy memories.

I turn around and think of our beginning here. That barn had once been our refuge from the deathly cold, but now this place, this cabin is our home.

Jay's craftsmanship is apparent is every building and fence...even in the precise rows of wheat. He has taught Edward everything he knows about farming and building, so much so that you would never be able to tell the difference in their work. It would be impossible to walk around here and not think of him…see him.

As I start heading inside, I hear a faint noise coming from down the road. My heart picks up, praying that it is Edward with the doctor. I step off the porch in time to see Edward round the corner on River, with the doc riding his own mare right behind him.

They approach the cabin at a steady pace, with Edward a few strides ahead. He dismounts smoothly, flipping the reins over to tie River to the post. A few seconds later, the doctor reaches us, and unties his black bag from the saddle, before swinging his leg around and jumping off his ride.

"Doctor Cheney, thank you so much for coming at such short notice," I breathe heavily. "I know it's a long trip, especially right before the Sabbath."

Doctor Cheney is also one of the town preachers. I had heard rumors that his father always wanted him to be a medical man, but he felt like he was meant to serve God. In the end, he did both. We couldn't have asked for a better man to help us than him.

"Of course," he replies as he ties his own mount. "Mr. Masen here wouldn't have taken 'No' for an answer, anyhow."

I glance at Edward with a small, stressed smile before leading the doctor inside. "Please, come this way. Has Edward told you anything about Jay's condition?"

"Only that he has had a chronic fever, and now he is unable to take food or drink."

"Yes, that is correct," I reply. "He has worsened significantly since his fall in the field as few days ago. I thought he had made himself ill from overworking, but it is apparent that something else is occurring. He seems to be suffering from severe aches in his joints, and a sort of heaviness of limbs. He's in this room here," I say as I open the door to his room. He nods at me and I stand back, allowing him to examine him alone.

Edward and I stand near the door and wait while Doc Cheney feels Jay's pulse, and checks his breathing.

Jay looks so small in his old bed. Smaller than I've ever seen him. He shouldn't be here…sick like this. He's so strong, this shouldn't be happening… I grab Edward's heavy hand, squeezing it tightly…trying to draw some comfort from him.

We are both silent, but we don't have to speak to understand how the other is feeling. Edward loves Jay just as much as me, and to see him this way is absolutely heartbreaking.

Cheney continues his examination, and after a few minutes he stands up straight and turns to us.

Edward immediately speaks up. "Do you know what it is? What is making him so sick?"

Cheney's face looks drawn, causing a chill to settle in my heart.

"I believe he has an infection. His fever has weakened his heart and lungs, and this has made it very difficult for him to breathe. There is also tightness in his hands that might suggest some paralysis. Many things could have caused this, but because of the telling rash on his legs and arms, I believe it could be an infection from a bite."

"A bite? Like from an animal? He wasn't bitten by anything like that," I exclaim. Edward wraps an arm around my shoulders, trying to calm me down. I can hear a slight hysteria in my own voice.

"Not an animal…a bug," Cheney answers. "Most likely from a tick. He probably wouldn't even mention if he dug out a tick recently, them being so common. But some ticks carry a disease that causes these symptoms."

"Okay, so what can be done for him," Edward asks.

Cheney looks away from our eager eyes and begins to put away his supplies back in the bag slowly.

After another moment of silent torture, he sets his bag down and gazes into our eyes. Before he speaks, my eyes already start to fill.

His face is lined with sadness. "I'm sorry," he says simply.

"No," I yell. "He's fine. He'll be fine! There's no reason for you to be sorry. Right, Edward? In a few days…he'll be better…" I start sobbing, covering my hands with my hands as the tears crack open my chest.

Edward turns me so I am facing him and he wraps his arms around me, holding me tight. He hasn't made a sound, but I feet something wet dropping on the top of my head.

After a moment I calm my breathing enough to speak. "But he's still alive…There always a chance…there's still hope. You're a man of God, aren't you? What about God's miracles? He could get better…he could," I cry.

"Yes, that is true," Cheney says sympathetically. "With God nothing is impossible. And miracles _do_ happen… But sometimes God has need of his servants in heaven. He needs his righteous people to be taken to heaven to become angels to assist in his work."

"But he's our angel," I moan. "We need him here. He can't leave us here alone."

Edward shushes me gently, squeezing me against his chest. I feel like his arms are the only thing keeping me together. Without him I would shatter into a million pieces.

"What can we do for him? To make him more comfortable?" Edward asks with a shaking voice.

"Just keep doing what you have been doing. You have done well keeping him as strong. It is because of your efforts that he is as strong as he is. Even if I had come sooner, there is nothing I could have done. The infection is too strong for any medicine I have. Honestly, I'm surprised he has done this well."

"So that's it then? We just have to watch him die? We just stand around doing nothing and watch him wither away?" I say harshly, feeling completely helpless.

"Bella, I wish there was something I could say to make this hurt go away for you, but this is one instance where the truth is always better. You can feel bitterness and rage at God and the world while Jay dies…or you can make his last hours…days or weeks as loving and fulfilled as he deserves. Of course he doesn't want to leave you, but sometimes choices are taken out of our hands. We only can choose how we react and respond to these trials. Jay needs you more than ever. He needs you to be strong, so he can leave this life in peace, instead of with a broken heart for all he will leave behind. He will be leaving his earthly family behind, but I believe he has a wife and a child waiting for him in heaven. Would you deny him that happiness?"

The tears continuously stream down my face as I hear Cheney's words and start to understand his faith. I don't know if I truly believe in God and heaven…especially with all the death I have seen in my short life, but I do believe that there is a wonderful place for someone like Jay. Whether it is heaven, I don't know. Someone who is charitable and loving, someone like Jay, deserves a heaven. And so for him and for myself, I will believe.

Maybe my parents are there…Edward's too. And they can welcome Jay with open arms, thanking him for his unselfishness…thanking him for taking care of their children when they couldn't.

I whisper my thanks to Cheney for coming, and then quietly sit by Jay's side on the small bed, holding his stiff hand in my cold ones. Edward leads Cheney out of the room and I hear him tell Edward to send for him later to make preparations for the funeral. I immediately tune him out, not wanting to listen to any more.

Life is so precious, and so easily taken away. It would be stupid of me to grieve for him before he is gone. And that is what I feel like I am doing. He is not dead and I should stop acting like he is. Cheney was right. If Jay and I switched places and I knew I was dying, I would want to know that he'd be okay in my absence. Dying isn't something that can always be prevented. A person can only hold on so long, and sometimes loved ones will beg them to stay, causing them to hurt even more. No one wants to enter the unknown with a broken body _and_ a broken spirit.

That will be my mission…I will let Jay know that I am willing to fight for his health, but I am also willing to let him go, if that is what he needs.

And once he is gone, I won't have to hide my shattered heart.

~TtB~

During the next few days, Edward and I neglect all our chores and work, except for the most essential tasks. We spend most of our time all huddled together in Jay's room.

I stopped forcing him to drink the sleeping tea, instead giving him some plain drinks that won't further upset his stomach. He still sleeps a great deal, but has been able to talk to us more frequently. It is obvious when he is awake that he is in a great deal of pain, but getting to speak with him is a treasure.

When we told him about the doctor's visit, he wasn't too surprised with the prognosis. He could feel his body failing him and we all ended up crying together as he apologized.

"I'm sorry," he breathes tiredly. "I probably…should have…waited…to get sick… until after the…harvest," he grins lethargically. His words are long and drawn out. This short sentence has winded him greatly.

Edward and I laugh with our mouths, but it is clear that we are both having trouble keeping it together.

"Yes, it was very inconsiderate of you," I reply, my eyes burning as I hold back tears. I can tell Jay wants to keep the tone light, but my joke falls flat. I'm in no mood for banter.

"I'm sorry…to have worried…you so much. You look so tired. Both of you," Jay sighs.

"Don't even think about that," Edward starts. "Just focus on you and getting stronger."

"Edward," Jay says in a raw voice. "Let's not…pretend. I think…you both know…I'm not going… to get better."

I am crying too hard to respond, but Edward knows exactly what to say.

"Okay, then. We won't pretend. But don't expect us to give up either."

We all remain quiet for a few moments, taking comfort in each other's company.

"I know…I'm leaving you both…with so much to handle…but will you stay with me...for a bit? It may…sound…strange…but I'm…a little…afraid"

Edward and I glance at each other, clearly sharing the same thought.

I wipe the falling droplets from my cheeks and reply. "We'll be here every second. I hope you know…now that you've asked, privacy is out of the question for you."

We all smile at each other, and I feel a little lighter. Jay needs comfort and company, and that is something we can give.

~TtB~

Edward and I spend almost all day in the room with Jay, sitting by his bedside. To keep Jay calm and unafraid we take turns sharing stories that we can remember from previous years. Even while Jay is sleeping, Edward and I sit close to him and retell all and any memories we can think of.

Just like after my parents died, Edward and I want to be able to remember everything for our time with Jay. With both of us holding these precious memories, there is a greater chance that they won't be forgotten.

Sometimes Jay will tell a story of his own, but talking so much is clearly painful and sucks all of his energy. When he begins his tale, I want to urge him to rest more, to conserve his strength…but I can't do that.

Hearing him speak of our shared, happy memories is something I want to remember for the rest of my life too. When I look back on this time, I want to have something beautiful to hang on to. And as we spend time together, laughing and crying…we are creating something worth remembering.

~TtB~

Jay's health continues to decline at a pretty steady pace. Only four days after Doctor Cheney came to visit, I can finally see the last of his life draining out of him.

Jay has been falling into these deep sleeps, and each time I am afraid he isn't going to wake up.

Somehow we know it is time for us to say goodbye. It is hard to know what to say, my emotions choking me. But, at least we get to say speak to him before he passes on. This is an opportunity that Edward and I weren't afforded with our own parents. Biological parents, I should say. Because, even though Jay isn't a blood relative, he is our family too.

"Jay," I whisper, when I see his eyes flutter. "Can you hear me?"

"Hmm?" he groans, his breathing very labored.

"Edward and I just wanted to tell you how much you've meant to us…how much we love you," I choke. "We'll miss you…so so so much. But we'll be strong, just like you taught us," I cry.

Jay looks so weak, but his eyes are focused on us. I know he can hear us. Through the dense fog of illness, he can hear us.

"You've taught us so much, Jay," Edward whispers gently. "Without you, we wouldn't know how to survive. But we will survive. We _will_ miss you, but don't worry about us too much, okay?" he laughs shakily. "We'll try to do you proud. Not ruin the farm too much…"

Jay lips part, and he breathes heavily, the air catching in his throat. His mouth is forming words too quiet for us to hear. Finally, he struggles to say, "It's…yours…now."

"Thank you. Thank you for everything. I wish we had more time together, but I'm grateful for all the years we did have," I say tightly, holding back my sobs, not wanting to upset him.

"L…lo…love…you," he exhales.

"Love you, too. So much," I reaffirm shakily.

Edward and I both express out love, over and over while squeezing and massaging his unresponsive hands.

Jay closes his eyes, his chest still moving up and down. We sit quietly by his side, continuing to whisper our love and gratitude to him. I don't know if he can hear us, but we don't stop.

After a few more unsteady breaths, his chest moves no more.

His body lies exactly how it was a moment ago, but there is a palpable change. It is like I can physically see that his essence, his soul, is no longer visible in his countenance.

He isn't here any longer and I feel one moment of gratitude.

I am glad that he doesn't have to suffer anymore. That he is free.

Now I am free too.

My façade of strength crumbles.

And I am broken.

**END NOTES:**

I know…I know. I'm sorry it took me extra long to write this chapter, but I have been dreading it. I hope everyone continues to read the rest of the story…happier times are coming.

This pace of the story is obviously much slower than some people are used to, and I am grateful for everyone's patience.

A million hugs and kisses to all those who have added me to their alerts and favorites. And thank you to the few that review every chapter. I can't tell you how much it makes my day to read them.

I made another banner, and also posted a few animation teasers. I hope you like them! They are all on my profile if you want to check them out.


	17. Chapter 17

Quiet.

It is _so_ quiet.

Jay was such a private man, hardly speaking unless prompted, but now…I can't even believe how silent it is around here.

This place was once full of laughter and teasing…happiness. But now it is suffocating.

Edward and I haven't even spoken in months. Not really, anyway.

It feels like I'm not just mourning Jay, but Edward too.

I've tried, believe me I've tried…but every time…he just clams up and turns away.

He's never turned away from me before and I hate it. I hate it more than anything. My one support, my strength…he won't talk to me…look at me…touch me.

Winter was the worst.

Right after Jay's passing, we were drowning in our feelings, but we were too swamped with work to focus on them too much.

It was now up to us to keep the farming running and productive. After the funeral, where we buried Jay next to his parents and wife, we focused all our energy on keeping Jay's property afloat.

There were days where we wouldn't even see each other. We finished threshing the wheat, and then while I started clearing the land, Edward made the countless trips hauling the bundles to Bear's Mill in town.

The work was almost unbearable now. Not only was it endless, but it too was now silent. Our days out in the field were once full of talking, singing, laughing…now only our exerted breath was heard.

I was burdened with grief about Jay's unexpected passing, but as the silent weeks went on I was able to make my peace with it. I missed him every single moment, but deep down, I believed he was now with his family.

Obviously it had taken some time to get to that point…and some days were more heartbreaking than others.

~TtB~

Only a few short weeks after his death, I had my seventeenth birthday. I didn't even know what day it was either. After breakfast Edward tentatively handed me a little parcel wrapped in cloth with a ribbon around it. At first I looked at him in confusion asking him why he was giving this to me.

"For your birthday," he said with pain in his voice. "You didn't remember?"

"No," I cried, feeling so touched that he had remembered, when even I hadn't. "Thank you," I whispered emphatically.

"Well, you've got to open it before you thank me."

Our once easy banter seemed tired and forced. It was like we couldn't even speak to each other anymore. I glanced up at his drawn face and looked back down to the small gift in my hand. As I started to undo the ribbon I felt such gratitude and sadness, both at the same time.

Edward had never let me down. He was always there to remember the little things, to make me feel loved. But now I felt such sadness because of our inability to say what really needed to be said.

And there were so many things left unspoken that were just…drowning us.

I slowly unfolded the cloth, and stared at the small gift inside. I just kept looking at it, not daring to move, afraid it would disappear. My eyes suddenly started to tear.

"Do you like it?" he asked in a worried voice. "I'm so sorry," he exclaimed suddenly. "I'm sorry. You hate it. I didn't mean to make you cry." He made a move to take it away, but I stopped him.

"I love it," I said with a shaking voice. "It's beautiful."

And it was. Inside the cloth was the most beautiful golden chain. It shimmered in the morning light and it was the finest thing I had ever seen. But that wasn't the reason I was crying. On the chain was an intricate, carved wooden heart. It was polished and shined perfectly. And on the front there were carved swirls that made it special and unique.

I brought the heart closer to my face to look at it fully, letting the cloth and ribbon drift to the floor. The designs were precise and perfectly placed. Obviously it was made by someone with great skill.

I turned to the other side, expecting to see more swirls but instead there was in inscription.

Just one word.

And that one word said a million different things.

_Forever_

Suddenly, it dawned on me… this carving wasn't store bought. This gift was so touching and special because it was made with love. It held meaning. It was significant.

"Edward, did you make this?" I looked at him with awe and surprise.

He simply nodded.

"How did you learn how to make this?" I asked in amazement. "It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

"I taught myself, I guess," he said bashfully. "I'm sorry it isn't a real silver locket. You deserve something beautiful like that. The chain is all I could afford…"

"Edward, I could never have loved a store-bought locket as much as I love this. Truly…Now help me put it on." I handed him the necklace and turned so my back faced him. I lifted my long curls away from my neck so he could see.

I felt his body step closer to me and I closed my eyes to relish the feeling. He gently laid the heart on my chest, and I felt his warm hands brush against the tingling skin on my neck. He swept the extra hairs away, causing a shiver to run down my spine. Even if it was an inadvertent touch, his hands still felt amazing on my skin.

…And it had been weeks since we were this close. The connection between us was buzzing stronger than ever. Or maybe it only felt more powerful because of the increasing distance that had developed since Jay's death.

His hands were resting against my neck as he worked to clasp the chain together. After a moment it was clear he was finished with the task, but he still hadn't dropped his hands, still hadn't moved away.

Feeling brave, I leaned back slightly, his chest supporting my body with my head resting underneath his chin. His hands slowly made their descent from my neck down to my shoulders.

We weren't moving. We just…were.

Even in stillness, my body felt like it was charged with lightning, ready to strike at any moment. He dropped his head slightly, so his scruffy cheek rested against the side of my face.

The masculine smell and feel of him pressed against me was addicting. He would have to move first, because there was no way I was going anywhere.

Neither one of us were making any noise other than the sound of our increasingly labored breathing. I could feel his heartbeat against my back. I wondered if he could feel how fast mine was pounding.

He let out a deep breath and whispered into my ear, "Happy Birthday, my sweet Bella."

And then it happened… I don't even care that it was an accident.

Just as I was turning around to thank him, he was leaning in to kiss my cheek from behind. I turned so suddenly, that he wasn't able to pull back before his lips touched mine straight on.

It lasted only a fraction of a second, but it was the most delicious moment of my life.

I loved the way I could feel his breath against my face…feel the softness of his lips pillowed against mine. Even the scruff on his face brushing against the smoothness of my own cheeks was perfect.

It wasn't anything extraordinary in itself, but they way it made me feel _was._ And I did feel wonderful.

At least I would have felt that way if what came next hadn't crushed the feeling before it could begin.

He pulled back immediately and stumbled away from the embrace.

"I'm sorry," he cried. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to…Please believe me…Forgive me. I would never have…"

I interrupted him before he could finish. It may have been an accident, but it was my first kiss. His too, I think. And I didn't want to hear his regrets. My only regret was that he found need to be sorry about it.

"Edward, please stop apologizing. It was my fault. I'm the one who turned."

"Of course it wasn't your fault," he snipped, clearly highly agitated. He couldn't seem to look me in the eye.

"Look at me," I implored. With much effort he complied and then I continued. "A first kiss is a big moment, you know. I can understand why you are upset. I'm so sorry that I stole that from you—"

"Damn it, Bella," he yelled fiercely, practically yanking the hair from his head. "Don't say sorry to me. Don't even dare. Just leave it be. For my sake, leave it... I can't do this anymore."

This was the first time he had ever snapped at me. His voice was full of anger…and something else. My head was spinning, so full of confusion. One moment we were sharing a tender embrace, and then next he was like this.

"Can't do what, anymore?" I asked in a small voice. What did he mean? Was he unhappy here with me, without Jay here too? Did he want to go?

He shut his eyes and took a calming breath. "Nothing…Look, I'm sorry. Everything is fine. It's just been a tough couple of weeks. It's your birthday. Let's just move on, alright? I'm sorry I ruined this day for you. I should head out…" he said changing the subject while backing away from me.

He grabbed his cap from the table and practically started running out the door.

Before he could leave, I reached out and grabbed his arm. He dropped his head when he felt my touch, but didn't turn to face me.

"Edward," I whispered emphatically. "You didn't ruin my birthday."

He shook his head back and forth quickly with a sharp jerk and stepped forward so my hand would drop from his upper arm.

"I need to go now…I've got a lot to do…Please. I need to go," he said to the floor.

Even though I was no longer holding his arm, it seemed like he needed my permission to go.

I hated talking to the back of his head, so I stepped in front of him wanting to say something to his face.

Even when I was facing him, he still refused to look at me. He stuffed his hands into his pockets roughly and looked outside the window, hardly acknowledging my presence.

I tentatively reached out my arm and placed my hand on his forearm, trying to get him to focus on me. But my touch only further seemed to agitate him. His leg started bouncing slightly, indicating his desire to run out the door.

Before he left, I had to tell him how I was feeling.

"Thank you," I said while maneuvering to meet his eyes…unsuccessfully. "Thank you for my gift. It is the most beautiful thing I've ever been given. I'll never take it off… I promise…_Forever."_

When I uttered the last word, his eyes finally met mine, only to tense up again. The second I dropped my hand and moved away, he flew out the door. There was even a physical whoosh of air as he exited.

At the last second he stopped, standing still in the doorway.

"Nothing will change with us. Nothing has to change," he said strongly before he flew down the steps away from me.

"…How can nothing change when everything is different?" I asked aloud to myself.

My sixteenth birthday definitely was more eventful than I had ever imagined it could be. I received the most special gift of my life, shared an intimate embrace, and had my first kiss. But most importantly, that day was the first time Edward had ever lied to me.

And this was also the day Edward decided he wasn't going to touch me anymore.

~TtB~

Planting season is always busy, but working while you are unhappy is so miserable. My days were full of silence and I was stuck in my own mind, trying to remember better times.

But it was extremely difficult to think of happy memories when my day to day life was being filled with so many unhappy ones.

After my birthday, in his efforts to make sure nothing changed between us, he ended up changing everything. Drastically. First it was just little things, but then it felt like every part of our relationship was deteriorating.

I knew something was going on with him, but he refused to talk about it with me. I kept trying to engage him in conversation, to get him to open up, but he never would. He wouldn't even look at me.

Our relationship of silly teasing, tickling…touching was no more. Now it consisted of short, to the point sentences that only dealt with the farm.

If I approached him he tensed up like he was ready to take a beating, like I was about to hit him. And as soon as he could, he would make an excuse to step away.

If he was sitting on the loveseat reading a book, I would go sit by him, like we always used to do. The moment I would sit down, he would jump up and cross the room, pretending he needed a different book or had to grab something. But then he wouldn't come sit back down next to me. He'd sit in a single chair across the room. Or—even worse—claim he was tired and run to his room.

His _own_ room. That had been the most hurtful of his actions. I was beyond confused and hurt by his small rejections of my company and my touch, but the day I went into our bedroom and saw only one bed broke my heart.

While I was out taking care of the animals, he must have hurried and moved his bed into Jay's room. What's worse is that he did it while he knew I would be occupied, so that he didn't even have to talk to me about it. I didn't see him for the rest of the day either. He worked far out in the fields while I focused on my own garden.

That night during supper, he sat with his head down while he ate my stew. It was obvious to me as our meal was coming to a close that he wasn't even going to mention it to me. He wasn't going to explain why he did it.

We'd had been sharing a room for years. Even when he ignored me during the day, I was still able to sleep at night because he was always close by. I knew that if I had a nightmare or felt scared or sad, I only had to turn over and see him to be soothed. His presence had always calmed me…

But now, he had taken that from me as well.

When I confronted him about his reasons for moving to the other room, he mumbled something about giving me some privacy.

Liar, I had cried in my own head.

Of course he had skipped out on dinner as fast as he could, and I was left alone in the kitchen feeling sick at heart.

Why was he acting this way? Why was he pulling away from me? I needed him. Every second of the day I wanted him by my side, touching me, showing me his love. But now it felt like I didn't even matter to him.

… Maybe Jay's death had impacted him so strongly, that he couldn't be around me either. Or maybe he was regretting his promise to stay with me always. But even thinking that was heartbreaking. We had always been so honest with each other, but now he was constantly hiding from me. In every way imaginable.

Not only was he actually physically running away and hiding from me…but now I never knew how he was feeling or thinking anymore either.

That first night alone in _our_ room was one of the worst nights of my life. For the first time, I truly felt alone.

I sobbed into my pillow until the sun rose.

~TtB~

We somehow managed to get all the fields planted before the first snow of the season, which was a miracle.

To help me cope with the depression I was feeling, I threw myself into the work. Being productive helped me gain perspective and helped give me purpose.

Since I was ten years old, Edward had always been my rock. He had been the foundation and glue holding me together. When he suddenly decided to take that away from me, I had fallen apart, not capable of doing it myself.

But months later, I had come to realize the value and power I had within me. I learned that I didn't _need_him to feel happy. I was able to find parts of my day and life that made me feel fulfilled and content. I felt peace when I worked with the animals. I felt proud and successful when I witnessed my herb and vegetable garden grow and flourish. I had many talents and skills that made me feel valuable.

Not matter how important a person is to you, the way they treat you does not reflect badly on you. Edward ignoring me had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with him.

I had done everything I could think of to get him to open up, and he still refused me. I felt guilt and sadness, always wondering what I had done wrong to make him treat me that way.

I wasn't until I realized that I am the only one in charge of my own happiness that I realized the problem wasn't with me…but with him.

Being alone and quiet forces a person to really reflect on themselves. As I grew to know myself better, I came to the realization that while I didn't need Edward…I still _wanted_him.

Something was bothering him so much that he forced himself to stay away from me.

It was only when I decided it wasn't my fault that I started to realize how much he was struggling with his self-imposed isolation.

It was clear that he was sleeping just as terribly as me. Perhaps, sleeping alone didn't work well for him either.

During the quiet winter months, I started to feel his eyes on me for the first time in ages. At first he refused to look at me at all, but now he only looked when he thought I was occupied.

When I first noticed this new development, I would glance up to try and engage him, albeit silently. But I would only get a glimpse of his hungry eyes before he would turn away again.

With the deep snow surrounding the cabin, forcing us to stay inside, I knew it would be hard on both of us. After a while I stopped trying to catch him watching me. If I felt his eyes watching me, I would just let him look.

His eager gaze was like an embrace to me. I loved that he couldn't keep his eyes away anymore.

I had matured so much since Jay's death, out of necessity. Not only did I feel more self-worth, but I also started to come to understand my feelings for Edward.

Putting a name to those feelings was not an easy task either. I thought about and analyzed my actions and emotions. Also, I imagined different hypothetical scenarios with him, trying to picture how I would feel after each one.

I first reflected on the millions of casual touches we had shared—how they made me feel. I remembered the way we had laid together in bed and how loved and warm I had felt when his body was pressed intimately against mine. I thought about our first kiss and what it had meant to me.

I asked myself if I wanted to kiss him again, and what it meant when the answer was a quick and resounding, _yes_.

Could I imagine us being together forever, and not just as pseudo brother and sister? Yes.

Could I imagine us together raising children? Yes.

Every question I asked myself was always answered with a clear, affirmative response.

The hardest question of all… the one that took months to answer was also a yes.

Do I love him? …Of course.

But am I _in love_with him…?

_YES._

~TtB~

Knowing I am in love with him and not getting to tell him, or even show him was a new type of torture. The moment I figured out the depth and strength of my feelings I wanted to run to him and tell him immediately.

…But I knew I couldn't do that. He had to make the decision to return to me on his own. It may have been prideful of me, but I wanted him to miss me so much that he would stop ignoring me without me having to beg or manipulate him.

If he wants something, he has to make an effort too. It is obvious that he isn't enjoying the separation either. He looks miserable, but he is the only one preventing himself from being happy.

And of course, it's not like I think he's in love with me. Just because I love him doesn't mean he will love me back. But knowing I'm in love with him makes me ache for him every second of every day.

I want to be around him. Just soak in his words and laughter. I want to feel that closeness with him again. I want to be that person he can confide in and trust.

It would be impossible to spend over six years with a person, sharing everything—never being apart— and then not feel something when real contact suddenly stops.

I know he loves me, but he may not be _in love_ with me. Although, the way he looks at me tells me he feels something. His eyes are full of regret, loneliness, sadness, pain, fear, tiredness…and affection.

It is a waiting game…but he is worth it to me. And I have the time. I would wait for him forever.

~TtB~

I don't know what happened.

That isn't true. I know exactly what happened.

I snapped.

All my reasons for playing along with Edward's stupid silent game suddenly seemed… stupid.

Pride be damned.

It was a gradual process that brought me to this moment. And that gradual process was the escalation of my anger.

After the most somber Christmas celebration in the world, I started getting mad. I don't know if I was necessarily mad _at him_ or just furious at the situation.

My resolution for the New Year was to snap Edward out of it.

…And snap I did.

I renewed my efforts in engaging him, but now it seemed like he was almost afraid of me.

We had almost become used to our strange arrangement, and coming out of it seemed harder than ever.

I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, but the waiting was becoming increasingly more difficult.

Maybe he was working through something big and my interfering would cause him to backtrack.

Well, after waiting all autumn a few more months wouldn't kill me.

So I waited. But each day, week, month was agony.

January.

February.

But…March? No. I stopped waiting.

With each month my anger at his lack of effort just grew and grew…and grew.

At some point since Christmas he stopped pretending he wasn't looking at me. His gaze followed me everywhere.

But looking at actually doing something wasn't the same thing. So I held my tongue and ignored his eyes as best as I could. Of course, just because I was ignoring him doesn't mean I wasn't doing things to get his attention.

I started facing him at all times, so he could always see my face. I wanted him to see me full on so he would know what he was missing.

Conceited? Definitely. Angry? Furious.

Patience only goes so far though. I literally waited until I couldn't anymore.

Today was the day I would always remember because it is the first time I had ever flat out yelled at him.

The snow had finally stopped falling and we were a couple weeks away from being able to start work on the fields again.

I knew that if we started work again with our relationship like this, nothing would change. It would be too easy to continue to avoid each other with all the work we would have to do.

My anger and frustration reach its boiling point. And my metaphorical top burst.

After dinner we sat in the main room and we are both pretending to read. He is staring at me with an open book on his lap, and I am looking at my novel without reading anything. I am fuming.

And of course I am sitting on the opposite side of the room from him.

All the sudden I can't take it any more. I slam my book shut, stand up and throw it to the floor with a loud thud.

"ENOUGH!" I scream. He was already looking at me, but now he was gawking. "This is ridiculous. No, it goes so far beyond ridiculous. It's absurd! I've tried to be patient. I haven't pressured you or forced you to talk to me, even though I wanted to. This has to stop. Right now. I'm serious."

I approach him quickly and grab his hand. His book gets knocked down to the floor when he gives a surprised jerk at my unexpected advance.

"Yeah, I'm touching you. And if you want me to stop you have to tell me. Don't do that stupid thing where you back away or pretend you have to get up for something. Look at me right in the eyes and tell me you don't want me near you."

"Bella," he cries, his face full of anguish. "I…I can't."

I'm still gripping his hand tightly, but his other hand is fisted around the arm of the chair.

"Can't what?" I yell. "Can't tell me, or can't be near me?"

"It's too much…Please…" he whispers, dropping his head.

"What is too much? Why can't you just be honest with me? Why are you treating me like this? You either want me to go away, or you want me to stay. I can't read your mind. You have to tell me, because I'm so tired of being jerked around by you. You move away from me when I'm near you, only to stare at me from across the room. I've had enough!"

"I'll stop looking…if you want. I'll stop," he says with a gruff voice, close to tears.

"Damn it, Edward! Can't you see that I don't want you to stop," I cry. "I want more. I want my Edward back. My best friend. My everything. I want to feel like I matter to you again, instead of feeling like some trash you tossed aside when things started getting difficult."

"Don't say that…please. You have to know…how I feel about you," he whispers.

"If your actions are supposed to tell me how you feel then they say horrible things."

"Bella, I'm doing this for you…"

"Don't you even dare say that," I snap. "This has nothing to do with me. I have been ready and waiting for you to come to me, but you are the one denying both of us. So don't pretend I'm the one holding you back."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Bella."

"Edward, please don't apologize. We are too far past that. If I mean anything to you, please…just show me. I _need_you," I say as I reach up and touch his cheek. "If you care about me at all and value my sanity, please talk to me… because I can't do this anymore. I won't pretend nothing is wrong when it clearly is. I can't. It has to up to you now, because I'm done playing this game."

With one last look at his stricken face, I step away from him and practically run to my bedroom. With all my anger gone all I'm left with is a raw and broken heart. There is some hope, but now it is up to him to make the next move.

The tears come faster than I would have ever imagined. I lie down on the bed above the covers and just sob into my hands. Telling him all those things was extremely cathartic, but I can't pretend it didn't exhaust me...hurt me.

I can't push him anymore. He is the one that has to make the decision. I've told him how I feel and now all I can do is wait.

I fall into a light sleep, sobs still racking my body.

But when I feel a dip in my mattress, I wake completely. I am on my side, facing the wall, but I don't turn… afraid to hope.

And I can't help but shut my eyes and revel in the warmth of his body so close to mine again. For the first time in months he was the one to approach me.

Without a word, he lies down on my bed close to me. We aren't touching, but I can feel his heat radiating from his skin into my own. I can feel his breath on the back of my neck.

Hope is blossoming in my chest, causing me to shake.

All the sudden I feel a gentle hand touch my arm, and slowly it makes its descent to my hand. Once his fingers intertwine with my own, I can't hold back my relief and joy... which of course comes out in the form of silent tears.

I bring our hands up to my face and nuzzle his rough palm against my wet cheek. He scoots closer to me, so the contours of our body match up perfectly. His body supports me fully so I can relax back into his embrace for the first time in ages.

He is finally supporting me…in more ways than just physically. With this knowledge I can finally rest. I don't know if things will be different in the morning, but this is significant.

Moments before I drift away into a deep slumber I hear him whisper…

"You are my everything too."

**END NOTES:**

Whew. A little bit of drama, but we are getting back on track.

So what was up with Edward? Any theories?

You readers are wonderful people. Truly. Reading your reviews and seeing all the alerts and favorites makes me excited to write. And I got this one done faster! And that is because you guys made me want to write. Thank you!

Leave some love! REVIEW!


	18. Chapter 18

Before I even open my eyes, I can tell that it is way past dawn.

Over the past few months I have been waking up right as the sun is peeking over the horizon. But not today…

When Edward and I shared a room, he would always have to wake me up because I would be sleeping so soundly. After he decided we should sleep in separate bedrooms, my sleep schedule completely transformed... and not it a good way.

It became more difficult for me to actually fall asleep, and then when I was finally exhausted enough to rest, the unwelcome quiet would plague me.

I would end up tossing and turning all night and would wake up at the slightest disturbance or noise.

With my eyes still closed I relish the feeling of warmth around me. Not only did Edward approach me and come lay in my bed, but his whispered confession felt monumental.

I'm not expecting everything to be back to normal with us, but at least there was some progression. It will take time to rebuild our relationship, but I feel like some layers just came down from the wall that has been surrounding him.

Somehow during the night, I must have turned because my head is now pillowed on his chest, my body nestled in the crook of his arm.

I slowly open my eyes, feeling unsure of what awaits me. Is he going to be open with me, or will he revert back to that place of silence?

The room is completely bright. It is hours past sunrise. This is the best I have slept in months and months. I feel refreshed and rejuvenated, but am still wary of what Edward might do or say when he wakes up.

Will he regret that he slept in my bed all night? To go from no physical contact to this is a huge leap. For the first time since Jay's death, I finally feel like my heart is beating again. To lose this again would break me.

"What are you thinking so hard about?" Edward whispers into my hair.

I startle slightly, not expecting him to be awake. I scoot back a little so I can turn my face comfortably and look at him.

"I was thinking of a lot of things, I guess," I answer back evasively.

"Like what?"

"Edward," I say slowly with a tight throat. "There are things I want to say, but I'm scared."

"Scared of what?" he simply asks, prompting me to continue.

"I'm scared of how you'll react, of what you'll think. I feel like if I say something wrong, or say something you don't like…that you will ignore me again."

"I won't. I know things have been strange, and I know you are confused and hurt, but I don't ever want you to be afraid to telling me how you feel. I always want to know what you are thinking…even when I don't deserve to know." His words taper off into a more melancholy tone.

I move back further, so I can see him more easily.

"We have so much to talk about, but now that I'm looking at you…I don't even know where to start."

"How about we get some breakfast, take care of the animals…and then just talk…whatever you want to say or ask. Let's just ignore the rest of our work and spend some time together. There are some things I need to say too."

I agree and we get out of bed quietly and with one last intense look at me he heads for his own room to change while I do the same.

As I walk out the cabin, I am relieved to feel how warm it is outside. The snow is almost completely melted and the sun feels amazing on my face. Maybe winter is finally over.

I hurry to the barn to feed the horses and milk the cow. And she is mooing at me angrily. I feel terrible that she had to suffer while I was enjoying my first restful sleep in months.

Edward joins me after a few minutes and we finish the necessary chores quickly.

We head back up to the house in silence and then sit awkwardly across from each other in the main room.

I am sitting on the loveseat, and of course, he is sitting on a single chair that is on the other side of the room.

I roll my eyes, because even though we are talking again, he still doesn't want to sit next to me like we used to.

"What?" he asks a little exasperated, staring intently at me like he's trying to read my thoughts.

"What, _what?_" I respond, confused at sudden question.

"Why did you roll your eyes at me?"

I obviously don't want to tell him why I rolled my eyes, so I say, "I just rolled my eyes. There doesn't have to be a reason."

"But there is a reason. I can see in your face that you meant something by it. It's fine if you don't want to tell me…just please don't lie to me and say it was nothing."

His comment sparks something ugly inside me. All of my suppressed anger starts bubbling up.

"Oh, so this is about honesty then? You don't want me to lie to you. I get it. How nice for you that I have to be so honest, while you lie to me every day," I respond sarcastically.

"Lie to you? When have I lied to you?" he asks incredulously.

"_Nothing will change with us. Nothing has to change. _Ha, yeah right. 'Nothing will change.' That was the first time you ever lied to me, and then you continued to lie every day after that."

"Bella," his voice sounds terrible, like his throat is the only thing keeping his emotions under control. "I didn't mean for that to be a lie. Everything just caught up to me. I felt like if I showed you how I was really feeling it would just make things worse."

"How would it have made it worse? I don't even understand you, Edward!" I cry. "You just got upset with me because I rolled my eyes and then wouldn't tell you why. How do you think I felt when you took every part of yourself away from me? You simply stopped talking to me. You couldn't… maybe _can't… _stand to be near me," I rant while gesturing at the large space in-between our seats.

"What I don't understand is why. Why would you shut me out like that? What changed so drastically that you thought you had to stop all contact? Would it really have been worse to tell me how you were feeling?"

I'm on a roll and I can't seem to stop the words from spewing out of mouth. I've held so much back and now the flood gates have been released.

"I would have understood if you told me you thought we shouldn't be physically affectionate anymore. I would have been confused and definitely a little hurt, but pretending to need something every time I come close is beyond hurtful. It broke my heart, Edward. Jolting when I would touch you, or jumping up and running away when I came anywhere near you, only to stare at me for hours from across the room is absurd. You act like you can't stand to be near me, but then you can't keep your eyes off me. I can't have you jerk me around like that anymore. It hurts too much."

"Bella," he interjects before I can begin speaking again. "I know you are confused by my actions, but I don't know if I have all the words to make it make sense for you right now. I know it may not seem like it, but I felt like I was protecting you. After Jay died…and after your birthday…things just fell apart for me. I could hardly make sense of anything and being around you only make things more confusing. I thought it would be better…for both of us…if I stayed away because I didn't want to unload everything onto you. How could I burden you when I couldn't even make sense of anything? That wouldn't have been fair to you, especially since you were dealing with everything as well."

"Edward," I growl. "I'm so frustrated with you. Did you ever think that we could have worked through it together? If we were both going through the same thing, then I could have helped you make sense of your feelings. Why was… is… being around me so hard? What changed?"

He takes a deep breath and gazes at me steadily. "It is hard to explain without _explaining_ and I'm not ready to go there yet. I know that will probably make you more furious with me, but everything is too fresh right now."

"Okay, so where does that leave us then?" I say sharply, hating that he is still holding back.

"Bella, I do understand that it is my fault things between us are so fragile now. But I'm willing to work on rebuilding our relationship. But I need you to know that it can't be the same as it was. I don't want to go back to how it was."

"What do you mean, Edward? I need you to say what you aren't saying. I so tired of trying to read your mind and walking on egg shells around you. You need to be direct with me, because I am too exhausted to try and figure this out."

"Bella, things are different between us. I think you have noticed too…"

"Of course things are different. We haven't talked in months and—"

"That's not what I mean," he shakes his head with a quick jerk, clearly agitated.

He stands abruptly and starts pacing. I am startled by his sudden action and follow his movements around the room.

All the sudden he stops in front of the loveseat where I'm sitting and speaks in a rush.

"Bella, we kissed. I know it was an accident... But it happened."

He says nothing else. He's waiting for me to say something.

"I know it happened," I whisper.

"The reason I can't just touch you like before is because things aren't how they used to be. I can't just touch you and pretend it doesn't mean anything. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

I'm too shocked by his jumbled confession to make sense of it. I shake my head to tell him that I don't know what he means…that I'm confused. This is not something he can just kind of say. I don't want to have to assume. If he has feelings for me, he needs to say it.

He steps away from me again and starts walking in aimless circles around the room. His movements are jerky and agitated, like he is uncomfortable in his own skin.

"Damn it!" he yells suddenly. "I can't just say it. Once I say it, it can never be unsaid. It has the potential to change everything and I don't know if I can handle right now. I _need _to tell you…but I just can't right now. Please understand. Don't be angry. I'm sorry…"

"Edward," I start soothingly, "I'm not angry. I just wish you felt comfortable sharing whatever it is that is burdening you. Nothing you can say would change how I feel about you."

He scoffs loudly. "I beg to differ. What I have to say would change everything."

"Edward, but everything is already changed. You were right…things are different between us now. Of course I noticed too. Maybe it was the kiss…but I think it has been something that has just been building for years…"

"I don't think I can talk about this right now," Edward says thickly, cutting me off.

"Then you don't have to talk. Just listen. Would that be alright?" I say sharply. Why is he making this so difficult?

He doesn't say anything, so I am going to take that as a yes.

"I don't think I could go back to how things were before either. Being affectionate like we were would mean something different to me now too. Do you understand what _I'm _saying?"

I repeat his words back to him so maybe he'll understand that the way we feel may be more alike than he thinks. I need to be blunt. I'm tired of holding back my feelings.

"What do you mean?" he whispers.

"What I mean is I think about us…you…differently than I did. When I think about our kiss, I… pretend it wasn't an accident."

When I say this Edward closes his eyes and lifts his arms so the back of his hands are resting against is forehead. It looks like he is trying to gain his composure. Like, looking at me is too difficult.

I know that what I said is exposing my feelings, but I think he should know now. I want him to know.

"I think about us all the time," he confesses quietly. He's still got his eyes shut.

'I do too," I respond emphatically. I start moving toward him, but he can't see because his eyes are still shut. "I think about us being…together."

When I say this his eyes fly open and he moves away from me quickly. Raising his arm to let me know he needs me to back off.

"Bella, stop! Please. Don't come closer right now. Please, stay where you are."

He sounds so tortured that I stop walking immediately.

"I'm sorry," I apologize. "I didn't mean to upset you, but I wanted you to know."

His hands are fisted by his sides and he stuffs them into his pockets.

"Don't you understand? I don't want you to be sorry. And hearing you say that…Hell…it's what I've dreamed about…just years of thinking…wanting…."

His words are choppy, non sequitur. They taper off into pensive silence.

Hearing that he might want me like I want him causes my feet to move forward. My feet seem have a mind of their own and I want more. There is no thought process behind my movements; it is like my body _has _to be closer to his, immediately.

…I feel like if I don't touch him, I will fall apart.

The second he sees me coming to him, his whole body freezes and it is only a fraction of a second before he literally jumps over the loveseat to put a barrier in-between us.

I stare at him with a slack jaw, confused by his rash and evasive actions.

"Why are still moving away?" I ask incredulously, hurt coloring my tone. "If you know I feel the same way…" His words have made me hopeful, but his actions…his actions make me doubt everything.

"Bella, if you come near me I won't be able to stop myself from just…._taking." _ He is breathing hard.

His back is resting flat against the wall. He is as far away from me as the room will allow.

"Then take me," I plead. "I _need _you. I need you so much. It hurts to be away from you. Even this much. Please…"

I step around the couch, but don't come any closer. If he wants to run or come closer he can. I have given him the power here, and he has to be the one to choose.

"Bella, this is too much. This is going too fast." Each word is a struggle for him. "You have to know that I need you, _want_ you too…but not like this. Not so suddenly after we've just started speaking again.

"To jump from one extreme to the other would ruin us. We need get to know each other before we decide to…add anything else. We've grown up together, but this is new territory. We need to take it slow. Does that make sense?"

I do understand what he is saying. I hate it, but I understand. Our relationship is very fragile right now, and if we jump into anything new, we could fall apart later because we didn't build a strong foundation again.

"Edward, I do understand. And you're right…but that doesn't mean I have to like it," I say with spirit.

He guffaws suddenly, not expecting my teasing. And then suddenly he is laughing. Laughing so hard, like everything he is feeling can't be held back any longer.

And then just like that, I am laughing too. I laugh until my throat is raw and my stomach aches.

"Why are we laughing?" I giggle helplessly. This whole situation isn't funny, but I can't seem to stop.

This only makes him laugh louder and deeper. As I watch the pure joy on his face, my face starts to relax and I start noticing things about him.

I see the masculine stubble on his cheeks and chin. I notice the way his eyes sparkle as he smiles, the laugh lines around his eyes. I note the strong, sinewy muscles in his forearm as he rubs the back of his neck.

This is the first time I have really let myself look and let myself imagine. Of course I have imagined before…but now that _we _are a real possibility, my daydreams become more vivid, more sensory.

I picture his tall, muscled body against the softness of mine. How I would be able to feel the tensing and shifting of his muscles against my skin as we kissed…

All of the sudden he stops laughing. The expression on his face changes abruptly as he focuses on me.

I realize my chest is moving up and down rapidly. And I'm staring at him with unabashed hunger. I want every part of him on every part of me. I want to feel his skin against my skin, want his hands _everywhere. _Touching, stroking…kissing.

His lips part in surprise and I can see the same hunger mirrored on his face. My skin flushes… but not in embarrassment. Not even close.

We stand apart but continue to feast. To allow ourselves to finally look and imagine without backing away is pure freedom.

"Bella," he finally whispers roughly. "I'm going to hug you now…just because I don't think I can go another second without touching you. But…can you please just not touch me back? I know that's strange…but if I feel your hands on me…I won't be able to stop myself from…"

"Shh," I hush gently. I am willing to do anything so he will touch me. If he needs me to stand still, for him I will.

I lift my arms in invitation and that is all he needs before he flings himself at me, grabbing me roughly, pulling me tight to his chest. Our chests are flush against each other and I can feel his heart pounding a fast rhythm in time with my own.

He is so much taller than me, but I love the way we line up. The top of my head barely reaches his shoulder, but I fit perfectly in his arms. We were meant to be like this.

And I do what he asks, because I love him and I trust him. I keep my arms limp by my side and just let myself…_feel._

After a few moments of holding tight, his grip suddenly becomes light…tender. His hands loosen from their heavy grip and rub gently across my back, one hand running up my spine and into my loose hair near my neck.

He drops his head so his face is hanging low near my shoulder, his face against my hair, breathing deeply.

With him touching me so gently, so intimately, it is hard to keep my hands from lifting to his shoulders, his back.

But I don't because I'm afraid if I do, this embrace will end. And I don't want it to ever end.

We stand this way for minutes, just feeling each other…soaking in the warmth and presence of the other person.

His earthy, clean smell surrounds me and I hope I can smell him on me the rest of the day…the rest of my life.

His hand comes up to my neck and all the sudden I feel his lips against my head, right above my ear.

When he kisses me my eyes shut involuntarily and without thinking my hand comes up to cover the one resting on my neck.

Instinctively I raise myself on tiptoes and tip my face up slightly.

I feel his breath against my parted lips, and we are so close I can feel the warmth of his lips radiating to mine even though they aren't touching.

When nothing happens I decide to open my eyes and stare at his lips, dying to move that last inch and close the space between us.

But I won't.

"I want to," he breathes, his lips almost brushing mine. "I want to kiss you so much, but not yet. Not until we figure everything else out. Because once won't be enough. Once we kiss, we can never go back. I won't be able to stop."

"Okay," I whisper back, still longing for his kiss anyway.

When I say this, he shivers slightly and pulls me tighter, turning his head so his cheek rests against mine.

"Bella, there is something I want to say…. But I can't say it yet. When we have figured _this _out… I will say it. But I want you to know I feel it."

He grabs my hand and lifts it to place on his chest, over his heart. He pulls back and we are staring up at each other, our eyes and hearts saying what our mouths can't yet.

And I feel it. I feel his heart. His love.

"One step at a time," I smile, understanding his hesitance. "We'll take it as slow as we can…and then it will just be us. _Forever._"

I grab the necklace he carved for me and rub the smoothness between my fingers. That 'forever' has a new meaning now.

"That's all I want," he smiles sweetly back, his eyes alight with happiness and hunger.

After a few more seconds of embracing quietly, he speaks again.

"I'm going to go work outside now. I need a little while to think through everything…"

"Me too. Need to think, I mean," I add quickly.

"I think that would be good for us…because when I'm next to you it is too easy to forget the reasons for taking it slow."

I laugh lightly, looking down to the floor feeling happier than I have in my whole life.

"But I'll be back," he continues. "And then we can talk …and spend some time together. Maybe talk about the last few months some more."

"Alright," I agree.

He drops his arms from around me and steps away, walking backwards toward the door, but continuing to look at me.

"Well, goodbye then. For now, I mean." He looks a little flustered.

"Goodbye," I laugh a little at his formal words.

He turns around, but before he can step outside he stops and turns back, striding quickly toward me.

He kisses my cheek quickly, but gently. I am obviously surprised, but his return was extremely welcome.

He pulls back and says, "I am so happy. You make me so happy."

And before I can respond he has run out the door.

I smile bigger than I ever have in my whole life. My heart swells with the thoughts of our future and how we have forever.

I'm going to marry him.

**End Notes:**

And…what do you think? You happy for them or just frustrated with me for making them take it slow? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

You readers mean so much to me. I cherish every review and alert. You are awesome.

REVIEW! I always respond back.


	19. Chapter 19

"Hi," I greet warmly as I step into the kitchen. We have been working in different parts of the property since our earlier conversation and so I haven't seen him in hours.

"Hello," he responds back with a smile. His whole face lit up when I walked in and I'm sure mine did as well. "I would have waited for you, but I figured you ate hours ago..."

"I did. I'm glad you didn't wait. Are you finished?" I gesture to his empty plate, moving closer to clear the table.

He nods and makes a move to stand and I tell him to stay seated. He sits back down and keeps his eyes on me while I work. He looks on as I move around the room, clearing the bread and now cold stew from the table. It is amazing how happy it makes me that he didn't jump up and leave the room right away when he finished eating, like he would have a week ago.

I clear everything away, leaving his plate for last. This thing between us is still new and so it is difficult to be around him and not want more...or less. More touching, less space between us. More kissing, less talking. More skin, less clothes? I snicker to myself thinking that last one.

We said we would take it slow, but that doesn't mean I can't still touch him sometimes, right?

I step up close to him, standing slightly behind his back and lean over him to grab his plate. Obviously, where I am situated is the most difficult position in which to reach the dish, but these results are much more enjoyable.

To keep my balance I place my hand on his shoulder gently and reach over his body slowly, taking my time with the task.

My daydreams and fantasies have been running wild since we revealed our feelings and so I can't help but lean a little further until my breasts lightly touch his muscled back. When he feels the light pressure against his shoulder, where I have intentionally leaned too far, he tenses his muscles.

For one second I think he is going to lean forward away from me, but after a moment he relaxes further into the chair, his body resting against my chest even more.

I bite my lip to hold back my smile as I reach further over him. Whenever we are close like this, I can't stop my heart from beating faster, my breathing from becoming labored. I feel almost dizzy from sensation.

And I notice that he is breathing a little harder too.

I pick up the plate finally, turning my body slightly so my face is closer to his.

"Was it good?" I ask huskily, whispering in his ear. I pull the plate away from the table, but stay pressed up against his body. The simple pressure of his back against my sensitive breasts is almost over stimulating... Except, I don't want it to stop. I've never felt like this before.

Like I want to have control and give in at the same time.

"Yeah," he responds gruffly. "It was great. Thank you."

I smile and turn my head to get even closer to him. "You're welcome." My lips pucker as I speak and my lower lip lightly brushes against the shell of his ear.

He grabs the edge of the table in a swift move and grips hard until his knuckles are white.

"Bella," he choke laughs, dropping his head. "This isn't fair. You're torturing me on purpose…"

"I know," I whisper again, my breath fanning across the sensitive skin of his neck.

"We said we'd take it slow."

We say we want to take it slow, but I have no desire to stop and he clearly hasn't moved away either. This obviously isn't one sided. We are both enjoying this.

"Then tell me to stop," I challenge hotly, deliberately running my lips over his ear, nipping the top in a light, almost kiss.

He shudders visibly and stands up quickly, but not roughly. He steps around the chair with a predatory look in his eyes and I feel like his trapped prey… a prey that is holding onto her trap with all her might. A willing captive. He takes the dirty plate from my hand and sets in down before coming closer.

He keeps pressing forward until my heaving chest brushes his stomach on every exhale. With each breath and graze against him my sensitive skin puckers more until it aches. I need him to touch me. I don't even care if it's wrong or improper…my whole body is screaming for him.

We are so close that looking up at his face hurts my neck. I tilt my head slightly, and end up staring right at his chest, mesmerized by the tan skin exposed at his unbuttoned collar.

Lightly, almost with a feathery touch, he lifts his hand and places it on my waist. Slowly, tortuously, he drags it upward, skimming my side. Before he reaches my breast, he stops. His hand is gripping my side, his thumb slowly swirling and stroking underneath where I want his hands the most.

He scratches his nail across this skin, and ends up scraping his finger in-between my ribs, digging gently into that sensitive tissue. I gasp in surprise, not expecting the almost ticklish feeling it causes. I undulate forward slightly and this causes his thumb to slip further upwards, stroking the hyper sensitive skin on the bottom slope of my breast.

I gasp in surprise and he does too, alerting me that it was an accident. He pulls his hand away from my side and rests it against my back, pulling me forward into a small embrace.

My head falls forward onto his chest, my forehead resting near his heart. It isn't until I slowly allow myself to relax that I realize how tense I had become…and not a bad tense. It's the kind of tense where every single muscle in your body is screaming for more pressure, more touching.

"Sorry," he whispers into my hair. "I just meant to tease you a bit, like you were teasing me. I didn't mean to—"

"Edward," I stop him. "I know. And I'm not sorry…and I don't think you are either."

I feel his chest rumble when he lets out a single dry chuckle. "I would have been sorry, if you were sorry…but if you're not, then I'm definitely not."

I smile into his chest and rub my nose against the front of his shirt. "Okay then. Let's not be sorry about anything."

"Okay." He pulls me closer and drops his head to place a kiss on the top of mine. "And I don't know if I love or hate this new way of teasing." I step closer into his arms until my breasts are completely pressed against him. "Nope. I definitely love it," he declares roughly, his heart pounding harder against me.

"I could make you love it more," I add, arching my back, rubbing myself against him a littler harder.

He doesn't respond right away, just squeezes me tighter for a moment and then slowly steps away. I make a lame attempt to keep him close, but he manages to free himself. He picks up my limp hand and tugs me with him as he walks out of the kitchen.

"Let's talk for a bit," he invites.

He leads me to the loveseat and allows me to sit before releasing my hand. He crosses the room, grabs a chair and carries it over to where I am seated. He sits in front of me and leans forward to grab both my hands to hold in his.

"And don't roll your eyes at me for not sitting on the loveseat with you," he jabs lightly.

"I wasn't going to roll my eyes. I was angry because you were all the way across the room last time. It's obvious you aren't trying to avoid me now." I lift our intertwined fingers to make my point.

"Yeah, well… We still have some stuff we should talk about that you might not like." His brows are furrowed, his face drawn and serious.

"You're making me nervous," I reveal when I hear his words and see his expression.

"I don't want you to be nervous. See, that's the problem. We used to sit down and talk all the time. And did that ever make you nervous?"

"Of course not," I answer firmly.

"Exactly. 'Of course not.' But now, it is easy to be around each other…physically…but we can't even talk to each other. I don't want our relationship to move forward in one direction and not have balance in the other. Does that make sense?"

"Yes, I understand. So let's start talking then. I want to get back to that place where we can share everything with each other. It will probably be strange to talk to each other about _certain things_ because it might deal with the other person, but I think we should be comfortable enough to do that.

"And in the interest of sharing things…I think you should know that I am really, _really _attracted to you," I disclose seriously, a smile turning up the corners of my lips

He smiles warmly in response, shaking his head slowly, pursing his lips lightly.

"You so don't fight fair," he mumbles lowly, but he can't quite contain the bright smile that transforms his face.

I smile at his fake glum attitude. "Now it's your turn. Tell me something you've been holding back."

As we were talking we began scooting forward in our chairs until our knees are touching and bumping lightly against each other.

He looks away from my eyes and stares at our teasing and stroking fingers. I have been tickling and rubbing my hands over his since we sat down, and he has been doing the same with mine. It feels…amazing.

"I'm so beyond attracted to you, it's almost ridiculous," he confesses. "I love your soft skin, your smile; how soft your hair is, your red lips, your body, your long legs, your smell, your laugh, your slender hands…your forgiving heart. I could go on forever. I think could describe every part of you in perfect detail. I love everything about you. I really do."

He looks back up to my face and slowly wipes away the silent tear that is rolling down my cheek. How could he have have hid all this from me for so long?

"What are you thinking?" he asks hesitantly.

"I was just thinking about what you said to me earlier. About how I make you happy…You have always made me so happy, and these last few months were so hard without you. I missed you so much, you know? I loved hearing what you just said, but knowing you felt that way and still ignored me…that stings a little."

"Let's talk about that then. I want you to ask whatever you need to ask."

"I guess I just want to know more of your thought process. What made you turn away from me so suddenly after Jay's death? …Besides the physical stuff. You said the kiss was part of it, but you were already distant before my birthday."

He nods a few times and gathers his thoughts. "When we found out that Jay only had a few days to live we were so focused on making his passing comfortable and easy that I never really thought about what would happen after. And then when he was gone, it all just hit me. Knocked me senseless, really. All of this responsibility was pressing down onto my shoulders. To lose another parental figure after everything we've been through…it made me really scared for us…for you. I knew I had to focus on the farming, and if I was around you, all I would think about was if you were okay or happy. So I threw myself into the work to keep me focused, so we'd be able to stay afloat. Then, we kissed and being around you became a new type of torture…to be around you constantly, but know I could never have you. I don't know…it all piled up on me until everything was jumbled and I didn't know how to fix it."

"I wish you would have told me what you were going through. I know you said you wouldn't have known what to say, but we could have comforted each other, helped each other," I reply quickly.

"I didn't feel like I could accept the comfort you would give when I wouldn't have been able to give anything back. With where my mind was… I would have sucked all the life out of you. Our relationship has always been about reciprocity. I take care of you, and you take care of me. But it wouldn't have been like that."

"How do you know that?" I exclaim. "You say that like you know for a fact that it would have been worse for both of us, but I can't believe that. We've made it through some of the most devastating circumstances and tragedies because we always had each other. We could always rely on the other person to be strong when the other felt weak. Even if the comfort hadn't been with words…being around you would have been enough for me. But that was gone too."

"I don't know what to say. Of course you're right, but at the time it didn't feel like that. I'm sorry. I hate that I hurt you, but I can't regret it if it somehow brought us to this point. Would we be sitting like this, acting like this, if things hadn't happened like they did? I just don't know."

"I don't know, and I can't regret it either. It was a lonely few months, but I wouldn't change anything if it meant I couldn't be with you like this. I'm sorry for bringing it up again. It has been hard for me to understand, but I think I'm starting to get it. Thank you for being honest with me."

"I'm glad you are asking. I wish I had some better answers for you, something that would make more sense. It's hard to explain because I'm not in the same place that I was. I have had time to heal and I was able to see how foolish and selfish I was being. And of course, you helped me snap out of it," he smiles sheepishly.

I smile shyly back. "I tried to be patient…but the constant staring pushed me over the edge."

His fingers run over my skin, tracing the lines in my palm, tickling the skin at my wrist. "By that time I was desperate to make amends, but I was afraid. You seemed almost disinterested in me at that point. I so wanted to fix things, but I didn't want to be rejected by you. I don't think I could have survived that. I needed— _need_— you so much. I have to be around you in order to feel truly happy, and I was afraid that you would tell me that nothing was wrong with our new dynamic. I'll admit, I was a huge coward."

"I was waiting for you to come to me on your own terms, but that didn't work out so well obviously. And I'll admit to being a little cowardly at first, too. I wanted to snap at you long before I did, but was too confused by your evasive behavior to really feel confident in your feelings for me. But I finally figured out you must have liked me a little if you stared at me all the time."

"I think 'a little' is a vast understatement," he declares with an intense focus.

On an impulse I lift our hands and kiss the palm of his hand. I let my lips linger on his skin, and he gently strokes my cheek where his hand is resting. He then strokes my face until he is cupping my chin and staring at my lips.

One of my legs is pressed in-between both of his, my other leg pressing into the outer part of his thigh.

"I think we should set some ground rules," he mutters still staring at my lips.

"Such as?" I ask, afraid he is going to take away all the fun.

"Well, this isn't really a rule…more of a confession. I really want to come back into our room. I don't think I can sleep without you close by now." He shoots me a worried look.

"What? Do you think I'm going to say no or something? I never wanted you to leave in the first place. If you hadn't suggested it just now, I probably would have ended up sneaking into your room tonight."

"Okay then," he says with raised eyebrows. "Another thing…I know we slept in the same bed last night, but I think it's best that we don't do that again. At least, not until…I just think being in the same bed would make the temptation greater…" his voice tapers off.

I watch him struggle to say the words. He looks flustered and a little flushed. He hardly ever gets embarrassed and I can't help but tease a little.

"The temptation to make love, you mean?" I finish innocently, with a glint in my eye.

He chokes suddenly and swallows thickly. "Yeah," he coughs out roughly. "I think you've become spunkier these last few months. More blunt," he comments randomly.

"Is that a bad thing? Haven't you always told me to be honest with you?"

"No, it's not a bad thing. Not at all. I love it…but it is going to take some time to get used to. That is one reason why I want to take it slow. I want us to be completely comfortable with each other, with every aspect of our relationship. I want us to be able to talk about everything…even intimacy. Something I really believe is that if a couple doesn't feel comfortable talking to each other about _that,_ then they shouldn't be doing it."

"That makes sense. So…let's talk about it," I suggest, hoping to push us along a bit. My now active hormones controlling my actions.

He just chuckles lowly. "I know what you're trying to do," he warns. "But there is no need to rush. Now that we are both on the same page, we have all the time in the world. And the waiting will only make it better, don't you think? The anticipation…" he leans forward and kisses my cheek lightly.

"Okay, so what about kissing? When are we allowed to do that?" I ask with a pout. I know I'm being ridiculous, but being together is too fun not to try for more.

"I want us to progress naturally. I don't want to put a time limit on anything, but at the same time I'm worried that once we start kissing we won't stop there. Can you honestly tell me right now that if I were to kiss you once, you'd be okay with that? With stopping with one?"

At the mention of kissing I glance down to his full lips and immediately am swept away in a dizzying daydream where we spend an entire day glued together, kissing and touching. I try to pull myself out of my own mind and back into reality, but it is difficult to do with those delicious thoughts in my head.

He's right though. Once wouldn't be enough. And with the new found heat bubbling inside of me, I definitely wouldn't stop with kissing. I'd want more.

So I tell him that. "Okay, no kissing until later then. But how are we going to know when we're ready for more?"

"I guess we'll have to play it by ear. Keep talking to each other and seeing where our heads are. Like I said, it will just be a natural progression. Nothing forced or unnatural. Just us, doing what feels right."

"I can agree to that," I reply warmly. "Just as long as I get to talk to you, touch you, everyday, I can wait." I pull on his hands and lean further back into the loveseat, hoping he'll take the hint to sit next to me.

He turns until he is sitting next to me closely, and I snuggle into his arms, my head resting on his shoulder. He wraps an arm around my back so I can move closer into his side. One of my hands is cushioning my face, and the other is resting on his chest, over his heart. It's is beating quickly, but after a few quiet minutes it begins to steady.

"This is nice," I sigh, feeling sleepy. He hums in response.

I truly feel safe and happy. Something I wouldn't have thought I'd be feeling a few weeks ago. I appreciate Edward so much more now than I did before. That time apart really made me realize the depth of my feelings for him. And during that time I was able to really mature and realize that I am strong enough to fight for what I want.

"Bella?" he starts, pulling me out of my silent musings. "Do you want to tell people from town about us?"

"Do you?" I breathe into his shirt.

"I do…but maybe not right away. I'd rather have everything settled between us before we let others know. And I don't want anyone to gossip about you either. I mean…technically…what we're doing right now isn't Mrs. Brandon approved."

"Definitely not Mrs. Brandon approved," I giggle. "Oh, I wonder how Mary Alice and Mr. Whitlock are doing. I wonder if they are still courting. I'd love to go visit her."

"When the roads clear up a bit more, we can make a supply run and go see her. But I don't know if you should tell her about us yet. Would that bother you too much?"

"No. This is too new and special to be shared anyway. And you're right about the gossip. Two young, non-related people living together… It is almost unspeakable these days. I would want to wait until we were marri—I mean, until things are settled." I blush furiously. He can't see my red cheeks, but he obviously heard what I almost said.

"Were you going to say, _married,_ my sweet Bella?" he asks, clearly trying to fluster me more.

I don't say anything in response.

"What, you're not going to reply? You just proposed to me, the least you can do is own up to it."

I gasp in astonishment. "Ah, I did not just propose!" I exclaim, moving away from his chest.

"I think you did," he jokes with a huge smile, grabbing my hand before I move away too far. "And you can't back out now. A betrothal is a binding contract."

I shake my head at him, but I'm having a hard time feigning seriousness when I see him looking so light and happy.

"You're being ridiculous right now," I finally break down and laugh at his goofy expression.

"You know you love it," he pesters.

"I do love it, and so do you... Because you love everything about me. You said so yourself."

"I do," he whispers, sounding completely calm and sincere.

"But guess what?" I start, scooting until I am perched on his knees, my arms wrapped around his neck.

"Hmm?" he mumbles into my hair.

"I love everything about you too. So that makes us even."

"I like that. See? Reciprocity. It wouldn't be us without it." He rubs my back and squeezes my side quickly, which causes me to jolt in his arms. Even now, after everything, he still tickles me.

"Hey, it isn't reciprocity if you do something that I can't do back to you," I reply with pursed lips.

"Well, you can try all you want. I'm never going to complain because you are trying to tickle me. The results are far too enjoyable."

"Oh," I gasp in shock, finally understanding. "All those times you would tickle me…you just wanted me to touch you back! So sneaky."

He smiled sheepishly, which sufficiently answers my accusation.

"All my secrets are slowly being revealed. I don't know if I like this…"

"Oh please. You _love _it." I emphasize the word love to bring back our earlier teasing.

His eyes become serious and he gently whispers, staring into my eyes, "I do _love_...it."

He took so long to add that last word, it is clear to me he wanted to say something else. Like, 'you.'

My eyes light up in understanding.

"I love _it, _too."

When I say this, he wraps his arms around me and pulls me tight against his chest. It isn't the right time to really tell each other, I love you, because that would catapult our relationship into a place we are not really ready for. But we are finding ways to reassure each other, and that is enough for now.

"So, when are we getting married?" he asks suddenly.

I pull back again and smack him jokingly on the shoulder.

"I did not propose," I answer emphatically.

As we continue to tease and joke, wrapped in each other's arms, I know deep down that everything is exactly how it was meant to be. We are finally moving forward, together.

And I can't wait for more of our reciprocity. I have a feeling it is going to be fun.

Possibly a little _frustrating_…but definitely fun.

**End Notes:**

Please review! I look forward to hearing your thoughts! I really enjoyed writing a happy Edward and Bella.

More reviews = faster updates. It is scientifically proven. Not really. But still true.


	20. Chapter 20

"Bella…wake up," a voice whispers right next to my ear.

I turn my back to the disturbance, trying to get away from the noise.

I feel a dip in my mattress and then a warm cage surrounds my torso.

"It's time to get up," the voice breathes from above.

Without opening my eyes I reach a hand up and grab the solid form above me. I pull gently until the warm body is resting against my own. Once he is fully relaxed on the bed, I turn and hitch my leg over his, and then pin his legs together so he can't escape.

Our chests are flush against each other, my bare legs rubbing against his panted ones.

Oh, the delicious torture.

He makes a half-hearted attempt to escape, but I know it is fake. We have been dancing this dance for about a month, and now I know all the steps.

Ever since our reconciliation, we have been spending all our free time together. Edward wakes me up every morning and we play this strange game… Then we eat breakfast together and work until evening and then eat together again. After our evening meal we sit together, playing games, talking, or just pushing the limits of our physical relationship.

Just being able to spend time with him again has been so amazing. And now with our feelings out in the open, it is even more enjoyable and comfortable. And _frustrating. _

Like right now.

This morning game we play…I don't know how it started, but I know how I'd like it to finish.

We lay pressed up against each other, and he allows me a few minutes to really wake up before speaking. We just cuddle into each other and enjoy the embrace.

We have fallen asleep together in the past and I always found those nights to be some of the most restful sleeps of my life, but now…when he lies next to me… sleeping is definitely the last thing on my mind.

With our bodies flush against each other, I am definitely wide awake. And wanting.

Once I have sufficiently woken up, I turn and grab his arms, one wrist in each of my hands and lift a leg to straddle him.

I always situate myself gently onto his lower stomach, but never any lower. I made the mistake of sitting below the belt once, and our little game abruptly ended.

Apparently, these games are a little too stimulating and if we want to continue, there are a few simple rules to follow.

I think it is safe to say that I have become better informed about the male anatomy.

With all the straddling, and lap sitting I have been doing in the last few weeks, it would be impossible not to notice his growing problem.

Ahem.

He hates when I call it that, but I can't help but smile. And we have talked about it quite a lot recently. It is a conversation that definitely keeps _coming up_….

The first time I straddled his waist, I was definitely unprepared for…that.

It was on a morning just like this. He woke me up and I pulled him down into the bed with me. After a few minutes of gently teasing and wrestling, I sat on his waist to pin him down. I felt that hardness against me, and almost instantly he lifted me away from him. The ease in which he lifted me made me realize how much bigger and stronger he really is. He was teasing me and letting me pin him, but really…he was only letting me win because he wanted to lose.

That realization was extremely satisfying. If he wanted to stop our silly flirtations and contact, he could. But, he didn't.

And that boy _wanted_ me. Hearing him say it is one thing…but to know physically…That is completely another.

That first conversation was definitely a little uncomfortable, just because it was territory we have never crossed before. But now…that topic is fair game.

And like he said…a couple that can't talk about sex shouldn't be having it. Well, we aren't that couple anymore.

We really do torture each other on a daily basis. I don't know how much if it is us just not being able to keep our hands off each other, and how much of it is us pushing the limits we have set… seeing how far we can go before it goes _too _far.

We still haven't kissed though, which seems a little strange when I reflect on how close we have become. We spend hours every night talking about everything. We discuss the past couple years, really talking about the development of our romantic feelings.

We have serious conversations about our future, what we see for ourselves a few years from now.

We tease and joke relentlessly still though. We laugh for hours sometimes. I finally feel like I am myself again. With Edward by my side, I feel like I couldn't be happier.

We have both lost so many people in our lives, but that only makes us appreciate each other more.

As I straddle his stomach, I lean forward so my chest is flush against him and I kiss his cheek.

I am definitely awake now. And now I remember the thing I resolved last night. I really do feel ready now. I am ready to move forward with him. I feel like we have rebuilt our relationship in the last few weeks and it is time to take it to the next step.

I just hope he is willing.

"Good morning," I whisper against his rough whiskers, keeping my cheek resting against his.

He breathes deeply, and I move up and down with his body, in time with his breathing.

"G'morning," he replies gruffly. I feel his chest rumble against my skin as he speaks.

I shift my hips slightly to situate myself more comfortably on him. I didn't mean for my movements to be sensual, but they are. It is impossible to move in this position and it not to be.

I sit up and this causes me to roll my hips even more. He grabs my waist in his big hands, holding me still.

Even though I am not sitting on his hips, my movements are suggestive. We can't pretend that we aren't thinking of physical intimacy when we move and lay like this.

For one second I think he is going to lift me off, because clearly we have crossed clear boundaries…but he simply holds me still.

My knee length nightgown has been pushed high up my leg, exposing the untouched skin of my thighs.

He is staring right into my eyes with hooded lids. I place my hands over his on my hips and intertwine our fingers. After a moment of holding them there, I put pressure on his hands and start pushing them down from my hips over the outside of my legs.

Once his palms brush against the bare skin of my thighs, I stop my descent. He is still staring at me with his heated gaze and it causes me to writhe gently against him.

My entire body feels flushed and hot. I am so ready for this. My body literally aches for his touch. I can feel a strong, thumping pulse in my most private of areas.

And any pressure against that part of my body is a sweet relief.

He still hasn't stopped me, but when I roll my hips against him, he squeezes my thighs tightly, but not painfully. Each squeeze is beyond arousing.

I release his hands and let his stay on my skin while I place mine on his wide, hard chest. While staring into his eyes, I undulate my body, using his chest for support.

The moment I do this, his control snaps.

Faster than I could have ever imagined, he flips me so I am on my back beneath him. His hips are flush against mine, my legs spread, welcoming him close to my body. One of his hands still has a hold of my thigh and he hitches it around his waist, sliding his hand higher up my leg.

His hardness is rubbing right against me, and my lips part suddenly as I gasp in delighted surprise. I can't believe this is happening…

I am gripping his shoulders and he drops his head into my neck, kissing and sucking my skin frantically as he continues to roll his hips lightly into mine. My entire body breaks out in chills as his scruff rubs against my delicate skin. But his lips soothe and tongue make me forget everything. All I can think is…_more._

My hands drift down on their own accord and I start pulling his tucked shirt out from his pants, and try yanking it over his head.

Before I can get it far over his back, he abruptly leans back and grabs my hands to stop them.

"We can't," he gasps, clearly out of breath. He extracts himself away from my legs and turns his body until he is sitting on the edge of the bed, with his hands over his face.

I get up on my knees and move behind him, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"But, I'm ready. We're ready. There is no reason to wait anymore. Let's not play these games. Let's take the next step."

"What is the next step?" he asks, dropping his hands from his face.

"The next step is whatever we decide it is. Wasn't that the whole point of this? That we'd do things naturally…and progress together?"

"You're really ready?" he asks, curiosity coloring his tone.

"Yes," I exclaim firmly, hope coloring my tone. "Aren't you?"

"I am. Just as long as you are. And I think you know how I feel about…"

A knock at the door interrupts his sentence. Our heads swivel to the direction of the front door in time with each other. If I wasn't so curious about who could possibly be knocking on our door, I'd probably laugh at our utterly surprised faces.

"Who the hell could that be?" Edward almost laughs.

"Do you want me to get it?" I ask. "I don't know if whoever is at the door is ready to see all of Edward Masen." I tilt my head down to his waist, raising my eyebrows.

"I'm fine now. The surprise visitor solved my 'growing problem." He shakes his head at our stupid joke. "And anyway, I don't think you should answer the door in that," he says, gesturing to my threadbare nightgown. "I definitely don't want anyone else to see you like this, other than me."

"Definitely just for you," I smile.

I release his neck and he gets up quickly. He steps out the bedroom and shuts the door so I can dress.

I quickly pull off the nightgown and grab my chemise and work dress, pulling them on quickly. I hear mumbled talking in the main room. I have no idea who would come visit us so soon after sunrise. No one ever stops by here.

I open the bedroom door and run my hands over my skirt, smoothing some of the wrinkles. I twist my hair up as I walk through the kitchen and stop in shock when I see who is at the front door.

"Mary Alice!" I exclaim in surprise. "What on earth are you doing here? Is something wrong?"

The door is wide open and Mary Alice is standing out on the porch with a huge smile on her face.

"It is so lovely to see you," she says with excitement. "Nothing is wrong. I know it is way too early for callers, but I had to come."

By this point I have reached her side and I wrap my arms tight around her in a welcoming embrace. Behind her shoulder, I see her Mrs. Brandon sitting in the carriage with a dark look on her face.

"Doesn't your mother want to come inside?" I ask, trying to be polite. But honestly, the thought of her coming inside the house where Edward and I just were…doing something…That doesn't feel right either.

"Oh, we can't stay long. It has been far too long since I've seen you. I kept hoping you would visit town, but when you didn't, I knew I had to invite you."

"Invite me? To what? What's going on?" I ask in a hurry.

"My wedding," she gushes happily. "I'll be married to Jasper Whitlock by week's end!"

"Oh, Mary Alice! How exciting. I have missed so much!" I pull her into another impulsive hug, squeezing her tight.

"Congratulations. Jasper is a very lucky man. And if I may say…you have chosen well also. You will both be very happy together," Edward comments warmly.

"Thank you. Thank you both. I hated the thought that you wouldn't be there, Bella. You too, Edward. I have always considered you my closest friends. I'd be so honored if you would come to the ceremony and the gathering afterwards."

"Of course we'll come. I would never miss this. What a pleasant, happy surprise." For some reason, as I continued to speak my eyes began filling up with tears.

"Bella!" she exclaims when she sees my watering eyes. "I didn't mean for you to cry."

"I don't know why I'm crying," I start. "I guess I just realized how much I've missed seeing you. I was just thinking about you the other day, wondering about you and Jasper…and now you're here. We'll definitely be there. I'm so happy for you. Truly."

"I'm so glad to hear that. That would make Jasper and I so happy. I've told him so much about you. And again I apologize for just showing up here. We had to come early before the shop opens."

"Please don't apologize. Edward and I were just surprised to hear a knock. We never get visitors out here. What a happy surprise."

"I'm really sorry…but I can't stay longer. Mother made me promise it would be a quick visit. I'll see you soon though. And I'll be Mrs. Whitlock!" Her smile is brighter than the sun.

"Of course. I'm just so glad you came. It really means so much. Let's walk you out. I probably should say hello to your mother as well," I whisper this last part.

Edward follows us down the steps toward Mrs. Brandon, but he hangs back a little.

"Everything is alright between you and Edward, right? I worry about you," Mary Alice says in a hushed voice.

"Everything is perfect. Please don't worry about us. It's been an adjustment without Jay here, but things are looking better," I answer just as quietly.

The carriage has a large step and before Mary Alice can hoist herself up, Edward steps forward and offers her a strong hand and a boost.

"Mrs. Brandon," I begin, "Thank you so much for taking the time to personally invite Edward and I. We are thrilled to hear the happy news. Congratulations of the nuptials and best wishes to your family."

"Miss Snow, I thank you for your acceptance." I startle slightly at her use of my alias. It has been a long time since someone called me by that name. "I look forward to seeing you at the ceremony," she says without much warmth.

"Thank you, again."

"And I hope you will be feeling better by then," she replies while looking at me with a stern, but concerned gaze.

"Excuse me?" I ask with confusion. "Am I ill?" I laugh.

"Oh dear! I beg your pardon. I just noticed that you have a bit of a rash on your neck. I sincerely apologize. I shouldn't have assumed anything."

I lift my hands and feel the skin of my neck as if my hands have eyes. I turn to Edward with a question clear in my face. His cheeks flush brightly and I stare at him in amazement at his random blush.

While staring right at me, he lifts one hand very slowly and strokes his palm over the scruff on his cheeks and chin.

I keep looking at him for a minute, unsure of what he is telling me. But when he raises his eyebrows and purses his lips suggestively, I finally catch his meaning.

"Oh!" I gasp in surprise. "It's just a little irritation. New soap," I lie terribly, starting to blush myself. "I'm sure it will clear up soon."

I don't think telling Mrs. Brandon that I have a beard burn is entirely appropriate.

"Well, we really must be off. Good day to both of you," Mrs. Brandon finishes.

"See you soon," Mary Alice waves. "Good bye!"

"Safe journey," Edward replies.

I literally can't say anything. I am too mortified.

Once they have rounded the corner and are completely out of sight, I throw my hand up over my face.

"Oh!" I yell. "That was so embarrassing! Did Mrs. Brandon really have to notice that? How awful."

Even though I am utterly embarrassed and am still blushing, I can't help but chuckle at the absurdity of the situation.

"You aren't allowed to laugh," he says, cracking a huge smile. "I probably looked like a tomato. I didn't even notice until she said something, and then it was so glaringly obvious what it was. To me at least. Hopefully, not to her. I think I may have even bruised your skin with my mouth."

He leans forward and rubs his fingers over a spot on my neck.

"Sorry about that," he apologizes, tickling the sensitive skin, staring at the spot with a gleam of something in his eyes.

"Please," I scoff. "You are not sorry about that. I can see something in your eyes…and it isn't an apology. And I wouldn't want you to be sorry. The timing definitely wasn't great…but it was worth it."

"New soap? Really, Bella?" He laughs suddenly at my terrible excuse.

"Don't make fun of me," I giggle back, grabbing the hand not resting on my neck.

"That really was very embarrassing though. I don't know if I wanted to laugh or disappear. That woman truly scares me. So serious…."

"Poor Mary Alice. Oh, but how happy she'll be. She will get to live with Jasper now, and they can _hold hands_ all they want," I smile at the old joke.

"Hold hands?"

"It is just something she told me ages ago, when they first started courting. When her mother wasn't looking they'd hold hands. That was the moment I realized how different we were. And how grateful I was for you and the way we interacted. I loved touching you, holding your hand. And I was grateful I didn't have a Mrs. Brandon hovering over our shoulders."

"Just think of how different their visit would have gone if she knew we were romantic now. I shudder to even think of it." Edward actually shudders.

"Yes, that definitely would have turned out differently. She probably would have uninvited us. But…no harm was done. Well…no harm to her. It might take me some time to recover from the supreme mortification."

Edward laughs and shakes his head at my exaggeration. He lowers his hand from my neck and starts walking back up to the house.

We have tons of work to do today, but I am reluctant to start. I feel so distracted. Now that we are alone again, this morning's incident is fresh on my mind.

"So Edward…" I start, finally ready to talk about what happened. Maybe try for a repeat.

"Uh oh. I suddenly feel like I'm about to be in trouble," he mumbles.

"You're not in trouble. Quite the opposite, really. I just want to talk."

"For some reason, that doesn't make me feel any better."

"So, about earlier…in bed. That was new." I comment conversationally, trying to keep it light…but really, I'm trying to start something.

"It is safe to say that we both got a little carried away. But I meant what I said. I am ready to move forward, if you are."

"Well, I'm definitely ready." I look at him expectantly.

"Okay then," he replies awkwardly.

After a few moments of silence I ask, "Now what? I mean…what does moving forward look like?" Are we supposed to be kissing right now? Everything feels so uncomfortable between us …Maybe because we are talking about it in such a formal way?

"I thought…I mean… we had mentioned…kissing?" His eyes are shifting around the room now. He can't even look at me while he says this.

"So kissing is fair game then? That is our next step?" I ask to clarify.

"Yes. Kissing. When it feels right," he says to the floor.

"Edward…it doesn't have to be now. It has been a strange morning and clearly something is bothering you. So, let's just get to work and we can talk about this later. Alright?"

He nods slowly in response, still looking down.

When he doesn't make any further comment, I slowly turn away.

Before I make it outside, he stops me.

"No! Wait," he calls out. "I know I'm acting totally strange and I don't want you to go off wondering what is bothering me. Kissing isn't the next step," he says firmly.

"It's not?" I ask, trying to figure out what is upsetting him.

"No. It's not. I told myself over and over that we wouldn't kiss until I told you…. Bella, I love you. I've loved you since we were kids, but now…I'm completely in love with you. Somehow, through everything, I fell in love with you. And this is probably not new information to you, but for so long I thought I'd never be able to say it. I never imagined I could be this happy. I love you. I really do." His entire being is open and welcoming. I can feel his love for me in every part of my body. He steps close to my side, grabbing my hands in his, kissing my palm.

"I love you, too. That is probably not new to you either, but I'm in love with you too," I reply sincerely, he looks up into my face with joy. "You honestly didn't have to say those words, because for the last seven years you have showed me everyday what I mean to you. You may not have said it out loud, but you always showed me with your actions. And that means just as much. Although, it is nice to hear it anyway," I say with a shy smile.

"I love you so much, I love you, Bella." He moves closer until our chests are flush against each other. He wraps one arm around my waist, pulling me up. His other hand goes to my chin and he tilts my face toward his.

He stares at lips for a moment before his eyes flicker up to my eyes, asking for permission.

I stand up on my tippy toes and place a hand over his heart. He grips my waist tighter before slowly leaning forward, stopping centimeters from my lips.

"I love you," I whisper into his mouth, my breath brushing his lips. I am so ready for this. I want him so much.

My eyes close and in the next moment, I feel a soft pressure against my lips. They part instinctively and he settles into the kiss more comfortably. Our lips match up perfectly, my top lip between his. It is a tender, sweet kiss.

His clean smell completely surrounds me and I relax in his arms. Our hearts are beating in time with each other.

He pulls back slightly, only to descend again. His lips pucker more confidently and we kiss with more ease. He kisses my top lip again for a moment, before dragging his across mine to kiss my plump lower lip.

My entire body starts to heat as I feel his gentle probing. We continue to switch between the top and bottom lips, simply enjoying the closeness. We are connected on every level.

He loves me, and not only does he show me daily by the way he treats me, but now I can feel his love in these tender, deep kisses. After the crazy few weeks we've had with all the physical teasing, I always imagined that our first…second…kiss would be frantic and hungry. But this…this means so much more than lust. This means _forever. _

We pull back for a moment to catch our breath and I have to stifle my happy giggle.

"What?" he smiles, kissing me once lightly…almost as if he couldn't stop himself.

"So now kissing is the next step?" I ask, being obtuse on purpose. I reach my hand around his torso and rub his back, scraping my nails lightly over his shoulders.

"Definitely," he smirks happily.

We don't spend any more time talking. Our lips meet again and again. Each time is easier and more comfortable. After several minutes of simple, puckered kisses, I feel a searing heat against my lower lip.

With a start, I realize it is his tongue. I never imagined kissing could feel so warm…so emotive. I open my lips slightly and feel a tingling wetness run across the inside of my lip. He switches from light kisses to more deep ones.

Once this feels comfortable, I part my lips more and he delves deeper, his tongue running across my own. I gasp in surprise, a flood of warmth and arousal sweeps over my body.

One second I feel tentative and surprised and the next I am ravenous. The soft, slow kisses are gone in an instant and suddenly we are professionals. It's like we've been doing this for years.

Our lips smash together, almost bubbling with searing heat. His mouth is now completely open against mine and we are exploring each other in a way I never knew was possible. Open mouth kisses, tongues twisting…lips nipping, teeth biting. It is…amazing.

Our hands grip and stroke every safe part of our bodies. Somehow we are on the same page about that too. We aren't pushing for more. We are simply kissing with abandon.

We literally kiss until I can feel my pulse in my swollen lips. And even then, I can't seem to get myself to stop.

Some of the noises we are making would probably make us laugh if we weren't so focused.

We are pressed as close as we can possibly be. My chest is heaving against his. It is a mixture of breathlessness and arousal. I don't even care that I am probably about to pass out.

After an indeterminate amount of time, our heated lips finally slow, our kisses gradually becoming gentle again.

With one last soft kiss, he pulls back and rests his forehead against mine.

His lips are literally bright red, and with how much mine burn, I bet mine are the same. I am still staring at them, and I can tell he is looking at mine as well.

"Even looking at your lips…it makes me want to kiss them again," he confesses. "I think this is the best day of my life."

"That was totally worth the wait," I sigh. "And we should do this every day... Multiple times a day. Multiple times an hour, actually."

"Well, if this kiss is any indication, one kiss will end up lasting an hour anyway." He comments, kissing my forehead.

"We haven't been kissing that long, have we?" I am surprised, but feel almost smug at the possibility.

"Honestly, I think we have. I can't be sure, but it is definitely much brighter outside. And your _soap _rash has spread to your face. Sorry about that…" He runs a light finger over the skin of my cheeks, and then finally brushes his hand over my swollen lips.

He does this for a couple seconds and I can already feel myself getting swept away.

"We are getting distracted again. Oh, we have so much work to do. I don't want to let you go though," I reply, rubbing my face against his chest.

"Me either. But maybe it is a good thing we work in different parts of the property. We definitely wouldn't get anything done if we tried working together today. Or any day, really."

"You're completely right. That doesn't mean I have to like it," I pout.

"Bella, thank you. I know it sounds silly, but thank you for being you. Only you can make me feel this happy. This complete. I can't wait for our forever. Every day just like this."

"I love you. And I can't wait for our forever either. You have always made me happy, and now this only makes it better."

We chastely embrace one another, just squeezing each other tightly.

"Bella?" Edward begins hesitantly. "I kind of have a crazy idea. And I want to know what you think…"

**END NOTES:**

I am so sorry about the long wait for this one. I've had tons of people come into town and stay at my house.

… But I hope the wait was worth if for you too. What do you think? What is his crazy idea?

I promise the next chapter will be updated sooner. Probably around this time next week.

Please REVIEW!


	21. Chapter 21

I don't think it is possible for us to be sitting any closer.

Ever since we confessed our feelings and kissed…we really haven't stopped kissing actually…

Anyway, we've spent every moment we can together. And usually we end up kissing. Then we talk for a little bit, and then kiss some more. Kisses with wandering hands… touching, and rubbing, and accidently bumping… It's incredible.

We are sitting in the wagon, driving toward Greenville to attend Mary Alice and Jasper's wedding ceremony. My hand is resting lightly on his thigh and with every bump or shift, his muscles tense. Every time I move my hand or squeeze, he tenses for that as well.

I can't wait for tonight. And with the way he's looking at me…neither can he.

I never knew it was possible to feel so many different emotions at once. And all of them are positive and joyful.

I look down at my hand on his leg and I smile at the new metal that is resting on my finger.

"Edward!" I exclaim with a giggle.

"Hmm?" He smiles hugely, looking away from the road momentarily to glance at me.

"We just got married," I say with emphasis, like it just occurred to me.

He laughs.

"We literally got married. How strange is that? I mean…not strange…but just…I don't even know! Did you know getting married would be so easy?" I ask in a rush.

He transfers the reins into one hand and picks up the hand on his leg and rests them together on my lap.

"It was definitely much easier than I was expecting, I'll admit. It is a bit of a drive, but completely worth it."

To keep the ceremony private, we drove over to the next town and simply knocked on the pastor's door early in the morning. He was a little surprised, but after a few minutes of talking, he was willing to perform the ceremony for us.

And there in his small office we became husband and wife. We've got the marriage license to prove it.

He squeezes my hand tenderly, running his hands over the ring on my fourth finger.

Our rings are simple. There are no diamonds or jewels, but they are perfect because of what they represent. And these rings represent the vows we just made to each other. We are tied to each other in every imaginable way. He is mine now, and I am his. Officially.

Forever isn't just a word written on my locket anymore. It is our reality.

I rest my head on his shoulder, sidling up to him closer. I weave my foot through his legs and rest my foot on the toe of his shoe.

"I love you," I tell him simply.

He lifts our intertwined fingers and kisses the back of my hand. "And I love you," he replies, tilting his face to kiss the top of my head.

I lean up and he knows what I want immediately. He kisses me once lightly, a soft brushing of our lips before he pulls back. When I lean in for another one he groans lightly, turning his face.

"Let's not start that right now. I think we've learned from experience that we don't have any way to stop once we really start…and I don't want to drive off the path," he says with mock seriousness, but his smile gives everything away. He can pretend all he wants, but I know he wants to start something as much as I do.

Obviously, this whole thing isn't one sided.

"You're right. That wouldn't be fun at all. The two of us alone… stranded out in the middle of nowhere with no one around for miles. I mean, we would probably have to wait around for hours for someone to come by and help. What would we do while we waited?" I ask coyly as I bite my lip suggestively. "I can't think of anything…" I look up and down his body with exaggeration.

"You are killing me right now," he breathes heavily. "I really do want to pull over…but if we do that, we'll never make it on time. And I know deep down you don't want to miss Mary Alice's wedding. And we have all night to…be alone. All our lives, really."

"I know, I know. But it was fun to think about anyway. Imagining us rolling around in the grass, touching everywhere… "

"Please…you really do love to torture me," he groans. "Tonight. Only a few more hours…" he says softly. A flutter runs through my stomach when I think of it.

"It is only torture because you won't give in," I challenge, kissing his neck.

"Why do you always make it sound like I'm the only one resisting?" He tilts his head to the side, to allow me easier access. He is freshly shaven, so no 'soap rash' today.

"Because you are! When have I ever said no when it comes to this?" I answer against his skin, lightly scraping my teeth across his pulse point.

He shudders and squeezes my hand tighter.

"That feels so good," he whispers, turning his head to capture my lips in a quick, heated kiss.

The wagon drives through a divot in the road and it jolts us back into the present.

After a moment he starts, "I think you asked me something, but I can't remember what you said. You distract me way too easily. It's almost embarrassing." He kisses my hand again.

"What are you talking about? You're always so self-composed. I've had to use all my tricks to get you to give in these last few weeks."

"Bella, all you have to do is look at me and every other thought flies out of my brain. And you've been looking a lot…so you do the math."

"So, not so self-composed? My tricks weren't even necessary?" He shakes his head. "But I worked so hard!"

"Not as _hard _as me," he smirks, and then rolls his eyes at his terrible double entendre.

I giggle in surprise. "Did you just make a manly joke? I don't even know you anymore," I tease.

"Well, we are married now. I think all topics are open for discussion…even more so now than before. Just think of all the fun discussions we can have."

"How about…think about all the things we don't have to discuss…we can just do them," I counter, nudging my shoulder with his.

"Believe me, I have been thinking of them. I'd much rather be doing them though," he confesses.

"Me too," I respond immediately, smiling at our similar thoughts. "I wonder if it's like this with every one." Do all couples laugh and talk like we do?

"What to you mean?"

"I was just thinking about other married people. Do you think they were excited as we are to _be together_?" I clarify.

"Oh, I guess it just depends. I'm sure some couples are, but honestly…we are pretty unique. We grew up together, you know? You're my best friend, but I also happen to be in love with you. And I'm insanely attracted to you. So…yeah. I don't know."

"That's true. We are pretty special. Do you think Mary Alice is nervous about her wedding night?" I ask, feeling a little worried for her suddenly. I don't think she and Jasper have spoken about intimacy at all. They have had absolutely no privacy. And I don't believe that would be a topic pre-approved by Mrs. Brandon.

"Are _you_ nervous?" Edward asks instead.

I think about his question for a minute. Am I nervous? I definitely have some butterflies in my stomach, but are those nerves, or is it just anticipation?

"Honestly…I don't think I am. It's such an unknown thing, so there is a lot of curiosity about it…but with how much I tease you…you've got to know that I'm definitely ready. I'm excited to be with you in that way. Aren't you?"

He simply turns his head and raises his eyebrows at me.

"I'll take that as a 'Yes' then?" I infer from his expression.

"Definitely yes. And I like that we will learn together. It may not be anything incredible at first, but it will be us…and that will make it special. We have been each other's firsts for everything. And that makes me want you more."

"Edward, I think this was the best idea you've ever had. I still can't believe we are married," I respond.

"You'll definitely believe it tonight," he replies simply with a smirk.

"Ah," I gasp-laugh. "Making jokes are we? We'll see who'll be laughing later…"

"Hopefully it will be both of us." And with a quirk of his eyebrow the heat in his gaze is smoldering. He lifts our hands and places mine on his arm, so we can continue to be connected, but he can put both hands back on the reins.

"Soon…" I wrap my arm through his, and rest my head on his shoulder again.

And with that, we both become quiet. In the silence I can't help but reflect on the last few days that led us up to this point. I don't know how surprised I was when Edward told me about his _crazy idea_. After that kiss, it was pretty obvious what our next step would be. But I was surprised by the timing.

Surprised, but definitely excited.

_"Bella?" Edward began hesitantly. "I kind of have a crazy idea. And I want to know what you think…"_

"_What is it?" I asked._

"_Well, I was kind of thinking that we should get married." He stopped there and stared into my face, probably trying to read my answer from my expression._

_I looked at him for a moment, waiting for him to continue. When he didn't, I said, "Okay."_

"_Okay?" he mimicked. _

"_Yeah, okay. Let's get married," I smiled, feeling very calm._

"_Just like that? You don't even seem surprised that I asked." He actually looks a little crest-fallen._

"_I'm really not though. I mean, I always knew we'd get married one day."_

"_Bella, I meant, I think we should get married this week."_

"_Oh," I gasped, finally starting to understand. "I just thought you meant eventually…Edward!" I exclaimed suddenly. "You really want to get married!"_

_He laughed in relief. "I really want to get married. I would say today…but I think I can wait until the end of the week. Maybe."_

"_We're really getting married?" I asked again, trying to wrap my mind around it._

"_We really are. But only if you more than 'okay' with it," he teased. _

"_Edward, I love you so much. Of course, yes. Yes! Yes!" I jumped into his arms and he immediately lifted me off the ground, holding me tight._

"_I love you too," he whispered into my hair. "I can't wait until you're my wife." _

_He pulled me close again and tilted my face up to kiss my lips. After a few kisses of celebration I drop my heels._

"_When? You said at the end of the week, but really…when?" I asked, feeling impatient already._

"_This is the crazy part, I guess. I was thinking we could get married on the morning of Mary Alice's ceremony."_

_My jaw dropped in shock. "Can we even do that?"_

"_Well, I was thinking we'd go over to the next town to find a preacher, and then drive back to Greenville for her wedding. That way the party would be for us too. We don't have an extended family to throw a dance for us, but I still want there to be a celebration. Technically it won't be for us, but I don't think that matters."_

"_That definitely is a little crazy…but I love it! We don't even have to plan anything. We just show up."_

_He chuckled. "Yes, exactly. Ours will probably be the least stressful wedding ever. And the most important part…by this weekend… we never have to be apart again. No matter what."_

"_I like that. A lot. But now that I think of it…we kind of already live like a married couple. I don't think much will change. I mean, we already sleep in the same room and everything."_

"_That is true," he added. "But now we can sleep in the same bed. And not just sleep…"_

"_Oh, I like that part even better. If our kisses tell us anything, I think I'm going to love that part of marriage." I stood on my tippy toes again to bring myself closer._

"_Yeah. Me too…" he whispered against my lips. And then we stopped talking for quite some time._

We arrive at the church in Greenville eventually and I can see people settling down into the pews. We drive around the side where there is a large barn and a row of unhitched wagons.

"Oh, we've got to hurry. People are already taking their seats," I say worriedly.

He jumps down swiftly and easily unhitches the horses and pulls them forward. A man steps out of the barn and approaches him and with a quick word and a nod, Edward hands the horse's bridles to the stableman. That man then heads back inside the barn with River and Rainy following behind.

Edward steps around the side of the wagon and I scoot to the edge and place my hands on his shoulder. His arms wrap tightly around my waist and he lifts me from the seat with ease. He hugs me close to his chest and keeps me suspended above ground for a few seconds.

In this position, our faces are almost level and I can easily reach his lips. We obviously have the same idea because we are kissing before I can finish my thought.

He hums against my lips, and I part mine in response. His mouth opens and our kiss is no longer chaste. We really have gotten good at this.

A loud clanging of bells causes us to separate and we pull back to stare at each other. His face is slightly flushed, but completely bright. I feel like I am glowing too.

With one last small peck, he sets my feet on the ground, grabs my hand and starts pulling me away from the wagons and toward the front of the building.

Luckily we were slightly hidden. I didn't even think of the spectacle we could have made of ourselves is someone had seen us.

"What if someone had seen us?" I ask in a whisper.

"Then they'd probably be really jealous," he teases. When he sees my concerned face, he continues. "We are married now. We can do whatever we want."

"Should we tell people then?"

"I don't think we need to go around telling everyone, but I don't want to hide it either. This is the greatest day of my life. We should only be happy today."

I smile hugely and respond. "I feel the same way. Let's go sit before we miss the whole thing!"

We enter the church and it is clear the ceremony is close to beginning. I'm glad we have missed the congregational hymn, because I can't sing. It's almost embarrassing. As we enter, many people turn around to see who just walked through the door.

Our fingers are intertwined and I've got my other hand resting over his forearm. He guides me into a nearby pew and we sit close together at the edge closest to the aisle.

I look up at Edward's face and smile brightly at him. He is my husband now. That is such a strange thing to say. I am somebody's wife. I never thought I'd marry until I realized I was allowed to have him. I would have been content if we just passed our days like we'd done in the past—but now— I get to have it all. A friend. A partner. A lover. A husband. And one day… we can have children. It is still so surreal.

Almost as if he can read my mind, his eyes twinkle at me, and he lifts our intertwined hands and kisses the back of my wrist.

I duck my head shyly, loving the way his lips feel on my skin. After a moment I look up around the church to see who is in attendance.

Immediately, I can feel two sets of eyes on me. One confused and one accusing. I focus on the eyes of Michael Newton first. He is staring unabashedly at Edward and me with a furrowed brow. I smile sadly at him before looking away.

I'm afraid to meet the other set of eyes, because I know what she must be thinking. Of course Mrs. Brandon would have seen Edward kiss my wrist. Apparently she notices everything. It is a small chapel and even though she is at the front, we can clearly see each other.

Her eyes are sharp, critical. She must imagine something horrible, but I don't want her to sit through her daughter's joyous ceremony with ugly thoughts in her head. I untangle my fingers from Edward's and slowly lift my left hand up to my face. I touch my lips with three fingers, giving Mrs. Brandon a chance to see the new ring on my finger.

She stares at me for a few seconds, still clearly confused…until she decides to focus on my hand. It is obvious the second she sees my ring and understands its meaning. I can't actually hear her gasp, but her surprised face makes it obvious enough.

It is the most animated I have ever seen her. Mostly her face is rather stoic, but now it is open and shocked. I lower my hand and place it back in Edward's grip. I nod once in her direction, smiling.

"Mrs. Brandon knows," I say into Edward's ear.

"I saw," he whispers back. "But I don't think you saw that Michael knows too."

I peek over at Michael again, and his jaw has literally dropped, his eyes wide. I guess he definitely wasn't expecting that.

I turn away quickly, not wanting to make him feel uncomfortable.

"Oh dear," I mumble.

"I never imagined we would end up telling people without actually having to say anything," he comments with a chuckle.

I breathe out my laugh and moments later some music starts, signaling the ceremony is about to begin.

Jasper steps into place near the preacher and we all stand to await the entrance of the bride.

When Mary Alice steps through the door, she literally takes my breath away. She is such a beautiful bride. Her hair is swept up in a loose twist, with colorful ribbons woven into the braids. Her dress is made of the palest pink, and it looks as light and soft as a feather. It is perfect for her because she probably designed it herself.

More than her physical appearance, she is beautiful. I can see the happiness shining in her eyes. Her eyes don't look around the room to see who showed up, or to see if anyone is jealous or even unimpressed. Her eyes are riveted on her groom. And that makes me ecstatic for her. She really loves him and this marriage is what she wants.

"She's so happy," I sigh, stepping back to be closer to Edward.

His hand comes up and he places it over my stomach, nudging me until my back is resting against his torso. I place my hand over his near my waist and rest against his strong chest.

He drops his head and breathes into my hair. "Not as happy as he is."

It is clear that his reply is not just referring to Jasper. I smile at his statement before looking down the aisle, past Mary Alice to look at the waiting groom. And I can see what Edward means.

Jasper is beaming at this approaching bride. Their happiness is a tangible thing to me because I feel it all myself.

Edward and I just experienced all of this.

I didn't walk down an aisle with my father holding my arm. I didn't have a room full of people standing around me, watching my progress. I didn't have a brand new, expensive gown. I didn't have a lot of things…

…But I had my groom. And that is all I wanted.

I had a man beaming at me just the way Jasper is looking at Mary Alice. She reaches the end and she and Jasper take their place in front of the pastor. We all take our seats as he begins.

During the entire ceremony, I think of our own experience. I remember the joy and look of exaltation on Edward's face when I entered the pastor's office. I remember the way he held my hand and looked into my eyes when he said his vows. I could feel his love when he slid his promise onto my finger.

And when he said, 'I do' I felt our forever fall perfectly into place.

"And by the power vested in me by the state of Ohio, I know pronounce you husband and wife," the pastor announces. "I now present Mr. and Mrs. Jasper Whitlock."

I stand with everyone else and clap as Jasper and Mary Alice walk toward the door holding hands.

"They didn't kiss," I say to Edward. "Don't couples normally kiss at the end?" We certainly did.

"Do you really think Mrs. Brandon would allow her daughter to kiss in public? It wouldn't be decent…married or not," he smirks.

I laugh at his statement, but only because he is probably right.

People start slowly exiting the church to follow the procession. There is a large lunch-in and gathering in the town square and people are eager for the celebration.

We wait until almost everyone has exited before we make our way outside. My arm is tucked into the crook of his arm, and I am leaning against him. I love being near him like this. I love not having to hide my feelings. We can be together as much as we want, and nobody can say a word against us.

As I think about the ceremony again, I realize that I thought about ours the entire time. I enjoyed it so much because it made me think of how happy we were when we said our vows.

"Edward, I don't think I would have been able to sit through that whole thing if we hadn't gotten married this morning," I confess. "If we weren't already married, I'd totally suggest we get married."

"I hear wedding do that to people… make you want to get married. But I totally understand. If we weren't already married…I would have dragged you up to the pastor and told him to marry us too," he laughs.

"Well, I would have said yes," I banter back.

"That's a relief. For a second I was worried you would have said no if we weren't already married and I dragged you up to get married." He shakes his head and laughs harder.

"That was so confusing. Let's just be glad we are married." I finish with amusement.

"I definitely am glad. More than glad," he stops walking and turns me until I am facing him. "You are so beautiful." He touches me hair, my face.

He runs the back of his fingers across my cheek bone and leans down to capture my lips in a light, tender kiss. This kiss isn't asking for anything. It is just a kiss to say, I love you.

He rests his forehead on mine and continues, "I don't care how much Jasper protests or disagrees…I know that I'm the luckiest man in the world today."

"I am too," I whisper against his neck.

"Wait…I just thought of someone who would agree that I'm the luckiest…"

I know him so well, I can already hear that he's about to make a joke. This is one thing I love about our relationship. We can go from serious to joking in an instant and it doesn't seem weird or out of place.

"I swear…if you say who I think you're going to say…" I warn. Michael's shocked face and dropped jaw pop into my mind. Over the years he has made it obvious that he is interested in me…so clearly he thinks I'm a good catch.

I just know that Edward is going to say his name.

"Michael Newton!" he whisper yells.

I groan in response.

"Wait," I start. "I just thought of someone who would agree with me that _I'm _the luckiest…"

"Who?" he asks, clearly confused about who I will suggest. We start walking forward again.

"Mrs. Cope!" I laugh at his horrified face. Clearly, I have surprised him. I knew he was going to say Michael, but he wasn't expecting that.

Mrs. Cope has always blatantly flirted with him when he goes to Bear's Mill to sell our wheat crop. And I think her advances have only gotten bolder as he gets older.

"I always manage to suppress those experiences and you always love to bring them up. So cruel." He shudders.

"Aw, my poor baby," I say with a fake pout. "But don't worry…I'll fill you head with lots of good things tonight," my voice full of promises.

"Mm, that does sound nice," he whispers into my hair. I hug his arm as we move closer to the party.

We continue to walk until we approach the square. There is a small band playing for the young, dancing couples while the older guests chat and eat.

The new Mr. and Mrs. Whitlock are standing in a line with both their parents and we head in that direction. I can't wait to talk to Mary Alice.

Before we reach them I catch Mrs. Brandon's eye… and based on her look, I know this upcoming conversation will definitely be interesting…

**END NOTES:**

Next chapter will be the party and the honeymoon! Thanks to all those who have stayed with me from the beginning! All my readers are awesome.

Please REVIEW!


	22. Chapter 22

**WARNING: This chapter contains explicit sexual content. **

*** ~**TtB~*

When Mary Alice sees our approach, she rubs Jasper's arm to pull his attention away from the group he is speaking to. He glances in our direction and then they are both smiling brightly at us, clearly glad we are in attendance.

Mrs. Brandon and her husband are occupied talking to another couple when we reach them.

"Bella," Mary Alice yells excitedly and leans forward to kiss my cheek when I'm near. She always seems glad to see me, which makes me more excited as well. She steps back and greets Edward. "Mr. Masen. I'm so glad you both could come," she smiles sincerely.

Edward and Jasper shake hands, and I nod in his direction. He steps back to my side and he runs his hand down my spine, stopping when he reaches the small of back. I try to ignore the butterflies his touch brings and turn back to my friend.

"You look absolutely beautiful, Mary Alice. It was such a lovely ceremony. And this dress!" I compliment. "It's stunning. Your own creation, I presume?"

She ducks her head shyly, but flicks her eyes up to mine and shrugs. "Yes, it's mine. I'm glad you like it. It's something I've been thinking about since I was a little girl. And now I get to wear it!"

"You do look beautiful, Allie," Jasper whispers quietly, but we all hear him.

Her cheeks immediately flush in pleasure and she has a hard time meeting his eyes. I duck my head as well, feeling the intimacy of the moment. A smile comes to my face when I hear the nickname he called her. It is extremely fitting.

"Well, won't you introduce us to your friends?" A man with slightly graying hair asks. I can see Jasper in the shape of his mouth and the bright blue color of his eyes. It is obvious that this man is Mr. Whitlock.

"Excuse me, father," Jasper apologizes quickly. "This is Mr. Masen and Miss Snow. They live just a couple miles outside of town."

We shake his hand and I curtsey to Mrs. Whitlock, who is standing slightly behind her husband. She has darker features and slanted eyes. Her dark hair is wound in a thick bun and probably was once midnight black, but now some white hairs soften her sharp features.

"It's a pleasure to meet you. Especially on such a joyous occasion as this," I comment warmly

"Masen," a voice cuts in.

We all turn to see who has interrupted. Mrs. Brandon, of course.

"Yes, Mrs. Brandon?" Edward replies. He thinks she is calling him, but I'm not so sure.

"The name is Masen. Not Snow," she corrects firmly. She is looking back and forth between Edward and me, her eyes focusing on Edward's hand on my back the longest. When he notices this, he moves it. For a second I think he is going to step away, but he slides his hand into mine instead.

She is outing us. And I'm glad to have his fingers interlocked with mine in this moment because I need the support. Mary Alice catches the movement as well.

"What do you mean, mother? Of course Bella's name is Snow. Bella isn't Mr. Masen's sister." She says this, but her eyes are flicking in between all of us, trying to understand.

"Definitely not," Edward breathes in my direction.

Before Mrs. Brandon can say anything else, I jump in. I am too happy about this marriage to have someone make it sound like something of which to be ashamed.

"Actually, your mother is right," I direct at Mary Alice. "I am a Masen now too." Edward squeezes my hand in reassurance.

Mary Alice is blinking at me, not understanding my point.

"Did you somehow…adopt into his family?" she asks with confusion.

I let out one single surprised guffaw and Edward smiles down at me.

"No, I guess I should have said it more clearly. I am Mrs. Masen now." To solidify my point, Edward lifts out intertwined hands and kisses the ring on my fourth finger.

"WHAT!" Mary Alice shrieks. "You two? But you're…and he's… What! You two got married?" she mutters incoherently.

"Yeah, we did," Edward laughs.

"But when?" she asks, still shocked.

"Just this morning, actually," I answer. Mary Alice's dropped jaw falls open further. She is staring at us like we've grown two heads.

"Congratulations, you two. I am surprised, but I know you'll be very happy together," Jasper adds.

Before I can say thank you, Mary Alice leaps forward and latches onto my arm.

"Excuse us," she calls out.

She tugs me away from everyone and swiftly walks down the boardwalk until we have found some privacy.

"Bella," she whispers with urgency, "What's going on?"

"What do you mean?" I tip my head toward her.

"You and he are really married?" she asks worriedly, holding my arm in her delicate hand.

"We are," I answer simply.

"Are you happy? This isn't for…convenience, is it?" She is chewing on the inside of her cheek.

"Oh, Mary Alice," I say as I pull her in for a hug. I squeeze her tight and she wraps her arms around me as well. "I love you for worrying about me…but in this case, there is no need." I pull back and look her in the eye. "I'm happy. I'm so beyond happy. We fell in love. I don't know when or how, but we did. And I hope you don't feel like we are trying to ruin your special day…we just couldn't wait anymore."

"Bella, of course I don't feel that way. I was just so surprised. I never once imagined that you and he would end up married. I mean, you were always so affectionate and close, but I've never had a brother…so I didn't know how a relationship between siblings would be."

"I've never had a sibling either, but he's never felt like a brother to me. He's always been more. And then we kissed and I realized he was _so _much more," I confess accidently.

"You two have… kissed?" she asks in a hushed, stunned voice.

"Yes. A lot. For hours sometimes," I giggle, covering my mouth. I realize how inappropriate it is to tell her this, but this is the first time I've been allowed to speak of it at all, to anyone. It's nice to be able to say it.

"Before you were married? But how did you stop from taking it further? Unless you did take it further…I mean…are you still…you know?…I wouldn't judge you if you weren't. Heaven knows if my mother hadn't been around all the time, Jasper and I definitely would have…" She stops herself. "Sorry," she apologizes with a blush.

She looks so uncomfortable. I'm glad I'm not the only one accidentally confessing things.

"We never were intimate in that way. That's one reason we didn't want to wait longer to get married. Living together, but not being together…it was definitely a trial of restraint. Have you and Jasper not kissed yet? I was surprised that you didn't kiss at the end of the ceremony."

"We haven't kissed yet. We have tried several times…but we've only had seconds of time alone. I can't even believe we are allowed to touch and kiss now. To be alone and not have to listen for sounds of your parent's footsteps….what a relief! And my mother asked to have the kiss taken out of the ritual."

I grin to myself because Edward was completely right.

She continues, "But honestly, we were both okay with waiting. I really don't want my first kiss to be in front of a room full of people. It should be private. Special." She shrugs.

I agree with her. "It will be worth the wait. I promise," I tell her with certainty. "But let me tell you now…once you know what it's like, you'll never want to stop."

"I can't wait," she replies wistfully.

"Mary Alice, I know this is probably inappropriate…but will you be alright…with the other parts of intimacy? Has anyone spoken to you about that?"

She looks around to makes sure no one is within listening range.

"I know the basics, I think," she whispers. "And to me, it just seems like it's one of those things that you don't know about until you experience it."

I nod my agreement. "Are you nervous?"

"Absolutely," she exclaims. "But I love him, and trust him…so I'm excited as well. It seems strange that our first kiss will happen the same night that we…" She blushes again, stopping there.

"I truly am so happy for you. It may sound a little conceited…but I'm glad to know that you are as happy as me." I squeeze her hands.

I look over my shoulder and Edward and Jasper are staring at us. I can see that Edward is ready for me to come back to him. Even though Mary Alice and I have only been speaking a couple of minutes, I miss him. I know it seems ridiculous, but I hate being apart for even this long.

"I think our husbands are missing us," I tell her with a smile.

"Husbands," she emphasizes with a shake of her head. "Can you believe that we have husbands?"

We walk back towards the group arm in arm, laughing at nothing in particular. I feel like I could laugh all day long. I guess I'm just happy.

"Hello there," Edward breathes as he pulls me into his arms.

"Hello," I sigh, tucking my head into his chest.

"Are you hungry? Would you like to eat?" he asks softly.

I glance up at his eager face and see that he is eyeing the tables of food. Always hungry, this one.

I lace my arm through his and say, "I would like to eat."

"You can stay here, if you'd like. I can bring you a plate of food," he offers. But I have no intention of leaving his side for the rest of the day.

"No, I'd like to come with you. Would you excuse us?" I say to Mary Alice and Jasper.

"Of course. Please enjoy yourself. And don't leave without saying goodbye first," she directs.

As we walk away from them, Edward asks, "Did you two have a nice chat? You must have been talking about something interesting because I saw Mary Alice blush a few times."

"You were watching?" I brush a wisp of hair away from my cheek. He nods his head in response, a small smirk twitching in his lips…as if to say, 'Of course I was watching.'

"She just wanted to know if we were in love and happy. And then we spoke about her and Jasper, who have never kissed, by the way," I answer.

"Poor man," Edward laments.

"Poor woman," I counter. "But all will be well tonight. They'll get the privacy they want soon enough."

"They won't have privacy like we do. I kind of like how far away we are from town," he starts randomly. "We hardly ever get visitors. Perhaps some would be lonely with all the privacy, but I think it is wonderful… especially now that we're married. We don't have to worry about a neighbor suddenly stopping by. We can be together anytime of the day without interruption. And we can do it anywhere we want. Not just in the house."

I flush in response. "Clearly this is something you've thought about." His words make my heart beat faster. The thought of having him anywhere, anytime is definitely distracting.

"Did Mrs. Brandon say anything to you?" I ask before I get too carried away in my fantasies.

"She said congratulations, kind of. I could tell she wanted to ask questions about us, but was too _polite _to do it around others. I mostly spoke to Jasper."

"What did you two talk about? Anyone blush?" I tease.

He snorts in response. "No, no one blushed. It was mostly small talk. We were both a little distracted by our blushing brides."

"I wasn't blushing! Whose bride were you looking at?"

"No, you weren't blushing…but I was daydreaming about the things I can do that do make you blush. Believe me, that was diverting enough for me to get distracted."

"You know another good thing about not having our own wedding party?" I ask apropos to nothing.

"No, what's that?"

"We don't have to stay to the end." I say, my breathing picking up. I almost want to leave now. The waiting is killing me. The more we talk about being together…the more impatient I become.

"You are completely right. We _can_ leave whenever we want. I like the way you think, Mrs. Masen." He kisses the side of my head while I squeeze his forearm.

The rest of the afternoon goes by in a blur. We eat some of the cold meats and salads, tasting everything. There is a constant buzz of voices and laughter in the air around us.

We never end up dancing, but we never let go of each other. Perhaps we would have danced if we weren't married. Unmarried people probably dance just because it is a socially acceptable way to touch each other. We don't fall into that category anymore. Thank goodness.

After a couple hours, I feel completely impatient to leave. Edward immediately senses this, and he practically rushes through our goodbyes. When I feel the tightness in the muscles of his arms and back, it is obvious he has been ready to go for quite some time, but he was being patient for my sake.

I give Mary Alice once last goodbye hug, which doesn't last very long because Edward is lightly tugging on my hand. She giggles and blushes after she looks at him, because it is obvious why we are leaving early.

He laces our fingers together when I step around Mary Alice and we try walking at a normal place through the square toward the barn by the chapel.

Once we round the corner and are away from the crowd, we glace at each other heatedly and break out in a run toward the wagon. We are both laughing, and I'm smiling so big I don't think I'll ever be able to stop.

Before he can lift me up to the seat, he captures my lips between his own. He tries to kiss me a few times, but I can't seem to stop smiling. This only makes him smile and chuckle and soon kissing is impossible.

He kisses the corner of my mouth and breathes against my skin, "I'll be right back." He enters the barn to find our horses.

A few minutes later he exits with River and Rainy and expertly hitches them to our rig.

And then we are headed home. Never has the trip seemed longer.

We hardly speak either. Now that we are heading back, it all starts to hit me. The anticipation and nervousness start building up in my gut. Maybe not nervousness…more like... curiosity and eagerness….And okay…there is nervousness.

We keep glancing at each other, but every time I open my mouth to say something, I change my mind. Everything I think of to say is totally asinine. It would only be me making noise for the sake of making noise. I feel all keyed up, like I could run for hours without stopping.

I keep shifting around in my seat, and that only gets worse when we finally round the corner to our property.

He pulls us to a stop near the barn, and then places a hand over my bouncing leg.

"Are you alright?" he asks gently, rubbing my thigh lightly. His touch causes my entire body to shake.

I don't know what is happening to me. I can't stop my body from trembling.

"Hey, what's the matter?" he says more urgently. He reaches up and touches my cheek, stroking the skin around my face and neck.

"I don't know," I answer uncertainly, not meeting his eyes. "I think I'm just going to go make some tea." Before he can help me, I jump down from the seat and walk quickly towards the house.

I turn around to glance at him before I enter through the door, and he is staring at me with a worried look on his face. This makes me tremble more, because now I feel terrible.

I walk into the kitchen and try to take some deep breaths to help calm me down. I keep seeing his hurt expression in my mind and it makes me want to cry.

This is not going how I pictured it would. I went from being excited, to being insanely anxious in almost an instant.

I want to be with him so much, but I'm suddenly wracked with self-consciousness and silly fears.

As I go through the motions of making tea, I try to relax my body. I think about our wedding ceremony, and how happy I was.

I think about our first real kiss and how every time we've kissed since then, I've always wanted more.

I think about how our bodies fit together when we lay together in bed…how he is always aware of me, how he never hurts me…even in his eagerness.

And lastly, I think about his eyes…and how they always look straight into mine when he tells me he loves me.

The door creaks open, and I hear his footsteps walk tentatively through the house. My back is to him, but I can feel him only a few feet away. He doesn't say anything, and I can feel his worry, even in the silence.

Without a word, I turn on my heel and fling myself into his arms. He is obviously surprised by my suddenness, but he embraces me with open arms. His head drops into my neck as we hold each other tightly.

"I'm sorry," I breathe into his skin. "I just had one moment of panic, but everything is okay now."

"I'm panicking a little too," he confesses, rubbing his nose along my neck.

"You are?" I ask breathlessly.

"Yeah. When I saw you shaking, it made me realize you were feeling a little nervous, which only heightened my own nerves. But I think what we are feeling is something to be expected. This is all so new. I think we are putting too much pressure on ourselves. Well, I am at least."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. I guess I keep imagining us being all formal about the whole thing, and that makes me nervous. I've heard about how weddings nights usually go, and I don't like it."

"How does it usually go? What have you heard?" I keep asking questions, but his voice is helping me relax, so I want him to continue.

"It just always seems like the girl changes into her dressing gown and then gets in bed, laying there waiting like a martyr. And then the man comes in and undresses, gets under the covers with her... And then the girl is all uncomfortable and nervous and so she is not relaxed. That just seems so formal. Not how I imagined it."

"Well, let's not do it like that then," I reply simply. Being in his arms, hearing that he is nervous too actually helps me relax completely. "That doesn't seem like us anyway. Let's just do what feels natural." I punctuate my statement with a light kiss. My actions surprise him, but he captures my bottom lip before I can pull away.

"Hmm, this feels natural," he mutters against my lips, kissing me again.

"Mm hm," I agree with a hum. My lips part slightly, allowing him to alternate between light brushes and sucking kisses.

I lift my arms and wrap them tightly around his neck, my fingers running through his hair. He slides his arms down from my shoulders, pulling me closer to his chest. As we continue to share sweet, tentative kisses I feel myself sink into his embrace.

I no longer tremble for anxiety…only arousal. I can feel the thumping of his heart against my breast. His hands start exploring me more freely, and he drags them down my sides, running his fingers across the curve in my ribs.

I slide my arms down across his neck, stopping at the front of his collar. With shaking fingers, I slowly ease the top button open.

When he feels my light touch against the newly exposed skin on his chest, his lips pull away from mine. His chest rises and falls rapidly with his labored breathing. He watches with blazing eyes as I continue to unbutton each one with unpracticed hands. He waits patiently as I fumble through the task, but he doesn't say a word to rush me. He just runs his hands lightly over my hair, touching my cheeks, my neck. When I reach the last button, I tug on the slack and pull the tails out of his pants. I place both my hands onto his warm stomach, which twitches in response.

The muscles are firm and strong, cut deep into his abdomen. I brush my finger along the lines, mesmerized by the acute difference to my own body. My touch causes him to shudder in excitement, and I smile to myself in pleasure. I run my hands up to his chest, and place my palms over the pillowed muscles there. I rub my hands up and down, lightly scraping my nails across this skin, tracing the lines of his collarbones, following it down his sternum.

Feeling the power and euphoria of the moment, my thumbs brush over his taut nipples. His hands fist my dress in the back when I do this and his breath leaves him in a whoosh. His hand plunges into my hair, angling my face up to his in an almost violent, passionate kiss.

Our mouths open to each other, and his tongue is brushing against mine in tantalizing strokes and patterns. I finally am able to push his open shirt over his shoulders he shrugs it off his arms with a groan.

Our mouths are still together as I run my hands along the tight skin over his back. My light touch causes bumps to rise on his skin, and I drag my fingers down until I have tucked them into the back of his pants. His body is extremely warm, and my fingertips stroke this smooth skin just inside the hem of his trousers.

When he feels my fingers touching this new skin, he gently bites my lip, and then kisses it to soothe the sting. My lips upturn slightly and I bite him right back. He breathes out his laugh dropping his face into my neck again. I start laughing too, and soon we are giggling together like little five year olds.

While we continue to chuckle into each other, his hands touch my hair, and I feel a light tugging on my scalp. I step back from his chest slightly and look up at his face.

"How do you get all these pins out of your hair?" His brow is all furrowed as he tries to unsuccessfully take down my hair.

"Do you want me to do it?"

"No, I'd like to do it actually, if that's okay with you." He says softly.

"Of course. Why don't we sit down?" I grab his arm and pull him into the main room. I push him down onto the loveseat and then nudge his legs apart so I can sit in-between them. "Just take it slow. One piece at a time," I instruct when I feel his hands on my shoulders.

"I can take it really slow," he jokingly purrs into my ear. I shake my head and laugh at his silly joke.

With soft touches and gentle tugs, he slowly unwinds each twist and braid. Once all the pins are out, he gently runs his fingers through my long curls. His fingers tug out any tangles, and he continues to do this until his fingers can make an easy path without catching any snarls.

"I've always loved your hair," he compliments. He lifts a curl up to his face and breathes in. "And it always smells like flowers and herbs. I love that too."

I lean back until I am flush against his chest, his head resting atop mine. "Probably from working in the garden so much," I reply, snuggling closer into him. His arm wraps around my middle, his hand stoking and rubbing the sensitive spots on my waist and stomach. I place my arm over his, tickling the top of his hand and forearm.

I trace lines, connecting each dark freckle with my fingertip. Then I gently grip and massage the large muscles stretching along his bones up to his biceps.

"I never realized how many muscles you have," I comment, thinking of the hardness I felt on his abdomen and chest. "Edward, you are insanely handsome."

He chuckles dryly into my hair. "Well, I'm glad you think so. Your opinion is the only one that matters."

"You are really tall too. Much taller than the average man. And you've got those green eyes, which are so rare compared to my boring brown."

"Your eyes aren't boring at all. Your eyes see through everything. With one look, you could make any man confess anything."

"Hmm…" I turn until I have straddled his lap, hitching my dress up to make the position more comfortable. My thighs are aside his, and I scoot forward until we line up perfectly, his hardness rubbing against me.

I stare right into his deep green eyes and bite my lip suggestively. "And what would you confess?" I run my hands over his chest and then stretch my arms past his shoulders and interlock my hands, keeping them straight.

"I would confess that I've been aching and ready for you since you started unbuttoning my shirt." He turns his head and kisses the top of my arm, which is pressed against him. His hands sweep around my back, inching forward until they drag along the outside of my breasts.

"Nah," I tisk. "That isn't a confession. I've know about that since we sat down," I roll my hips, dragging my sensitive body over him to make my point. We both moan lightly at the pleasant pressure. His hips push upward, lifting off the seat to get more friction. He leans forward so our bodies are at an easier angle to undulate against one another.

"How about…I want you to take off your dress. Can that be considered a confession?" As he speaks, his thumbs rub along the underside of my breasts, dangerously close to my sensitive peaks. I gasp and throw my head back when I feel the heat in his graze.

"If you want it off, you'll have to do it yourself." My voice sounds much more coherent than I feel. I can't believe I can still form words…my whole body feels like mush, like I am melting.

After I speak, he immediately moves his hands to the back of my dress and he easily undoes the buttons that start at the collar and sweep in a straight line down to my waist. It is a little annoying that he can accomplish this task with steady hands when I was all flustered and shaking. It's even more annoying that he is doing it all while staring into my eyes while his hands work behind my back.

Well, I'm really not annoyed at all. I'm far too distracted to feel anything negative.

Once all the buttons are open, he parts the fabric so his hands can brush along the thin cotton chemise beneath. He drops his head and kisses my top lip lightly. I flick out my tongue and run it along the seam of his, and he nips the tip of my tongue with his lips.

His hands grab the sides of the open dress and pull forward, bringing the slack to the front until I am able to pull my arms through with his assistance. The top bodice of the dress pools down to my waist, exposing the sheer chemise underneath.

The chemise itself is quite beautiful in its simplicity. It is extremely low cut with off the shoulder sleeves, giving the collar a long scooped neck appearance.

He shifts beneath me, leaning back to settle us in more comfortably. He tentatively lifts his hands and places them on my bare collarbones, stroking this pale skin with his callused fingertips…the rough skin lightly scraping across my soft shoulders. My nipples pucker tightly, clearly visible through the white fabric. I can feel his eyes staring at my heaving chest, his fingers inching lower toward the aroused peaks.

He glances at my face to make sure I'm alright and then he finally brushes his thumb over the aching tip. My back arches in response, a sharp gasp spilling through my lips.

He looks back up at my face to make sure the gasp was positive.

"More. Please more," I moan, thrusting my chest into his hand more firmly.

He takes my instruction without further delay. His palm gently kneads my pillowed breast over the top of my chemise. He does this for a moment before both hands come up to stroke and squeeze both.

My hips are rubbing almost frantically against the hard seam in his trousers. With every touch of his hand against my breasts, a warm gush flows through me, making me ache and squirm.

I can feel the fast pulse inside that part of my body, and a wetness pooling below.

The more I move, the more confident and eager Edward becomes. I have never felt him so hard beneath me; all his muscles are tight and straining.

He tugs down the low chemise, exposing my naked breasts for the first time. He runs his fingers over my skin, following the milky white skin across the planes of my chest.

"You are so beautiful, Bella. Every part of you is beautiful. And so soft," he mumbles as his finger traces around my flushed nipple.

"That feels so good," I breathe, my heart pounding under his hands.

He pinches the erect tip between his forefinger and thumb, rolling it gently. I am making sounds that are completely involuntary. Everything feels beyond amazing. I had no idea. I didn't know it would be like this…

He alternates between my breasts, tugging and flicking my aching nipples. My head drops onto his shoulder, but I keep moving my hips, trying to get some relief from the almost pleasure-pain I feel at my core. The pressure of his hardness feels amazing, but it causes the ache to intensify.

Edward leans back a bit, and I pull my head from his chest to see what he is doing. He lightly kisses my parted, gasping lips before dropping his head down. He kisses down my neck, but doesn't stop when he reaches my chest.

He places a soft, tentative kiss right over my areola. And then a moment later kisses it again with an open mouth, sucking the entire thing into his mouth. His tongue is swirling around the tip, flicking it like he was doing with his finger. I moan embarrassingly loud and grip his hair, tugging tightly. I don't mean for it to be painful, but I'm not thinking about anything other than the pleasure his mouth is giving me.

He pulls away and switches to the other breast, lavishing as much attention to the other.

I have no idea what I'm doing, but I squeeze my hand in-between our bodies and grip his hardness in my hand, squeezing it through the fabric.

When he feels my touch on him here, he pulls back from my chest and kisses my mouth savagely. His tongue delves into my mouth completely, and this kiss is like an explosion. His arms wrap around my back and he hitches me tight to his body before he stands up, my legs wrapping around his waist for support.

A moment later we are in our bedroom, and I only have a second to appreciate the freshly made bed before we are both laying on it, touching everywhere.

He tugs the dress over my waist, throwing it behind him. Then together we are able to remove the chemise and drag it down my legs and I fling that to the floor as well.

I don't know whose hands unbuckle his belt and open the button on his pants but I'm thinking it is a combined effort. And then we are skin on skin. Everywhere. I am lying on my back, and he is propped up beside me.

There is no shyness or tentative touches now. We are completely bare and completely trusting as we move forward. His hands touch my chest, and then run down my stomach and stroke the swollen nub above my wet entrance. His fingers are shaking, but he is gentle as he explores this new area.

He shows me how to hold him and together we stroke the hard length of him over and over.

When we can wait no longer, he throws his leg over my body so he is a cage around me, his elbows holding him above me. With every breath my aroused nipples brush the skin on his muscled chest.

"Are you ready?" he whispers, moving a clump of sweat-soaked hair from my forehead.

"Yes," I respond, lifting my hips to encourage him.

He enters me slowly, gently. My body clenches and tightens at the intrusion, but I remain still. Edward whispers that he loves me, that he'll always take care of me, protect me. He tells me how beautiful I am…how much he's longed for me.

I focus on his words instead of the flash of pain that burns through me when he is finally inside of me fully. My hands are clawing at his back to help release the tension, but he continues to say sweet things to soothe the ache. He brushes away the tear that slides from the corner of my eye and tells me how strong I am.

He says inside of me without moving and I can see what a struggle that is. His entire body is trembling fiercely, the muscles in his arms are bulging…but his hands are always gentle…always patient. He kisses my swollen lips a million times, touching my skin, asking if I'm okay. He doesn't rush me, just tells me how good I feel, that he loves me over and over.

Finally, after a few minutes the burn has dulled and I encourage him to continue, wrapping my legs around his waist. The next few minutes are full of loving words, and heavy breaths. The pain is always present, but his sweetness, his gentleness is the greatest comfort of all.

I sense a complete oneness between us, and I have never loved him more than I do in this moment. My body is literally supporting and cushioning his as he moves over me.

There is freedom here…and tenderness. With a final shudder and a moan of pleasure he collapses against me, his head pillowed on my breast.

He strokes my skin, rubbing his palm over my arm as we catch our breath. He rolls onto his back and pulls me with him, until I am lying on my side encircled in his arms, my head resting on his chest.

He kisses the top of my head repeatedly, stroking the naked skin of my back in soothing circles. I snuggle into his body more closely, scarcely believing that this moment is real. We are really man and wife…officially. I rest my hand on his chest, over his heart.

"I love you, Edward," I murmur sleepily. It is probably way too early to go to sleep, but I can't seem to keep my eyes open anymore.

"I love you. I love you so much," he whispers as I close my eyes. "I love you, Bella. I love you…"

His heart is beating against my hand and with each beat I hear, _I love you._

**END NOTES: **

More honeymoon stuff to come... Sorry for any mistakes. I tried to hurry so you guys wouldn't have to wait forever.

Please REVIEW!


	23. Chapter 23

**WARNING: This chapter contains explicit sexual content.**

"No! I don't believe you. How could you even know that?"

"I just do. Don't ask specifics," he laughs, grimacing a little.

"You can't say something like that and then not explain. This might actually scar me for life. Do you want that on your conscience?"

We are lounging in bed, or we were until we started talking. Now I'm sitting perpendicular to him, my back against the wall with my legs thrown over his. I've got the sheet pulled over my waist, but it doesn't cover much… And he is left bare as well. Only a few body parts are intertwined with the sheet and covered.

I don't know how we got started on this topic, and I don't know why we are still talking about it. We are playing a game of, "Do you think they've _done it?"_ It is completely ridiculous, but we haven't stopped yet.

"You really think Michael isn't a virgin?" I ask again, hesitantly. I tuck my foot underneath his thigh, wiggling my toes. He immediately grabs my foot and pulls it out from under him. I bite my lip, feeling proud of the discovery I made recently.

It turns out that Edward _is _ticklish. I've just always been trying in the obvious spots. He squirms any time I squeeze the muscles high on his thighs. Not only is he ticklish there, but our wrestling- tickling matches always get him a little _excited_. And that is definitely fun.

"I don't think," he states, bringing me back on topic. "I know for a fact he's not." He runs his hands over the skin on my shoulders, running the back of his nails across my collarbone, his eyes flicking down to my partially covered chest.

"But how can you know for a fact?" I exclaim hotly, trying to get to the bottom of this, even though he is being very distracting. "It's not like you were watching or something."

His whole face squishes up and he closes his eyes tightly. He rubs a hand over his face, and then looks at me blankly.

"You watched him?" I scream, absolutely horrified at the thought.

"What? NO!" he replies firmly. "It's not like I watched him on purpose. I might have…walked in on him though." He shudders with exaggeration.

"Ugh, just…ew! When did that happen? Who'd he do it with? And how could you have not told me?"

"Bella, I would never have told you that. _I_ didn't even want to think about it and I don't really know who it was…nobody you would know. It was years ago, way before you knew about sex."

"You knew this about him years ago?" I am shocked.

"Why do you think I dislike him so much? It is obvious that he has always had feelings for you, but if he thought I'd ever give him a chance to act of them…No way. Never in a million years. Even if we never got together, he'd still have no chance. You deserve someone way better than a man who would settle for a roll in the hay. Literally."

"Aw, so sweet… Protecting my virtue. But are you saying you'd never want me to roll in the hay?" I touch his nose with the tip of my finger. He lifts his head and jokingly bites it and I giggle and pick up his hand.

"If I did say that, I'd be a huge liar. I can't pretend I haven't thought about us…rolling in the hay. But the thought of anyone else touching you makes me feel a little crazy."

'Don't worry," I kiss his hand. "I'll only be rolling in the hay with you." I bite one of his knuckles gently, hoping to make him laugh, which it does.

"Damn right!" He tugs my hand and pulls me forward until he can reach my lips. We kiss hungrily, his tongue in my mouth. The sheet drops down until my torso is exposed, the morning air causing my nipples to pucker. I feel his warm hands grab me around the waist, lifting me until I am lying on top of him, my knees slightly bent next to his hips.

While we kiss expertly, (we've had a lot of practice), he strokes my stomach, my breasts. Rolling and tugging my sensitive skin, causing me to moan and hum in pleasure into his mouth.

I run one of my hands through his hair, the other wandering around his body, feeling everything. He's hard against me, rubbing deliciously against my opening. He's always hard lately. I love it.

This is the third morning after our wedding and we've been practically attached at the hip since. We fell asleep extremely early that first night, but definitely didn't sleep until morning. I was woken up because someone was kissing his way down my body. The ache was still too fresh to have him enter me again, but we found other ways to pleasure each other.

We spent hours taking turns exploring each other's bodies under the cloak of darkness. I learned what spots make him squirm; make him gasp… what kinds of touches makes him moan. I know how to bring him pleasure with just my hand, how he likes to be held, stroked.

And he memorized my body too. He has touched every inch of me, and not just with his hands. Under his arousing touch, I forgot about the burning ache from where he took me. He explored me with his mouth, sucking my skin, tasting my sweat.

And he learned how to bring me to that peak of pleasure too. I didn't know such feelings were possible, but he was persistent. He stroked the inside of me with his fingers, circling his thumb around a spot that made me cry out and arch my back.

The pleasure of it was almost painful. But he was patient and took me to that place where you are almost blinded by the white hot bliss. When I shattered, my legs flexed, my toes curled, and my inner muscles squeezed around his fingers.

After sharing such intimacies, over and over in the night, we couldn't bear to be apart. Even for a moment. Especially after he entered me for the second time as the sun was rising in the horizon. He was gentle, always aware of me, and he was able to bring me to that peak while he was inside me. Every moment we were together, I felt our bond intensify, strengthen. It would be physically painful to be away from him now.

When we finally were able to get ourselves out of bed, we did all our daily chores together, always touching. While I milked the cow, he stood behind me and massaged my tired shoulders, whispering in my ear.

While he fed the horses and other animals, I kept my hand in his back pocket, squeezing him randomly to make him laugh.

That was the best part…the laughter. I always thought we laughed a lot before, but nothing like now. We are so open with each other, so comfortable. We have shared the most intimate of experiences, and that has bonded us like nothing else ever could.

As I made some fresh bread for us, he stood with his chest pressed up tight against my back, his hands stroking my working arms, my stomach. He kisses my neck, sucking the skin to leave a mark. And when I started kneading the dough, he started kneading something else. It's a good thing the dough needed some time to rise, because something else definitely did.

That was the first time we came together somewhere other than a bed. But it definitely hasn't been the last. We've definitely been open to trying new things.

Even when we finally sat down to eat I was perched on his lap, eating from his hand. I never thought sex would be so fun. He was always ready for me, but was trying to be careful because my body was so unaccustomed to the intrusion.

…But that didn't stop us. It felt too good to try and wait for me to fully heal. And the dull ache inside me doesn't even hold a candle to the amount of pleasure his touch brings me.

We have only been married for a little over a two days, but we have already been together innumerous times. There is no shyness between us, no covering up or feeling self-conscious. We are entirely comfortable with each other, with our bodies, and we feel too happy…feel too much pleasure to worry about little insecurities.

And right now, I feel like I'm going to die if he doesn't enter me soon. He seems content to kiss and touch me, while I'm writhing against him, trying to get him to move. Every time I lift my hips to encourage him, he shifts away slightly. After doing this a few times, I feel his lips smile as we kiss.

I make one more attempt to check and see if my suspicions will be confirmed, and they are. He breathes out his laugh when he hears me huff in exasperation when he avoids me again.

"You're doing that on purpose," I sigh against his lips. We kiss a few more seconds before he responds.

"I'm just teasing you a bit. Keep things interesting," he moans as I rub myself firmly against him.

"Are you saying you're losing interest?" This is obviously not a serious question, but its fun to banter. Our light teasing only makes these interactions more exciting. Building up and waiting only makes the release more intense. But I'm way past ready now.

"I'm obviously very interested, but—" he gasps suddenly when I start sucking on his neck, licking behind his ear.

"But?" I prompt against his skin. He has to catch his breath before he can speak.

"But sometimes waiting can make it better." He tilts my head so he can kiss my lips again.

"How long do you think we should wait? I mean…we haven't been together since we woke up. And that was almost an hour ago. Seems like a long time to me. What do you think?" I lift a leg and run my foot down the back of his leg, teasing his skin with my toes.

"Actually, I don't think waiting is a good idea." We aren't kissing, but our mouths are pressed together, our lips bumping as we speak.

"Oh good," I breathe. "I was hoping you'd say that."

Before he can make any movements, I place my hands on his shoulders and push lightly, leaning forward until he lies on his back. I climb over him and grab onto his hardness and immediately direct him inside of me.

He chokes out his gasp and I moan, throwing my head back. I love being on top like this because I can watch his face the whole time, see his expressions. I can see his hungry stare moving over my body, watching my heaving chest, looking into my eyes.

His hands roam over my skin, one going down to where we are joined to help bring me more pleasure. The other hand is resting over my chest so he can feel my heart. Of course, it doesn't stay over my heart the _whole _time. It is safe to say that Edward is a huge fan of my breasts.

I never knew they were so interesting, but he has spent a lot of time getting to know them. And it always feels beyond amazing, so I encourage it.

We move together, finding a rhythm that brings us both the most pleasure and only when I shudder and fall apart against him does he find his own completion.

I fall against his chest, too tired to support myself. He wraps me up in his arms and I lie on top of him as we catch our breath. He is still inside of me, and my insides throb in a steady pulse.

"That was fun," I exhale tiredly, nuzzling into his arms more comfortably. After a moment, he rubs his hand over my back, making my eyes open.

"You can't go to sleep. We have too much work to do. The summer harvest is only a couple months away." He continues to stroke my skin, massaging the muscles in my lower back.

"Just a little nap? You're wearing me out," I huff, closing my eyes again.

"Hey, this one wasn't my fault. I was trying to wait, but you seduced me." He kisses the top of my head, running a hand up my spine and into my tangled hair.

"Seduced you?" I say with teasing exasperation. "You were hard long before I did any _seducing_."

"That's beside the point," he chuckles, kissing my head again. "But anyway, if we go back to sleep, then we'll wake up and make love again. It's inevitable. And if we make love we'll be tired all over again, needing a nap. It's a never ending cycle. That's why we should get up now."

"But if we get up, we'll have to do work. And if we start working we'll realize how much stuff we've been neglecting…and then we'll have to go work separately on different part of the farm. I don't like the thought of not being next to you right now."

"Damn, you're right," he groans. "We really do have to separate to do any real work. I don't like that at all." I roll off him, only to snuggle into his side where his arm encircles me.

This brings our faces closer together and we look at each other for a minute, only to start kissing a few seconds later. We are so easily distracted. We are kissing like we won't be seeing each other for days. I part the seam of his lips with my tongue and then we get completely carried away, kissing hard and passionately.

I pull back after a couple of minutes to catch my breath and ask, "Are we being ridiculous?" I am referring to the fact that we spend every moment together and complain if we can't.

He kisses me three more times before he responds. "Probably. If someone tried to explain this feeling to me, I would think they were being ridiculous… but experiencing it is completely different. After everything we have shared together, I abhor the thought of being apart. Even for a couple hours."

"Me too. I don't want to stop touching you." I rub my hand over his chest, tracing his strong muscles with my fingertips.

"And obviously I don't want you to stop," he replies, placing his hand over my own on his stomach.

"So what do we do?"

"I think we just need to put everything in perspective. This is all new, and these feelings are so strong, so fresh. We've only been married for a couple days. We just have to realize that we have our whole lives ahead of us to be together. A couple hours a day apart won't kill us. It will be difficult, but they don't call it work for nothing. And now we'll have something to look forward to at the end of the day…An incentive to make us work faster. And we can take breaks, right? We control our schedule. We can do whatever we want."

I hum into him when he finishes, liking his response. He rolls over until I am underneath him, his strong body brushing against me.

"I think we're going to have to take a lot of breaks this week," I moan as he drops his head down to kiss my breasts.

"Hmm, I agree. That conversation was a lot of work for me. I'm about ready for a break. What about you?" He sucks on my skin, kissing all around my chest. I feel him become hard against my stomach and I wrap my legs around his waist.

"I'm always up for a break," I gasp as he slowly enters me again. He grabs my thigh and lifts it higher so he can thrust at a different angle.

"I love breaks," he moans as he moves inside me for the third time this morning.

"Me too…"

*~TtB~*

Eventually, we were able to tear ourselves apart and get out of bed. He pouted when I put on my dress, and I knew we'd be taking a _break _pretty soon. Maybe eventually we'll be able to be apart for longer periods of time, but not now. Not this week. Or the next, probably.

We took care of the animals together again, but then he went off the weed and till the wheat rows while I spent time in our vegetable and herb garden. Our goodbye kiss was completely ridiculous considering I'd see him shortly, but we couldn't seem to stop.

My entire body aches as I bend over to soften the dirt and water the budding plants. I guess non-stop physical activity will do that to you. I smile to myself thinking of all our strenuous _exercises._

I put the seeds in the ground as soon as all the snow melted away, so they've had a few weeks to grow. The work is tedious and mindless, but it gives me time to get lost in my head, in my memories. And Edward and I have many new memories that are very worthy of daydreams.

It's crazy how much our lives have changed in the last year. I feel like we were forced to grow up so quickly because of all the tragedy that we have experienced at such young ages. But because we were always together and because we trusted each other…we were able to salvage part of our childhood.

Jay helped with that, of course. Oh, how I miss him. In retrospect, he almost seems like a bigger part of my life than my own parents. I was so young when they died, and their faces have long since become blurry in my mind. I will always love them, and I remember so much about them, but I love Jay just as much. He never treated me like a child and he always respected me and taught me the things that I would need to know to be happy. He was a quiet man, but he always had something valuable to say when he did speak.

It was obvious that he missed Emma and his unborn baby, but he never let that drown him. Now that I'm married, I honestly don't know how he survived the loss of his soulmate. I immediately think of Edward and how we have made such a fuss about being apart for the afternoon. It is hard to even imagine what he or I would go through if one of us passed away.

I wonder what he'd think about Edward and I being married. Would he be happy for us? Would he have walked me down the aisle, like a real father?

When I think these things, my eyes immediately tear. Of course he would have supported us. I don't know if our relationship would have progressed this quickly if we hadn't been left alone like we were…but it was inevitable. Edward is my soulmate. There is no one else in the entire world that could understand me like he does, and I know no other girl could make him as happy as I do.

It may be naïve to think that, but the overwhelming feeling of _rightness _is almost incapacitating. I already miss him.

Arms suddenly wrap around my shoulders and I realize I've been standing still, staring off into space for a while. He surprised me, but I recognize his touch, his smell.

"What are you thinking about?" he asks into my neck, his arms wrapping around my waist from behind.

"I was just thinking that you have always been my soulmate."

"Mmm, I think that too." I turn in his arms and snuggle into him, locking my fingers behind his back.

We stay like this for a moment until I feel the wetness on his skin. "You are so sweaty," I comment, resting my chin on his chest. "Did you get a lot done?"

"I finished almost ten rows. My back is killing me. I think I'm going to need a massage later." He raises his eyebrows suggestively, squeezing my waist.

"I'll give you a massage if you give me one," I barter. Who am I kidding? I'd give him one no matter what. I'll never refuse to touch him.

"I accept your terms," he answers with a kiss. "But first, I was thinking we might go for a swim at our spot."

"We haven't been there in _so _long. Do you think it'll be warm enough?" I ask.

"It might be a little chilly, but I think it will feel good. It's been a sunny day."

"Let's do it. Let me pack a picnic lunch first though. We'll make it an official outing."

"Sounds perfect," he kisses me again. "I'll help you get it ready." He intertwines our fingers and pulls me into the house quickly.

"You seem to be in a bit of a hurry. Someone must be hungry," I note teasingly.

"Starving," he admits, staring at me with blazing eyes.

"I'll be fast then. I think you should wait outside though," I add, shoving him away from me lightly. "If you come in there with me, you know we won't end up going to the pond. And swimming does sound fun. Hey, now we don't have to wear our clothes."

He groans loudly, trying to cling to me. I manage to twist away and head for the kitchen. I turn around and point out the door. "Go," I order. "I'll just be a couple minutes. And then we can skinny dip together. Won't that be fun?" I smile.

"You really do know what to say to make me do anything you want. Just…hurry." I peak down at his trousers and his excitement at my words is obvious. I bite my lip, and feel a rush of pleasant anticipation run through me. When I look back at his eyes, I see that he has been watching me the whole time. He groans again and says, "Are we there yet?"

I laugh at his tortured expression and run into the kitchen and throw together some simple sandwiches, and grab a bags of dried fruit. It isn't very fancy, but it is fast.

We practically run to our spot, hand in hand. When we reach the water, he drops our food and pulls me close, kissing me before I can speak. We immediately start undressing each other, and only moments later he is pulling my chemise over my head and then his own pants and shirt are thrown into the pile.

He is hard against my stomach and then we don't quite make it into the water. We aren't being as slow and gentle as some of the other times.

"I thought about you every second we were apart," he tells me against my lips. "I couldn't wait to touch you. I have to have you now." He sounds almost apologetic.

I drop to my knees, pulling him down to the ground with me. "I missed you too. And I want you. Always."

He turns so he's on his back and pulls me over him again. He's doing this for me so I don't have to lie down on the uneven ground. While we kiss he enters me quickly, his mouth sucking on my sensitive peaks, his fingers pinching my swollen nub where we are joined.

Almost as fast as it begun, it is over. We both find out climaxes in an embarrassingly short amount of time. Well, maybe it's not embarrassing. Maybe we're just getting good.

I lie on top of him as we catch our breath and we start chuckling a bit at our eagerness.

"You'd think we've been apart for months or something," I giggle.

"It's amazing that I got anything done today at all. I couldn't stop thinking about this. You are very distracting," he confesses.

"Am I?" I ask, an idea popping in my head. I have a test to see if I really do distract him. I get off him and grab his hand, leading him toward the water. "Let's wash all this sweat off you."

We gasp when we feel the cool water on our heated skin, but move quickly, submerging ourselves fully. I pull him to the deepest part, but he is so tall that it barely reaches his chest. The water covers my breasts, but I need them to accomplish my task.

I start running my wet hands over his shoulders, cleaning the skin lightly. It is a new experience seeing his naked body out in the open like this. His tan skin almost glows in the sunlight. His strong body is distracting me from my task.

I stand up on my tippy toes in the water, so my chest is exposed out in the air, my nipples tightening. His eyes immediately drop and he takes notice of them, a hand coming up to _wash _them too. So far so good…

I continue to touch his body, using the fresh water to clean the streaks of dirt and sweat from his chest and neck. I slowly walk around his body, kissing each portion of newly washed skin. With each step I _accidently _rub my chest against him, and I feel him moan every time I do.

I'm biting my lip so hard to keep from smiling. I don't want to give myself away.

When I finally have made my way back to the front of him, I place my hands on either side of his head and tip it toward me, so I can wash his hair. I pull his head down until he is bending far over, his face inches from my breasts. He kissed my sternum a couple times, and I know its time to act.

I grab his shoulders, swipe at his legs out from under him and dunk him... And it is a beautiful thing. He falls completely under, every part of his body is covered.

He emerges from the water, spitting water out of his mouth. He stares at me with his jaw dropped. I am dying of laughter. I jump around excitedly, hardly believing that after seven years, I finally managed to dunk him.

"You dunked me!" he exclaims, still shocked beyond belief. This is a game we've played since kids, and he always won. "I wasn't even thinking about that…"

"Exactly," I boast. "I finally found a way to distract you. And it was executed perfectly, if I do say so myself."

"You cheated," he laughs, pulling me into his arms, kissing me with wet lips.

"You can't cheat when there aren't any rules," I counter, kissing him back.

I jump up and wrap my arms and legs around him, until we are mashed together. This way he can't dunk me without going under himself. But with the way he is holding and kissing me, dunking is the last thing on his mind.

He pulls back and stares at me. I am beaming at him, feeling very proud of myself.

"In less that two days you found a ticklish spot I didn't know I had… and now you have dunked me. Isabella Masen… I do believe you are finally a woman."

**END NOTES: **

Just a fluffy chapter, but I hope you liked it nonetheless.

Thank to all the readers who review every chapter and to all those who alert or favorite my story. And thanks to all those other readers who just decide to click on my story and give it a chance. Your comments and compliments are so motivating and kind.

I'd love to hear from you! REVIEW!


	24. Chapter 24

My hand is resting firmly on the inside of Edward's upper thigh. And I'm applying pressure.

"So…do you want to talk about it?" I ask hesitantly.

He tilts his head my way and gives me _the look. _The look that says, 'No. I don't.'

We stay quiet for some time, bouncing lightly down the path towards town. We are making a surprise trip to Greenville. Every time the wagon dips into a pot hole in the road, Edward hisses. I'm trying to keep my hand still, but I'm sure that it is causing him pain as well.

When I replace the blood soaked cloth, he grimaces and squeezes the reins tighter, but he doesn't say one verbal word of complaint. Honestly, I can't imagine him whining about it, but I wish he'd say _something. _

"Sorry," I apologize, hating that I can hurt him more. This isn't something that I could have prevented, but I still feel awful about it. "We'll be there soon," I say out loud, mostly reassuring myself.

"I know where we are," he snaps at me.

Edward is never impatient with me, so his harsh tone is very surprising. My head drops immediately and I feel terrible.

"Oh Bella… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. I just feel like an idiot." His face looks tired and more than a little pale. "Damned fence," he exclaims loudly.

"I was really scared," I admit. "I know you keep telling me that this isn't anything serious, but the thought of you getting hurt at all is terrifying."

"I know, sweetie. But I'll be fine. It's just embarrassing. And I was planning on having sex with you and now I can't…so I'm hurting about that too." He smirks at this last part, and I giggle half-heartedly.

We've been married for a couple months now and still take more than one _break _together during the day. So even though he said that to be funny, he probably meant it too.

He's trying to help me lighten up about the situation. He doesn't want me to worry, but when he approached me limping strongly with blood soaked trousers, I panicked.

He had been working on repairing some rotten wood on the shed, and a board dislodged while he was turned away and the nail sliced his leg as it fell to the ground. It cut a deep gash right at the apex of his thigh, running to the inside of his leg. The amount of blood was terrifying.

I knew that we had to come to town to get it stitched by a real doctor. He wanted me to fix it up for him, but I knew that this was more serious than I could handle.

I tried to get him to allow me to drive the team as well, but he wouldn't hear it. Even though he is still bleeding and he has broken out in a cold sweat…he still insisted. So, I'm doing all I can to make him more comfortable, applying pressure to his wound to stop the constant flow of blood.

I breathe a sigh of relief when we finally round the corner and approach town. We head straight for Doctor Weber's residence. When we arrive, we can see that the building is abandoned.

I see two men lounging around eating some lunch, and call out to them.

"Excuse me, can you tell me where the doctor is?"

The older man answers, "Him and his family moved out of state a few weeks ago. I believe Mrs. Weber's kinswoman was ill, so they went to be with her."

"Oh," I reply. "So we have no doctor in town now?" I feel completely useless. Did we really just make this painful trip for nothing?

"No ma'am, we do. He works just there," he points down the road to a building that is freshly painted. "He came about a month ago. Mighty fine man too, from what I hear."

"Thank you for your help," I say gratefully as we move toward that direction. Edward's skin is feeling even colder than before. And he seems a little woozy, probably from losing all that blood.

We pull up in front of the new doctor's place and I jump down quickly and tie the horses to the post. Then I turn back to assist him down. This is new. I never imagined I would be the one helping him down from the wagon. I can tell he feels pretty terrible because he doesn't say anything about this role reversal.

With a lot of grunts of pain, he is on the ground, leaning a lot of his weight on my shoulders. We take slow steps and I knock on the door frantically. I hear fast footsteps and then it opens swiftly.

"He needs help," is all I manage.

The man has a very clean appearance, with clear blue eyes… Intelligent eyes. The moment I see him, I know he'll be able to help Edward. His light hair is parted and clean, and I can see that he is very handsome.

"Please come in," he invites, opening the door more fully. "Let me assist you." He points to where I am supporting Edward and I allow him to take my place shouldering his weight. Once we are inside, he brings Edward into a back room and lays him on a surgical table. When I look around the room and see all his fancy gear, it is clear to me that this man isn't a small town doctor.

Why on earth would someone move here to no-where Ohio?

Then I remember why we ended up here, and drop that train of thought immediately.

"Bella," Edward calls softly. I lean down so I can hear him more easily. "I want you to go."

"What? I'm not leaving you," I scoff in surprise.

"I'm asking you to leave me right now. Okay? Please," he begs.

"Edward, I have to be here. If it were me, you'd never leave me alone," I counter, feeling my eyes tear up. Why is he doing this?

"Sweetheart, I love you. But I need you to go now. I can't have you here for this. Please go. Please, Bella. Please."

"Edward," I question, tears streaming down my face.

The doctor jumps in. "I need to get started before he loses more blood." He places a hand on my back and leads me out of the room toward the front door. My steps are jerky; I am in shock. He asked me to leave him.

Before I step outside, I turn back and cry, "I'll be back. Alright? I'll be right here if you need me." It is hard to wrap my head around what is happening.

"Thank you, sweetheart," he breathes. "I'll be here."

"See you," I answer tearfully.

And then the doctor shuts the door, effectively blocking my view of my husband. My hands come up to cover my face and I sob into them. I sit on the step, and simply cry. I feel so helpless, sent away from the one place I most want to be. I need to be in there with him, holding his hand, knowing he's alright. And now I'm stuck out here hoping he'll be fine.

I never actually saw the gash, but I'm wondering if it was more severe than he made it out to be.

Of course it was.

He never wants to worry me…so of course, he was hiding the severity of it. I want to rush back in there to help him, but I think my presence would be distressing to him…Especially since he asked me to leave.

"Bella?" a voice calls. I look up and see Mary Alice standing in the street. When she sees my tear streaked face she cries in alarm. "What has happened?"

I fling myself at her, and she wraps her arms tightly around me. I cry into her neck, needing the support.

"Come on, let's go inside the shop. We aren't opened today, so we'll have privacy."

"You mother?" I ask, wondering if she's there.

She laughs lightly and answers, "No. She's not there either. You're okay. Let's just go inside."

She leads me by the hand like a child into the store and sits me down on a chair in the back. She steps out of the room only to enter a moment later with two cups of tea. I take it gratefully and sip the mint tea slowly.

"Bella, what happened?" she asks when she's sees that I'm more calm.

I tell her about his injury and how long the trip was, how much blood he lost. And when I tell her about him asking me to leave, I have a hard time stopping the tears again.

"We've always been together, even through the most horrible things…and never once has he asked me to leave. Why would he do that?" I finish.

"Oh Bella, I'm sure he wants you there with him."

"Obviously not!" I interrupt.

"You didn't let me finish," she says kindly. "Bella, he's probably in a great deal of pain. And he probably doesn't want you to have to see how bad it is. He always wants to be strong around you, but if you stayed, he would have had to think about your feelings too, instead of just focusing on himself."

"I could have helped him," I mumble.

"I'm sure you could have, but what would you have done if he screamed in pain, or cried?"

"I would probably cry too," I admit. The possibility of Edward crying in front of me is a foreign concept. He's always been so strong. We both cried when Jay died, but he's never been in so much pain that he couldn't control his emotions.

"And would your tears help him? Would they make the hurt go away for him? Or would it just make him worry about you... worry that you think he's less of a man."

"I would never think that!"

"Of course not, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't be thinking it," she replies smartly.

"That is so stupid."

"I know, but based on what I know of men, it's true. Jasper always wants to take care of me, protect me. I'm sure he would react the same way if he were in Edward's position. And I know this is personal, but what have you and he been doing in the past few months together…probably everyday?"

I blush at her words, aware of her meaning. I urge her to continue her thought.

She says, "Think about the placement of that injury. He would never want you to see him emasculated in any way, especially when your marriage is so new."

I think about her words, and I finally am starting to understand what she is saying. These might not be Edward's reasons for asking me to leave, but they are definite possibilities.

Edward would never want to look weak around me, and his silence in the wagon fits into this theory. He didn't want to speak, because then his words might have betrayed his pain. And he didn't want me to stay and watch him get stitched so I wouldn't have to see his body that way, wouldn't have to hear his pain.

"You're right. But it's still hard."

"I know. You can't live with a man and not run into some problems eventually," she answers with a smile.

"I'm sure they would say the same thing about women," I smile back.

"What are you talking about? I'm an angel." She laughs.

"I've missed you, Mary Alice. How are you doing? How's your Mr. Whitlock?"

"He's wonderful," she gushes. "It has been a huge adjustment living away from my family, but amazing too. There is so much freedom in marriage. I thought I knew everything about him before, but I learn so much about him everyday just by living together."

"I can understand that. You learn all their quirks much quicker when you spend almost all day with someone," I agree.

"Yes, exactly. But I've never been happier. He makes me happy," she blushes.

"I'm so glad to hear you say that. You deserve it. How do you like your new house?"

She and Jasper decided to get a small cabin less then one mile outside of town. They wanted to be close to his work, but not _too _close to their families. They also wanted a little bit of privacy. I don't blame them.

"I love it. It's extremely small, but I've decorated it to make it feel warmer. It's perfect for us right now. It's wonderful to have a place of your own, a place that belongs to you. It really feels like home."

We continue to talk for a while, but eventually I start peeking out the door, wondering when I can see Edward. She notices that I'm distracted and offers to walk me back to him to see if the doctor is finished.

As she knocks lightly on the door, I hang back, not wanting to be sent away again.

The doctor opens the door and greets Mary Alice warmly before he turns to me. "Please come in."

I say goodbye to Mary Alice, and then enter inside with the man whose name I still don't know.

He shuts the door behind us and leads me to the room where Edward lies.

"He did very well. The cut was extremely deep and required fifteen stitches. It was very painful, so I gave him some morphine to help him relax. He is going to have to stay in bed for a day or two, and he should refrain from heavy labor for about a week. Because of the placement of the cut, leg movements will pull on the stitches and cause some pain. Any physical strain could cause his stitches to split, and then he'd be right back here. I know he didn't want to come, but you did the right thing bringing him. I was able to clean the wound, so he should be safe from infection."

"Thank you so much. I'm sorry…I don't even know your name. I didn't even know a new doctor had moved to Greenville."

"Oh, excuse me. I apologize for not introducing myself. My name is Carlisle Cullen."

"Bella Masen," I introduce myself while shaking his hand.

"Bella?" he asks, his brow wrinkling a bit. He says my name again, almost like he's tasting it in his mouth. He stares at my face more intently, making me shift around a bit.

"Do you think I could see him?" I ask, hoping to break him out of whatever trance he was just in.

"Of course! I beg you pardon. He's been asking for you. If he seems a little strange or tired, that is the medicine. So don't worry about that." He leads me into the back room and then shuts the door behind me to give us some privacy.

Edward is lying on his back with his eyes shut. One leg of his pant has been cut open, and I see a white bandage showing through the rip.

"Edward?" I call his name softly as I step toward him. I sit down on a stool next to the bed and run my hand over his forehead, pushing away the hair. When he feels my touch his eyes open and he turns his head into my hand.

"Mmm, my Bella. My beautiful, beautiful Bella," he kisses my palm. "Sorry for making you leave…I didn't want you to have to be here for that."

"I understand. I wish I could have stayed with you, but I'm just glad he was able to help. Dr. Cullen told me what happened. Are you feeling okay?"

"He gave me something for the pain, so I feel alright. A little sleepy though," he mumbles.

"He said that is normal. And he said you have to take it easy for a while or you could tear your stitches."

"He told me that too. Do you know what else he said? He said we shouldn't do any strenuous bed activity either! Can you believe that? Doesn't he know we are newlyweds?" He seems genuinely agitated about this, but his slurred and tired speech is downplaying his anger. "I don't think it's possible to not touch you for a couple weeks. I'll die," he sighs dramatically.

I giggle and say, "Well, I'm going to listen to the doctor. I want you to heal as fast as possible. And if that is part of it, then of course we are going to listen."

"You can't pretend that you don't want me either. Come on, Bella," he slurs. He reaches up and runs his hand over my breast. My nipple immediately puckers when he scrapes his nail across it, causing me to arch my back into his hand. I gasp and pull back, a little ashamed how easy it is for him to get a reaction out of me, especially in public.

"See," he affirms, squeezing my breast again, running his thumb over my hard nipple before I swat his hand away. He tries to reach for me again, but I hold it in my own. "You're no fun," he complains sleepily.

"Edward, you know that I love being with you. I love you, but I want you to be healthy. This is important. And then once you're better we'll spend a whole day in bed… doing whatever you want."

"A whole day?" he breathes, pulling me closer so he can press his face against my chest.

"Yes, a whole day. I'll make it good. It will be worth it," I promise. He is rubbing his nose in-between my breasts.

"Okay," he agrees woefully. "We can do some stuff though, right?" he ask with worry in his voice.

"I don't know. We'll see how you are feeling," I laugh. He is being so funny right now. You'd think he'd be worried about something other than then next time we can be together. But when I think about it, I'm going to miss it too.

"Can I see them?" he asks randomly. It takes me a minute to figure out what he's talking about, but I guess it should have been more obvious based on our conversation.

He's staring at my breasts, and trying to reach his other arm toward them.

"Not right now!" I squeak when he tries to undo my buttons. I move away, and he attempts to sit up to grab me only to double over and flop back down onto the bed.

He groans in pain, but still manages to say, "Later then?" I run my hands over his face, trying to soothe his ache.

"Maybe," I answer with a chuckle. "But only if you promise to be good. I don't want you to hurt yourself more."

"I'll be good," he grumbles, his eyelids getting heavy. I continue to run my hands through his hair, lightly scraping my nails across his scalp. "That feels nice," he says sleepily and then closes his eyes. I continue to tickle him, but once his breathing evens out I pull away and step out of the room. I have some questions for Dr. Cullen about his aftercare.

When he sees me approach, he raises his eyebrows in question. "He fell asleep," I answer.

"Ah, I figured he would. He can rest here until he wakes up. Is there anything you need?"

"I was going to ask you about what I should do for his cut. How to treat it in the coming weeks..."

"Oh good, I'm glad you asked," he starts. He then goes on to tell me about how I should change the bandage every night and let the stitches air out a bit. Also he tells me how to clean the wound to help prevent further infection.

He answers all my questions and then we sit together in silence. It is a little awkward, because he is staring at my face intently. I start speaking to distract him.

"So what made you decide to move here to Greenville?"

"I was ready for a change. I've lived in a big city all my life and I felt like I was losing myself to the fast pace of it all."

"Well, life moves much slower out here, for sure. Where were you living before?" I ask.

"Chicago," he answers, looking into my eyes.

When he says this, my heart starts pounding faster. Just the thought of anyone from there coming to this little town too makes me nervous. Thousands of people live there and so it is silly for me to be worried about him, but I can't help it.

"Oh," is all I can manage. I look away from him, feeling uncomfortable that he hasn't looked away from me since I sat down.

"Have you ever been to Chicago?" he questions tentatively. Warning bells are going off in my head. Something isn't right.

My eyes fly up to him and I look away just as quickly. I don't answer, but I can feel myself starting to sweat.

"I think I should check on Edward again," I change the subject, standing up to move toward the room.

Dr. Cullen stands as well, and reaches out to grab my arm when I pass. I jolt in surprise, my whole body shaking at his unexpected advance.

"Please let me go," I cry, pulling away from him.

"I'm sorry," he apologizes sincerely. I glance up at his face again, surprised at the abrupt change of tone. His eyes stare back at me in confusion, and this is the closest we've ever been. I watch him for a second and see something flicker in his eyes as he continues to look at me.

"Are you…I'm sorry…but are you?" he asks incoherently, taking my arm gently.

"I should go. Please, I need to go now." My throat is tight with fear. I don't understand what is happening.

"I can't be. Please forgive my forwardness. It's just that you look like someone I've seen before… someone that was from Chicago."

"I don't know you. We've never met. And I live here. Please, let me go," I reply as calmly as I can, but the fear is coursing through me. I wish Edward was here.

He finally releases my arm and steps away. He turns around and runs to a desk. He files through some loose papers in the bottom drawer before pulling something out. It is a small piece of paper and he is staring at it. From the back it looks like a blank piece of thick paper.

Only when he steps closer do I realize that he is holding a photograph. It has worn edges and creases, like it has been folded and opened over and over.

I can feel my pulse in my neck, thumping loudly like a drum in my ear. I have a terrible feeling in my gut, but I step closer anyway…having to know.

I turn just enough to see the front of the picture and gasp immediately at what I see, backing up against the wall in terror.

This picture is of me.

I remember taking that picture. It was for my ninth birthday, before the fire…before everything.

That man is holding a picture of me.

He sees my reaction as simply asks, "Isabella?"

**End Notes:**

I am soooo sorry to leave it here, but I wanted to give you an update before I went out of town and this is all I can manage.

I love all my readers. Your reviews and comments are so awesome. I read and LOVE every single one of them.

Happy Holidays everyone!

Please REVIEW!


	25. Chapter 25

I'm backed up against the wall, my entire body trembling. He is slowly advancing toward me and I am frozen in terror.

"Isabella?" he whispers again, even more tentatively. I eye the door, but I know I can't leave Edward in the other room. Dr. Cullen is only a couple feet away now and I know I have no where to go. He's blocking my escape.

I try denial.

"That's not my name," I answer as firmly as I can, but it is too late. My fear is too telling. "I don't know who you're talking about."

He stares intently into my eyes, an expression of disbelief and something else contorting his face. I try to calm my shaking but it is like I'm not in control. Traitorous tears are streaming down my face. His stance is tense and threatening as he moves toward me. He steps even closer until we are an arms length away.

He raises an arm quickly and I shelter my face with my forearm expecting a blow. After a few seconds without being struck I drop my arm slightly to see what he could be doing. He is horrified, but still lingers next to me, reaching.

He makes a move to grab my arm and I smash myself back into the wall roughly to get away.

"Edward!" I scream, trying to move out of the corner where I am trapped. He reaches up toward my face and makes contact with me now that I am unable to move away.

"Please don't hurt me," I plead unintentionally as his hand touches my hair. A shudder runs through my body and I cringe as he wipes away a tear. His actions almost seem fatherly, and maybe it is his way of apologizing for what he's about to do.

He still hasn't said anything, and that is frightening as well. I know nothing about why he is doing this, why he is entrapping me this way.

All the sudden, I hear a door smashing against the wall as it swings open wide. I frantically peek past Dr. Cullen's broad shoulder and see Edward standing confused in the doorway.

He takes notice of the doctor's dominating stance and my tear streaked and flies toward us. Even before Dr. Cullen can turn around to see his approach, Edward has yanked him away from me and smashed him against an adjacent wall.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he yells in his face, thumping Carlisle's head against the wood.

Edward's face is monstrously terrifying, but I've never seen anything more wonderful. I sag against the wall, and before my knees can buckle, Edward grabs my waist with one hand and yanks me behind his back. I cling to his shirt in the back and cry into him.

"You think touching my wife is your payment for fixing me up, you sick bastard?" he seethes, shaking the man.

The doctor finally seems to break out of his silence. "No," he bellows loudly. "No, I would never think that. I would never harm Isabella."

If anything, his answer seems to enrage Edward even more. "What did you call her?" he growls threateningly.

"Please," he starts beseechingly, "this is all a huge misunderstanding. Isabella, I'm so sorry for scaring you. I never meant to do you harm." He is looking at me again, and his words seem sincere, but my fear is too fresh to acknowledge my intuition.

"You are not permitted to speak to her or call her that. If you want to say something, you say it to me. I'm the one holding your life in my hands," Edward replies menacingly. I hug his back more tightly, feeling safe now that he is with me.

I peek down and see blood seeping through the thick gauze on his leg. His swift movements to protect me tore his stitches, but he is showing no signs of weakness. Not that I would expect him to.

"Please. I'm sorry. If you would just let me explain," he pleads again.

"Explain. Quickly," Edward allows but still holds the man hostage.

"I have to lift my arm to show you. It's here in my hand." He slowly raises his right hand and I see the back of the picture.

Edward snatches it away quickly and then turns it around to see what it is. I feel his body stiffen in my arms when my nine year old self registers to him. He easily recognizes me because there is no one in the world that would know my face better than he, no matter the age.

His eyes momentarily flash with fear as he starts to understand the situation, but his rage quickly masks that fear. This is something we have always worried about, but rarely spoken of in the last few years. It seemed impossible that anyone would ever find us… and even if they did no one would recognize me or my changed name. I have grown too much.

Of course, I wasn't expecting the people looking for me to have a photograph. I have matured into a woman now, but my dark eyes are the same. And I have my mother's hair, curly and dark.

"You better start talking right now, because I'm jumping to conclusions here…and this doesn't end well for you," Edward growls.

Dr. Cullen doesn't waste any time, clearly seeing Edward isn't joking around. "A man I used to work for has been searching for Isabella the last seven years. He gave this picture to each of the men who he trusted to help him. I was a younger man then and fell into his business by chance, but once I saw the way he treated the men who failed him, I knew I had to get away."

"Who is _him_?" Edward asks lowly.

"A man named Aro Volturi."

"And why would he want this Isabella?" he asks again, flicking the picture. It doesn't escape my notice that he doesn't acknowledge that the girl in the picture is me.

"Why else do men like him do anything? Money," he answers simply.

"And you think you are going to take my wife to him and get your reward?" Edward infers.

"What? Of course not! I told you, I would never harm Isabella."

The man seems open and honest in his responses and my curiosity is burning stronger than ever. I put all this business out of my head long ago, knowing I'd never truly understand what happened to my parents. But now maybe I can.

I finally speak up. "What makes this Aro think that this little girl has any money? She's just a child." I speak evasively about _Isabella, _just as Edward had done.

I know for a fact how much money we have. Edward and I work day in and out to make it by year to year. Why would I matter to a powerful man like that?

"He doesn't think. He knows." His answer is so firm, but I know it isn't true.

Before I ask more about this, Edward jumps in. "And who are you to be privy to this information? You obviously still have Isabella's picture. If you don't work for Aro anymore, why are you still looking for the girl?"

"I wasn't looking. Not on purpose anyway. I mean, what are the chances? No trace for years and then I finally leave Chicago and here you are. I couldn't help but recognize you," he glances at me. "I've looked at your picture hundreds of times, wondering about you and your life…wondering if you were happy. I always hoped you'd really gotten away and I can see now that you have. And you're married. Unless that's a farce as well?"

"How dare you," I exclaim hotly, finally hearing enough. "How dare you speak to me like this…as if you know me. You carry a picture of an innocent little girl, searching for her so you can deliver her up to your boss. And yet you sit there speaking as if we are friends, confidants. You are nothing to me. Anything you say must be mistrusted because of this," I finish, touching the photograph in Edward's hand.

He sighs loudly, trying to shift out of Edward's grip. "I told you, I would never harm you. It took me a long time to learn why Aro needed you, but once I knew, I left. With everything I know about your history, I knew that I would do everything in my power to help you if the opportunity ever arose. And it has."

"And we are supposed to believe you? Just like that?" Edward scoffs.

"You'd be fools not to. I'm the only one who can give you the information you need to truly be free. I know what needs to be done to make them stop."

"If you could make it stop, why haven't you?" Edward glances at me quickly, before focusing on Carlisle again.

He sounds regretful as he says, "I don't have to power to make it stop alone. It requires the presence of Isabella. She would have to come to Chicago and—"

"No way in hell," Edward barks, interrupting him. "I knew this was a trap. You'll act all nice with us and then turn her over to the wolves when it is convenient for you."

"I'm not lying. You think hiding away and being ignorant will help you? Fine. I'll let you go on your merry way, but you'd come right back to me with questions. I know everything…and you know nothing. I can help you… you only have to listen."

"We can hear you, so talk." If anything, Edward's grip has tightened on the man.

"I would prefer if we could sit down. It's a long, complicated story…and it doesn't have a happy ending... So far, at least. And you've torn your stitches. Please, let's sit. I'm completely unarmed and have no intention of going anywhere. You are both safe."

After so many years of not knowing why this all happened…his offer to explain is tempting. But how can we trust him? But…I don't have to trust him to hear what he has to say.

"Edward," I whisper. "I want to know." He looks down at me with sad eyes, seeing the grief and hope in my face. "If he truly knows about my family, about what really happened…I have to know."

Edward turns away from me and slowly releases the doctor, letting him step away from the wall. He stares intently as Carlisle moves around us and steps over to the sitting area, gesturing for us to follow. Once we are situated, he hands Edward some more clean gauze for his cut. I quickly replace the soaked bandage while he keeps his eyes on the doctor for any sudden movements.

We are quite for a few minutes until Edward asks, "You said this is about money, but I don't understand."

"Before I begin, I have to be sure it's really you. Isabella, you have to tell me your maiden name. The name of your father. Please," he implores.

If I do this, then I will finally be admitting my true identity. Edward and I have skirted around this, but there is no way I could know the answer to his question without being that girl in the picture…the girl he's been looking for.

For some reason, it is hard to get myself to say the name. Edward and I have protected ourselves so fiercely that it feels against my nature to reveal myself. I feel vulnerable, but this is necessary.

I grab Edward's hand and hold it tight in my lap, needing his strength. Our thighs are pressed together and he crosses his leg under mine until his foot is wedged in-between my feet.

"Swan. My father was named Charles Swan," I admit after a time.

"Thank you, Isabella. Thank you for telling me."

"Bella," I correct. "I prefer that name now." The name Isabella doesn't even feel like it is mine anymore. That was the name of a girl from another time, another life.

"Bella then," Carlisle smiles shyly. "Do you know what your father did for a living? Do you remember?"

"He was a businessman. A lawyer, I think." I look to Edward to confirm and he nods in agreement.

"Yes. He was a lawyer. I never knew your father, but from what I have learned he was a very clever man. Far more clever than Aro ever anticipated."

"How did Mr. Swan ever become involved with Aro? He was a good man, a good lawyer. He wasn't dirty," Edward interjects. I always forget that Edward worked for my parents. He would deliver messages for them, assisting them with whatever errands they needed.

"With men like Aro, their life is ruled by money. Aro needed a lawyer, and your father was the unlucky man to receive the message. I don't know if he was used by accident, but I doubt that is the case. Aro would have wanted a lawyer who was highly successful, one who was able to twist words to bend the law in his favor. I suppose he picked a man _too _good at twisting words... So good that even Aro would be bound by them."

"Please, tell me," I urge, completely enraptured by his story.

"From what I have gathered, your father quickly learned what kind of man Aro was and made precautions. He knew he was in danger and made it so even if he was killed, Aro still wouldn't get what he wanted most."

"Money?" I answer.

"Yes."

"But what do I have to do with this? I have no money. I…we left Chicago with nothing."

"You are the heiress of millions of dollars," he shakes his head.

"Millions?" I gasp. "That can't be true. How is that possible?" I drop my head, trying to wrap my mind around this whole thing. It is all so confusing. Edward runs his hand up and down my back, calming me.

"I keep jumping ahead to the end. Let me start at the beginning," he takes a big breath. "Aro Volturi has his hand in almost every aspect of the city. He became rich by doing the dirty work others men stayed away from. Once he was wealthy enough, he began making connections, gathering subordinates. He has all types of men on his payroll, ranging from juvenile street gangs to police officers. He gains people's allegiance by fear, threats, blackmail, fraud, violence…never with trust. He is dangerous because he has no limits when he wants something. He'll hurt anyone; pay anything to reach his goals.

"When the new mayor was elected, Aro tried to get him on his payroll too, but he couldn't be bought. Once the mayor learned of Aro's background, he was determined to put him in jail. The only problem is Aro was smart enough never to leave evidence of his crimes. It was all rumors and whispers. Nothing could be proven. That is until he realized there was a paper trail for all the money he had been slowly siphoning out of some of the wealthiest companies in Chicago. For years he had been stealing and hiding it away for his own personal use. Of all the horrible crimes he had committed, stealing money would be his downfall.

"He knew he had to get rid of the evidence, but he didn't know how to do that without getting rid of the money too. And he couldn't. He wanted it too much to throw it all away. So he found a lawyer who could help hide the funds in his other "real" businesses."

"That's where my father comes in, I guess," I mumble. The picture he is painting is terrible. I am being hunted by a man that can buy police officers, a man that can hide his crimes.

"Yes. Aro had millions of dollars that needed to be hidden and after working together for weeks, time was running out. The mayor was right on his trail, waiting for any crumb to drop. I'm sure you father didn't want to help Aro do something illegal, but once he knew about the scheme he was an accomplice. He couldn't just decide that he didn't want to help anymore. Aro would never have allowed him to walk away with that knowledge. Either way he was condemned."

"Where does Bella come in?" Edward inquires. He has stayed so quiet while Carlisle was speaking that he surprises me. I was so transported by the telling of this history that I am jolted back to reality when I hear his voice.

Carlisle begins again. "Aro and Mr. Swan didn't have enough time to figure out a way to legally hide the money, so Aro forced him to take ownership of all the siphoned bills. Aro signed over his rights to it and made Charles the heir to his stolen fortune with a clause stating that all the money would be returned if anything were to happen to Charles. It was all extremely clever. Aro's name is never specifically mentioned in the agreement, for his _protection._"

"No! My father would have never done that. Why would he agree to do that? He was signing up to go to prison in Aro's place," I cry.

Carlisle drops his head and exhales loudly. "Don't you remember what I said? Aro has no limits when he wants something. And it is easy to persuade a man to do what you want when they have something to lose." He raises his eyebrows at me, urging me to understand.

What would have been more important to my father than his reputation and life? …and then I understand. "Did Aro threaten to hurt us if he didn't cooperate? My mother and I?"

"Yes. You're starting to see how he thinks. That is good. Aro would have killed you and your mother if he didn't agree. Aro does not make idle threats and Charles knew that. He had to protect you and your mother."

"I still don't understand how I am involved though. If the money was signed over to my father, then it should have gone back to Aro…_after_." After he had my father killed by those two men.

"Yes, that is true, but Aro wasn't expecting the clauses in your father's last will and testament to counter and nullify their agreement."

"He knew he was going to die?" I ask, already knowing the answer. For some reason, that makes this whole situation worse. It was something he knew was coming and had to dread every day, wondering if today will be the last. I turn my face into Edward's shoulder, my tears soaking his shirt. Edward kisses the top of my head and whispers soothing words into my ear.

I try to think of the last few weeks before the fire, before I saw those men strangle him in our house. I can't remember him acting different, acting like he knew his days were numbered.

…But I was only a child. I wasn't looking for signs or worried about anything like that. I just always expected everything to stay the same in the way an innocent child does.

"So what happened next?" Edward asks, seeing that I'm having a hard time pulling myself together. But he's right; I want to know the rest of the story.

"Aro never truly ever trusts anyone. He has no friends, no one with whom he shares secrets. Charles knew what his future would be, but I believe his confidence scared Aro. He knew Aro's men would kill him at any time, but he remained calm. Aro needed him to take the fall, but as the weeks went by, he became more and more suspicious of your father. Aro is an intuitive person and he didn't like the way this threatened man was acting. Like _he_ had a secret."

"But he did have a secret," Edward adds suddenly, continuing to stroke my hair.

"Yes," Carlisle laughs without humor. "He had a huge secret. This is where you come in, Isabella. Excuse me…Bella. In your father's will it states that any money in Charles possession would immediately be turned over to you."

Suddenly it dawns on me. "But wouldn't that mean that I could go to jail now too? If all that stolen money is connected to my name, I am implicated." The thought is horrifying.

"No. That is not how your father set it up. Because the money was gifted, the receiver of the sum could not be tried for the crimes of another. It was all very clever and worded extremely carefully.

"I don't know what set Aro off, but I believe he had grown too suspicious of your father and was planning on taking a chance with other lawyer. When the fire in the city started, I believe he snatched up the opportunity. No one would think Charles was murdered, because the evidence would be in ashes," he finishes sadly.

"You don't have to explain this part to me," I manage to say. "I was present for the next part of the story."

"Yes, you were. I don't know what made you run away, but it saved your life. When those men were sent to…kill him…they didn't know about the money yet. They thought it would be returned to Aro like the first agreement had stated. It wasn't until a few days later when the truth of it all came out. Aro was beyond furious. He wanted that money more than anything and it was in the hands of a missing little girl. You can imagine his reaction. If it any consolation, those men who carried out the deed were punished for losing you."

That doesn't make me feel better. "He punished them for not knowing something they couldn't have known?" I shake my head at his depravity.

"Aro's fury didn't allow him to care. He wanted results and in his mind they were at fault. They paid for their mistakes with their lives..." Carlisle pauses. "I've always wondered why you ran though. If you survived the fire, the most normal reaction for a child would be to return home. But you never did. Why?"

"Because me mother told me to. She told me to run away and never come back. She said that dangerous men were coming and that I had to get away," I say with a flat voice. Can this all be true? Is the doctor's story really true?

"Your mother must have known," Edward mumbles, surprised. "She must have known the danger you were in and sent you away with me. She never explained why we must get away, only that I had to promise to stay with you and never return."

My mother…Thinking of her in her last moments is painful.

Carlisle sighs sadly. "She must have been a clever woman too. Maybe Charles told her about Aro, or maybe she just knew something wasn't right."

"She saw those men kill him too. She picked me up and took me away only to go back inside once we were running," I say in a daze. "Why did she go back? She could have come with us!"

"Bella, I have thought of this hundreds of times, but I always come to the same conclusion," Edward replies. "Your mother and father were wealthy, well recognized members of Chicago's society. We roamed the streets for months hiding under the radar. If she had escaped with us, we would have been found within days. Too many people knew her face. All you need is one person to say they saw her and it would have been over."

"I don't care," I sob. "She should have come. She shouldn't have left me like that."

"She did it because she loved you. More than her own life. She had to give you a chance. You can't blame her for that," he soothes, wiping away my falling tears.

I shake my head, realizing I don't blame her. "It is all so much. I was at peace with the thought I would never know what truly happened. We have found happiness here together. Me and you," I touch Edward's face, running my finger across his brow. "And now to be thrown back into the past when all I want to do is live here with you…It's hard to wrap my head around it."

"I know, sweetheart. But we'll get through this. We'll survive. It's what we do best, I think," he responds, kissing the back of my hand.

Doctor Cullen clears his throat and we turn back to him, realizing we've kind of been in our own world.

"I'm sorry," I apologize. "Please continue. What happened next?" Edward wraps an arm around my back and holds me tight against his warm body.

"Once Aro read the will and learned of what your father had done, he immediately sent out his men to find you. When they couldn't locate you, he started paying street bums to keep an eye out. When you still weren't found, he went to the homeless kids on the streets and made them part of his group."

"James," I murmur.

"Hmm," Carlisle hums. "I'm surprised you remember that name."

"I could never forget him," I reply darkly. I still see his face in my nightmares. I am always transported back into that church where he and his gang surrounded me, towering over me.

"Yes, well…he has never forgotten you either. After Aro punished James for losing you, you became an obsession to him. He had seen you with his own eyes, touched you. He probably wants you just as much as Aro, but for different reasons."

"I should have killed him," Edward growls, fisting his hands. "The thought of him ever coming near you again; touching you. I could kill him."

"Edward, no!" I exclaim in horror. "Don't say that. We aren't like them. We are innocent in all of this and we must stay that way. We got away and they still don't know where we are."

"It is not for a lack of trying though," Carlisle adds. "Aro has never given up. All his men know to look for you even though most don't know why. He doesn't want them to know of his failure. He had to remake his fortune in other ways, but he still wants that money… He wants you more though. You are the little girl who sneaked out of his grasp. You are the only person to ever do that and he hates you for it. He doesn't want you to just sign over the money to him anymore. He wants you to suffer for what you've done."

"That is not going to happen," Edward states with gritted teeth. "He is never going to touch her."

"You said you could help us. If I went to Chicago with you, you said you'd be able to free us—"

Edward interrupts me. "NO! Are you being serious right now? How can you even consider going back there when you know what he'd do to you if you went."

"I don't want to be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life. And I don't want anything to happen to you. This whole thing has nothing to do with you and I won't have your blood on my hands," I confess.

"You did not just say that to me," Edward yells. "It has everything to do with me! _Your_ life has everything to do with me. And I was there too, they hunted me too."

This is going downhill fast. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. It's just…if you could fix it for me… if you could protect me, you would. I would be doing the same for you."

"I forbid you from going there," he threatens. My head starts to throb when he says this. He looks enraged, but I know it comes from a place of fear. He can't bear to lose me either.

I fear for Edward's life more than anything else. His accident told me that. The thought of anything happening to him is truly abhorrent to me.

"I'm tired," I exhale, not acknowledging his comment.

"Bella, did you hear me?" he tries again more desperately, his voice getting more hysterical. "You cannot go back there."

I ignore him again. "Doctor Cullen, do you think we can stop for today? I don't think I can talk about this any more right now. I need to process everything, think things through."

"Of course, Bella. I know this all must be quite shocking to you. But I'll be here whenever you need me. When you are ready, we'll figure out our next step."

"So we just trust him now?" Edward snarls, completely worked up. "We're just going to go back home and leave him to do whatever he wants?"

"He won't hurt me," I answer tiredly. I look at Carlisle. "I don't know if I trust you, but I do believe you."

"Thank you," he bows his head. "That is enough for me. For what it's worth, I'm sorry. I can see that you and your family are innocent and that makes this more heartbreaking."

"Thank you. I would like to go home now," I look at Edward. His face is dark, his lips pressed together in a hard line. "Doctor Cullen, could you fix his stitches before we leave?"

"Of course."

"He is not going to touch me again," Edward scoffs, moving away.

I approach him slowly and take his hand. I stand up onto my toes and pull his head down. I kiss him lightly on his stiff lips and he doesn't respond. I try again, keeping my lips pressed against his until I hear him exhale and nip my top lip.

"I want to go home now," I whisper against his skin. "And I can't do that until I know you are alright. I can't live without you, Edward. I need you to get better."

My voice is shaking with repressed emotion and it softens his expression. He is shaking with barely controlled rage, but my shining eyes diminish his anger. He relents and follows the doctor into the back room. He leaves the door wide open so he can see me the entire time. He lies on his back on the table, but his head is turned so he can stare at me. His eyes hold me in place and I don't look away either.

Once he is all fixed up, we say our goodbyes to Carlisle, with one last promise that we'll be back when we're ready to figure out what to do next.

The ride home is heavy with silence and something darker. He is clutching my waist like he is afraid I'll vanish if he lets go.

Edward's dark tone keeps running through my head, forbidding me to leave. I hate to see him like this when his laughter from this morning is still so fresh in my head. I want him to be happy again, but now that I know why I am hunted…I have to go. I have to protect him.

He always wants to protect me, to shelter me from harm…But if I have the opportunity to save him, free him. I will do it.

This will all end soon.

**End Notes:**

The truth is revealed. I had an awesome trip, but it is nice to be back home.

All you readers who review, favorite and alert my story are so awesome. Thank you. Happy (almost) New Year!


	26. Chapter 26

We don't arrive back home until the evening. Our conversation with Carlisle took some time, and then Edward kept the pace slow on the drive. With his hurt leg and his tight grip on me, I'm glad he decided to take it slow. We do not need another accident right now. That would be too much.

Carlisle's story is running through my head over and over. I keep comparing his revelation to my own life and history and they overlap and coincide. There are things he knows about me that he just wouldn't be able to know unless his story was true.

We stay silent the whole ride back and I'm almost afraid to start talking. After Edward's forceful words I feel like anything I say will cause his fuse to blow.

When we arrive home I go straight into the kitchen to fix a meal…the more complicated the better. I decide to make a beef stew because I know all the chopping and cooking will help keep my mind occupied. Hearing about what happened to my parents from another person has caused all that grief to return to the surface. I feel like I'm back there in that house, feeling the heat of the fire on my cheeks.

As I chop the potatoes I try to ignore the pooling tears in my eyes. Arms suddenly wrap around my waist and Edward molds his body to the back of mine. I continue to work, but he doesn't let go. The tears are now streaming down my face, but I refuse to stop.

I continue to chop. Chop. Chop.

Don't stop. Don't think.

Edward runs his hands down my arms and slowly stops the frantic movement of my hands. He pulls the knife away from me and sets it down, and then twists our fingers together. His tender touch is like a necessary exhale to me. He kisses the side of my face, and I drop my head slightly, trying to catch my breath. He continues to kiss until he can't reach anymore, only to turn my body so we are facing one another.

He pushes the loose hair away from my forehead and bends to kiss away the tears from my cheek. His warm lips lightly brush my skin, catching every drop, switching sides until I have stopped crying.

"We're okay," he whispers, his voice shaking. "As long as we're together, we'll be okay."

He stares into my eyes with a hungered intensity. He bends forward and I close my eyes as he kisses each eyelid. He makes his descent with his lips, kissing down my face until he reaches my lips.

He kisses me tenderly, again and again until I am brought back into the present. We open our mouths and kiss with our tongues, holding each other tight. His fingertips start digging into my lower back, reaching downward until he is gripping me firmly, pulling me into him so we line up.

I can feel his arousal and I need to feel this connection between us. We were together just this morning, but so much has changed since then. I yearn to feel the intimacy, but know it is impossible with his injury. Also, I feel too shaken up inside…I'm not in the right frame of mind and neither is Edward.

I pull my head back slightly, but he follows me with his mouth. "Baby, we can't," I moan as his hand wanders to my chest. I manage to step away again, but he stays with me.

"Please, Bella. Please," he pleads, his hands moving to my arms, pulling me closer again. His grip has become tighter, his touch almost frantic.

"Edward, no," I mumble around his lips, starting to worry about him. "I don't want you to be hurt more."

"You won't hurt me," his voice shakes. "Please…" he begs again. He drops his head into my neck, kissing my flushed skin.

Of course my body responds, but this isn't right. He reaches to undo my blouse but I grab his hands to stop him.

"Edward, what's wrong?" I ask, grabbing his cheeks so he will look at me. When I see his shining eyes, I panic. "Are you okay? Are you hurting? What's the matter?"

"Baby, please," he cries. "I love you so much." He drops to his knees and I cry out, worried about his leg. He presses his face into my stomach, gripping my waist.

"You're scaring me. I need you to tell me what's wrong!"

"I need you. Please, baby. Just one last time before you... Please. I love you. I love you—" His voice is muffled because his face is pressed into me, but I hear him.

"Edward," I exclaim in shock, dropping to my knees so I can look at his face. I cradle his neck and he lifts his eyes. "I love you, too. What are you talking about? One last time? What do you mean?"

He takes so big breaths to orient himself. I stroke his skin, rubbing his cheeks with my thumbs soothingly.

"I know you," he starts. "I know you better than anyone. I know what you're thinking, what you're planning. I know you want this all to end and you think going there is the only way. And you don't want me to come with you. I can feel that. I can feel you thinking that."

He grabs my wrists and holds them in his hands, like shackles. It isn't painful in any way, but the message is clear…he won't be letting go anytime soon.

I have nothing to say because that is exactly where my thoughts had been heading. I want to move forward with our lives so much, free of all the pain and danger chasing us. I want that, but I can't bear the thought that he could get hurt in our attempt to gain freedom.

"Tell me it isn't true," he says with little hope. "Just tell me I'm crazy and that you would never do that to me."

"Edward…" my voice is strangled, but I can't lie to him. I can't deny it.

"You can't leave me," he says more desperately. "You'd never get anywhere without me following right behind. Being apart is not an option."

"This is not your decision," I answer tearfully, hating this fight. I love him more than anything, but I'd die if something were to happen to him because of me. I truly wouldn't survive that loss.

"No!" he bellows. "This is my decision too. You don't get to decide this alone. It's is my life too and I can choose to go where I want. And I have to be with you. If you go, I'm coming too."

"I don't want you to come, Edward." I try to stay strong, but my words make me shake. I feel like I'm going to shatter from the strain. Thinking about being separated causes actual, physical pain…but I push aside those thoughts. Now is not the time.

He drops my hands abruptly in shock, standing in one smooth motion. He hisses in pain and doubles over to regain his composure. I get onto my feet too and reach for him, hoping to comfort his ache.

"No," he stops me with a raised hand. "If you get to pretend like we aren't partners, like we aren't married…then you have to live with that decision. It is either one or the other. I can't let you pretend to be my wife when you don't respect me."

"Edward," I cry. "Of course I respect you! I love you more than anything. I can't stand to see you hurt. Please let me help you. I need to change the gauze. I can help," I plead.

"I can help you too, but you won't let me either. I guess we'll both have to come to terms with that. I think I'm going to lie down for a bit. I don't feel well." And with that, he turns around and walks away with dead eyes. Only, he doesn't head for our shared bedroom. He walks towards Jay's old room—the room where he stayed during those horrible months apart.

"Where are you going?" I ask unnecessarily, tears streaming down my face.

"To bed. Goodnight." Without so much as a glance in my direction he walks into the bedroom and shuts the door with a quiet click.

That soft click is louder than a shotgun. My body sways and my stomach clenches uncomfortably. I grab the edge of the table to keep myself from falling to the ground.

He knows exactly how to hurt me, but I know I've hurt him just as much.

Without thinking of anything, I walk back to the counter on unsteady legs and continue to cook. I only focus of my hands, refusing to let my mind wander.

Time seems to move in slow motion, but somehow I'm able to get all the right ingredients into the pot and place it over the stoked fire. Now that my task is done, everything comes rushing back in like a busted dam.

Edward shut that door in-between us. That old wood door is equivalent to a stone wall in my mind. Impenetrable.

I don't even have a plan yet, but I know going to Chicago with Carlisle is the right decision. There is no way to end this without my physical presence.

I would only be gone for a couple weeks. Maybe a month or so.

Edward would stay and take care of the farm, prepare for the harvest. He would make sure everything kept running in my absence. And then when I returned, he would welcome me back, truly grateful for my sacrifice. He may be angry now, but he will understand in the end.

I would be protecting him and our property. I would be shielding our future children from the burden of being hunted.

By continuing to think of the situation like this, I feel more confident with my decision to leave. I remove the finished, bubbling stew from the heat and serve a generous helping into a bowl for Edward.

No noises have sounded from the room, but I know he must be hungry. I tap on the door, not feeling comfortable to open it without his permission.

"I have supper ready," I say into the door. "Can I come in?"

When there is no response, I tentatively open the door and look for him. He is lying in the bed on his side, his back facing me. I approach quietly and set the stew down on the in-table. I lean over him and see that his eyes are closed, his chest moving up and down at a calm, steady pace. He must have fallen asleep.

I run my fingers through his hair once and whisper goodnight. I want to feel terrible about the fact that he's chosen to sleep here, but I don't have the right to feel that way. I've made a decision without him and he's entitled to his freedom too.

I shut the door on my way out and eat my own bowl of stew at the table. Alone. No matter how hard I try to feel okay about this, I still want to cry. But I stop myself. I'm the one who chose this, and I have to be strong.

I can't be sad about being in different rooms for this one night when we will be in different states for weeks. Maybe longer.

After cleaning up and covering the leftovers, I head into our bedroom to get ready for bed. It has been a long day and I want to slip away into oblivion. After changing into my night clothes, I sit on the edge of our shared bed, but I can't get myself to lie down.

His scent is all around me, almost like a tangible mist. My heart aches for his warmth and I long to snuggle into his chest and embrace him as I fall asleep.

I finally manage to lay my head on the pillow, which only makes his smell stronger.

All the sudden, my hard exterior falls apart like broken glass. The self-righteous thoughts I've been spouting all night seems completely stupid and impossible.

I've been fooling myself.

I've been a fool.

And I'm a liar.

_I don't want you to come with me? _Such a lie.

Being in separate beds after all we've shared feels like a gaping hole in my chest.

How could I even pretend that I could leave him behind? I wouldn't make it past the front porch without turning back.

I cover my mouth to muffle the sobs that are erupting from my chest like thunder. I cry so hard at the possibility of being apart, that my eyes burn and head aches uncontrollably.

With one arm, I encircle my waist to try and soothe the ache in my stomach.

He is everything to me. I rely on him for everything, and he on me. We are a complete unit. We are soul mates. We are _forever._

I know I've hurt him, and that makes me more upset. Everything he said was right. We have to be together, no matter what. If he was the one trying to leave me, I would follow him too.

He's right about another thing too. I didn't show him respect. I didn't respect his right to make his own decision about what to do with his life.

Going to Chicago will be dangerous, but we will be stronger together.

The more I think, the more I long to be with him. I wipe my cheeks frantically and hop out of bed, tripping in my haste to get to him.

I fly through his door and get into bed as gently as I am able, careful not to bump his leg in my keyed up state.

He is lying on his back, but his eyes are wide open and watching me. I don't know where to start. How do you tell the person you love that you are an idiot?

"I didn't mean to wake you," I lie.

"I wasn't asleep. I can't sleep without you in my arms," he explains, his voice sounding emotionally tired, but physically awake.

His explanation is so simple; his words reiterating everything he has said and everything I've been thinking.

"Edward, I'm sorry!" I apologize frantically, the tears streaming again. "I'm so sorry about what I said. I could never do that to you. You have to know that. I would never really have left without you. I need you too much. Always." I turn my face into his chest and cry into his shirt.

When his strong arms wrap around me, I cry out even more.

"Bella…" he breathes happily, rubbing my back.

"I love you, Edward. I have to be with you. Everyday. Every second, if possible. Please forgive me. Forget everything I said. I was acting crazy. Of course I would want you to come. You are my strength, my support." I'm talking so fast and everything is coming out in a rush. "And if you think that we shouldn't go at all, I'll listen. We can figure it all out. Together. I love you so much. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"It's alright. You are scared, I understand that," he soothes. "But you can't do that to me again. "

"I won't! I promise I won't. Do you forgive me? I don't deserve it, but I need you to forgive me."

"I do. I do forgive you." He turns to his side and pulls me close, kissing the top of my head. "I need to apologize too…"

"For what?" I ask incredulously.

"I shouldn't have walked out like that. I should have stayed until we figured it out together, but I just left. That was not okay for me to do."

"I'm the one who kept pushing you. I was hurt that you wanted to sleep alone, but I don't blame you. Can we go back to our room now?" I ask.

In response he sits up, pulling me with him. We manage to head toward our bedroom completely wrapped up in each other. His arm is around my shoulders, and I'm gripping his waist tightly.

As we walk he says, "Thanks for the supper. It was delicious."

"Oh, I'm so glad you ate. I didn't know if you would see it next to your bed."

"I was awake when you came in," he confesses. "I just didn't know what to say. I'm sorry for that too"

"It's okay…"

We get on our small bed together and resume our previous position. We are both lying on our sides, our arms wrapped around each other tightly.

"I love you," he whispers into my ear.

"Me too," I answer back.

Before we get too tired I know I have to change his dressing.

"Will you let me change your gauze now?" I inquire timidly.

"If you must," he allows.

"I must," I smile.

I get onto my knees on the mattress and scoot down until I am astride his legs. I unbutton his pants, and gently pull the material down his legs, being extra careful near his stitches. My hand keeps brushing his bare skin and he starts breathing harder.

Once his pants are removed I unwrap the soiled cloth with light fingers and pull it away. I lean down and kiss around the cut, being as soft as I can.

I must not be hurting him. I know this by the state of his arousal.

"Feeling better?" I tease. I lean forward and brace myself on the mattress while I reach for his lips. I brush my bottom lip across his a few times, pulling back when he tries to capture it. After taunting him this way for a bit he grabs my neck and pulls me down. We kiss for a few minutes, but we are getting carried away again.

When I lean back, he groans. "One more kiss?" he asks with swollen lips.

I breathe out my laugh and begin to redo the dressing and gauze on his leg. "_One more _is not a phrase we understand."

"Exactly," he laughs, devious.

Once the fresh cloth is wrapped comfortable around him, I put all the supplies away and snuggle back into his arms. We are facing one another and staring into each other's eyes.

"We're okay, right?" I ask. Our fight still feels fresh and I want to make sure we're on the same page.

"We're better than okay. As long as we stay together like this…we can get through anything." He buries his face into my neck, kissing my sensitive skin.

"Should we talk about what our next step should be?"

"We should, but not tonight. We are exhausted. This is not something we should rush. If we decide to go to Chicago, we have to have a clear, well thought out plan. And I'm not in the frame of mind to do that right now. I just want to relax and hold you all night."

"Only hold?" I giggle as he kisses my face.

"Maybe we could kiss a little too." He nips at my lips.

"Only a little?" I press into him and suck on his upper lip, tracing it with my tongue.

He hums lowly and we kiss with open mouths.

"Whatever you think is best," he mumbles against my skin.

We kiss and touch until we can't keep our eyes open anymore. We'll have to figure out what we want to do in the coming days, but we have tonight to relax and comfort each other.

Our lives are probably about to take a huge turn, but we will get through it together.

And being together is the most important part.

**End Notes:**

Sorry for the shorter chapter. I didn't want you all to wait any longer.

I love you guys! Thank you so much for all the reviews and lovely comments. More soon!


	27. Chapter 27

Edward and I tried to get back to our normal schedule, but with his injury and all the new information we had received, that was definitely easier said than done. Edward kept insisting that his leg was fine and that it didn't hurt, but he would return home from the fields limping.

Also, we hadn't been able to make love. On the scale of things, this isn't the biggest problem we are facing, but it was still taking its toll on both of us. We are constantly reminded of how precious life can be, and how easily it can be taken away. We yearn to share our love physically, to feel connected in a way that can't be substituted by anything else... but it is impossible without hurting him.

We did try to be together a couple days after he was injured, but even he couldn't hide his hiss of pain when things got a little aggressive. And not being able to be intimate has made us both a little on edge.

So instead of making love, we talked.

Every evening we'd sit together on the loveseat and rehash everything we had learned, asking the questions that needed to be asked…thinking about what we should do. The more we thought about Carlisle and his involvement, the more suspicious we became of his motives. We both agreed that he wasn't planning on turning us over to Aro, but something didn't completely add up.

Why would he want to know so much about one girl who had gotten away? It would have taken years to dig up all that information, especially if he was doing it in secret. If what Carlisle said was true about Aro not wanting anyone to know about his failure in losing all that money, then how could Carlisle have learned all of that information?

He had a reason for digging up information about me for so long. There is something he is not telling us; something more powerful than compassion that makes him want to help us.

Another thing Edward and I have discussed is whether or not we actually will return to Chicago. At first, Edward was absolutely insistent that going back was the wrong decision. His argument was always centered on the fact that we had been safe here for many years, and going back would put us in direct danger. However, after discussing our options every day, facing Aro straight on appears to be the most logical solution. We can't pretend that our lives haven't changed since we learned the truth. I don't want that stolen money to stay connected to my name.

Of course, we don't plan on approaching Aro until we have a plan. We want to think of everything…and have several back up plans. We don't want to leave anything up to chance if we go back into that city. We will be ready for all possible scenarios.

After about two weeks, Edward's leg was pretty much healed. The stitches fell out naturally, and I could see the angry red scar fading slowly. And it was obvious Edward's strength was back to normal.

It was especially obvious when I think about the way he woke me up this morning. He is definitely feeling great today. I'd even go as far to say he is excellent. And he made me feel excellent too. Several times.

We stayed in bed way longer than normal, but after a couple weeks of nothing…we desperately need this.

We have to go back into town to speak to Carlisle and tell him what we are thinking and include him on our next step. He has inside information that we desperately need. We know we won't get into Chicago undetected without his knowledge.

Logically, I know that we need to do this…but that doesn't mean I want to do it right now. I make an attempt anyway.

"Edward? We should probably get up. We need to…hmmm. That feels good," I moan as he kisses down my body.

"What do we need to do?" he smiles into my skin, stroking me where I'm most sensitive.

"We need to get up," I answer without conviction, loving the way he's touching me.

"I am up," he teasingly implies as he hovers over my body. He caresses me for a few minutes before we come together again.

"It's been awhile," I gasp as his body brushes over mine. This will be the third time this morning.

"Yeah, about half of an hour," he groans as he moves in me gently.

I laugh and he hisses when he feels my body shake. "No, I just meant it has been a while since we've done this. And my body is feeling it."

He looks frightened for a moment before asking, "Are you in pain? Have I hurt you?" He stills above me and brushes the damp hair away from my face.

"No! No. I didn't mean to make you stop," I lift my hips to urge him to move. He complies after giving me a sweet kiss.

"What did you mean then?" he asks with his head buried in my neck, licking my sweat. His chest is flush with mine and our hearts are beating fast in time with each other.

"Be gentle with me. I don't want to have a limp like you." I hitch my knee up and hook it around the back of his leg.

"I didn't limp," he exclaims in denial and I scoff at the lie. "And why would you be limping?" I stare at him in amusement and then look down pointedly where we are joined and raise my eyebrows.

"Oh," he hums. "Feeling a little sore?" He sounds a little smug, but it's his smile that gives him away. "Sorry about that."

"You couldn't even say sorry with a straight face. I might be hurting too much for us to do this again for another week though," I joke.

"That isn't even funny," he replies quickly, but he is laughing too.

"Yes it is," I kiss him.

"We sure are talking a lot," he comments against my mouth.

"Then shut me up," I taunt, biting his lower lip and rolling my hips.

And he does.

~TtB~

We only managed to do the most necessary chores that day. We were both too distracted by each other and by our plans to see Carlisle this morning. We drive moderately slowly, not in any hurry to take this next step. Once we start really planning, we can't pretend it isn't happening.

Dr. Cullen doesn't seem too surprised to see us. He obviously knew we'd be back to speak with him.

"Please come inside," he invites. We step inside tentatively, gripping each other's hands tightly.

"Do you have time to talk?"I ask, looking around the room to make sure we are alone.

"Yes. I'm glad you came early this morning. I don't have any appointments until later this afternoon. We shouldn't be interrupted, unless some emergency occurs. W

on't you sit down?" He sweeps his arm toward the sitting room, and follows behind us as Edward and I sit close together on the settee.

"We have some questions for you," Edward starts. Carlisle pulls a chair from the wall closer to us and takes a seat.

"I'd be worried if you didn't," he answers quickly. "Please, ask. I hope I can alleviate your worries."

"I first want to tell you that we do believe you," I reassure. "I know you don't mean us any harm. Maybe it is foolish to trust you without knowing all the facts, but I know you won't reveal our location to Aro."

"I'm extremely pleased to hear you say that. I will do everything in my power to gain your trust, and I definitely won't do anything to make you distrust me."

Edward jumps in, "Yes, we do believe you, but we don't feel as if you've given us the whole story."

Carlisle looks startled. "I've told you all that I know about your history. I didn't hide anything from you."

Edward continues. "Yes, that's true. You did tell us everything about her family…but we are drawing blanks when it comes to your involvement in the whole situation. We want to know how you became involved with him and then why you decided to leave."

"But not only leave," I add. "You researched and dug, searching for the secrets Aro kept hidden. You must have had a reason for doing that. Why would you put so much effort into it if you hadn't hoped to do something with that information?"

Carlisle immediately answers. "I left because it wasn't the type of job I wanted for myself. Aro runs his _business _based on fear and discipline. I want to have children some day and I didn't want them to be anywhere near him. Because who knows what Aro will do? One day you are favored, and then next you are dead."

"Like my father," I comment stoically. "Only, he didn't choose to be a part of it. He just happened to be successful enough to be worthy of notice. So how did you get involved? Did you choose it or were you like my father?"

Carlisle's shoulders hunch as if he is carrying a heavy burden. "It is a little of both, I guess. Or neither perhaps. I can't say that I knew what I was getting myself into, but I _was_ chosen." He stops.

"Please, tell us," I implore.

He takes a moment to gather his thoughts and then he begins. "My mother died when I was very young and my father too when I was seventeen. I had been a bright child, and so after my father died I threw myself into my studies. My father had saved some money, so I had enough to live comfortably, but after a few years it was running out. I used the last of my money to get into university, but I didn't have enough for a second year.

"My grades were perfect however. I knew I wouldn't be able to stay for full term, but I wanted to excel. I had always been interested in being a doctor, but knew I probably wouldn't ever become a physician. I don't know how Aro found out about me, but he did. It was pretty well known that I wouldn't be able to finish without more money, and so he approached me with a proposition. He praised me unceasingly. He was charming and persuasive and I was young and desperate."

Carlisle's eyes look dazed as if he is back there in that moment, speaking with Aro. I wonder if he wished he could go back to that moment and make a different decision.

His words bring me out of my own head.

"He offered to pay for my schooling if I agreed to work exclusively for him and his _family_ once I finished. I had never heard of him, so I was imagining he was some type of royal or at least someone important. To hire your own private doctor…that seemed excessive. He told me that he wanted the best, and that is why he came to me. He would check on my progress every couple months, making sure I was still at the top. Once I graduated and had my license to practice I started working for Aro, but he didn't have a family. Not the one I was expecting anyway.

"I expected grandparents, a wife…children, anyone actually related to him, but it turns out I was treating the men who worked for him. I was dressing knife wounds, broken bones, glass cuts…I didn't know what these men were doing to get such injuries, but it must have been bad enough that Aro would pay to have his own doctor on staff. He wanted everything to stay private. He got me for my skill and paid for my silence.

"I'd always try to get them to talk about what happened, but they knew better than to talk. The one man that told me anything went missing soon after. I don't know if he got out…or if he was taken out. Either way, I stayed quiet after that…did my own digging without involving anyone else. I still curse my foolishness in accepting his offer. I wanted to be a doctor too much. I should have realized that it would come with a price."

"He had to have been looking for someone like you," Edward says. "…Someone who needed the money and would feel indebted to him. He basically paid for your loyalty. You can't blame yourself for taking the opportunity. You didn't know what he was really like."

"No, I didn't know…but I also didn't try to find out before I accepted his offer. I allowed myself to wear my rose-colored glasses and ignore my intuition that something wasn't right. It's my own damn fault," he shakes his head. "I was prideful and stupid. I felt like I was entitled to the good fortune that had come my way. I thought Aro approached me because I was the best, because I was the most successful. It wasn't until later I realized he came to me because I was the most desperate, the most easily bought."

He's speaking in the present tense, but that can't be true if he was able to get away. "He tried to buy you, but you didn't allow him to do that," I reassure. "You acted loyal, but it was only a pretense. You were indebted to him, but he didn't own your freewill. It he did you wouldn't be here talking to us."

Carlisle nods his head slowly and runs his palms across his thighs.

Edward tenses up next to me and I turn to him in confusion. "How did you get out?" he asks in a clipped tone. "It doesn't seem like Aro would just allow you to leave. If he doesn't even want his own people to know what he's doing on a day to day basis, I can't imagine he would allow their private doctor to leave... Especially one who knows as much as you do."

I start to worry too and ask, "Did you leave on good terms or did you run away like us?" But after learning more about Aro and what he's like, I already know. A cold flush runs through me and I squeeze Edward's thigh in terror.

Carlisle doesn't say anything, but he looks apologetic.

"So you are hunted too. And you led them right to us!" Edward bursts, standing up quickly.

"No, I wasn't followed," he insists, standing as well.

"How could you possibly know that?" Edward exclaims loudly. "They could be outside waiting for us right now. You don't know." I get up and hold onto Edward's shoulders, hoping my touch will calm him down. We need to plan, not fight.

"No one came after me. I didn't just walk out. I had help." Suddenly he looks heartbroken. "Someone helped me escape and made sure I'd be free."

"You have to tell us," I beseech gently, sensing the fragileness of the conversation. "This is something we need to know too." I pull on Edward's arm and lead him back to the settee so we can sit. He wraps an arm around my shoulder and pulls me into his side.

"I do understand," he sighs, taking a moment. "There was a woman," he begins slowly. "I met her when she came to me to wrap her sprained ankle. She was beautiful. So different than the patients I usually saw, and not just because of the nature of the injury. She had a purity about her that I hadn't seen in years. After treating such horrible injuries for so long, I had become withdrawn and desensitized to the ugliness around me. I was so used to the evil men around me, it was becoming harder to stay above it all.

"Being around people like that all the time…it would have been so easy to start acting like them. And I was close. But when she walked into my office, it was like I was blinded by her. She seemed to be glowing to me. Obviously, that is an exaggeration, but I don't know how else to describe the way she made me feel.

"She was so kind and soft-spoken. It was like she was completely untouched by the darkness around her. I was speechless. I couldn't utter a single word, but she kept speaking the entire time we were together. And I listened with an interest I hadn't felt in years. She spoke of normal things too. For just a few minutes I was able to forget the hell I was trapped in. For the first time in years I felt hope."

"Who was she," I ask. "Why was she there?"

"I didn't find out her identity for some time, but once I did I felt betrayed. I felt like the things I imagined to feel in her presence must have been a fluke. Because there is no way someone so good could be related to a man like Aro. It must have been an act. Just some way for her to play with men, maybe."

"She is related to him?" I am shocked too. She sounded lovely.

"She is a cousin. She started coming around more and I couldn't help but notice. I could feel her if she was anywhere near me, but I hated her for making me feel that way. I hated Aro more than you can imagine and the thought of loving anything connected to him made me cringe. I tried so hard not to care about her…but the more I learned about her, the more I realized she wasn't like him. She was pure goodness. And I loved her."

"Loved?" Edward inquires, running his fingers across my palm. We both that know if you truly love someone, that doesn't simply go away.

"Love," Carlisle corrects, glancing down to our intertwined hands then looking away quickly.

"She must have loved you too," I comment lightly. "If she was the one to help you escape…she must have loved you enough to deceive her own cousin. Even though Aro is horrible, that must have been a hard thing to do. She had to break a family bond."

"She never said those words to me. I hoped. Of course, I hoped she did."

"Did she know you loved her?" I ask.

"All you had to do was look at me to know. When she was in the room, my feelings were clearly written on my face for all to see. Aro was thrilled, of course."

"Aro knew of your feelings as well?"

"He absolutely did," he continues. "What's more is that he encouraged it. But his approval tainted my hope for us. If he told us to marry, then he would have control over my personal life as well as my job. It was too much. But when Aro gets an idea in his head, he is unstoppable. With her as my wife, he would have been able to get me to do anything. All he had to do was threaten her and I would do whatever he wanted in order to protect her."

"He would hurt his own family? Nevermind..." Of course he would. This is such a mess.

Edward looks at me and then turns to Carlisle. "So how did she get you out? It must have been difficult."

"It probably took months of planning on her part, but I didn't know anything about it. We rarely saw each other, but she never said anything when we were together. We were never alone either. But somehow she talked Aro into letting us go for a picnic together, just the two of us.

"At this time, I still didn't know anything about your history, Bella. I carried your picture around with me at all times, just so no one would be able to see it. I knew there was something special about you, something that might help me. I had hopes of getting away before I met her, but once she was in my life…I didn't want to go. It probably seems silly to you that I would have stayed for a woman. A woman who is related to the man who had stolen my life."

"Carlisle, I believe this is one part of the story that Edward and I understand the most. We understand what love can do to a person." Edward kisses my head in confirmation. "You can't blame yourself for wanting to be with her. I would have done the same in your situation."

"Would you have left that person though? Would you have run away when they gave you the chance? Because I did. When she told me to get out and leave her behind, I listened. Would you have done that?"

I can't say anything, because of recent experiences I know now that I would never have been able to leave Edward behind. We have been together too long to be separated. But that doesn't mean that I will judge Carlisle for his choice.

He scoffs, choking a little on his words. "I can see in both of your faces that you wouldn't have left. She gave me the opportunity to leave and I took it. I was a coward."

"Don't say that," I cut him off. "If you had stayed, you and her would both be trapped for the rest of your lives. You still love her, don't you?"

"I do. I love her more now. She risked so much for me. How can I not love her?"

"Then, don't look on your actions as being cowardly. Now you have the chance to save her, like she saved you."

"That's why you wanted to help us," Edward realizes. "I knew there had to be some deeper reason for you insisting Bella returns to Chicago. Bella is the only one to take something away from Aro that he wanted. That's why you dug into her past. You wanted information to help you destroy him."

"Yes," he agrees. "Once I was out of Aro's grasp I focused on learning everything I could to get back to save her. I need you to help me. You are the only person who is alive that can expose him and his crimes. If we can get Aro out of the picture, then maybe I still have a chance at being with her."

"Why won't you say her name?" I just realized that I don't even know the name of the woman that inspired him to help us. We may owe this woman our lives if Carlisle is really able to help us. Without her, he'd be trapped in Chicago under Aro's wing.

"I don't know what happened to her after I left. I don't know if they figured out that she helped me escape…If they knew, she won't be…she would be…not there." His eyes get a little watery, but he holds it back. "I don't want to say her name until I know she's alright. That she's real."

We both nod our heads in understanding. It must be so painful for him to think about her, especially since he doesn't know what happened to her after he left. How horrible to not even know if she is still alive.

But I won't think like that…I will stay positive for him, for all of us. We are going to need all the help we can get and we can't start out thinking negatively.

"I am grateful that you told us your story. I feel like will be able to work together better now that we both know the reasons why we are doing this."

"So you do want to work together?" he asks tentatively, almost as if he is afraid to believe my words.

I breathe deeply and reply, "We will be going back to Chicago, but this time when we come home… we won't be running away."

He closes his eyes in obvious relief and smiles hugely as he asks, "When do we start?"

**End Notes:**

Sorry for the random update schedule. I'm working on writing a book of memories for my best friend for her Birthday…and it's a ton of work. We've been best friends for 20 years, so that is a lot of stories!

You readers are lovely and awesome. Thanks for giving me your support!

Chicago is next…


	28. Chapter 28

"You need to stop," I whisper, tilting my head down so only he can hear.

Edward responds immediately, confused. "Stop what?"

I reach behind me subtly and tap the fingers that are brushing against my lower back as we walk.

He drops his hand at once with a sigh of exasperation. "I'm sorry," he apologizes quietly. "I didn't even realize I was doing that."

"I know," I answer honestly. "But you know why we can't. We can't draw attention to ourselves."

He nods with a jerk of his head. "It's just…hard."

"Is it?" I snicker, trying to hide my smile.

"Really? That's where you want to take this right now? You are so bad," he breathes, attempting to keep a straight face. We both fail. "I miss you," he sighs so quietly.

"Me too."

Even though we are together, we have to act like friends.

… Brothers.

After months of planning and preparing, we are finally here. We have arrived in Chicago, and I have donned my old disguise. But it was a lot harder to pull off this time.

Right after the fire, Edward used to always tease me that it was obvious that I was a girl, even when I was dressed in trousers with a cap covering my hair. If it was clear then, it is even more glaring apparent now.

We spent a lot of time preparing…working on my walk, my voice, my posture. We found clothes that hid my womanly body, wrapping my chest in tight cloth underneath the thick fabric of my shirt.

I even contemplated cutting my hair, but Edward adamantly refused. He has always loved my thick curls and didn't want me to change something so big, even if we had to work harder to hide it. With his help, we figured out a way to pin my curls in such a way that none would fall out of the large cap on my head.

Leaving our property took some preparation as well. We decided that we would just have to abandon our crop for the season. We didn't want anyone at our home working on our land. We took our beloved horses, milking cow and chickens to the Whitlock's, giving them a vague explanation of where we were going. We left them enough money for feed, but we are relying very heavily on their kindness.

I feel horrible asking them to do this for us, but what we are doing is important. I hope we will return safely so we can reciprocate on their generosity.

Before we left, we simply told them that we ran into an old family friend and that he needed our help. Mary Alice could tell something wasn't right, but we left before she could learn any details. If we get through this, I'm going to tell her everything. Besides Edward, she is the only other person living whom I truly trust.

This trip into Chicago was much different than our escape almost seven years ago. We didn't have to sneak from one wagon to the next, but we still made sure no one saw us. With Edward's help, I donned my disguise once we were several miles outside of Greenville. We didn't want to risk our seeing anyone we know in town with me dressed like a man.

Carlisle has a covered wagon, so we stayed hidden inside for the entirety of the trip. We brought enough dried jerky, bread, and fruits so we wouldn't have to stop for food and lodgings along the way either. We even slept inside the wagon or out under the stars. Carlisle was nice enough to give us privacy inside the wagon, but there was a couple nights where it was raining and too wet to sleep on the ground outside.

Those nights were extremely uncomfortable for all of us. Edward and I have become relaxed around Carlisle, and have come to trust and rely on him…but sleeping so close to another man was very awkward. Edward would hold me close in his tight embrace, my head resting on his chest as we lounged on the wooden planks in the back with our supplies. It was very cramped when it was just Edward and I…so adding Carlisle made it almost impossible to move at all.

Luckily, Edward didn't mind having me lay on top of him, because that was pretty much the only way we could all fit.

I stayed completely out of view from others for the entire trip. I stayed inside the wagon while Carlisle and Edward watered and fed the horses and we stopped each night far away from the road or any towns.

Upon arriving in Chicago, we parked the large covered wagon outside of town and hired a much smaller covered buggy. We didn't want to draw attention to ourselves in any way. We had several plans, but all of them required us to be as inconspicuous as possible so we didn't attract Aro's notice. We needed to be invisible for as long as we could manage. If we could get out of here without him knowing…well, that would be perfect. But we know that isn't realistic.

Aro owns too many people and what we are doing isn't subtle. He'll know sooner or later. I just hope it's a little later.

I don't know what we would do without Carlisle. He has provided us with the documents we need, the names of people we must contact, and found a cheap, secluded apartment where we are staying.

Of course, without him we wouldn't be here because we wouldn't have known about our past…but he still has been so valuable. He has lived in this city his whole adult life. After the fire, thousands of buildings had been burned to the ground, so almost everything is unfamiliar to me now.

We have been in town for two weeks already, but every time we leave our apartment, a shiver of fear still runs down my spine.

The city has changed so much while we were in Ohio. After living in our peaceful cabin with Edward, the busyness of the city is overwhelming. I yearn to lie flat on my back by the creek, resting my head on Edward's stomach, like I always do. But instead…we are here. We are risking our lives in the hope of freeing ourselves from this terrible burden.

Edward pulls me out of my thoughts. "Are you alright?"

"Hmm? Oh, I'm fine. Nervous, but fine." I tip my cap lower so it casts a shadow over my eyes as we walk past a group of men in business attire. We are getting close.

We continue walking together until I see the large building up ahead. Suddenly, Edward grabs my arm and pulls me off the walkway and over to a more secluded spot out of view from the other pedestrians. He turns his body to block mine, so if anyone did happen to look this way, they would only see his back.

His voice is strained as he says, "Are you ready for this? Once we go talk to him, we will be exposing ourselves. We can't go back. You can still change your mind. We'll leave right now and forget about all of this."

"I know what this means. We made this decision together. We have talked about this for days...weeks even. It is the right thing to do. I'm not changing my mind."

"That's what I thought you'd say, but I had to make sure." He stares right into my eyes for a few moments and then I see his eyes start flicking down to my lips. My heart starts beating faster, my entire body waiting for his welcome touch. I can't help but lift my head, closing my eyes, hoping.

But I know he won't kiss me. Not here.

He exhales loudly and steps away, turning away from me to take a few deep breaths.

"I love you," I whisper to the ground, trying to pull myself back into character. We need clear heads for where we're going.

"Yeah," he answers. He closes his eyes and steps further away, running a hand over his face. "Okay…you're a boy. You're a boy. You're a boy."

I can't help but laugh at his silly mantra. "Is that helping you out there, buddy?" I giggle.

"Buddy?" he laughs with raised eyebrows. "Well—buddy— I've got to think about something other than your lips. I think we'd give ourselves away if I can't stop mooning over you."

"Do you moon over me?" I ask coyly, looking up at him from under my lashes.

"Oh, hell. This isn't going to work. You're way too damn beautiful. They're going to know something's wrong in two seconds."

"This is going to work. I'll stay behind you with my head down. You're manly enough for both of us. No one will be looking at me too closely with you standing there. This is going to work," I reiterate firmly.

"Well then. Let's do this, _Joseph_," he replies, walking slowly towards the street.

"_Thomas,_ I'm ready when you are."

Today we are Thomas and Joseph…no last name. We picked two common names that wouldn't attract notice. We need everyone else to forget about us. We don't want to be memorable. We walk slowly back to the street, and then through the double doors of a large white building.

There are tons of people milling around, running back and forth with documents. There are several booths with a few attendants speaking to both men and women of all ages. The lines behind these tables are extremely long and I start to feel a little worried.

Luckily, we have a way to get past all the other people. We have donned the uniform of the other workers and volunteers, so we blend in. We have spent a few days watching the workers here, listening to their conversations so we know names and the layout of the building. We also have heard snippets of conversations about the schedules and know the man we must speak to is working in his office this afternoon.

The information we have is important…and we have to do this today.

We have to speak to the mayor.

He is the only person we know that truly wants Aro behind bars. He refused to be bought by him years ago and he found out about the stolen money and tried to get the evidence to link it to Aro.

He was never successful, but we have everything he needs.

We need him, but he also needs us.

Our pace is slow, confident. I stare straight ahead, not wanting to look suspicious. Surprisingly, I feel extremely calm all of the sudden. We have prepared for this and we are ready. I just need to trust myself and stay relaxed and composed.

We walk through the main room with ease, bypassing all the lines and other city workers. The long hallway seems endless as we make our way to the back stairway and up to the third floor, where we will find the mayor's office.

The place is so busy that hardly anyone notices us at all. One man spoke to me, but only because he bumped into my shoulder as he was rushing down the corridor. All he said was a hushed, "Excuse me."

I cannot believe how lucky we have been so far. No one has stopped us or questioned us, but getting to see the mayor will be much more complicated. Especially when I see the large man seated at a desk near the mayor's office.

We approach the mayor's closed door, hoping the man at the desk won't stop us. But he does.

He stands up and walks toward us. "You can't go in there," the man says firmly. "I'm sorry, who are you?" he asks.

I let Edward talk because that is what we had discussed. At first Edward wanted to go see the mayor alone, but I convinced him to let me come too. I need to see this man with my own eyes.

"Excuse us. We are from downstairs," Edward lies. "Miss Turner asked us to bring some things up for the mayor to sign. Is there a problem? She said you would help us."

"Heidi asked you?" At the mention of her name, we knew we had chosen the right girl. His entire demeanor shifted from threatening to interest. His eyes lit up with recognition and his shoulders relaxed, making him look more approachable.

During our research, we noticed quite a few men who were infatuated with this young woman. She was confident and gorgeous, attracting notice wherever she went. We had hoped her name alone would literally open doors for us, and it seemed to be working. And although many men have tried to gain her favor, she never gets personal while she is here.

That is helpful, because we are hoping he doesn't get a chance to talk to her and confirm our story. It is a lie so it would clue him in to the fact that we lied, making him think more about what we were really doing with the mayor.

"Yes. She said that we should talk to Felix. I'm guessing that is you?" Edward questions casually, even though he knows.

"My name is Felix. What did she think I could help with?" he asks a little eagerly, glad to be noticed by the beautiful Heidi.

"She really needs us to see the mayor and gets these documents back to her."

"Well, I can just run them in for you quickly. It's no trouble."

"The thing is," Edward starts, "We need for him to return a message as well. And she asked that we keep it private."

Felix looks extremely confused, like he's trying to figure out what Heidi could possibly want to know from the mayor that is private.

"Uh, alright. Let me see if he is busy." He rubs the back of his neck like he is uncomfortable. "This is very odd," he comments. I drop my head and try to avoid making eye contact.

"I know that Miss Turner will appreciate your help," Edward implies. This seems to make Felix more comfortable and we follow behind him walking toward the office.

The door has a large plaque that reads…

_Mayor, William B. Banner_

Felix taps on the door with two knuckles and we hear a deep voice reply, "Come in."

He pops his head in the door and we hear him speak. "Two men have been sent up to see you privately. Do you have a moment to meet with them?"

"I'm pretty busy, but I can spare a minute or two. Who sent them?" we hear him through the door.

"Miss Heidi Turner," Felix answers.

After a moment of silence we hear, "That's strange. I don't really know… Never mind. Well, send them in."

Felix turns to us and opens the door so we can pass by. "You have a few minutes. Make it quick," he instructs quickly, trying to show some authority.

When we walk into the spacious office, I notice a large desk that is covered with scattered documents and papers. The mayor is sitting slumped in his chair, but he tries to buck up when he sees us. He looks haggard…like he hasn't stopped working or slept in months.

I definitely wouldn't want his job. And I fear we are only about to give him more work.

Felix starts to shut the door behind him, but ends up leaving it open a crack. That won't do. I walk with my head down and shut the door completely.

"How can I help you gentleman?" the mayor asks slowly, staring at us curiously. "And may I have the pleasure of your names?"

"Joseph and Thomas," Edward reveals quietly.

"And which one is Joseph and which is Thomas?" he says with a smile.

"It doesn't matter."

Mr. Banner laughs in surprise. "It doesn't matter," he parrots. "That's new," he chuckles lowly. "Well, what do you want then?"

Edward turns to me and gestures for the satchel draped over my shoulders. He shuffles through the papers and finds what he needs. Without saying a word he hands the mayor a single sheet of paper with some writing on the front.

Mr. Banner takes it without question, obviously waiting for us to tell him why we're here. He'll know soon enough. He glances at us in confusion before looking down to the paper in his hands. He reads for only a second before his head jerks up to us. His entire expression has changed in an instant.

He no longer looks amused…his face is hard with a hint of fear. When we continue to stay silent, he looks down to read more.

The paper says, "_There may be spies listening, so be careful what you say aloud. We have the documents to indict Aro Volturi for his crimes against the late Charles Swan, Esq. who was murdered the evening of the 8__th__ of October, 1871. We also have access to all the stolen funds Aro lost and are willing to turn them over to the state. We will give you all the evidence you need if you agree to help us. Speak of this to no one, no matter how much you think you trust them. We will burn this paper once it has been read. _

When he has finished he barks, "What is this?"

"Do you recognize the two names listed on the paper?" Edward replies instead of answering.

"This must be some kind of joke. I don't know where you heard these names, but you shouldn't be throwing them around. Even joking about them is dangerous."

"I can assure you we understand. We are not laughing, nor do we think it is a joke. We are very serious. But we need to know if you are interested in helping us, because if you aren't, then we will disappear and never come back. This is your one chance to get the information you want. We need your answer now. _Yes, _you will help or _No,_ you won't."

The mayor stares at us like we have sprouted scales or done something fantastical. His breathing is fast and I can see him clenching his hand around the paper we gave him.

"How do I know you are telling the truth? How could you possibly have what you claim you have? This could be a trap."

"It's not a trap," I interrupt, speaking for the first time. I step forward and pull the paper out of his hand. I stare right into his eyes as I slowly whisper, "It is true. We have what you need and we only trust you to do this." I continue to look into his face until he is able to calm down.

"Yes or no?" Edward demands again.

"…Yes," he hisses, running his fingers over his forehead.

Edward quickly hands him another paper. "Memorize this immediately." The paper has a time and an address. After a moment, Mr. Banner looks back up at him. "Done?" The mayor nods with wide eyes and Edward snatches it out of his hand. I give Edward the first paper and he tears them up and throws them into the heating furnace and watches until each scrap has disappeared into nothing.

A knock interrupts us and Felix enters the room, looking at us suspiciously when he sees our tense faces. "Is everything alright?" When we don't answer, he continues. "Sir, your next appointment is here to see you."

"Oh. Alright." He looks shell shocked.

Edward moves forward and shakes Mr. Banner's hand. "Thank you for your time. Your help has been invaluable." And with those parting words, we exit the room leaving without another glance at Felix.

I hope he remembers everything he read on the first sheet, because he is in more danger than he knows.

We manage to make it to the street without running into any trouble and then walk quickly to our covered buggy. I get inside while Edward unties the horse and then perches himself on the driving bench.

Once we reach the apartment, I get out quickly and walk inside leaving Edward to take care of the buggy. All the windows are covered, so the space looks dark and quiet. Carlisle is not in any of the rooms, so I guess he must be out running some errands.

I hear the door slam and I turn toward the sound, running into Edward's open embrace. He picks me up easily and takes off my cap so he can plunge his hand into my hair. He kisses me hard, not giving me a chance to catch my breath. My legs wrap around his waist and he walks until my back is pressed against a wall.

We stay locked together for a few minutes until we calm enough to only share slow closed mouth kisses. We are both so relieved and physical touch is our outlet. My entire body feels shaky from the stress of the entire interview. We could have been caught in a lie at any moment by Felix, or Mr. Banner could have refused to help us. Then where would we be?

Suddenly, the lock rattles and then Carlisle is walking through the door, carrying some fresh produce and other bags.

He raises an eyebrow at our intimate embrace. "I guess it went well, then?"

I nod enthusiastically. "He agreed to help us, but we won't know more until he meets us," I tell him. I grab Edward's shoulders slide down his body with his assistance. I wrap my arms around his waist, not willing to stop touching him.

"How did he react? Do you think he'll really come?"

Edward answers, "His reaction was genuine. Surprise, anger, shock…fear. He was wary of us, but he'll definitely be there."

Carlisle nods gravely, but looks determined. "Good. I hate to say it, but getting him to help us was the easy part. Let's get ready for tonight."

**END NOTES:**

I'M SO SORRY! It has been WAY too long since I last updated. I could list about a dozen valid excuses, but you guys don't care. Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me. I love hearing from you, so please review. You are all wonderful!

Next chapter won't take so long…I promise!


	29. Chapter 29

I'm waiting impatiently, pacing back and forth in the small space. Edward has been gone for over an hour already. Him and the mayor should be here soon…At least, they should be here if nothing goes amiss.

We decided they should meet in a hotel near the outskirts of the city. So many people come and go from this area that our meeting will go unnoticed. The room we rented is small and near a back entrance. The address we had Mr. Banner memorize is several blocks from his office building. We didn't want anyone watching him to see him go someplace odd.

Edward will be picking him up in the buggy and will drive around for a while, taking streets that are busy, but with side streets that one may turn on if trying to get away discreetly. He then planned to park the buggy secretly, and then wind around some buildings on foot.

After over an hour of waiting, I finally hear footsteps approaching. My heart starts pounding furiously. Every once in a while I'll hear someone pass by the door and it continuously makes me nervous.

The rusty lock rattles loudly and I back up into the corner, ducking down in the shadows of the dark room. The door swings open swiftly and a dark figure enters. Then I see another silhouette, and finally relax. I know that body.

I step out of the shadows and sigh. "What took you so long? I was getting really worried."

Edward smiles at me halfheartedly as he wipes the dripping sweat from his forehead with his sleeve. "We're alright. Someone was definitely following us, so we had to lose the tail without causing alarm. I didn't want it to seem like Mr. Banner was purposely trying to get away."

"Please, call me William," the mayor interrupts. "After what we went through for the last hour, I can't have you be so formal with me. It's absurd."

I finally look away from Edward and glance at the mayor_. _He looks taller than I remember. Of course, I only saw him that one time and it was such a short interview. Even in the dark room I can see the new light shining in his deep-set eyes. He looks renewed…nothing like the downtrodden man from this morning. He's standing straight and he looks almost young. Even with his graying hair.

I turn back to Edward, "Did you see who was following you?" I take a few steps to be closer to him. I hated being separated…not knowing if he was safe.

"Not clearly. We were able to stay pretty far ahead of him, but he was tall. Very tall."

The mayor jumps in, "I think it was Felix."

"Your assistant? Are you sure?" I inquire.

"No, I'm not completely sure, but there was something about his walk that was familiar. And who better to spy on me than someone whom I trust…someone who knows every person I see, where I go each day. I always suspected Mr. Volturi would keep tabs on me, but now I know for a fact that he does. I haven't pursued him in years, but it makes sense that he keeps his eyes on anyone who might pose a threat to him."

Edward nods in understanding. "Have you been able to gather any of your own evidence in the last couple of years?"

"No. I tried at first, but it was all dead ends. And Aro stayed underground for a while. I think the money he lost punched a huge hole in his dealings for a while. I think he was counting on that money too much and when it was gone, he floundered for a bit. He's grown smarter about it now. He rarely, if ever, uses outsiders now. He doesn't want another opportunity for someone to betray him, like Mr. Swan. He requires absolute loyalty, and he reimburses his men for their troubles. He's insanely wealthy now."

"Well, so are we," I add strongly. "And my motivation for pursuing this is not money. I want justice and for his crime's to be exposed openly. I want people to speak his name with disgust rather than fear. I want to be free. Every person he has harmed or killed deserves to have their name remembered."

Edward touches my lower back with his fingers, giving me his support in such a small gesture.

"How did you two become involved?" William asks after a short period of silence. "You are both so young…"

"Did you know that Aro has been hunting a little girl for seven years simply because she got away?" I question.

'Excuse me?"

Edward stokes his thumb over my back and asks a simpler question. I was getting ahead of myself. "What do you know about Charles Swan?"

"Uh…" William looks startled by the rapid change in topic. "I know about his dealings with Mr. Volturi. As I was trying to pin down Aro as the man who embezzled all those funds, I uncovered the documents that Aro had him draw up that made it look like Mr. Swan had stolen it. The papers said that Mr. Swan was in possession of all the money and he had signed the documents stating he was at fault. Of course when he died in the fire, all of the funds became frozen. It was like it never had even existed. I didn't even know what had happened to it."

"Charles Swan left a last will and testament. Do you know anything about that?"

"No. I never knew about it," William answers sincerely.

"Mr. Swan wrote a new will just days before his death. He gifted all the money to his only child and included documents of all his dealings with Aro Volturi. He listed names, sums, and dates of their association. He was specific in details of what they discussed together and was clear about how he signed certain documents because his wife and daughter had been threatened."

"How do you know all of this?" William looks completely dumbfounded, but there is a hint of something else in his eyes. Hunger.

"We have the will here," I reply. "The documents prove Charles Swan's innocence and Aro's guilt."

Edward shuffles through the satchel on the ground and gives the stack of papers to William. He immediately starts reading, but after a minute he looks around the room and moves to sit at the small table in the corner. He reads each page with care, and makes neat little stacks on the wood.

Edward and I sit on the edge of the bed while we wait. His fingers stroke my hand discretely, but we stay silent to give William time to process everything. After around thirty minutes we hear the fluttering of papers and a heavy sigh.

"Well, I'll be damned," he whispers to himself.

"Is that sufficient to charge him for those crimes?" Edward asks as he stands from the bed.

"I think this is the best shot we have. The only problem is we need Mr. Swan's daughter to do the next step. She's the only one who can get the money and…Wait, in that note you gave me…you said you had access to the stolen funds. Do you know the location of that girl? You think she will help us?"

Edward glances to me and smirks a bit. "Oh, I definitely think she is willing to help."

"How do you know?"

I don't answer. I plan to show him instead of tell him. "Will you help me?" I ask Edward, pointing to my cap. He steps in front of me, blocking my view of William. I pull the cap off gently, and Edward and I begin to unfasten the large pins holding my hair matted against my head.

As each thick curl is released, I feel my neck relax. After all the pins are gone, Edward massages my scalp gently with his fingertips.

When I finally raise my head to look at the mayor, I notice that he moved so he could watch what we were doing. His brows are furrowed in confusion and when I look at him in the eye, realization comes to him.

"Mr. Banner, my name is Isabella and Charles Swan was my father," I state clearly. He sits abruptly, like his knees just gave out.

He gawks at me openly, looking me up and down from head to toe. Edward wraps an arm around my waist in support.

After a couple minutes, William finally exhales. "That was unexpected… Why the disguise?"

"When I was ten years old, I saw two men strangle my father to death in our home. My mother took me outside and instructed me to run away and never come back. She told me that if I returned, I would be killed too. She sent me away with a boy who worked for my father and he and I wandered around Chicago for months, hiding in shacks and in alleys.

"Eventually, we were discovered by a gang leader in a church orphanage. We were able to escape and we left the city and made a new life for ourselves elsewhere. It wasn't until recently that we came across some information that made us realize that Aro had never forgotten about us and was still holding a grudge. I believe he would kill me without a second thought if he had the opportunity."

"It isn't even about the money for him anymore," Edward continues for me. "It would be the bonus for getting what he really wants. Something he can never have… Isabella. He can't stand the thought that a ten year old girl could escape from his iron grip. But _I _cannot allow my wife to be hunted for the rest of her life for something she had no control over. She had nothing to do with this evil business, and it isn't right for her to be threatened for it."

"I understand," William replies solemnly. "It is a true tragedy that anyone in your family had to be harmed. They were all innocent. But Charles Swan made sure to protect you, even in his death. His intelligence and quick thinking have given us everything we need to make sure we will all be safe."

"So, you will really help us?" I ask eagerly.

"There is nothing more important to me than protecting the rights of my people here in Chicago…and you have given me the tools to rid our city of the scum that has been polluting it. Of course I'll help."

Edward pulls up a chair and sits at the table with him. "Is there a judge you can bring these accusations to that won't stand down to threats? As you know, Aro has so many connections. How can we know who to trust?"

"I think taking it to a judge is risky. I don't want to alarm you…but I think we need to make this public. The more people know about Aro's crimes, the more power we will have. If we can get the population together in anger against him, we'll have more allies. Aro is the master of subterfuge. When he's amongst his own people, underneath the radar…there is no way we can beat him. But if we were out in the open…it will be harder for him to maintain control. And that is what we need. We need to take away his control."

"Wouldn't putting it all out in the open just make him angrier…more prone to do something dangerous?" I ask worriedly, gripping Edward's shoulders. He grabs my hand and pulls me so I can sit on his lap. He's got one arm wrapped around my waist, and another resting on the inseam of my trousers

"It will definitely make him furious. And that is what we want. The more he lashes out…the more likely he is to make a mistake." William's excitement is growing with each minute. His leg is moving up and down under the table and his fingertips are fluttering on his knee. He's ready to do this.

"How do you suggest going about getting this into the public?" Edward inquires.

"I think going to the newspaper is the first step. It will give time for people to form their own opinions before we ask for their support."

"Do you have connections with the papers? Can you get something like that printed?"

"I have unlimited access to the printers, but knowing who to trust will be the hardest part. But I guess, it won't matter it one of his spies finds out about what's written…because Aro will know about it sooner or later. We just don't want him to be able to stop it."

"Well, let's start writing then," I announce, slipping off Edward's lap to grab our satchel.

Together, all three of us plan the article. Drafting an outline of the main points we want the public to know.

We need people to know how much Aro stole, who he stole if from, and how he covered up his involvement.

"Aro stole that money from Chicago's own corporations," I utter as we work. "That is not going to sit right with those companies…and that can be good for us. Some of those businesses are extremely powerful. Having their support would help protect us."

"Are you really willing to give all that money up?" William questions me. He looks a little wary, like he doesn't really believe me.

"Of course!" I exclaim. "It was never mine, and I never once pretended it was."

"What if we returned the money to each respective company? We know the figures…that can only gain us loyalty," William suggests.

Edward nods his head in agreement. "I think that is a great idea. It would be a way of paying them back for helping us indict the Volturi's underground operation."

"But what about the money he stole in the first place?…He must have had connections in those businesses to get away with it. Those people are probably still there, still willing to help him," I realize.

"From what we know of Aro," Edward begins, "The people that work for him are loyal out of fear or for the want of money. If we take away Aro's power, I believe he will lose the people who are _loyal_ to him. Loyalty isn't something you can buy. It is earned through trust. Aro has no true friends, no one he really trusts and no one that truly trust him either. That is his weakness. When you take away the money and threats, what does he have?"

"Nothing," I answer, deep in thought. "How are we going to be credible? Will people believe what we write?"

"I have been mayor for over fifteen years. I have dedicated my life to this city, and I believe I have trusted followers that will believe our story if it is penned in my name. And the evidence speaks for itself. The next problem is if you want to stay anonymous...That will make things more difficult. Do you want to keep your name out of it?" William asks.

"Yes," Edward says firmly.

"No, I don't," I answer at the same time. Edward looks at me in shock.

"You want to put your name in the papers?" He stares at me like I'm crazy. "That would put such a huge target on your back!"

"There's already a target on my back," I reply calmly. "And do you think Aro really won't know who's behind all of this? He'll know it is me the second he sees my fathers name there. He's the only other person that knows about the will. According to the will, I'm the only person that has control over that money to be able to give it back."

"Yeah, but having him guess and having it plainly stated for everyone to see is different, Bella!" His brows are furrowed deeply in his distress.

I gently stroke his cheek until his muscles relax under my fingers.

I take a breath and tell him why this is important to me. "People need to have a name for their victims. Isabella Swan was wronged and is innocent, but she is willing to make amends the best she can. I am not that girl any longer. I let go of that name a long time ago. I am Bella Masen now. But if the name Isabella Swan can bring justice to an evil man, then I am happy to resurrect her. That name represents a scared little girl who had to run to survive… That is not who we are anymore. We don't have to hide."

He covered my hand on his face, and pulls in to his lips so he can kiss my palm.

William interrupts us awkwardly with a cough. "Uh, so I guess that's a yes then?"

We laugh at his discomfort and Edward drops my hand from his lips, but continues to hold it on his lap. "Yes, we can use her name. She's right. It's important."

* * *

><p><em>ARO VOLTURI EXPOSED<em>

_By; William B. Banner, Mayor of Chicago_

_As the elected Mayor of Chicago, I have come to love this city more than my own life. I spend each day in the service of this community and its citizens. I used to believe that I would die for the people in our district, but now I know for a fact that I would risk my own life to ensure the safety of the citizens under my jurisdiction. I put myself in direct danger by bringing this information to you, but I know this exposure is more important than my own safety. This evidence will indict the crime lord, Aro Volturi, and can truly save lives if it is not ignored._

_The name Aro Volturi is one that has sat like an anvil in my chest for the last decade. His crimes against the people of Chicago are so vast and immoral that they are almost unspeakable in their depravity. His spies are always among us, threatening our loved ones if we do not obey his commands. Many of you reading this will scoff at this statement, laughing at my absurdity. Others will keep reading with a blooming hope in their heart, because they know the truth in my words and hope the Volturi Organization will truly be brought to justice. The time has come to rid our city of the vermin who threaten the future of our families, businesses, and city._

_In the 1860s, Aro Volturi began slowly siphoning money from several successful Chicago businesses. The total amount of funds stolen was $2,451,132.00. The companies involved were The Pullman Company, Eagle Works, the American Car Company, Union Car Works, Illinois Central, Burlington & Quincy, American Trade Company, and the Chicago Board of Trade. I do not know if these companies were aware that money had been stolen from them, but I would suggest doing an internal search of your accounts and employees to ensure that your books are clean. It is possible that there are still employees in these companies assisting in stealing funds for Aro Volturi right now. He is a wealthy man, but does no reputable work and so we must always question where he receives his money to fund this underground organization._

_Evidence has been presented that proves Volturi's involvement in these dealings. My department has always been suspicious of Volturi and wanted to bring a case against him, but we had yet to get any evidence that would be useable in a court of law. In the fall of 1871, Volturi hired Charles Swan, Esq. to assist him in hiding the embezzled funds from the companies listed above. Volturi signed over the two million dollars to Charles Swan, which erased his own involvement in the dirty scheme and framed an innocent man. When he was ready for the money to be returned to him, he sent two men to their home and killed Swan and his wife, Renee Higginbotham Swan._

_However, in Swan's Last Will and Testament, he gifted the entire sum of money to his only daughter, Isabella Marie Swan. He also left documents and evidence of the origin of the stolen funds, dates of their meetings, and total sums siphoned from each company. The funds in their entirety are in her possession and she is ready and willing to return them to each respective company. She was a witness to her father's violent death and has been in hiding since 1871, the day of the Great Chicago Fire. She became aware of her father's will and the money only recently, and is now willing to stand up to protect the good name of her deceased father. _

_With support from Charles Swan's last living relative, I plan to raise charges against Aro Volturi for embezzlement, conspiracy to murder, and cover up. We, the citizens of Chicago, are in control of this man's future and have the power to protect those who are innocent. Ignorance can no longer be your excuse for silence._

* * *

><p><strong>End Notes:<strong>

Sorry for taking forever again! This is fiction, so if the law stuff doesn't make sense, I'm sorry. And plus it's hard trying to research how things would be in the 1870s!

I think Aro is going to be super mad. What do you think? I love you beautiful people!


	30. Chapter 30

I wish I could say that the article made a booming impact immediately. Of course, that isn't really the case. Edward and I stayed hidden in our small apartment for a few weeks, hoping everyday that Carlisle would bring us news of something big. Edward would venture out every once in a while to listen to the gossip, to see if anyone believed the mayor's article…or even cared. It was a little disappointing after all the work we put into it.

I am lounging on the bed reading when I hear fast footsteps coming up the walkway. Edward unlocks the door quickly and hurries through the entryway, clutching a newspaper in his trembling hand. I can't decipher the look on his face. He's too keyed up. He simply looks stunned…and that could be bad or good.

"Edward, what is it? What's wrong?"

He doesn't answer me, but he crawls onto the mattress and straddles me, hovering over my body. Before I can repeat myself, he captures my lips in a hard kiss, his hands gripping my loose hair, tugging me closer. I try to talk, but his tongue is in my mouth and I give up.

I want to know what he's found out, but I want this more. I love everything about being together like this. I love that a kiss can mean so many different things, express so many emotions. It can be for comfort, laughter, excitement, lust…love. This particular kiss is his release of energy…his excitement about something. He could jump up and down or pace around the room trying to get out that energy…or he can simply come to me. And this is more fun.

I wrap my legs around his hips and pull myself closer to his chest by grabbing onto his shoulders. He's got an arm around my waist, holding me to his body so that my back is hovering above the bed. He's still kissing me frantically, playfully biting my lips and then sucking them into his mouth.

I push my elbow into the mattress and angle my shoulders so he turns too. Once he understands what I want, he fluidly eases down to his back so now I am on top of him. This small act of dominance calms him down a little bit. He has more access to my body and that makes him relax. I press a few lingering kisses to his eager lips and slowly pull back, sitting up on him. My knees are on either side of his hips and I'm resting comfortable on his pelvis.

He sighs heavily, closing his eyes while he breathes deeply. He's gripping my waist, his thumbs stroking my fluttering stomach. I press my hands on his chest and rub upwards until I can run my fingers over his neck and chin.

"So…what happened?" I ask with a smile.

He breathes out his laugh and squeezes my waist in a slight tickle. I squirm and that only makes him hiss.

"Edward, talk!"

"Can you get that paper?" He directs to the fallen newspaper bundle a few feet away. I reach for it quickly and look down at him, expecting to hear him explain. "Front page. Read it."

I glance down at the paper in my hands and begin to read the cover story. My eyes grow big with each new word and I scramble off Edward's lap and bounce up and down like a five year old. He sits up as well and watches me from the edge of the bed, his feet resting on the floor. I finish the rest of the article while pacing up and down next to him, literally too excited to stay still.

"Edward!" I yell when I finish. The paper flutters to the ground and I jump into his arms. "Is that real? Please tell me it's real!" I've got my face pressed into his neck and I can feel my entire body trembling. No wonder Edward attacked me as soon as he got back.

"It's real, baby. It's real," he laughs into my skin, making me break out into chills.

I lean back and kiss him. Hard. I can't help myself. It's my turn.

We keep kissing for a couple of minutes before I pull back and yell excitedly, "The Pullman Company, Edward!"

He laughs and kisses the corner of my mouth. "I know, baby. They found the botched accounts. They want to help us. They _can _help us."

The article was released by the Pullman Company this morning. Apparently, seeing their name in the papers being linked to an embezzlement case was enough to frighten them into action. No company wants to learn from some outside source about any possible discrepancies in their books… so they did some research. They probably just looked through those old accounts to relieve their worries…but what they found was the truth.

They found that our story is true. Around 300,000 dollars had been slowly siphoned from their account over the course of a decade and it seemed that is was still happening. Their company is on lock down and they are determined to find the guilty parties. They don't know the middle men involved in the schemes yet, but at least they can trust us now when we tell them who is behind the entire operation.

Aro Volturi is not going to get away with stealing money from reputable companies anymore.

Honestly, there is not much we can do at this point. We have given William everything he needs now. Edward and I don't know much about the law, politics, or big corporations. We may have grown up in Chicago, but we are most comfortable out in the country. And I long to go home.

~TtB~

Soon after the Pullman Company came forward, I think that pushed the other seven companies mentioned in William's article to take action as well. In the last month, a few of the others have released their own statements alerting the public of the truth in William's accusations.

What is really starting to scare me is the fact that we haven't heard of Aro retaliating in any way. I honestly think that is worse than him lashing out. Because if he is hiding too…then he is probably just waiting for his opportunity to strike.

I stay cooped up in the apartment and it is starting to wear on me. I know it is for my protection and I really don't have a desire to wander around the city, but I miss the outdoors. To go from being outside in my aromatic garden for hours each day…to wandering around a small, dark cluster of rooms…it has been a trial.

Edward tries to keep me entertained, but I can see it is hard on him too. We have hardly seen Carlisle lately either. He's been searching for Esme in every free moment. He hasn't had any luck finding her…but it is extremely difficult to search for someone when you can't speak to anyone or been seen. If any of Aro's men see Carlisle, he'll probably be killed. With each day, he starts losing hope. He is desperate to find any clue that she is still alive.

Carlisle has been gone since this morning, and I bet he'll be gone all day again. Edward opted to stay home with me today because I'm more restless than normal.

Edward is sitting at the small desk reading today's newspaper and I am sitting on the window sill, watching him while he focuses on the paper.

"Anything new today?" I ask.

"Mmm, not much," he mumbles sleepily. The dark room often makes me feel lethargic too. "A couple people have come forward, speaking about their suspicions of fellow co-workers involved and such…but who knows if that is true. And it seems the mayor is in and out of meetings all the time, sources say."

"Do you think he'll try to contact us again?"

Edward thinks for a bit. "No, I don't think he will. It would be too dangerous. And there is nothing new we can help him with. We've done our part. Now we just have to wait."

"How long will we have to wait?" I ask quietly. "Edward," I start, but my voice tapers off.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" I simply shake my head. "Come here," he insists. He stands from the table and moves to the loveseat, holding out his hand for me.

Eager to feel his arms around me, I hop down from the sill and join him, snuggling into his waiting lap. My head rests perfectly onto his chest, right near his heart. He doesn't pressure me to speak. He simply rubs my back, kissing my head and temple every couple seconds to comfort me.

"I don't want you think that I regret coming here, because I don't. Not at all. I truly believe we are doing the right thing."

"I know that," he responds gently. "But?" he prompts.

"I miss home," I confess. This is probably not a surprise to him at all. "I miss our creek and our breaks and the animals. I even miss fighting about who has to get out of bed to milk the cow. I miss making love and not feeling like it could be our last time."

"Do you truly think something bad is going to happen to us?" His brows are furrowed in his surprised concern. He hugs me in an unbreakable grip.

"I don't know," I cry. "The longer we're here, the worse I feel. How is this really going to end up? And how long do we have to stay until it is safe to go?"

"We are going to be fine..."

"You don't know that," I interrupt harshly. "I'm sorry," I whisper immediately, tilting my head to kiss his chin. "I sound crazy, I know."

"You don't sound crazy. And I understand everything you are saying. After being outside for pretty much the last seven years, of course you aren't going to feel happy being stuck in here."

"I feel selfish," I reply, shaking my head. "I just want to complain right now, but I know that's wrong."

"Selfish?" he scoffs. "You are the most selfless person I know. We didn't have to come here. Aro may never have found us. We could have stayed on Jay's farm for our entire lives, never knowing what truly happened. But I think you would have always wondered what really happened to your parents, or worried if someone was still looking for you. In the back of your mind, there would always be that itch that would keep you from being fully happy. So don't feel even slightly upset if you complain about wanting to go outside. Hell, I want to go outside."

"You get to go outside. You should go, if you want. I don't want us both to feel cooped up and crazy."

"Well, I don't want to go out there without you. Especially now."

"Don't be ridiculous. You won't make it a whole day without going outside to check on things. And don't worry about me. I'm just being emotional because of my..." I trail off suddenly, thinking hard. After a moment, I can literally feel myself pale.

"What's wrong, Bella?" I turn in his lap to face him, but my eyes aren't focusing on anything in particular. I'm too caught up in my own frantic thoughts.

I gasp, gripping my neck tightly. "Edward," I cry loudly. "I'm so stupid!" Tears immediately flood my eyes, spilling down my cheeks.

"Baby, what is it? You're scaring me." He brushes away the tears from my face with his thumbs, cradling my face in his rough hands. I place a hand on his chest, hoping his steady heartbeat will calm me down.

"Edward, I haven't...I mean...It's been months since...I think I'm—"

I drop my head and place a hand over my stomach, still too stunned to say anything coherently.

He glances down, watching my hand rub my stomach. "Bella?" he questions tentatively, his eyes widening in understanding. "Are you? I mean, are you—"

"I don't know! But...but I think...yes."

I feel his heartbeat speed up against my hand and his chest is moving rapidly with his breaths. And then the most amazing thing happens. His eyes well up with tears too.

He drops his hands to my belly and leaves them there, while he stares in amazement into my eyes.

"We're having a baby?" His voice is small, but I hear a flicker of something big. Something life changing...

Joy.

My throat feels thick as I whisper, "Yeah."

He sets me down gently, and then drops to his knees so he can press his face into my stomach. His big hands grip my waist tightly, and he kisses us. Me and the baby. I feel his tears soak through the thin material of my blouse and I lean down and hug the top of his head, kissing him where I can reach.

I can't believe I didn't even realize it until just now. I've been so focused on Chicago and Aro for the last couple months that I had stopped thinking about my own body...my own cycle. But looking back I remember times when I was too caught up in everything and forgot to take those herbs that are supposed to be contraceptives, even before we came here. It has been months! This baby in me is _at least_ three months old. That is a sobering thought.

"Well, timing could be better," I manage to say finally, my voice trembling.

He lifts his head and gazes up at me in amazement. "When?" When is our baby coming?"

"If my guess is correct, probably in autumn. Right around Harvest time."

"So soon," he breathes in surprise. "You're that far along?"

"Apparently I'm the most unobservant person in the world. Edward, how could I not know? I'm actually a little frightened of myself."

"We have had a lot going on. We have both been so stressed. And with the traveling and the plans...something like that can slip your mind. But Bella, we made a baby." He sits up on his knees and kisses my lips gently, barely a brush...but it is so sweet.

"I love you so much, Bella. I can't even believe it. We're having a baby."

I scoot to the floor to sit with him and he pulls me into his arms. I whisper my love to him as well and he tells me that everything is going to be alright. That we can do this. That we have each other.

I always knew we'd have children one day, but I don't think I ever really pictured it. But now I can picture it so clearly it is as if I'm watching it unfold right before my eyes. I can see us cradling a child in between us in our bed. I can picture Edward holding his or her hand as they learn to walk. I can almost hear the laughter; see the smiles...feel that love.

I have loved Edward for as long as I've known him. He has always filled up my heart, so much so that now I am amazed at how much my heart has expanded to love this child we made together. I never knew I could feel like this all at one time...feel so overwhelmed with panic, shock, excitement, and just an all consuming love for something I can't even see yet.

This is what life is truly about. Finding this joy and love together was worth every horrible thing we have ever gone through.

"Edward, we can't let anything happen to our baby. No matter what."

I can tell that the thought alone frightens him. Anything happening to us now is unthinkable.

He has protected me since that horrible day of the fire and I knew I could always trust him to catch me when I couldn't do it alone. Now our baby will get someone who will fight so hard to make their life happy and normal. He is a father that any person, and especially a child, can look up to and admire.

We kiss as we speak, feeling too...something...to move away. Is this excitement? I don't know if this emotion has a name. I feel too jumbled up inside to identify it.

"You're going to be a wonderful father, Edward. I feel that so much."

He kisses me over and over as he says, "You taught me how to love. And you have given me everything. I wish we were home. I wish we were in our own cabin, just us. I wish I could know for sure that we will be safe."

"I think—I think everything is going to be okay."

"I hope you're right," he replies. "I pray you're right more than anything."

All these emotions have left me feeling exhausted. I have experienced the highest of all highs, and now my body feels heavy and tired. I pull Edward to the bed and lay down on my side, directing him down on his back so I can lay my head on his chest. I wrap an arm around my middle, and with my new knowledge, it almost feels like I'm cradling my baby. Our baby.

I must fall asleep immediately because it feels like only moments later that I am startled awake by the door banging against the wall.

I rub a hand down my face and call out. "Carlisle, is that you?" Edward starts moving next to me and he is in the process of waking up.

"GET UP! Please, get up right now," Carlisle yells frantically. "You have to leave. Right now!" His panic is an icy bucket of water on my skin. Edward is instantly alert, jumping out of bed and pulling on his wrinkled shirt that he must have taken off sometime after I fell asleep.

"What's happened?" Edward questions and he starts gathering up some clothes, throwing them in a bag.

"Leave it," Carlisle cries, pushing Edward toward the door. "There's no time."

I run to Edward in a panic and grip his hand firmly, trying to stop myself from shaking.

"They saw me," Carlisle explains with a low voice. "Aro's men recognized me and I only just got away. They will find me...but you have to get out of here before they know we're together. I don't know if I was followed. Please, just get out of the city as fast as you can. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!"

"What about you? We can't leave you," I say in a panic. Edward is yanking me toward the door, eager to protect me and leave this place.

We were so happy just hours ago. And now we are running for our lives?

"I'll be fine. It is better if we separate...we'll meet up. They don't know what you look like anymore. Just go! GO!"

"Bella, please baby. We've got to get out of here," Edward pleads.

"Where?" I insist, looking at Carlisle. "Where should we go?"

All the sudden, Edward's hand is ripped from me in a harsh jolt. I gasp in pain as it tugs shoulder roughly. I swing around to see a dark figure swing something at Edward's unprepared body. I cry out in alarm and fear when it makes contact with his head with a ringing thud and he drops to the ground with a load groan.

"EDWARD!" I scream, trying to reach him. A big hand grabs my collar, yanking me backwards away from him.

A harsh voice grates in my ear and his words make me shiver with disgust. "I've been waiting to do that for seven years." His hot breath is puffing against my skin and I try to squirm away. But I can't. I am sobbing uncontrollably, staring at Edward as he lays on the ground motionless, with blood trickling down his temple to his chin. Get up, Edward. _Get up._

Two other men come through the door and corner Carlisle in an instant and yank him out the door just as quickly. I barely got a glimpse of them.

The voice continues to speak and it sends prickles up my spine, the horrible memories spilling over, making me feel nauseous. This can't be happening. My skin feels raw where his icy fingers touch my body as he holds me.

"Hello, _my_ Isabella. Remember me?"

James.

I renew my struggle, trying to jab my elbows into his stomach...do anything...but I can feel his grip tightening around my neck, making white spots blur my vision.

All the sudden, I remember my baby and I know I have to do anything to protect it. I let my body relax, picturing Edward's face in my mind, remember his sleepy smile that I see every morning right as he wakes up. That moment he realizes that we really are together, that it all hasn't been just a dream. It is a smile that says, _I love you_.

I love you, Edward. I love you. I love you.

I open my eyes and gaze at my reality...Edward crumpled on the dirty ground. He's not going to open his eyes to smile at me this time.

"There is someone very eager to meet you, _Isabella._" I hate that he says my name like he knows me. Like we are lovers. I have to survive this. I have to. "He's been waiting a long time to meet you. You've been a very naughty girl. Very," he drawls out.

He starts pulling me out the door and we have to step over Edward's prone body. I keep my eyes on him as we pass and I see his chest move up and down gently. I close my eyes in relief and pray in my head over and over that they will leave him. Leave him here. Don't check him. Just let him be okay.

I am dragged down the hallway and James stops to speak to the two men detaining Carlisle.

"Once you are done with that traitor, come back for the scum upstairs," he mutters indifferently. My hopes plummet and I can hardly see through my blinding grief. No, no no... Leave him, I yell in my head. Forget about him. Just leave him there, please!

The one of the left asks, "What do you want me to do with him?"

James growls. "Get rid of him. Permanently."

**End Notes:**

Remember peeps...HEA! We've got _the_ big confrontation next. Anyone surprised about baby Masen?

I love you all to death. I'm sorry I've become one of those authors who updates so infrequently. But look for the next chapter at the first of next week! I won't leave you hanging!


	31. Chapter 31

James's harsh words ring in my ears, but all the sudden my body relaxes, my mind calming. It is like every cell in my body exhaled at the same time. My survival instinct has kicked in full force and somehow I know that staying calm is the only way to survive this ordeal.

As much as it pains me to do so, I have to think of only myself in this moment. I box Edward up in a corner in my mind and focus on the now. He is going to get away before they come back for him. I know it.

The overwhelming terror has somehow transformed into an eerie silence of mind.

James has a hand wrapped around the back of my neck and another squeezing my arm as we move forward. The two other men drag a stricken looking Carlisle back through the building and all I can do is watch passively. I don't cry out or make a move to run to him. I can't.

I am pushed into a buggy that is waiting by the door of the building and James is being unnecessarily rough, almost like he is trying to provoke a reaction.

He pulls out some rope and ties my hands together in front of my body.

Then he shoves me onto the small bench inside the covered wagon and sits next to me, his fist squeezing my wrist like a shackle. I feel a jolt of movement and then we are moving swiftly through the streets. His leg is bouncing erratically and he keeps checking outside the window.

"I'm not going to run away," I tell him truthfully. He ignores me and continues to hold my arm.

For the first time I am able to get a good look at him. It is amazing how much he has changed, but at the same time...he's no different. His hair is long, hanging over his ears in greased clumps. Every time he moves the curtain away from the window, the sunlight shines across his face and I can see the blond streaks in his hair and glimpse the beads of sweat on his forehead.

Now that we are alone, he seems different than he did a moment before. Now that he has me in his grasp—literally— I can feel his guard slip a bit. It is like a burden has been lifted from his back.

His eyes keep shifting over to mine, but he turns away abruptly each time when he catches my unwavering stare.

My eyes finally drift down to look at the hand holding my arm. His knuckles are white from the pressure of his firm grip and I probably am bruising from the pressure, but I honestly can't even feel it. As I keep looking I notice there are a series of scars that start at his knuckles and move up to the bottom of his sleeve. Each cut and scar is unique and different, like each has a horrid tale of pain and suffering attached.

His clothes appear expensive, but their condition would suggest otherwise. His sleeves are rolled to the elbow and the material is wrinkled and yellowing slightly. If I were to make a guess I would say that this is someone who has money to buy nice things, but then doesn't make an effort to care for them.

For some insane reason, I begin to speak. My words are calm and somehow I actually sound interested. "Have you always lived in Chicago?"

His head jerks in surprise at hearing my voice, his eyes flickering to my face. If it is possible, he squeezes my wrist even tighter for a moment. Like a warning.

"Shut up," he hisses lowly.

I continue like he hasn't spoken. I hardly even know what I am saying. "I was born here... Were you?" I wait for a minute, but he isn't looking at me so I keep going anyway. "My earliest memory is my father picking me up from the ground after I fell. Isn't that silly? I don't remember falling or playing beforehand... but I remember crying on the ground, knowing I was hurt. He picked me up in an instant and cradled me to his chest and carried me inside to my mother."

"Shut Up!" he commands more firmly, yanking on my arm.

"He let me cry into his chest and I sat on his lap while my mother cleaned the cut. When it was all bandaged they both wrapped their arms around me and held me until I couldn't remember why I was crying."

"SHUT UP!" James yells fiercely, still refusing to look at me.

What am I doing?

"I felt so loved. Even though I could see the scrape on my leg, I knew I had someone that would pick me up and love me no matter what. Were your parents like that?"

James turns in an instant and raises his hand like he is about to backhand me. I don't even flinch, and he doesn't touch me. He lowers his free arm, turning back to the window.

I stare at him with sudden compassion. I should be disgusted and terrified, and deep down I know that is how I feel...but right now in this moment I understand him.

"He killed my parents. Did you know that?"

No response. Not even a glance.

"One moment they were kissing me goodnight and the next they were gone. Are you parents gone like mine?"

He suddenly squeezes the leg of his pant on his thigh in a tight fist.

"Maybe Aro is like your family now. I bet you'd do anything for him. No matter what he asked, you'd be there for him. Like a good son."

"If you say one more word—" He finally turns to me. His voice has a menacing edge that makes me feel cold.

"Does he hold you when you bleed, like my father did for me? Does he tell you he loves you and that he is proud of you?"

"STOP!" He grabs my chin, physically trying to stop my words.

"How many of you have died following the orders of this father of yours? And when you bring their bodies to him, does he cry over them?... I bet he spits on their corpse and calls them weak for their failures. Does he?"

James has had enough. He squeezes my throat until I know I am seconds away from not being able to speak

"Did you father... tell you... that you could... kill me?" I taunt.

He shoves my entire body away from him and I slam into the seat painfully. I'm trying not to gasp too intensely, but it is difficult to control. I feel lightheaded in relief.

"If you call him that again, I swear I will kill you! Damn the consequences," James promises with snarl. His muscles are tight, coiled to attack.

I believe him.

His eyes are fire and my calm returns as his anger heats.

But his anger isn't solely directed at me.

We come to an abrupt stop and James jumps out instantly, grapping onto the rope tied around my wrists and wretches me from the buggy too. The binds dig into my tender skin, aching dully.

He walks ahead of me, dragging me behind him as we enter into some sort of brick building. There are large men milling around, some talking in groups, and others guarding closed doors. I keep my eyes on the back of James's head as we move forward, not wanting to see anything else.

I notice people watching us in my periphery as we move past them, but I don't look.

I am pulled to the back of the large room and when we round the corner, I immediately notice where we are headed. There is a man standing in the far room that commands the other's attention.

He looks different than I imagined. Over the years, he grew in size in my mind. I always imagined him to be a formidable force, large and strong. But the reality is almost the opposite of this.

His body is slight compared to the muscled men around him. His hair is raven black, but wispy and thin. He is dressed impeccably, wearing a dark suit with a gray vest and tie. He would fit in a working office with lawyers or businessmen...but in this dark environment he almost looks ridiculous.

His clothes and stance show me that he feels superior to the men around him. As we step closer, he waves a man away with a flick on his fingers.

We are all disposable to him, and they just let it happen. Why?

We are only a few feet away and he finally turns in our direction. His eyes widen in surprise for one moment before his expression transforms completely.

Triumph.

In his mind, he has already won.

Maybe he has.

"James, I see that you have brought me something. How did you manage this?" Aro stands still, but beckons us forward. He is too good to come to us. He shows a hint of curiosity now, but mostly I see confusion and doubt as he glances at James. Almost like he can't believe James has brought me to him.

Of course, James follows his non-verbal command and jerks me forward by my bound hands. I am starting to expect the rough movements and I don't stumble this time. The more I can anticipate their actions...the better chance I'll have to survive.

"We caught that _doctor_ snooping around and followed him. We came across this one quite by accident," James explains roughly.

"Ah, I see. So that explains it." Aro looks smug now. He steps close to me and examines my face closely. "Yes, I can see the resemblance. How you've grown," he comments as he brushes a lock of hair from my forehead. I don't move away.

"James you may go now. This doesn't concern you."

James looks stricken when he hears Aro's words. "This does concern me," he exclaims suddenly.

"I beg your pardon?" Aro slowly turns away from me and stares at James in shock and revulsion at the unwelcome outburst.

"I think I deserve to stay. I am the one that found her after all these years!"

"You deserve nothing!" Aro spits. "Isn't it your fault that she got away in the first place? It wouldn't be wise to provoke me, James. Especially now that I learn that you truly didn't even find her. It was just a happy accident. How lovely for you. All those years of searching...and you finally do your duty...by accident. I'm so glad to have such competence surrounding me. What would I ever do without you?" His tone is heavy with sarcasm.

James's face is red in humiliation...and rage.

Aro continues, pretending there isn't a ticking bomb inches away from him. "You have always prided yourself on being the best. That is why I had to have you work for me. But now I see I made a terrible mistake. You are nothing. Your dismissal is long overdue. What a pity I didn't realize your uselessness sooner. Perhaps I could have gotten what I wanted years ago without all this fuss. This failure is too much. You may leave now, James." His sweet tone and icy words are the perfect dichotomy.

James is too stunned to speak. He has been publicly shamed in front of all these men, and yet he still slowly turns away from Aro to walk away. He isn't even going to defend himself.

Before I can stop myself, I lean toward James and whisper, "Now say, _Yes, Father_." The words are only loud enough for him to hear and they are like a flame to kerosene. I want to provoke that bitterness he feels, that storm brewing underneath the surface of his skin.

His mouth drops with a pop and his eyes are lit with fire...but he still moves away. Before he turns away from me I mouth one last thing.

_So weak. _

And then I spit on the ground near his feet.

James lunges at me in an instant, but it isn't me he wants. The men standing around the room jump into action and restrain James before he can touch me... or Aro. They've got their big hands wrapped around his struggling arms and shoulders and are pulling him away from us.

"Get him out of here," Aro orders firmly. "Now! The only reason I want to see his face here again is if it is not attached to the rest of his body."

James finally gets his voice, pulling away from the men that are walking him out. "What do you have that I have not gotten for you? It is you who are nothing! Without us...you are nothing!"

He storms from the building swiftly and Aro chuckles when he is gone. I gaze around the room and see more than a few men watch James's departure with a stricken face. Maybe his parting words ring true for them too.

What does Aro have that they do not get, enforce or protect? Nothing. They are the ones that give him power.

"Isabella, how strange it is that we have never met. Your face is so familiar to me." He speaks to me like we are in the middle of a conversation, as if there wasn't just a huge altercation right here in this room.

I address him for the first time and it is difficult to keep the scorn out of my voice. "I feel like I know you as well, Aro. What a happy coincidence that we happen to be in the same city finally."

"Don't mock me," he hisses. "I can have you killed in an instant. So don't even think of sassing me. Your crimes against me are already severe. I wouldn't want to add to the list if I were you."

Is he serious? My crimes? I have to hold back my complete hysteria at this projection.

"It seems very peculiar to me that I have somehow wronged you, even though we have never met...nor have I been in this city for seven years. How could a child of ten earn such wrath?"

He smiles cruelly. "I didn't expect you to be so verbose. What a lovely surprise. What will she say next?" he mocks.

"I will say only the truth." I speak loudly so everyone in the room can hear if they wish. "I have nothing to fear because I have done nothing wrong. No matter what you believe. If anything, your anger should be directed at my father, who was able to protect the money you had so carefully stolen. But you already had him killed...so that should have been the end to your revenge."

"Girl, don't push me..." he threatens, trying to maintain his calm.

"I do believe you are punishing me for being Charles Swan's only child. I didn't know about the money or the will and yet you still hunted me. How am I supposed to make amends for something of which I had no part?"

"I know exactly how you are going to make amends. Don't you worry, little _innocent _one. You are going to give back all my money and then you are going to suffer."

My air of confidence is slowly breaking down. But I can see that he feels more powerful when he makes people fear him, so I attempt to stay strong.

But my energy is waning.

"Did you happen to see that article that the mayor wrote recently?" I ask.

I hear a few hushed voices speak lowly around me, but Aro simply turns to look at his men and they fall silent.

"What's your point?" Aro growls, impatient.

"I gave the money back. It was never yours, or mine...and I gave it back. I thought that was clear in the article."

"So I should simply kill you then? Is that what I am hearing?"

"If that is truly your design for bringing me here, then go ahead. Make me a martyr. Make the people cry out in outrage for me. And they will remember my name far longer than they will spit yours."

He ignores my taunt and changes the subject. "James said he found you with my late doctor. What a strange coincidence. The only two people to ever leave without my approval manage to find each other. How do such things happen? You seem far too informed as well. Carlisle must have been a busy boy...digging his nose into things that had nothing to do with him."

"I appreciate your kind words. I do believe 'leave without your approval' is very well put. I think that everyone who leave with your approval are killed, are they not?"

He ignores me again. "Carlisle slipped away out of the blue and I was so looking forward to him being a part of my family. Laurent, will you come here please?" A man with a pale completion and dark hair steps forward immediately and waits for instruction. "Bring my cousin to me. I do think she will be able to enlighten us all."

His cousin? Does he mean...?

Aro paces around the room slowly, walking aimlessly as we wait. I am still standing in the same spot, with my hands tied in front of me. I feel the fear bubbling below the surface because I can tell that this _civil _conversation is coming to a close.

What does he really want to do with me?

I look around the room slowly, and many men turn away abruptly when they catch my eye. Don't they understand that I am innocent? Don't they care? Or are they so desensitized to the evil in front of them, that they won't even try to lift their hand to stop it?

Laurent comes back, escorting a sickly woman. He long hair is dark and matted, her brow slick with sweat, her eyes spotted red.

Can this truly be Esme? Perhaps she was beautiful once, but this woman looks to be on the verge of collapse.

When she spots me, she pales even further. Her gait is slow, like each step is painful.

"Hello, cousin," Aro greets. "Do you see who has joined us this evening?" Laurent directs the woman to a chair and she sits, exhausted. "Did I tell you that you could sit? You will stand as I speak to you," his voice suddenly harsh.

She looks up tiredly, and without a word of protest she uses her arms to push her body back up. The effort is painful to watch and I have the desire to run over and help shoulder her weight.

"Well," Aro prompts. "Do you see who is here?"

"I can see that there is a woman here. But I do not know her."

"Don't pretend you don't know who this is! Your lover brought her here and she has stolen all your money."

"I have no lover and I have no money." She is leaning heavily on the chair as she speaks. "Excuse me, cousin. I am very ill today. I do not mean to speak out of turn."

"Well, I will enlighten you of the whole tale, my dear. Your former lover, Carlisle Cullen was found traveling with this woman. Obviously, your assistance in helping him escape was successful. Too bad he repaid you by taking another lover...a lover who has attempted to ruin us."

I look up in alarm, trying to understand what he is insinuating.

"Look at her, Esme. Look at the ring on her finger. He leaves you behind, and he marries another within months. Look how he repays your love."

"No, that's not true!" I interrupt.

Aro comes at me swiftly and strikes me across my cheek. The blow turns my head and I gasp in surprise and pain.

"You do not have permission to speak. I allowed you to have your say for my entertainment earlier, but you are finished now. If you say another word, I promise it will be the last you ever utter in this life."

I now see that all this lead up has been a game to him. When I thought I was holding my own, it was just him allowing me to speak. The sting of pain on my face tells me that the game is truly over.

My hopes start sinking with each new second. The only hope I cling to in Aro's speech is that he is unaware of Edward's presence in Chicago. James was dismissed before he could give a whole account of what happened at our apartment. And the only other men who know are out 'cleaning up the mess.'

And I pray with my whole soul that _the mess_ is missing when they come back to rid of it.

Aro thinks that Carlisle is my husband and I will pretend that is the case if it can possibly keep Edward away from all of this.

"I thought I would never be able to forgive you for betraying me like you did, Esme. But now I must thank you! Carlisle found our lost Isabella and brought her home! And we have you to thank for this lovely surprise. So thank you, my dear. Please, have a seat now."

Esme looks at me from across the room like she is trying to understand. She continues to stand, even though her legs are shaking from exhaustion.

Her simple defiance gives me strength. And I think my presence gives her courage.

"You will sit, Esme," he commands again.

Now it is her turn to ignore him. She speaks to me. "Carlisle is a good man. He was trapped in a life he didn't truly want...like many of us here. But at least he had the courage to fight back. He was tired of taking orders from a man with no conscience. He was tired of treating wounds that were unnatural and unnecessary."

Aro's face flushes in anger and he moves to slap Esme now. All the sudden, Laurent steps in front of him and grabs his swinging arm, stopping him from hitting the defenseless woman.

Aro yells in outrage and in move, smooth as silk, he grabs the gun holstered inside Laurent's jacket and before he can move away, Aro shoots him in the chest. Laurent falls to the ground immediately. Dead.

The sound of the blast rings out in the barren room, echoing in my ears again and again.

I hear a scream that can curdle blood and it takes me a moment to realize that horrid sound is coming from me. I clasp my tied hands over my mouth and sob into them, trying to stifle my terror.

"I do not tolerate defiance," Aro looks around the room at the shocked men who witnessed Aro's rash murder. "I must have absolute obedience or I will kill you. I thought this was clear."

Esme cries out loudly, "Will you kill us all, Aro? And once we are all dead, who will be here to do your bidding? I heard what James said...and he was right. Without us, you are nothing."

**End Notes:**

So...Aro is completely insane. And I hope you trust me! Were you proud of Bella for not staying strong?

I am going to update this story every week until it is finished! See you early next week!


	32. Chapter 32

The silence after Esme speaks is deafening. Aro looks beyond shocked to hear such a forceful tone from his sickly cousin.

But not shocked enough to hesitate. He flies at her knocks her cheek with the butt of the gun swiftly. The force of the hit is so strong that it causes the chair to tip over and fall.

She is so weak that she tumbles to the floor, hitting her shoulder on the concrete forcefully. She lies on the ground in a heap, too weak to stand.

Without thought, I lunge for her to help, but Aro spins around and pushes me back with his free hand. I lose my balance and hit the ground hard...unable to stop my fall with my hands bound.

My calm has disappeared. I am beyond terrified.

Aro is standing over her dominantly, nudging her bleeding face with the toe of his boot. "How dare you challenge me like this? I take care of you for all these years, and this is how you repay me? Your disobedience has gone far enough."

He makes a move to lift the gun and I yell to stop him.

"No!" I scream. "Please, stop!" I attempt to stand, but it is difficult without being able to use my arms. I finally manage, though it takes great effort.

Aro turns to me slowly, a sneer curling his lips. A man near Esme helps her stand while Aro's back is turned away from them. He's got distinct features and when another man with those same features picks her up and carries her from the room slowly, I notice that they must be related in some way. Brothers maybe? It is nice to know that true family might stick together, even through this nightmare.

Their movements were so calm and silent, that Esme and the man slip away with hardly anyone noticing. If anyone else does notice, they don't make mention of it. I can only feel relief for her safe escape.

That is...until Aro speaks again.

Aro points at a man behind me. "Bring that chair over and tie her up." The man hesitates for a moment, but Aro points the gun at him to force his hand. "Now!" He orders more forcefully. The man knows that Aro isn't in a forgiving mood and finally listens.

He brings the chair to me and pushes me down, tying a thick rope around my torso to the back, then squats and ties each of my feet to the legs of the chairs. Aro has his gun pointed at us the entire time, and it makes the man fumble a bit. Once he has finished, he scurries away swiftly without looking back.

"You must have a short memory, Isabella. Don't you recall my saying that I would end your life if you uttered another word? And I always keep my promises..."

He raises the gun swiftly and I close my eyes and think of the one person whom I love most.

I hear a booming voice instead of a gunshot, however.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

James!

I turn my head in surprise and renewed fear, knowing that he wouldn't be back unless he had a plan.

But he is not standing alone.

There are about ten men standing around him in a protective circle. He is standing in the middle, his muscles tensed for a fight.

Aro's lips are pressed into a tight line. "James, I thought I made my wishes very clear earlier. I will kill you."

Now he raises his gun towards him. When James's men see Aro's movements, they all pull out their own guns and point them toward the threat.

"You can't kill us all at once, Aro," James taunts. "You can get off one shot perhaps, but you'll have ten slugs in you before it can reach its mark. So be a good boy and drop it."

"You think you're really going to kill me?" Aro laughs. "Be realistic. Maybe you have tricked those men into thinking they are loyal to you, but we'll see what happens when there is money on the table. Because you know for a fact that I hold all the cards here."

"Aro, Aro, Aro," James shakes his head in mock disappointment. "Don't you see what is going on? Look around you. No one is jumping up to rescue you or to defend you."

Aro does look around slowly, giving threatening looks to the men around him...but they still don't move. They probably don't want to be collateral damage in someone else's fight.

"And why should they protect you? You don't protect them," James adds.

"I have given you everything. You were a street rat when I found you, and now you have everything you could ever want. Don't bite the hand that feeds you, James. I have made you rich. What have those men given you?" He points to the people surrounding James. "They are disposable, but you are not."

"Aren't we all disposable to you? Now that I'm a threat you are trying to flatter me...even though moments ago you said I was nothing. Which is it, Aro?"

Aro's face flames in rage, but he doesn't speak...lest he contradict himself again.

James continues, "I have done terrible things for you, but the difference between us is that I don't pretend to be something I'm not. You throw your money and threats around, but then you make someone else do your dirty work. You think you're all high and mighty, because you dress a certain way and boss us around...but no more. I know who I am, and have never pretended to be important. But I always watched out for my own. And that is why I am protected, when you are not.

"These men may have worked for you, but we are only trust each other. We stick together and don't leave each other behind. We were brought together under different circumstances, but it was our loyalty that made us brothers. Our loyalty was earned...not bought."

Aro's grip on the gun squeezes tighter, his finger fluttering on the trigger.

But James doesn't stop challenging him. "Your little operation is crumbling around your feet. Your only hold on some of these men is money, but we all know that won't keep them here anymore—especially now that it is almost gone. All those companies you stole from are figuring out who helped embezzle that money...and once they trace it back to you, they are going to take it back. The mayor is working on it right now."

"He is being taken care of," Aro sneers. "He won't live long enough to harm me. I have only to give the order and he is dead."

"Too late for that, don't you think? The whole city knows your name now...but they don't fear you. They hate you. They despise you and they don't even know you. It's too bad for you that the people that do know you hate you too. But we can actually do something about it."

"What your end game here, James?" Aro finally questions. "What is it that you hope to accomplish? Because if you were hoping to piss me off, mission accomplished."

"I just wanted you to finally realize what we think of you. I am done pretending. I want to be free of you once and for all...but I know that I can't walk away from all this unless some things are all cleaned up. You would never really have let me walk away, admit it. Tonight you would have sent someone to go out and kill me."

James tilts his head like he is waiting for a denial. No response.

"I guess that something valuable that I did learn from you. Don't leave loose ends. I am done with this horrid city, but I don't want my past creeping up on me...so I have to get rid of the evidence. And I am one of those privileged few who know about all the documentation you keep...the files that you keep as blackmail on each of us. Lucky for me, I brought something to take care of that problem."

James fishes in his pockets for a moment and pulls out something small. It isn't until he strikes it that I realize what it is. A match. Is he going to burn this place down?

How am I going to get out of here? I start struggling against my binds, hoping to loosen them. But I can't do move.

"So what...? You're going to burn a few files. Then what?" Aro scoffs.

"Actually, I was thinking of the whole building." He raises his nose into the air and says, "And right on time. Do you smell that?"

I finally glance away from them and see a few men looking worried. It takes a minute, but then I smell it.

Smoke.

"You son of a bitch!" Aro screams. "Get them," he yells to the men standing around, pointing at James...but no one moves.

"Everyone else may leave," James instructs to those same men. "Vacate the building immediately. You are finally free. Take the money you have earned and run as fast as you can. No one will be coming after you. That is my promise. Take this chance and use it as a fresh start. Don't come back...because there is nothing left for you here."

It takes another minute, but one man finally turns and runs out the door.

Aro gasps in surprise and anger. He spins toward the man and fires a shot in his direction, but the man is gone before it can reach him.

Another shot rings through the room, but this one causes Aro to drop his gun with a loud groan. He is hunched over clutching his now bleeding shoulder.

I don't know who fired the shot, but one of the men in front of James runs over and picks up Aro's dropped weapon, while another man approaches Aro and shoves him down. He then presses a foot to the bullet wound and Aro screams out in pain.

The sound of his agony sends a shiver down my spine.

The smoke is now filling the room, hinting that we are seconds away from being engulfed in flames.

Once the others see Aro on the ground—no longer a threat— they all make their escape. Finally free to leave. There is chaos everywhere, some men yelling at others to get out...doors slamming, and loud footsteps pounding in their haste to flee.

I finally look back to Aro and he is being tied up to a wooden pillar near the stairs. He is slumped over heavily, blood dripping down his sleeve and pooling on the floor.

When he finally comes to, he struggles as much as he can, but he is tied as tightly as I am. I keep trying, but tears are now blurring my vision.

James is standing in a group with his men, and they talk for a moment before a couple of them run out the building, checking rooms as they go...making sure everyone is getting out.

"James," Aro hisses in pain, "We can work this out. It doesn't have to be like this. Come on, James. Think about this! Think about what you are doing."

"Aro, don't beg. It isn't becoming." James lifts his gun and points it directly at Aro's head.

"What? You're just going to shoot me? Just like that?" Aro spits.

Smoke is filling the room, making it hard to see them now, even though they are a few feet away. I am coughing, trying to keep it out of my lungs.

James lowers his gun after a moment and says, "No, you're right. Shooting you is too kind. I want you to know what it means to suffer. I have had to pick up the bodies that you had executed. Men that didn't follow _orders _well enough in your mind. Good men that were just dealt a bad card in life.

"That is your problem, you know? You made murderers out of us...but we weren't like that in the beginning. You found us because you knew we were desperate, not because we wanted to be here. And that is why there is no one left to save you. And that is why I don't feel the least bit guilty doing this—"

James turns around and picks up a metal container and then starts pouring its contents onto Aro's clothes.

"James, don't do this!" Aro screams, crazed. "Release me!"

"Goodbye Aro," he says. "Any last words?"

"Go to hell!"

"I'll see you there," James replies coolly.

Aro is screaming and thrashing against his binds, and he isn't the only one.

The few men left around James nudge his shoulder and he nods quickly. They all turn to leave, completely ignoring the fact that they have insured Aro's death. And mine.

"Please," I finally manage to whisper, coughing.

James looks back to me, but doesn't make a move to help. Hate is still shining in his eyes toward me. Just by my simply existing made James's life horrible, because Aro would have always been breathing down his neck. It is probably hard for him to separate his hate from Aro and me because I have caused so much trouble for him.

Me. A nobody.

"Please," I plead again. But I can't say anything else. My throat is too choked up, tears streaming constantly down my cheeks.

James's expression doesn't change, but finally someone speaks hurriedly.

"It's a fresh start, right?" a stocky man on his right asks. "Like you said? If this is our fresh slate, don't let it start by leaving that innocent girl to die."

James is staring at me, deciding.

"Come on! We need to get out of here," another man wheezes. "Let's go!"

"Let me cut her loose, James. I'll do it. You can leave. Please let me do it. Don't make me leave her like this. Don't give me another regret to carry."

"Make it fast. I don't want to have to leave a man behind." He and the others walk toward the door, trying to escape the smoke and flames that are now lighting the walls.

That man runs to me and pulls out a knife from his boot and begins cutting through the ropes at my feet.

"Thank you...thank you," I cry over and over. I can see the flames licking the walls to my right, feet away from reaching Aro.

He is screaming at the top of his lungs, trying to escape...

The man moves to my torso and cuts through those as well. Once I am free, he lifts me up by my bound hands and yanks me toward the entrance, holding my arm in his fierce grip.

Pillars are collapsing all around us, flames coming toward our heels, but we keep running. I have finally come full circle. I'm running through flames as they nip my heels, but these flames are my rebirth. Through this blaze I am given another chance at life.

As we near the exit I hear a scream that I will never forget.

It is the sound of a man burning alive.

The man pulls me through the door, then out into the streets, but we continue to run, weaving through alleys and behind buildings. Once he sees James and the others he stops.

We are both breathing hard and coughing out the smoke from our lungs.

He cuts the rope that has tied my hands and I thank him again. "You saved more than one life today." I hold my stomach, cradling my unborn child.

He looks up at me in shock, and his face pales in understanding. Realizing what would have happened if he hadn't spoken up.

He turns to leave.

"What's your name?" I ask.

"I've got to go," he says quickly. "They are waiting. We can't stay."

"Please," I plead. "You saved my life! At lease let me know your name."

"...Daniel," he finally answers after a pause.

"Daniel and the lion's den," I smile sadly. "I hope you find peace, Daniel. I hope you find what you are looking for." His face lights up with some unnamed emotion, but it shines hopefully in his eyes.

And with that, he turns to join James and the others.

Before he gets too far away I call out to him. "If it's a boy...I will name him Daniel. After you," I promise.

He stops in his tracks, staring at me strangely. He tips his cap eventually and approaches the others swiftly.

I notice that James is gazing at me intently, and we stare at each other for a moment. Then, he nods his head once at me. It feels like freedom. A release.

At once, they all begin running...away from Aro. Away from their past.

And even though I know they've done terrible things...I now know that everyone deserves a second chance, just like I've been given. I just hope that they can find a new beginning. One that isn't full of pain and anger.

Now that I am alone, the box that has been holding Edward back in my mind bursts.

I ache for him so terribly, it almost knocks me down. My chest feels tight and my head is pounding furiously.

"Edward," I cry, clutching my heart.

I don't even know where I am...but I start running. I run through the alley until I locate a main street. There seems to be chaos here too. I notice a few people stopped, staring and pointing behind me at something. I turn and realize what holds their attention.

The building is completely on fire with smoke billowing up into the dark sky. Even though we are blocks away now, I can still smell the phantom smoke...and feel the heat against my arms.

I turn away, not wanting to see any more. Aro's cries are still screaming in my mind, and I just want to get away. I want to be safe in Edward's arms...holding him as tight as I can.

I look around the street, and notice the Chicago River. I start running and follow that, knowing that will help guide me back to our little apartment.

I just hope Edward is there. How will we find each other if he's not?

What if he's was taken by those men?

No! He'll be there. He'll be fine. Him and Carlisle.

Oh, but where is Esme? Where did that man take her?

I run and run and run. Not even caring that I am beyond exhausted, that my entire body is numb.

I keep going until I find our apartment. I sprint through the corridor and push open the door and it bangs against the wall I call out for Edward as I search.

I look through each room, but he isn't here.

Fatigue washes over me and I crumble to the floor next to the bed, sobbing into my hands.

I don't even know where to look...

All the sudden there is a knock on the open door. I look up, startled.

A tall man is standing just outside the door. I am frozen in terror, but then recognition washes over me.

He is the man that carried Esme from the room. He helped her escape. And why would he come here unless someone told him to?

"Why are you here? Where's Esme?" I ask, wiping the tears from my face. I place my hand on the mattress and get up tiredly.

"I didn't expect anyone to be here. I was asked to bring his medical bag back to him."

"Who?" I cry, hoping it is who I think it is.

"The doctor."

"Carlisle!" I cry. "Is he with her? With Esme? Is he alright? Is she?'

"Do you know where the bag is?"

I feel a flicker of frustration that he doesn't answer my questions, but I know I'm being irrational. He seems like he's in a hurry, so I go to the wardrobe and find Carlisle's bag and carry it over to the man.

"Where are they?" I ask as I follow him out of the room.

"Close," is all he says.

He walks with a swift gait and I jog to keep up with him. We travel a few blocks, and then turn down some back streets before approaching a rundown building. We go up a flight of stairs once we are inside and then he knocks four times on a thick wood door at the end of the hallway.

I hear fast footsteps inside the room and then the door swings open. Carlisle is standing there and when he sees me, he cries out in surprise.

I fly into his arms, sobbing into his chest.

"I'm so happy you're safe. I was so scared!"

"Shh," he hushes. "I'm alright."

"How did you get away from those men?"

"Please come in," he ushers. "We have much to discuss. Where's Edward?"

"Have you not seen him?" I ask in alarm, clutching his forearms tightly. Carlisle shuts the door behind us, the tall man walking to the window, looking out to the street.

"We ran into each other in the street after I got away...but he didn't stay with me. He went to look for you. What happened?" He wipes the tears from my face.

"He's safe?" My legs suddenly give out in relief and Carlisle has to catch me before I fall.

"Yes, dear. Shh," he hushes again. "He went after you straight away. Did he not find you?"

"No! I was with Aro and his men in that brick building near the river. Aro, he's...he's dead. James came...and... There was a fire..." My speech is broken and the whole ordeal suddenly overwhelms me.

I came so close to losing everything.

The tall man turns around suddenly and exclaims, "Aro's dead?"

Carlisle ignores that and directs me away from the door. "Bella, come sit. You are exhausted."

"I have to find Edward!" I struggle in his hold, but am too tired to resist.

I notice a door cracked open on the far side of the room and see Esme's figure in the bed.

"Esme's here?" I ask once I am sitting on the old couch in the corner. Carlisle nods as he pulls a throw blanket over my lap.

"You need to rest," he instructs when I try to stand again.

"She's in bad shape, Carlisle. I think they had her locked up once they realized she helped you. And Aro hit her. It was horrible," I cry.

"Bella, you need to calm down. You'll make yourself sick."

"I'm pregnant," I confess. Carlisle grips my hand in surprise.

I'm breathing so hard now that I feel light headed.

"I thought we were going to die," I gasp. "He was about to shoot me. He is—was—crazy. He shot someone right in front of me. A man that tried to stop him from hitting Esme again. He shot him in the chest." I lean over and lay my head down on my knees, rocking slightly.

Carlisle tries to comfort me, but he's not who I want.

"I need Edward! Please, where's Edward? I need him so much." I wrap my arms around my waist, holding myself together.

He nods in understanding before approaching the man near the window. They exchange a few words and then the tall man walks out of the room with purpose.

"Peter is going to go look for Edward and bring him back here if—when—he finds him. I need to take care of Esme, but you need to rest too. Everything will be okay now."

"Why is that man helping us?" I ask when I catch my breath.

"I knew him when I was with Aro. He and his brother have always been a friend of Esme's and tried to protect her as much as he could when things got bad. We had that in common."

"Aro was going to kill her too. His own family..." My tears have started afresh.

"Bella, please...Rest. I really need to care for Esme now. She is extremely ill. I'll be in the other room if you need me."

I stay on the couch, but there is no possible way that I will be able to sleep, even though I am beyond weary. I watch Carlisle as he goes in and out of the room, gathering warm water and fresh supplies to care for his love.

We don't speak, but the silence becomes heavier the longer Peter is gone.

The sun has fully set and my eyes are burning and head is pounding from the constant crying.

Through the crack in the door, I see Carlisle sitting next to Esme's bed, stroking her small hand in his. It makes me chest ache. He came back for her, and it is wonderful to see that he found her after all this time.

The doors swings open and then, "Bella?" a voice cries. I glance up and Edward sprints toward me. "Bella!" he cries in relief.

"Edward!" I jump out of the chair and into his arms when he reaches me.

We hold each other in an unbreakable embrace, every part of our bodies touching. He lifts me from the ground and I bury my head in his neck, too overwhelmed to speak. He is the only person that can comfort me.

He is breathing rapidly against me. "You're safe," he exclaims, kissing my head over and over.

"I love you," I tell him. "I was so scared, but we're okay now. Aren't we? We're okay."

"Baby, I love you so much. We'll be okay now. I'm sorry I wasn't there," he continues. "I tried to find you, but it was too late. The building had already burnt down once I realized where you might be. I was so scared that you were inside. Baby, I'm so sorry."

"Edward, no! There is nothing to be sorry for. I was okay because I knew you'd be safe. That is what made me strong. Knowing that you were out there, safe." I stroke the deep cut on his temple where James struck him. He winces in pain, but still allows me to kiss it.

He runs his hand down my back, like he's checking for injuries. "Are you hurt? Is the baby...?"

I can't go another second without kissing him, so I cut off his sentence and mash my lips against his in a kiss of relief and joy. He plunges his free hand into my loose hair on my neck as he opens my mouth with his tongue. He kisses all around my face, before he finally settles his cheek on my neck, breathing me in.

"Let's sit," I ask after another moment of embracing.

He doesn't put me down for a second. He simply turns so he can take a seat, and then resituates me so I am more comfortable cushioned on his lap.

"Tell me everything," he pleads as he runs his fingers over my face, tracing my lips, my nose. He leans in and kisses everything he can reach too.

I start at the beginning, telling him about the buggy ride with James and everything I said to him. Edward keeps me calm by stoking my bare skin; touching my raw wrists, kissing my lips...he keeps me present as I tell him about Aro, about Esme, about the man who was shot. About James coming back...and then what happened to Aro...and then how Daniel saved my life.

Everything.

He doesn't ask questions. He simply lets me purge the story from my mind so we can share the burden together.

When I finish, I realize that Carlisle and Peter have been listening as well. They look horrified by everything that happened, but I'm glad they know so I don't have to retell it later.

"If Daniel hadn't said anything, you might still be there—" Edward starts, his brows furrowed in pain. But I shush him.

"Don't think in _what ifs_," I plead, touching his lips. "Let's just be grateful that we are together now."

He nods solemnly, but his forehead is still creased with worry and fear.

Edward and I have not stopped touching, even for one moment. I feel such relief to be in his arms. _I finally feel safe. _I say it out loud.

"You are safe, baby," Edward whispers into my ear. "We can go home."

**End Notes:**

There is only a chapter or two left! Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, alerted or favorited my story. I appreciate your support more than I can express!

As always, I would love to hear from you. I always respond and enjoy answering questions and even giving teasers! I will update next week again! 3


	33. Chapter 33

The desire to go home to our little farm immediately was great. Jay's home had been our safe haven for so long. We found that barn in the middle of a storm, and it was literally the only thing that kept us alive.

Jay took us in when we were frightened, homeless, and desperate. He opened his home and his heart to two broken children who needed someone to teach them how to be self-sufficient...and that is what he did. We became adults in an environment where we were free to be ourselves...a place where we weren't judged by our past.

I don't know what Edward and I would be like if we hadn't had Jay's quiet confidence guiding us day to day during our adolescence. He helped us trust ourselves...and taught us how to be strong in the face of adversity.

I believe it is through his guidance that we were able to get through this horrible experience. It is easy to get lost in the tragedies...thinking that you are alone. But Jay taught us that there is always something to be grateful for.

I could choose to be swallowed by grief because the things that I had seen... I had seen a man killed right before my eyes and another man consumed by fire. It doesn't matter that he was guilty or that he had tried to kill me. I will carry those images with me for the rest of my life.

But I am blessed to spend my life with someone whom I love so deeply. Not everyone gets that opportunity. I will always remember those moments, but Edward and I will be able to create hundreds of new, happy memories to overlap the bad.

In the days that follow the fire, we lay low...just trying to come to terms with everything that happened.

Carlisle hasn't left Esme's side at all and we have been happy to help him as he cares for her. She is improving slowly, but the chill in her bones is deeply set.

My suspicions about her were correct. Aro had her locked up in a room in that drafty building once he discovered that she had helped Carlisle escape the city.

She tried to keep her energy up at first, but it wasn't long before the small quarters, lack of exercise and sustenance made her very ill. She is suffering from weakness in her lungs and a small bout of pneumonia.

Luckily for her, she has one of the best doctors in the city by her bedside day and night.

Edward and I have been completely inseparable as well. I feel as if we are connected by a string that is two feet long. If we move farther apart than that, my chest aches in mild panic. The thought of being apart again is actually painful.

Now that we know we are safe from the threats of Aro and his men, we can finally feel the fullness of joy over this unexpected pregnancy.

We feel more excited...and panicked everyday.

This baby is another one of the blessings that covers some of the other horrible things we've seen or felt.

After taking a couple days to rest and recuperate, Edward and I went to visit the mayor. He deserved to hear the full story. He has been such an amazing champion for our cause and it would not be right to leave without thanking him once again for his tireless work in our behalf.

We did no sneaking this time. We sent up our names with one of his assistants and he came hurrying down the corridor minutes later. He looked extremely pleased to see us...maybe grateful that we were safe.

He led us outside and we walked to a nearby park so we could have some privacy. Once we were situated on a secluded bench under the shade of a nearby oak tree, the entire story came out.

Edward and I would each talk, the other filling in the gaps we missed. Edward explained how he had woken up on the ground outside our little apartment and hid behind the dumpsters in the back of the building after realizing Carlisle and I had been taken. Carlisle had treated the men who took him several times and was able to convince them to let him go. It was a miracle.

I, of course, told him all about Aro and James and how the fire was started.

Luckily, after the Great Fire of 1871, the city built more firehouses and so much of the city was built out of concrete and brick instead of wood. The fire was able to be put out relatively quickly, and only that one building was affected.

"I can't believe how much you have both been through in these last few days," William comments with a shake of his head when we have finished. "I wish I could have helped in some way."

"It would not have turned out the way it did without your help," I tell him immediately. "All the articles really helped put doubt in the minds of Aro's men. They knew he was weeks or days away from truly being discovered as the murderer and thief that he was...and they didn't want to be caught in the middle. When James threatened him, no one stood up in Aro's defense. I don't think I would be here now if not for that."

I momentarily get lost in that terrible possibility...wondering how things could have been different.

"Hey," Edward jumps in. "No _what ifs_, right?"

I grab his hand in thanks, and he squeezes it in comfort.

"So, what are your plans now? Will you stay here now that it is safe? Your father left you his inheritance in that will as well. Your true inheritance...lawfully earned. Charles worked hard, and you deserve it."

"It is strange to think that the money is all I have left of him. But as much as the city reminds me of my parents, Edward and I have a home elsewhere. This hasn't been home for a long time. But that money will help us as we get back on our feet."

"And then some," Edward adds with a smile.

Honestly, I can't even comprehend the amount of money my father left for me in his will. We could use the farming land for something else instead of for wheat and corn.

I don't know about Edward, but farming is not for me. I love my garden, but that is because I am able to put so much time and care into each herb and vegetable. I don't have to break my back tilling row after row in the hot summer heat, like Edward does.

William stands up and I come back from my little daydream of home.

"Well, I doubt I will be seeing you again if you are leaving the city. Thank you for what you did, coming forward with that money. The city may never know the extent of your sacrifices, but I will always remember it."

Edward shakes his hand firmly. "Chicago is truly blessed to have a man like you watching over it. I am glad to have known you."

"Thank you. I wish you the best of luck in your lives."

William extends his hand to me next, but I surprise him by hugging him tight around the waist.

"There are so many things I want to say," I start. "But it all seems so insignificant. So I will just say, _thank you. _We couldn't have done it without you."

He pats me on the back gently for a moment and then pulls back awkwardly. He clears his throat, looking away from my intent stare.

"Goodbye," he finally replies after staring at us for a moment. He walks away from us quickly, but I think it is because he is having trouble getting a hold of his emotions.

Even though we have only known him for a few weeks, I feel incredibly sad knowing I won't ever see him again. Edward turns to me, and wipes a tear from my cheek. A tear I didn't even know had fallen.

"Is it silly to say that he feels like another father?" I ask quietly, surprised at the quiver in my voice.

"No, not at all. I feel the same way. We have come to know some amazing men in our lives. Your father, Jay, Carlisle, and now William. I hope I can be like them one day."

"Oh Edward, you are!" I exclaim. "You are the best man I've ever known."

"If I am, it is because of you. I am not me without you."

"I know what you mean."

He smiles down at me, and then pulls me close for a kiss. He pulls back when my hands start to wander because he knows this is not the place to initiate something. And that is where we were heading.

I grip his arm as we walk, holding him as close as I can. We have one more stop to make before we can go back to Ohio and this is one that I have dreading.

We have to go to my father's bank so I can claim my inheritance. This money will further represent this new start...but it will also signify the end. This is my last claim to Chicago, my last link to my parent's former life.

After this, there will truly be no reason to ever return. And while that is a little sad, I know that it is time.

Surprisingly, it doesn't take as long as I imagine it will. We have all the documentation we need to prove my identity, that I am Charles Swan last living relative.

Because we will not be using this bank anymore, we have to get cash instead of a check. We don't want all the money sitting in this bank here when we will be living so far away. There are some trustworthy banks in Ohio not too far from Greenville and that is where we plan to open an account.

We walk out of that bank with a case full of money and a heavy load lifted from our shoulders.

Edward carries the large bag in one arm and holds my hand in his other.

"You know, I really don't like farming," Edward comments casually as stroll through the park in the general direction of our apartment.

I laugh loudly, loving that we both have been thinking about this.

"What? You don't like farming? Since when?" I tease, trying to stop giggling.

He knocks me with his shoulder, smirking down at my goofy face. "Yes, I can tell that you are completely surprised by this confession." He laughs with me.

"Well, what would you like to do? If you could do anything, what would you choose?" I ask after a moment.

Almost unconsciously, Edward moves his hand to my neck and starts fiddling with the chain on my locket.

"I don't know," he answers after thinking for a bit.

"Yes you do. Come on, tell me," I encourage. I turn my head and kiss the fingers that are on my skin.

"Umm...well, I've kind of been thinking I'd like to try carpentry."

After he speaks he looks at me with such a boyish expression...like he's waiting for me to slap his hand.

"Edward, that's wonderful! You'd be amazing at that," I tell him right away. He breaks out in a huge smile immediately.

"You think I could do it?" he asks shyly.

"Are you kidding me? I can completely see you doing that. After you gave me this locket, I knew you were being wasted as a farmer. You are far too creative...and you've always had such a steady hand."

"I don't know about that...but I do want to try. I've built simple things like our bed frame and I've fixed tons of things around the property, but I've never tried to make something that I could sell."

"I definitely think you can do it. I just want you to be happy. You should do whatever you want. This is our fresh start. Anything goes!" I shout excitedly.

"I can't imagine that it would bring in much profit though..." he says almost warily as he plays with my fingers.

"Who cares about that? We have more money then we could ever need now. And it's not like we spend much anyway. Oh, think of all the breaks we can take without having to work the fields every day. I like this very much." Some of the things we did during our many breaks when we first married almost make me blush.

I pull him down and bite his lower lip teasingly, then push him away before running off.

His eyes flash hotly and he makes an attempt to grab the back of my jacket, but I slip away. "You little—" My squeal cuts him off and he chases after me. He reaches me easily putting an arm around my lower waist and swinging me around so I face him.

We are both breathing hard now, and not just from our small chase. Our chests are brushing against each other and I can't look away from his lips. He takes the invitation immediately and we kiss in a way that is definitely not appropriate for public.

"I'm ready to take a break _now,"_ he sighs as I kiss his neck.

He pulls me into a tight hug, and I nestle my cheek against his strong chest.

"I miss you," I breathe, loving the feel of him against me.

"I'm right here," he mumbles into my hair as he wraps his fingers through my curls and tugs like he used to.

"I know," I nod, my cheek scratching on the rough material of his shirt. "But as much as I love Carlisle and Esme...I'm definitely ready to be in our own bed. No distractions...nobody in the next room to overhear..."

"We can be quiet here," he invites, obviously getting ideas. He untangles his hand from my hand and stokes down my back, dangerously low.

"That's my point! I don't want to be quiet." I push my hips into his suggestively.

"You are not helping my situation here," he laughs, angling his hips away from me slightly.

"I'm sorry...but I hate the thought of them walking in on us. I'm embarrassed just thinking of it. So maybe we should just wait."

I am saying no with my words, but my body is still betraying me.

"I understand, grudgingly," he groans. "I guess you just have to help me take my mind off _things _so we can continue walking home without making more of a scene."

"How about... Think about Michael bedding Mrs. Cope in a hayloft."

Edward makes a sound of disgust, but he can't stop the laughter.

"That image you just conjured is going to haunt my nightmares. And it was alarmingly specific. Ugh!" He shudders.

"Well, was it effective?" I glance down to his trousers, and then raise an eyebrow at him inquisitively.

"Yes, but if you keep looking at me like that...We're going to have to do this again."

"Well, let's hurry then! I'm ready to go back and I don't want you to scare the locals."

~TtB~

When we arrive back at the little flat where we've been staying, we slip inside quietly; not wanting to wake Esme is she happens to be sleeping. We took our time on the walk and it is fully dark outside now. Our excursions have really tuckered me out and I cannot wait to get under the covers.

Carlisle is not in the main room, and so I assume he is in the back room with Esme. Like always.

I start to slip out of my dress, and Edward comes to _help. _But after a few minutes of touching my bare skin, he moves away swiftly...obviously not wanting to torture himself when he knows we won't be able to continue.

But once I am finished, I turn around and watch as he untucks his shirt and then pulls it over his head swiftly. His back is to me, but I don't mind because I love watching the way his muscles flex under his skin as he moves. I have always been fascinated by his broad shoulders and bulky arms, and seeing them in the candle light always makes my heart speed. And it is definitely speeding now.

He bends over and unlaces his shoes quickly, and then toes each off and kicks them toward the wardrobe. His pants are next and then he turns around suddenly, probably realizing I am being way too quiet.

Once he catches my stare, he hisses out my name before turning toward the bed and getting in quickly. His back is facing me again, but one glimpse was enough to realize why he turned away.

I gently crawl into the bed behind him, cuddling up to his back, running a hand down his naked arm.

I want him.

His skin breaks out in goosebumps as he exhales heavily. I kiss his shoulder and upper arm a couple times before he finally turns to his back to let me sidle closer.

Our faces are inches apart and he whispers, "Are you going to let me?"

"Always."

He jumps out of bed hurriedly and blows out the several candles that had been lit around the room. Once it is completely dark, I feel the mattress dip and then he is all over me. He pulls my shift over my head immediately and I push down his cotton drawers. He covers our bodies with the blanket so our nakedness is completely hidden.

He is kissing me over and over and I can hardly catch my breath...but I don't care.

He touches me everywhere, caressing my sensitive skin, making me gasp and rub against him eagerly.

He finally hovers over me when I feel like I can't stand another moment. Our bodies are aligning perfectly and I am waiting for him.

"Are you going to be quiet?" he asks as he licks the now sweaty skin on my collarbone, and then going lower.

"Maybe just this once," I reply breathlessly.

And then we are one. He keeps his movements small, making as little noise as possible...but it is still wonderful. He makes me shudder and then he follows after quickly.

It was quiet...but still intense. He helps me pull my threadbare shift back over my heated body and then pulls on his knee length briefs. We fall asleep with me lying on top of him completely...and I've never been so comfortable.

~TtB~

I am pulled out of my deep sleep because I hear voices. Even though they are soft, they still capture my notice.

Maybe it is because I am hearing Esme too, and not just Carlisle. Her voice sounds much stronger, and they seem to be having a very intense conversation.

I hear bits and pieces, only fragments, but it is easy to fill in the blanks.

"That's what you want? Are you sure it's not just pity?" Esme.

"How can you say that? You know how—feel." Carlisle.

"Everything—different now..."

Their voices get louder as they continue. More passionate.

"Not for me. I love you, Esme," he confesses. "I want to marry you. I want that more than anything."

I hear the sound of muffled weeping. "I'm dreaming," she cries. "I know I am. I'm back in that room, and when I wake up it will be like all the other times. You come for me, but I always wake up."

"I'm right here. I will never leave again, unless you tell me to go. Do you think you could love me one day?" Carlisle voice sounds so small, so hesitant. "I don't want you to marry me because you feel you have no other choice. I will take care of you no matter what you choose. Please believe that."

"I do love you and I will always choose you. Don't you know that by now?"

Carlisle cries out in surprise and happiness, and then I don't hear any talking for a time.

"You'll marry me?" Carlisle asks her after a few moments.

"Yes!" she exclaims with a laugh, and then there is silence once again.

A hand suddenly runs down my back and I realize that Edward is awake too. I glance up to his sleepy face and see the happiness there. He's been listening as well.

"I think we're going to have to plan another wedding," he mumbles.

"I think you're right."

**End Notes:**

One more chapter and then a short epilogue! I'll update them as soon as they're finished, so check for the alerts! Hopefully I'll be done in this next week. :)

I can't even express how much your support has meant to me through this story! I have loved every single review, alert, favorite, etc. and hope to receive a few more as it ends!

Xoxo 3


	34. Chapter 34

After overhearing the conversation between Carlisle and Esme that night, we knew it was finally time to go back home. Esme was strong enough to make the long journey back to Ohio without risking further harm to her health. She still has some recovering to do, but I think getting out of the city will be the most beneficial.

Edward and I had to pretend to be surprised when Carlisle announced that he and Esme were planning to be married, but our joy and excitement for them was real, however.

I begged them to wait to marry until we could be back in Greenville. I wanted to be able to celebrate their union and not be in a place that held so many horrible memories for both of them.

They agreed to wait, which definitely helped facilitate our travel plans to head back home. And Edward and I were beyond ready to be back on our own land, our safe haven. And Esme and Carlisle were eager to marry and start their new life as well.

We started preparing for the journey that morning.

The trip back to Greenville was long and difficult at times, but it was exciting knowing we would be there in a little over a week.

It took about nine days of constant traveling, but we finally arrived. We were dirty and tired, but we were home.

When we start down the familiar roads to head into town my heart starts flying in excitement. We are going straight to the Whitlock's because they have our horses...and also I am dying to see Mary Alice. Edward has to hold me still lest I bounce off the bench of the wagon in excitement.

When their little cabin comes into view, I can't wait anymore. I jump down from the wagon as Edward slows the horses, and Mary Alice must hear us coming, because she peeks out her front window.

When she sees me running toward her, she shrieks loud enough for us all to hear and disappears from view. I run down their walkway and she flies out the door and we crash into each other, laughing loudly as we stumble against each other before embracing.

"You're home!" she exclaims happily, giggling into my neck. I pull back from her arms to look at her and she is practically glowing.

"We are finally home. For good this time," I smile happily. "And you look so wonderful!"

"Me? Look at you! Is everything alright? You were gone such a long time. And I know you haven't been telling me the whole story about why you left."

She holds both of my hands, squeezing gently.

"You're right, and I'm sorry for not confiding in you before. It was too dangerous, but I can now safely tell you everything. But not now. This moment is too happy to spoil with such things. We are so pleased to be home."

"Mrs. Masen!" I hear a man say. I turn as see Jasper coming from the back of the property.

"Bella, please," I correct as we clasp hands in greeting.

Edward parks Carlisle's wagon and they all jump down and approach us. Edward shakes Jasper's hand robustly before giving Mary Alice a kiss in greeting. He then moves back and wraps an arm around my shoulders, holding me close.

Carlisle and Esme walk up slowly, maybe not sure if they are welcome. I wave them forward and introduce them quickly. I'm not sure if the Whitlock's were ever introduced to Carlisle, but I know we will all be good friends now.

"I would like you both to meet Dr. Carlisle Cullen and his fiancée, Miss Esme Platt. This is Jasper and Mary Alice Whitlock."

She and Jasper shake both of their hands before ushering us all inside. "Please come in!" Mary Alice invites. "You can wash up if you'd like and then we can have some supper."

We each take turns washing our faces and hands in the barrel outside, before eagerly coming inside for some homemade food. We four weary travelers are excited to eat something other than jerky meats, dried fruits or stale bread.

We practically inhale our food, complimenting Mary Alice on her fantastic cornbread and stew. We all go for seconds and chat as we eat.

Once we are finished, I turn to Mary Alice to begin discussing the wedding. "Esme is going to need a dress for her wedding. They were hoping to marry by the end of the week at the latest...do you have something she could wear?"

She turns toward Esme, staring at her with her calculating, designer eye. Esme looks a bit uncomfortable to be the center of attention, but Carlisle slides his hand into hers on the table, and she visibly relaxes.

"I have the perfect dress for her. This will be so fun," she squeals. "I hope you like green," she says as she looks at Esme.

Our laughter cuts off any answer Esme may have given...but I don't think she'd ever disagree about something like this. She's just happy to be with Carlisle. The wedding doesn't matter. The end result is what is important.

Jasper leans back against his chair as he laughs. "Now I will hear of nothing else but this wedding dress until then," he says to me jokingly.

"Does she not talk of clothes all the time anyway?" I ask back.

"Yes," he smiles good-naturedly. We all laugh at his gentle teasing.

Alice scoffs lightheartedly and slaps his shoulder. "You love me."

"I really do," he breathes as he kisses the back of her hand.

We continue to talk for several minutes and I start to notice that Esme seems extremely tired. It has been a long trip and she still has some weakness in her lungs. I am about to say something, but Carlisle is always aware of her as well and beats me to it. When the conversation lulls to a natural silence, Carlisle speaks.

"Well, I think we should be going," Carlisle comments as he stands from the table. "Are you ready, Esme?" She nods tiredly and he extends his hand to help her stand.

We all get up from the table as well and I help Mary Alice clear the dishes while the men help get our luggage from Carlisle's wagon. Once we finish washing away the mess from our supper meal, we head outside to the others.

Edward has put all our things off to the side near the walkway and is just finishing when we arrive.

"Will Esme be staying with you?" Alice asks Carlisle kindly…but she seems to be hinting at something.

Carlisle must catch her hidden meaning, because he stops walking and turns to her in surprise.

"Oh," he sighs, his forehead creased. "I hadn't really thought of that. How'd it look I mean…"

"Carlisle?" Esme questions, gazing at him. "What's wrong?"

"It's just that…if I brought you home with me now, people might talk. This is a small town and I don't want people to get the wrong idea about us. I would never want to give anyone cause to gossip. Especially about this."

"I see," she replies, looking a little paler, understanding the implication.

"You can stay with Edward and me, Esme," I invite.

"Nonsense!" Mary Alice jumps in immediately. "She can stay here with us. We have an extra room and we are only minutes from town. Carlisle will only be a short ride away and this will give us time to fit you in your wedding dress. And tomorrow we can stop by the shop to buy you a new wardrobe. Those clothes don't quite fit your figure."

Esme looks down at her clothes—my clothes— and her cheeks blush in embarrassment. Esme left Chicago with literally no possessions so I gave her several skirts and blouses that she could wear, but she is a bit taller than me and has a smaller waist. Especially now.

"Oh, alright," Esme whispers shyly, looking down to the ground.

Mary Alice actually looks taken aback at her timid reaction. She has always been quite blunt when it comes to speaking to women about their bodies, just because it makes things much simpler when she is designing for them.

"That would be a lovely idea," I add. "Esme didn't bring much with her and so she's had to wear my ragged clothes these past few days." I'm trying to make her feel more comfortable around us, but she still seems skittish.

"I think it is time for you to get a new wardrobe too, little lady," Mary Alice turns her calculating eye towards me as well. "You seem a little more… round than I remember."

"Allie!" Jasper scolds, looking a bit horrified. She looks at him with an exasperated expression that innocently answers…_What?_

But I laugh at her blunt observation. We have been friends long enough that I would be worried if she stopped speaking her mind. "Well, that is to be expected," I reply and then place my hands over my swelling stomach.

Jasper and Allie look down to my middle and I see the exact moment when they realize what I mean.

"You're pregnant!" she yells in excitement. I nod with a huge smile on my face and she flies into my arms once again.

After hugging for a moment, she grabs my shoulders and pulls back suddenly. "Baby clothes!" she exclaims happily.

"Congratulations, to both of you," Jasper says graciously, pulling Allie back into his arms. Edward pulls me close again and laughs into my hair.

After a few moments of us all smiling stupidly, Carlisle clears his throat, rubbing his hands down Esme's arms from her shoulders to her wrists.

"Yes, sorry," Mary Alice starts, focusing on them again. "Esme, please come with me. I will show you to the room directly. You must be exhausted after such a long trip. A trip I want to know everything about." She turns to me as she walks inside, her eyebrows high. Obviously, that last part was for me.

Esme turns around, looking a little fretful to be away from Carlisle. I can understand her panic. Being apart from Edward, even if for only the night, would make me fretful. She is in a new town, with new people…and she has experienced horrible trauma in her recent past. I wouldn't want to be away from the man I loved either.

Carlisle follows closely behind Mary Alice and Esme until they turn around before entering the house.

"Dr. Cullen, don't you worry one bit about Esme here. I'll make sure she is comfortable and has everything she needs."

"Thank you, Mrs. Whitlock. I'll be just down the road if you need anything. And I'll be back in the morning, if that is acceptable to you." Esme's eyes shine in worry and sadness as their goodbye looms closer. He grips her hand in comfort, intertwining their fingers.

"Yes, of course. Please come for breakfast. We'd love to have you. Esme, you have to say goodbye to this dear man now so we can get you into a warm bath and then into bed!"

She turns away to give them some privacy and they reach out so they are clasping both hands and then whisper a few quiet words together that I can't make out. He bends down to give her a sweet kiss on the cheek, but after he pulls away, he can't seem to get himself to move away.

"Edward," I start quietly and he tilts his head down so he can hear, wrapping an arm around my waist. "Will you and Jasper help him get back to his home while we help Esme? I know she'd feel more comfortable if she knew there weren't any men around for a bit. Do you mind?"

"Sure. And then we can go home?" he asks eagerly, his eyes flicking down to my lips.

"Then we can go home." He kisses me once quickly, before pulling away to speak to Jasper. Together they approach Carlisle and they manage to convince him to let go of Esme's hand and come with them.

I approach Esme and Mary Alice on the front steps and we all watch as the men ride off, Jasper and Edward on their saddled horses and Carlisle in the wagon.

"Well, let's get started on that bath," I begin.

We heat up the water and Mary Alice and I take turns hauling it to the large tub we have placed in the spare bedroom while Esme rests. Once it is sufficiently full, we give her some privacy to undress and bathe and Mary Alice leaves a brand new white dressing gown for her to wear when she's finished.

While we sit and wait, I begin telling her everything. I start with my parent's death and make it to the point when we arrived here in Ohio before we hear Esme's sweet voice through the door telling us she is finished.

"You could bathe as well," Alice suggests as we stand from the couch where we've been talking for the last half hour.

"No, thank you. Edward will help me when we get back to our cabin."

"I'm sure he will," she answers slyly. Then we both giggle knowingly.

We then take a few minutes to dump the sudsy water out the back door and then carry the tub out of the guest room. Once we are finished, we both say goodnight to Esme, and I feel like she has fallen asleep before we even leave.

The boys are still not back, so I am able to finish the story. She asks questions here and there, but mostly she lets me talk without interruption. She gasps when I tell her about meeting Carlisle and how he recognized me right away, and then we both cry when I tell her about how I met Esme for the first time and then what happened afterwards with James and Aro.

"Bella!" she cries, holding my hands fiercely when I finish, "I don't even know what to say."

"I hope you understand why I never told you before now. It is not something to be spoken of lightly, no matter how much I trust you."

"Of course, of course! I'm honored you trust me enough to tell me now at all. And I will never speak of it to anyone. I can promise that."

"You can tell your husband, because I know he would never speak of it either. But I don't want you to treat Carlisle or Esme differently because of what I told you. I know you won't see me differently because we've known each other for so long, but you just met them and so it might be easier to look at them with pity. They don't want that, but they do need compassionate, loving friends. They haven't had enough of that in their lives. They need some peace."

"This is their new beginning and I can understand not wanting the past to bubble up from the mouth of strangers. I will forget that I know anything about them. If you care for them and love them, then I know I will too."

"Thank you. I never thought I would have such wonderful people in my life, but now I can't imagine not knowing any of you. I don't think I would change anything, even if I could. Edward and I are so happy together and I may have never met him otherwise…or you."

We continue to chat about anything and everything until our husbands return.

I can tell that Edward is exhausted and so ready to go home…but from the heated looks he's giving me, I don't think sleep is the only thing on his mind.

We promise to return in a day or two, but know it will probably be two days since our property has been sorely neglected. I don't even want to think about all the work we'll have to do to get everything sorted. But it is worth it.

And we are dying for some alone time…where there is no need to be quiet.

We sold our milk cow and chickens before we left, so we'll only have to care for the horses for now until we buy some new animals. And Twinky. We left her on the property because she is such a wild cat. She has been hunting for herself for years, but I always love it best when she comes back home to cuddle with me.

When we go out into the barn to get River and Rainy, they seem excited to see us and I almost cry when I go to them. I missed them so much without even realizing it. They throw their heads back and stomp their hooves as Edward hitches them to our wagon, ready to run. We get all our things stored in the back quickly, say a quick goodbye to the Whitlock's and then we are headed home…fast.

We make excellent time and it is a relief to see that the way home hasn't changed in our absence. I notice all the same landmarks with a smile and get more and more excited when I realize we are only minutes away. I'm gripping Edward's thigh tightly and he squeezes my hand as we go along.

We round the corner to enter our long drive-way toward the cabin and I cannot help but cry in joy at seeing our little house nestled against the large pines.

We are right where we belong.

~TtB~

After an amazing night of loving each other in our own bed, we fall asleep, finally at peace for the first time in years.

We get to work as early as we can after our late night and spend the entire day working on this land we love so much. Edward clears the overgrown weeds, fixes the broken or rotting fences and boards, and clears my neglected garden so I can start fresh when the season begins.

I deep clean our dusty cabin, wash and hang all our dirty travel clothes and clean out the rotten food from our pantry. When the sun is going down, I join Edward outside on our front porch and together we watch the sunset, sitting together on Emma's rocking chair.

We talk about our plans to transform the unused shed into a carpentry studio for Edward and then start discussing our ideas about the baby's room…and how different everything will be when he or she comes.

My muscles are sore and my softened hands have a few new blisters, but I have never been happier. As I sit in Edward's lap in the dying light, his hand rubbing over our child and his lips on my neck…

…I know that this is where I was always meant to be.

**End Notes:**

That is the end everyone! Only a short epilogue left!

Thanks again to everyone who has supported this story! There are tons of mistakes and I hope to go back through sometime in the future to edit all the chapters. Thanks for being kind in your reviews despite all of that. You are wonderful!

XOXO forever!


	35. Epilogue

The first time I held our baby girl in my arms while leaning back into Edward's chest, the love I felt was completely overwhelming. She had a fuzzy crown of dark hair and her eyes had that dark non-color that all newborns possess. Her cheeks were round and she had the cutest knobby knees that kicked when she cried. She was a tiny little thing, but I couldn't imagine loving anything more.

My love for her consumed my entire body, filling my soul. It was different than romantic love in a way that I had never anticipated. I felt so protective of her immediately… and so full of hope for the future. Our future. Our little family.

I was amazed that something so tiny could grow up to be big like me. Was I ever this small? Did my parents feel this way when I was born? What an amazing gift we all have within us; the ability to create life from the intimacy between a man and a woman. This is why Edward and I waited until after we were married. This moment right here puts everything into perspective.

The intimacy we share is so private, almost sacred…just like he explained to me in the field all that time ago. Yes, we wanted to be together apart from our wanting to have children one day... but the fact of the matter is, no matter when we got pregnant, we would always have each other to lean on when things got tough. Even though this baby was unexpected, she was never once unwanted. And that is the difference between waiting and not waiting to be together, in my mind.

We knew that a baby could come any time after we became intimate, so we did not start until we were prepared to take that step. We married because we knew we wanted a life as husband and wife…all parts of it. Being parents is now a natural step that we have made together. Always together.

And now we have our little miracle. Little Emma Lynn Masen

~TtB~

After we returned from Chicago, life returned back to normal…but in a way, being in the city had changed us. We decided to stop living how others wanted us to, and started focusing on what made us happy.

Edward choosing to focus on carpentry was a choice that he took a long time to deliberate. He confided in me that he had been thinking about retiring from farming for over a year, but didn't have to courage to disrupt everything when he was not sure if he would be any good at his newly chosen profession.

But after coming back home, with a bank full of money and a new baby on the way…he knew it was time to do something for himself. In only took a few weeks to transform the old shed into his wood shop, and he began focusing his energy on leaning everything he could. He read books, talked and watched the carpenters in town and practiced for hours every day. He bought all the newest tools and has the desire to be great and his passion for it made him an excellent carpenter. He truly is an artist.

The first thing he finished was a little rocking bassinet for our child, still unborn at that time. It was made out of dark stained wood and it is gorgeous. Emma has outgrown it now, but I will keep it for each of my children. It has detailing on the pegs that highlight his skill and make it something truly unique and special. It is so beautiful; I cannot imagine anything else to hold our newborn children while they sleep.

Edward is now making more trips into town to sell his furniture and to buy supplies. He is making things so fast that he is going through his stock of wood quicker than I ever thought possible. He sometimes uses the wood from the trees around our property, but often times he needs something other than oak or pine.

I do not mind these frequent trips because I love spending time with the Whitlock's and the Cullen's. Carlisle and Esme married three days after we arrived in Greenville. She only had to spend three lonely nights away from her betrothed before their union. The ceremony was simple, but it was held in the chapel mid morning and quite a few people attended. Dr. Cullen was respected by all those he had treated and they wanted to support him and his new bride.

There was a small potluck luncheon after the morning ceremony in the courtyard and it was wonderful to see everyone accept Esme into the community without prying. She was shy at first, but her beauty and graciousness won everyone's hearts. And it hard to not feel happy around two people who are clearly in love.

It is also wonderful to see Esme become more confident as the season's change. I can slowly see that the emotional wounds inside her are healing. I honestly think it would be hard for her to remain burdened by the past when she is so happy. Her life is now filled with such love and friendship.

And it turns out that Esme is quite a proficient seamstress and so that is something she and Mary Alice have bonded over. The two couples share evening meals a couple times a week and Edward and I join them when we are in town. We all laugh until our sides hurt and share confidences about the important events in our life. They all take turns holding Emma when we visit, spoiling her rotten…but that is alright with me. They are always making her cute clothes and giving her new toys. She loves the attention, and it warms my heart to see so many people love and care for her.

Emma truly is deeply loved by all those who come into contact with her. She has a loving spirit about her and can always make people smile. Her innocence is captivating and her presence can uplift your soul.

Her hair has continued to lighten to an auburn shade and is now beginning to curl at the ends like my mother's. She has got the cutest dimple high on her right cheekbone and I cannot help but kiss that chubby cheek whenever she smiles. Her eyes started out a gray-blue, but as the months go by they lighten to green, and I think she will soon have eyes just like her Papa.

I love visiting my friends when Edward and I are in town, but I would never want to move away from our home to be closer to town. And I know Edward feels the same. We love our little cabin…love the privacy of the area and the beauty of the forest. There is no other place on earth that we would want to raise our children.

~TtB~

I cannot believe that Emma is already two years old. She is the most precocious child too; so smart for her age. She started speaking faster than I thought was possible, wanting to learn about everything. Edward and I started reading to her every night and she would repeat some of the words we had said. She is the best thing about our life. She exhausts us daily, but I cannot even remember what I did before she was here.

She is such a great companion while I'm working. She loves toddling around outside while I weed the garden, trying to catch grasshoppers or butterflies nearby. When I milk the cow in the mornings, she is searching the barn for kittens. And when I cook our meals or wash the dishes, she is always right next to me, either playing on the floor or trying to help me with my chores. And I say _help_ very lightly. She can make many tasks much more complicated, but how can she learn if I don't teach her?

She may be my little shadow, but she loves her Papa with her whole heart.

Edward has so much more flexibility with his time now that he doesn't have to spend sunup to sundown in the fields. He spends a few hours in the morning working in his shop, but he always takes time off to eat with us in the afternoons and we try to do something together as a family before he goes back. Sometimes we'll have a picnic, play games, or we'll go swim in our creek or ride the horses. Whatever the weather permits.

It warms my heart so much that he takes the time away from his work to spend time with her. With us. She goes to sleep very early, and so our time together as a family is so valuable. She is growing so fast and we will never be able to get these moments back. We don't want to waste a minute of our lives together and so we take all the opportunities we can to make memories with all of us.

~TtB~

I'm sitting in our living room mending some our ripped work clothes in a rare moment of silence. Emma is perched on the loveseat next to me, completely focused on her difficult task. I gave her some thick yarn to play with earlier, something to keep her occupied so I could get these clothes sewed quickly. She is slowly, carefully wrapping one of her homemade dolls in the colorful string. She is trying to line it up perfectly, and it makes me smile to see her lips pursed in concentration.

After working for a while, I hear Edward's rhythmic steps coming up the porch stairs. He opens the door quickly, looking toward the kitchen before spotting us sitting together near the fireplace.

"And what are my two favorite girls doing today?" He asks happily, moving toward us.

"Papa!" Emma cries, jumping from the seat and running toward him. He reaches down when she gets close and she jumps into his arms. She hugs his neck tightly for a moment and he kisses the top of her head.

"Did you miss me little one?" he asks her.

She nods rapidly before speaking. "Look Papa!" She points to her little doll, and he walks over to where I'm sitting to see her masterpiece.

"Hello," he smiles in greeting. I smile up at him as well and he bends to give me a kiss when I lift my head.

"Hi, back," I whisper near his lips. "You finished with the wardrobe?" I ask when he pulls back.

"Almost. I should finish tonight."

Emma puts her little hand on his cheek and turns it away from me. "Papa, look!" I laugh at her insistence and he smiles at me again before picking up her cocooned doll.

"Well, look at this! Did you do this all by yourself?"

"Uh huh," she answers proudly, bouncing in his arms in excitement.

"This is beautiful," he compliments. "This deserves to be placed somewhere special. Where should we put it?" She looks around the room for a bit, but finally points at the top of the fireplace. He carries her over to the designated spot and lets her set down her mummified toy where she wants.

He kisses her head again when she claps proudly at the display.

"Now, what should we do for fun today?" Edward muses aloud, knowing she will jump in to make her opinion known.

"Ride! Ride, Papa!"

"You want to ride the horses? Again?" She bounces eagerly and grips his hair like a horse's mane. "Alright then…you asked for it!"

He then begins to run and bounce all around the room, weaving through the furniture while she acts like a little cowgirl.

"Go, Papa! Faster!"

This is not a new game they play, but it is always fun to watch. Their laughter makes a perfect duet; her bright giggle and his throaty chuckle make my heart swell in joy.

I never knew such happiness was possible. The love I feel for them swallows me whole sometimes, making me feel totally overwhelmed.

They continue to bounce around the room for a few minutes and then Edward announces that he's hungry for some lunch. Not wanting to be left out, Emma agrees wholeheartedly.

When they approach me to pull me out of the chair, Edward is staring at me with an intense look on his face.

It is only then that I realize I have a tear slowly trickling down my cheek. Even Emma notices and she frowns a little. I wipe it away quickly.

"Mama got owey?"

"No baby," I reply as I step toward them. Edward wraps an arm around me so we are all close together in a family hug "I was just thinking."

"Give Mama sugar?" she asks simply. I smile big and nod, and she turns in Edward's arms and leans toward me to give me a hug around the neck before pulling back to kiss my cheek over and over. "All better?" she asks when she's finished, very proud of herself.

"Yes, Mama's perfect." I kiss her little dimple, before nestling closer to Edward so I can rest my cheek on his broad chest.

"Me too," Edward breathes into my hair.

I hug him tightly and tilt my face toward his and whisper, "I love you."

'Love you too," he answers immediately, bending down to gently kiss me again. We still kiss as much as we used to when we were first married, and I love it. We know exactly what we like and it always makes me feel so close to him.

"Kiss!" Emma squeals and we pull back, laughing at her interruption. "Me, me! Kiss!"

"And we love you too," I tell her.

Edward and I get closer together so Emma is squished in-between us and we each kiss her cheek and she giggles happily in response. We hold her together for a few more seconds before she starts wiggling, ready to get down.

Edward gently sets her on the ground and she starts tugging on Edward's pant, trying to get him to walk toward the door.

"Outside," she declares.

"You want to go outside?" I try to clarify.

"Okay," she answers.

I laugh immediately at her response. She is always doing this to me. I'll ask a question to clarify something she's said and she'll answer like it was my idea. I love it so much.

"Lunch first, little missy!" I sweep her up in my arms and we all walk to the kitchen.

I situate her in the special chair Edward built about a year ago so she can sit up at the table without us worrying about her falling. It is like a little box with holes where her legs can stick out and you push it closely against the table so she can reach her food. Lately, she has been in this phase where she only wants to eat porridge or oatmeal for every meal. She has been learning to eat on her own and it can get really messy, but she's getting better.

She's very determined and that makes her unstoppable.

While I start prepare something for Edward and I, he comes up and holds me from behind, his arms wrapped around my stomach.

"You always smell so good," he mumbles into my hair, leaning down to kiss my neck.

"Mmm," I sigh. "And you always smell like…" I turn my head and sniff his chest. "You smell like… Edward."

"Oh yeah? What does _Edward _smell like?" He turns me around so now he is caging me in against the counter, his body completely pressing into mine. He's leaning forward with his arms holding his balance on either side of my waist.

"A little bit of sweat, a little sawdust…and a lot of man." I say lowly, teasing him a bit.

"You know, they say sawdust is as aphrodisiac. What do you say about that?" He leans forward, kissing the corner of my mouth.

I scoff at his ridiculousness, jokingly pushing him away when he starts kissing down my neck.

Over his head I check on Emma and grin when I see that she is talking to herself at the table, tapping her spoon against the side of the bowl.

"I thought you said you were hungry," I remind Edward as he persists in rubbing his lips against my skin.

"I'm always _hungry_," he groans suggestively. I duck under his arm, moving away from his wandering hands so I can actually get some food prepared for us.

"Well, if you finish early tonight, I might let you have dessert before supper." Dessert is obviously not really meaning dessert. But he knows exactly what I'm talking about. This isn't the first time this has happened. It is pretty much everyday.

I hope it never changes.

"Why can't I have dessert right now?" he pleads, not being completely serious…but still testing my resolve.

"Because I'm actually hungry…for food," I explain. "And you promised that little girl a horse ride."

"Horsey!" Emma exclaims from the table, accidently flinging a glop of oatmeal to the floor when she enthusiastically swings her arms around.

"See?" I confirm, looking back at him.

He laughs at her eager reaction and nods at me. I make a plate for each of us with cold meat sandwiches and we sit together at the table and chat while we eat.

Once we are finished we all go out into the barn and Edward saddles River and Rainy so we all can ride down the trails for a little while.

Edward mounts first and then I hand Emma up to him and he places her in front, one arm wrapped around her tiny body and the other holding the reins. I pull up my skirt, put a foot into the stirrup, and then swing up until I'm ready to go as well.

It is a gorgeous day and we lead the horses through a beaten down path through the forest, Edward pointing out different birds and animals along the way, teaching Emma about everything we see.

"Run horsey!" she instructs when we reach an open meadow, flipping River's mane like the reins.

"Hold on tight," Edward tells her and then they are off.

He never goes faster than a canter, but I can hear Emma's squeals of delight as they move away from me. She has always felt at home on a horse, and she loves going fast more than anything. I catch up quickly, slowing down when we reach the edge of the meadow.

After wandering around for about another half hour, we start heading back home. We both have to get some more work done before it gets dark. When we round the corner, coming close to the barn, Edward suddenly turns his head towards me and I know what he's going to say before he says it.

Maybe it is the gleam in his eyes, or maybe it is the expression of love on his face that I know so well.

It is this little game we play often, reaffirming our feelings to one another. One day he asked me the question, and my response came easily. Whenever we are feeling especially happy or content, we ask the question and the other person responds sincerely.

Edward smiles shyly as he rides next to me with our little girl in his lap and asks, "You love me?"

My answer comes easily as I touch my locket through my blouse.

"Forever."

Life is not always easy and we do have bad days…days where we want more privacy…or days when we gripe at each other when we're tired, but we have so many more amazing days. I love being a mother to Emma, but I always remember that I am a wife as well.

Being a mother takes as much time and effort as being a wife; like I know being a father is as much work as being a husband. Our relationship is always progressing and changing and we are continually trying to find the right balance. We are learning to be selfless with each other, knowing when to compromise and when to back off.

As Emma grows, we have to mature and adapt so we can meet her needs as well. I hope to have more children someday soon, but Edward and I need to always remember to spend alone time together to continually strengthen that bond between us.

So many things are different in our life, but there is one thing that will never change.

We will always love each other.

_Forever._

* * *

><p><strong>Actual End Notes!<strong>

This chapter was much shorter in my head, but I couldn't stop myself! I really wanted to show a glimpse into their everyday life, so you could get a snapshot of them as parents.

Emma was based off of my now 4 year old niece and some things Emma said in this epi are actual quotes from her when she was that age…so that was fun to write. It made that character really come to life for me. Maybe they'll have a Daniel next!

I have no plans to write any outtakes or futuretakes at this time, but I may want to revisit these characters in a few months…So let me know if you have anything you want to see, just in case!

Thank you all a billion times. I couldn't have finished this without your support! Hugs and Kisses to everyone!

XOXO 3 _Forever._


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